Wino’s Titty Trauma!

April 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Amy Wino’s overstuffed chest balloons have been giving her all sorts of problems ever since she got them shoved in there a little while ago. They probably get in the way when she’s trying to do a no-hands shot off the bar or trying to snort a line of the wrong stuff off a coffee table. All kinds of trouble! Well, The Sun says that Wino’s titty bags have fucked with her life again.

A friend said that Wino went to the hospital on Thursday night after suffering pains coming from her breast implants. The friend went on to say, “She thought she would leave it for a while but the pain got worse. She went into the clinic on Thursday and they kept her under observation. She is waiting for a decision on whether the implants have to come out or not.

My guess is that all the zombie genes in Wino’s body traveled up to her titty area and started to eat at the implant. Wino has had her fun, but now it’s time to say goodbye to them. She’s in the hospital because of them, which means they are keeping her from the sweet nectar!!! Foolery!

I’m all for chichis made out of melted dildos, but you have to pink slip their asses as soon as they start to mess with your booze time. They have become fun-killers!

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Chicken Cutlets In Car Crash!

April 10, 2010 / Posted by:

For the second time in 12 months, Phoebe Price got into a car crash, which left Mama Cutlets laid up in the hospital with injuries. PP was rattled something serious, because she didn’t even strike one signature pose for the paparazzi! Shit got real.

I mean, there were several firefighters there just waiting to be posed with, and PP ignored them completely. Usually when PP hears the click of a camera, her eyes light up like a drunk on Mardi Gras, her cutlets pop and she gives the paps everything she has! But not yesterday. Hmmm.

You’ve probably been releasing good thought balloons all day, so send one more to Mama Cutlets! Or at least stick a candle in a frozen cutlet.

In Random Twitter War News…..

April 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Contrary to popular belief, Ice-T and Aimee Mann exist on the same planet, and they had a minor exchange of fightin’ words yesterday after she insulted the acting skills of CoCo’s main camel toe manicurist on Twitter.

Aimee shanked Ice-T first, and he returned the shank by telling her to go eat a bowl of hot dicks. Let me raise my hand so that I can ask Ice-T where ones goes to successfully order a bowl of hot dicks. I’ve tried hundreds of restaurants in several cities, and so far no dice (or should I say, no dick).

After Ice-T fought back, Aimee quickly apologized in a series of Tweets:

Oh NOOOO!! Someone just told me that Ice T responded to my tweet about him!! THIS CAN’T BE GOOD!!!

I am not going to read it. I DO NOT WANT HIM MAD AT ME!!

Plus, I do not like to hurt people’s feelings. I forget that twitter is not just me and four other dorky friends, ragging on TV stars.

He’s out there doing his job. He doesn’t need any heckling from the peanut gallery. So, I am sorry, Mr. T! You get out there and DO IT!

Ice-T accepted Aimee’s apology and the Twitter world was able to spin again.

It’s a good thing this shit didn’t escalate, because Ice-T would’ve had no choice but to sic Coco’s hongray camel toe on Aimee. That would’ve been a disaster. If something ever happened to Aimee or Coco’s camel toe, we would all have to get out of our seats, rip off our hats and scream in the middle of Carnegie Hall. We’d ruin the damn symphony for everyone!!

(Thanks Becky)

Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Tiger, one of Satan’s ruthless minions who lives in the body of a 19-year-old house cat in Leeds!

You are not only staring into the eye of the Tiger, but you are also staring into the eye of the evilest of evil! This is according to several postmen who claim that Tiger silently hides behind his pussy door and waits for them to appear so that he can release his blood-thirsty claws and attack their asses. Three postmen say that Tiger has either chased them down the garden path or scratched at them.

They refuse to deliver mail to Tiger’s house, so his owner has to go down to the post office to pick that shit up. She isn’t convinced that Tiger is a postman-shredding pussy of doom, because she says he has a bad back and if he “climbs up a tree, he is done in for the rest of the week.” When she asked the postal hos to show her picture proof of Tiger’s reign of terror, they told her they didn’t have any.

The post office says that they can’t deliver to Tiger’s house if he keeps acting like such a cunt towards their delivery people.

But seriously, Tiger knows not what he has done! Tiger got into his owner’s bottle of Ambien and sort of ate a couple of pills. When Tiger wakes up with blood on his claws and a torn off piece of navy polyester in his mouth, he has no idea what just went down. We all know that Tigers and Ambien don’t mix!

Wait until the postmen check their wives’ cell phones and see the kind of nasty sext messages Tiger has been leaving them.

via Daily Mail

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Birthday Sluts

April 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Steven Seagal (59)
Haley Joel Osment (22)
Hayley Westenra (23)
Mandy Moore (26)
Jamie Chung (27)
Chyler Leigh (28)
Laura Bell Bundy (29)
Liz McClarnon (29)
Michael Pitt (29)
Charlie Hunnam (30)
Sean Avery (30)
Sophie Ellis-Bextor (31)
Q-Tip (40)
Orlando Jones (42)
Brian Setzer (51)
Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds (52)
Peter MacNicol (56)
Omar Sharif (78)
Max Von Sydow (81)

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