Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 9, 2010 / Posted by:

George Gund III – Philanthropist, documentary producer, owner of the San Jose Sharks, a best friend to all San Franciscans, and more importantly the pedestal to two fantastically magical silver bushel brows.

Normally, I only get on my knees and bow for eyebrows of the Sharpie variety, but I’m not prejudiced so I must give credit where credit is due. I really just want to walk through George Gund’s eyebrow fields of silver. Then I want to give them a hug, which wouldn’t be hard since you really could LITERALLY give them a hug. Like you could wrap both of your arms around them. And after I did that, I’d dip them in paint and brush my walls with them. Brows of all trade.

And you know what else makes George’s Don King brows so glorious? They probably tickle his forehead every time he moves just a little bit. They give his forehead an orgasm every 10 seconds. A gift!

Image via Steve Rhodes Flickr (Thanks Kelly)

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Birthday Sluts

January 9, 2010 / Posted by:

A.J. McLean (32)
Kate Middleton (28)
Maggie Rizer (32)
Angela Bettis (37)
Lara Fabian (40)
Joey Lauren Adams (42)
Dave Matthews (43)
Haddaway (45)
Joely Richardson (45)
Imelda Staunton (54)
J.K. Simmons (55)
Crystal Gayle (59)
Jimmy Page (66)
Joan Baez (69)
Brian Friel (81)
Judith Krantz (82)

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Move Over, Daryl Hannah

January 8, 2010 / Posted by:

LiLo went off to India last month to film a BBC documentary about child trafficking, and here’s the first trailer for it.

You know, I’m not sure why she went all the way to India to learn about child trafficking. She could’ve just interviewed her own parents. Okay, okay, I know she’s trying to get some publicity, but it’s hard for me to fake a seriousface while watching this when she’s got two giant gummy worms on her face.

via ONTD

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Two Drag Queens Crossing The Road

January 8, 2010 / Posted by:

And here we have Xtina and Cher on the Los Angeles set of their movie Burlesque yesterday afternoon.

I’m sure these two are bonding like Kim Kardashian and a bed pan since they both don’t have pores on their face anymore. And also because they both have a faucet in their bathroom that only spews foundation piped in directly from the MAC Factory. They have a lot to talk about.

Wait, let’s do the Reverse Running Man back to subject of make-up. While I’m sure the entire Extreme Makeover: Home Edition team put enough plaster on Xtina’s face to cover every single house in a Phoenix subdivision, she does look kind of natural here. Did I just write the words “Xtina” and “natural” in the same sentence? Excuse me while I go look out my window for the four horsemen.

There Will Be A Mannequin Remake

January 8, 2010 / Posted by:

At this point, Hollywood taking a giant sledgehammer to the sparkly jewels of our childhoods by remaking them has become a part of life. It’s something you are forced to deal with even though it makes a piece of your heart shrivel up, pass through your system and exit out of your asshole. You know, like not touching a narcotic for 2 weeks so you can pass a drug test. It must be done. I guess.

That’s why I wasn’t really surprised to learn that soon someone besides Meshach Taylor will launch flaming disco balls out of his ass as Hollywooooood (Fun fact: Saying the name “Hollywooooood” over and over again is a way of exercising your prostate). And someone besides Andrew McCarthy will slide all zany-like across a department store floor as Jonathan. And someone besides Kim Cattrall will play a plastic mannequin devoid of any kind of personality (Side note to Kristen Stewart: TEXT YOUR AGENT). And someone besides Estelle Getty will….OKAY, that one I can’t do. It hurts too much.

This is all according to Cinematical who reports that Gladden Entertainment will modernize Mannequin with a younger cast. They are currently looking for a writer.

The truth is, I’m just trying to be brave for you guys. This hurts more than the time I tried to eat a piece of broccoli without dipping it in mayonnaise first. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO RUIN MANNEQUIN? Drown us all in a sea of teddy bears instead!

And whenever I put my ear up to a seashell….I don’t hear the ocean….I hear this instead:

Nothing’s gonna stop us now! Well, except maybe the Mannequin remake.

Afternoon Crumbs

January 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Ashley Greene should get a doctor to look at that…. – Egotastic!

Hopefully, Sean Penn and Vadge were having dinner to discuss doing a sequel to Shanghai SurpriseLainey Gossip

JUST LEAVE TILA ALONE TO MOURN IN PEACE!!! – Hollywood Tuna

And Sharon Stone is like a glistening wet spot on the casting couch – Celebitchy

Someone gave the Jersey Shore kids a bath – Just Jared

The Blair Witch is putting out an electro-pop album – Towleroad

Not since Ava Gardner has there been such a stunning brunette in Hollywood – Popsugar

Hannah Montana is still on?! – ICYDK

Please tell me Big Brother is going to lock Ivana Trump in a room full of screaming kids – Holy Moly!

Let’s all take a walk to our neighborhood crackhouse and catch up with FrankieFreddyo

Evan, you do in danger girl – Socialite Life

Mop Head is really trying to destroy me and it’s working (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

But what Jackie Chan really wants to do is sing! – Hollywood Rag

CZJ likes to date men her real age – I’m Not Obsessed

Happy Birthday, Elvis! – Cityrag

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