Panty Creamer Of The Day: Larry The Cable Guy

May 4, 2011 / Posted by:

No, this is not another post about Adult Babies. This is Larry the Cable Guy undressed as The Naked Cow (pause) Boy with The Naked Cowboy in Times Square today. Yes, I could’ve used my bandwidth and hard drive space on posting those (NSFW) pictures of Kate Middleton’s Gaydar-breaking brother James in various states of almost nekkid, but those pictures won’t make you lactate curdled milk or leave a film of something mysterious on the roof of your mouth like these will!

I’ll leave you all alone now so you can ride through a grassy field and shoot your rifles in the air while screaming “USA! USA!(that’s a euphemism for you to figure out).

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

May 4, 2011 / Posted by:

You’ll never believe this, but the A/B list movie actor who is quite handsome and talented has a secret that only a few people know about- he’s completely bald and wears a wig. A housekeeper leaked the news after finding a whole room in his house dedicated to his hair creations. (BuzzFoto)

That squishy sound (sounds like a slug burping) you just heard was John Travolta jizzing over this. And with that, I’ll go with the obvious guess: Ben Affleck? There’s been million of rumors about Ben’s natural follicle situation even though there’s little proof. For me, Ben’s hair has always looked off to me. Like it would look better on the crotch of an 18th century whore.

This Oscar winner has good reason to be worried. A Grammy-winning pop star is writing a tell-all that includes descriptions of the very passionate times they spent together. The Oscar winner is female. And so is the Grammy winner. To top it all off, their trysts took place in front of a very appreciative audience: their respective boyfriends. (Blind Gossip)

Possible Oscar winners: St. Angie Jolie, Fishsticks Paltrow, Nicole Kidman, Hilary Swank or Sandra Bullock?
Possible Grammy winners: Xtina, Gwen Stefani, Queen Latifah, Madge, Amy Wino, Kelly Clarkson or Macy Gray?

Fuckit. I’ll go with Julie Andrews and Charo.

Which supposedly straight star kept talking up ‘hot women’ at the Vanity Fair/Bloomberg party in DC Saturday night, while his rumored boyfriend remained close by his side? (Page Six)

A list of possibilities who were guests at the Vanity Fair party: Matthew Morrison, Bradley Cooper, Todd Palin, Ian Somerhalder, Chace Crawford and Jeremy Piven.

Todd Palin, obviously.

This legendary Diva and this Actress do not like each other. When asked recently if she was friends with the Actress (who is currently on a popular TV show), the Diva had a nasty response. “Absolutely NOT! I’ve never liked that fat cunt!” There was stunned silence as she danced away into her limo. (Blind Gossip)

The fat cunt in question (which should be the name of her memoirs) has to be Kirstie Alley? As for the diva bitch, I’ll go with either Wendy Williams or Richard Simmons?


Afternoon Crumbs

May 4, 2011 / Posted by:

Shia LaBeouf kisses his girlfriend while his girlfriend holds her breath so she won’t have to inhale his musky ass stank. True love really does bring out our hidden talents! – Just Jared

Prince Hot Ginge pulls a wiggly worm out of his pocket. Not that kind of wiggly worm, you suck fucks (said to myself)!! Children were present! – Lainey Gossip

Ariel better dip her head in black hair dye and chop it into a bob since all these tricks are thieving her style – Hollywood Tuna

An artichoke to Katy Perry: “The fuck?!”The Superficial

Meanwhile, the dog is thinking to himself, “I can’t wait for this ho to pass out so I can chew his lips off.”Towleroad

A dog killed Osama (cut to a trained team of cats storming Gaddafi’s pedicure studio ) – Boston Barstool Sports

Of course The Situation is getting a show – ICYDK

That Winter Bone’s girl in ASOS Magazine – The Berry

Cameron Diaz says marriage is dying like the feeling in her face from so much Botox – Celebitchy

Did somebody use one of those fatface iPhone apps on JLo’s face for this picture? (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

The powers of Photoshop and Cameron Diaz’s signature ho poses come together for Maxim – Popoholic

How dare that trollop Chelsy Davy show her homewrecking face after this weekend! – Popsugar

I’ll take that car as is, thankyouverymuch – Celebslam

How to stop cats from pissing on your car – The Daily What

Two fat lobsters go to a steakhouse… – Hollywood Rag

Poke at me when you’ve got 20 Dazzler tattoos – Cityrag

Kristen Stewart’s dog might have more ragehate for the paps than Kristen Stewart does – I’m Not Obsessed


Marie Osmond Pulled An Elizabeth Taylor Today

May 4, 2011 / Posted by:

29 years after Marie Osmond and Stephen Craig summoned a mob of Mormon side-eyes by getting divorced, they have decided to give that shit another go. Marie and Stephen starred in an reboot of their first wedding by getting married for the second time at the Las Vegas Mormon Temple (please tell me it has video poker in the lobby) this morning. Since Marie’s face today looks nothing like it did 40 years ago thanks to porcelain facials, she wanted Stephen to recognize her so she wore the same hot dress she wore to their original wedding in 1982.

Marie and Stephen chose to do Marriage: The Sequel today, because it’s the born day of her late mother and late son Michael. Marie released this statement after getting married FOR REAL this time.

“I am so happy and look forward to sharing my life with Stephen, who is an amazing man as well as a great father to my children.”

I will only approve of this Mormon union if the maid of honor at the wedding was Baby Mary Hart:

Porcelain fumes are a helluva drug.

via People


Open Post: Hosted By Beyonce & The Kids Of P.S. 161

May 4, 2011 / Posted by:

It’s pretty much become the standard for Beyonce to crash a school gymnasium or cafeteria in the middle of students doing the “Move Your Body” workout routine (which is way better than Bristol Palin’s idea of the “Move Your Body” workout routine for teens). And Beyonce kept the standard going by surprising a group of middle school students at P.S. 161 in Harlem yesterday afternoon.

This is nice and everything, but don’t call Beyonce a saint just yet. I have it on good authority that at least one former member of Destiny’s Child was washing plastic trays in the cafeteria while Beyonce was there and she didn’t even invite them out for a reunion. RUDE! Always trying to keep Destiny’s Stepchildren down!

via Vulture


The Photoshop Awards: Kim Zolciak’s Terrifying Face In Life & Style

May 4, 2011 / Posted by:

If you took a latex man mask, painted it up like Barbie and then accidentally left it on a hot radiator until it melted off the side a little, it would look just like the face of The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kim Zolciak in this picture for Life & Style. The photographer told Kim to look serene and calm, but the wig hair was blocking her ears and she heard “lifeless” and “melted” instead.

The shot of Kim’s face looks like something out of a case file for the homicide of a transsexual Real Doll. But Kim has a good reason for this. Kim says that being this pregnant has left her in an uncomfortable state.

“I feel like I’m just getting fatter. He (her boyfriend Kroy) thinks I’m sexy. He makes me feel beautiful. He’s just been the best partner. This pregnancy has kicked my butt, and now I’m at the stage where I’m uncomfortable.”

Well, what is one to do when one is uncomfortable? One glues a microwaved Barbie mask over one’s face, wraps a white bed skirt over one’s naked body and allows Life & Style to click away as one’s boyfriend gets his nose in the line of fire. The “fire” being pregnancy queefs.

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