And In Secret Love Child News….

May 6, 2010 / Posted by:

For the past few months, Hilarie Burton (TRL VJ turned One Tree Hill actress) and Jeffrey Dean Morgan have been hiding a secret baby in the bottom drawer of their dresser. UsWeekly says that Hilarie gave birth to their secret love child months ago and hasn’t really told anyone about it. Hilarie and Jeffrey’s neighbor suddenly know the real reason why they heard baby cries in the middle of the night. At the time, they figured that Hilary and Jeffrey were just doing role playing shit.

A source tells UsWeekly that the two started banging in 2009 and shit moved fast. Hilarie wasn’t photographed between May 6, 2009, and April 20, 2010.

A rep hasn’t confirmed or denied the secret love child news.

JDM already has a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship.

First Sandra Bullock comes clean about her down low baby, and now these two? Everybody’s got a damn underground child! Hell, I should check under my bed and behind my refrigerator to make sure I don’t got one of those pesky secret love babies hiding somewhere. If I did, that would explain the random poop dribbles on my bathroom floor. I thought I was just sleepshitting again.

Gary Busey Is Going To Eat That Baby!

May 6, 2010 / Posted by:

You might be wondering what baby I’m talking about since all you see is a field of calcified giant Chiclets, but just tilt your head to the left and back up a bit. There’s BABY posing with his father Gary Busey for Entertainment Tonight.

It’s good to see that Gary’s girlfriend didn’t give birth to a humongous pair of dentures, but I do have one concern. If Baby Luke should find himself alone in a forest for some reason and a deranged horse (or a rabid beaver) came at him, would he hug it and call it daddy or would he crawl away FOR HIS LIFE like he should? Hm. Something to ponder.

And here’s another one:

Baby Luke looks so excited, because he’s seeing his reflection in Gary Busey’s huge ass teefs for the first time!

Afternoon Crumbs

May 6, 2010 / Posted by:

That lime must have been Stalin in a past life to deserve this kind of treatment – The Superficial

Apparently, the paps still take pictures of Ashley JizzdaleEgotastic!

Papa Joe needs to stop trying to make Sinner (Simpson ÷ Renner) happen – Lainey Gossip

Marisa Miller’s husband looks like a former meth lab worker from Alaska – Hollywood Tuna

Maria Sharapova’s pants are full of balls (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Long strokin’ for JESUS! – Towleroad

Bombshit McGross says that Vanilla Gorilla is more like Vanilla Chimpanzee – Celebitchy

How many jars of Vaseline did they grease the lens with before shooting MiserAlba for Tatler magazine? – Popoholic

NOOOOOOO – Popsugar

Naomi Watts looking kind of hot in Blackbook – Just Jared

Fool la migra! – OMG Blog

Hilary Swank looking like a pink glow stick just pissed all over her – ICYDK

Precious better be nicer or someone’s going to drop an analog TV on her again – I’m Not Obsessed

If Gis Bundchen’s shorts were any shorter Baby Benjamin could see where he came from – Hollywood Rag

Kim Kardassian is a few tucks and pricks away from becoming MadamCityrag

Screw Luke Wilson’s precious chins, tell me more about that fine piece in the trucker hat – Celebslam

Was Elvis’ colon all stuffed up? Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah – The Blemish

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Mega Bitch In Training

May 6, 2010 / Posted by:

At Time’s Most Influential Gala in NYC on Monday night, Lea Michele spent most of the evening sucking on her boyfriend’s mouth as though his throat was filled with pizza rolls or something delicious like that. During Lea’s mouth fuck time with her boyfriend, celebrity photographer Patrick McMullan, who regularly shoots fancy events, started taking her picture. Lea gladly posed for him but then she pulled out her sharpened shank when he asked for her name. Somebody who was sitting at the same table tells Daily Intel that their conversation went like this:

Patrick McMullan: What’s your name?
Lea Michele: [Rolls eyes.] Sarah Palin.
Patrick McMullan: [Laughs.] No, really, tell me your name.
Lea Michele: Taylor Swift.
Patrick McMullan: Fuck you.

Lea and Patrick should really do that more often. They’re good at it.

I don’t know who I love more, Lea for being a condescending cunt for no reason or Patrick for telling her to fuck off (which is what she was in the middle of doing before he rudely interrupted her). Even if Lea told him her real name, Patrick would still have to Google her (you dumb fuck) to get a clue or two.

That being said, Lea needs to give us more of this. More of this! The world could always use more acts of cuntery. Naomi Campbell should take this girl under her wing and show her how the professional cunts do it.

Open Post: Hosted By The Finest Pearl Of Illinois

May 6, 2010 / Posted by:

This portrait of a pristine lady with eyebrows as fine as a cherub’s sweet whisper was jailed for 48-hours after she showed up to court wearing an appropriate t-shirt with one of Emily Bronte’s most famous quotes on it: “I Have The Pussy So I Make The Rules“.

19-year-old Jennifer LaPenta (or LaPuta as she’s known on the inside) was only there to wait for a friend while they settled a few traffic tickets. During the hearing, Judge Helen Rozenberg called Jennifer to the front and told her the shirt was very offensive. Jennifer offered to take the shirt off (you know, because her bare titties are less offensive), but Judge Helen wasn’t having it. Judge Helen showed her who really had the biggest pussy in that bitch by charging her with contempt. Jennifer was arrested and thrown in a jail cell.

Jennifer tells the Chicago Sun-Times that she’s considering filing a lawsuit against the court.

What is this world coming to? A young lady can’t wear a t-shirt with a profoundly important message on it out in public? Whatever happened to freedom of bragging about your pussy?! That amendment was very important to James Madison and Judge Helen is ignoring it!

There’s only one way to settle this. Jennifer and Judge Helen should both drop their Juicy Couture sweatpants to prove who really has the biggest pussy in the land. My coins are on Jennifer since she’s been in lady jail for 2 days…..

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