I Weep

June 4, 2010 / Posted by:

If you have to bite down on a stress ball every time you see the last drop of booze leave its bottle, then you better stay away from this video. For drunks, this is like watching Bambi’s mommy get shot by hunters! SFist posted this video of a “crazy Russian lady” brutally destroying bottle after bottle of heaven’s sweet tears at a Delano’s in San Francisco. Lindsay Lohan needs to drop that Russian accent and eat another Valium. Just because she can’t drink doesn’t mean all of us can’t!

The booze-hating crazy was eventually arrested for brutally assaulting life’s greatest gift. The worst part of this shit is that everyone just stood by and dig NOTHING! Get a fucking straw and suck that shit up!

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Phil Spector’s Wife Wants To Be A Pop Star

June 4, 2010 / Posted by:

While Phil Spector is serving 19 years in prison for murdering Lana Clarkson, his equally creepy wife Rachelle Spector is mass murdering ear drums and retinas with the video for her new song “Here In My Heart.” It’s the first single off her album called “Out Of My Chelle.” Rachelle is serious with that title. Just like that bitch is serious about using every single eyeshadow shade in her Coastal Scents makeup palette. Bitch looks like Phil Spector 10 years ago in budget drag as Taylor Dane. Hopefully, “here in her heart” is a shit load of make-up remover, because that is not the look.

And that song! It should be sung by a Mickey Mouse Club member circa 1990 or a cartoon character, not a grown ass woman! Apparently, Phil produced this mess from prison, which makes sense because it’s fucking torture.

I give it 9 out 9 Creepy Phils:

Chace Crawford Caught With The Good Shit

June 4, 2010 / Posted by:

Chace Crawford might become somebody’s purdy purdy prison wife soon! Probably. But not really. TMZ reports that Ed Westwick’s lip gloss applier was busted with one singular teensy weensy joint in the parking lot of Ringo’s Pub in Plano, Texas a little after 12 this morning. The only thing that’s better than getting caught with a little join in the parking lot of Ringo’s in Plano is if you’re in a Camaro and Skynrd is playing on the AM radio.

A source tells TMZ that Chace was in the car with a friend when cops found the unlit joint. They arrested and charged him with possession of marijuana. Chace paid his bail and now he’s freeeee!

When you’re giving a beej to a hot piece in the back of a car parked outside of Ringo’s and the cops roll up, spit that dick out of your mouth and get rid of that joint! Swallow the joint whole or shove it up your no-no. Doesn’t Chace know anything?! But I’ll stop yelling at him, because it’s obvious that he suffered police brutality.

I mean, look at those 5 o’clock brows. The cops didn’t give him a pair of tweezers to clean up his brow situation in the bathroom before taking his mug shot. You can tell Chace is hating life because of it too. There’s nothing worse than getting caught with your eyebrow game not in check.

Afternoon Crumbs

June 4, 2010 / Posted by:

Even though Billy Idol’s face looks like Iggy Pop’s torso, I still would – Hollywood Rag

RPattz or Brandon Walsh in old timey clothes? – Lainey Gossip

Gavin Rossdale’s love child is showing everything but her Bush. Sorry. – Egotastic!

But when is Kristen Stewart going to apologize for violating us in a violent way with her acting skills? – The Superficial

What is in The Empress of Lucite’s hand? An angel’s circular maxi-pad? (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

There’s no reason to snarl at us, Cheyenne. You can have Ricky to yourself. – Towleroad

Jessica Biel wearing two old hospital sheets and a Salvation Army bustier – Hollywood Tuna

Everybody is naming their kid LEVI including Sheryl CrowCelebitchy

Orlando Bloom is dyslexic – Popsugar

Chuck Buss doesn’t want a girlfriend, but it does look like he wants a poke to the culo – Just Jared

I’ll have one of each – Cityrag

And I thought this was a vintage picture of Michael Jackson I’m Not Obsessed

In the battle of the magnificent chichis, Christina Hendricks will triumph every time – ICYDK

Girls Just Wanna Have Shit Loads Of Botox – Holy Moly!

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LEAVE GARY COLEMAN ALONE!!!

June 4, 2010 / Posted by:

Gary Coleman was supposed to be tucked into his coffin and gently laid to rest this weekend, so that he could finally get some peace without annoying bitches always tugging at his collar. But that is not going to happen. Gary’s funeral in Utah has been canceled, because his estranged parents and his ex-wife Shannon Price are fighting over the custody of his body. Where is Mr. Drummond when you need him?

Gary’s parents, Sue and William Coleman, are planning to file some kind of motion in court asking the powers that be to grant them their son’s remains so that they can bury him in Zion, Ill, the city they live in. Their lawyer says that since Gary was divorced from Gummy McTeefs at the time of his death, they are the ones who should make the decisions regarding his final resting place. Their lawyer issued this statement:

“The Colemans don’t want to fight with anyone. They just want to bring their son home. Mr. and Mrs. Coleman are Gary Coleman’s surviving family. They’re hoping that by applying for Formal Probate, they can get through this process the right way. The status of the divorce, whether or not anyone has a will, these are all issues that should be brought to the family’s attention immediately. Formal Probate is the way we make sure it all gets handled properly.”

But Shannon Price refuses to hand him over. Gary’s agent said, “It’s clear that Shannon is the one that Gary wants to represent him, as she did in the hospital. He didn’t mention, at any time, his parents.”

Before his death, Gary’s parents didn’t talk to his ass for years. And Shannon seems like she could give a dick. But suddenly, they are now fighting over him? Fuckery. If Gary was here, he’d throw an early model printer at a bitch or bite them in the knees.

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