Afternoon Crumbs

December 3, 2010 / Posted by:

The Fly has found a piece of ginge to flutter around…..and in – Lainey Gossip

Erin Barry used millions of key strokes to simple say that she didn’t bone Tony Parker The Superficial

That water bottle in an ice bucket is more interesting than Nicky Hilton (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Olivia Wilde does the Al Bundy on Flaunt – Hollywood Tuna

Darren Criss and Chris Colfer sing a holiday serenade to each other on GleeTowleroad

Johnny Depp doesn’t need that piece of paper – Celebitchy

Is Lea Michele’s dress made out of ravioli noodles? Needs more Prego and cheese. – Popoholic

Friday fapping material – The Berry

Ryan Gosling reaches out and touches Jakey GyllenhaalPopsugar

The whole Gyllenhaal family is getting in on the staged photo-ops! – Just Jared

Brangie goes to dinner in Paris, gets upstaged by a hot sexy silver piece – ICYDK

For the two of you out there who have yet to lay eyes on Robbie Williams’ ass cheeks – OMG Blog

Puppies! Puppies! Puppies! Puppies! – Cityrag

The Karate Mess – I’m Not Obsessed

The look on the woman’s face behind Rachel Coochietell says it all – Celebslam

Yes, because the picture of Ke$ha with man gravy on her body wasn’t enough – Hollywood Rag

Carrot Top has let his shit go! – Holy Moly!


A Beautiful Gift From Norway To You And Me

December 3, 2010 / Posted by:

What do you get when you take a digital beach and drop in the likes of: Roger Moore, Huey Lewis, Jason Alexander (not the former Mr. Brit Brit Spears one), Ricki Lake, Jane Mancini, Corbin Bernsen, George Wendt, Philip Michael Thomas, Steve Guttenberg, Katarina Witt, Tonya Harding, Glenn Close, David Faustino, Carlton Banks, Pamela Anderson, the late Leslie Nielsen, Mickey Rourke, Jamie Walters, Sheryl Lee, Dolph Lundgren, Malcolm Jamal Warner, Judd Nelson, Ana Alicia, Peter Falk, Kelly McGillis, Sherilynn Fenn, Rick Schroder, Bud Spencer, Robert Englund, Boyzone, Kathleen Turner, Harpo, Fab from Milli Vanilli, Dee Snider, RIGHT SAID FRED, Daryl Hannah, Rednex, Lou Ferrigno, Berlin, and more?!

You get this 6-minute long lip dub of “Let It Be” for a Norwegian entertainment show.

Some may say this is a Hamilton Beach slow cooker filled with has-beens (Set it, but DON’T forget it). But I say this is the pot of gold that waits for you at the end of a rainbow!

Dear casting directors of Dancing with the Stars, this is who we want to see!

(Thanks to Mike, Keila and everybody else who sent this in)

Who Ordered The Roast Beef And Mayo On Wheat?

December 3, 2010 / Posted by:

On Conan last night, the KKKs talked about all the foolery they blow out on Twitter including how Khloe and Kourtney told their followers that mayonnaise is to a snatch as a hard peen is to John Travolta’s no-no. It makes that shit sparkle! Kim, who keeps trying to be the epitome of a prim and proper lady, is the one who brought it up and then later said that they shouldn’t talk about those things in public. BITCH! Stop acting like we didn’t see Ray J bust his dick mayo all over your nooks and crannies. We know you LIKE THAT, so quit the refined snowflake act!

Here’s how the conversation went last night. It’s best to read while biting into a sandwich of roast beef, Miracle Whip and a dab of yeast butter:

Kim: Talking about putting mayonnaise on your thing is not appropriate.

Khloe: Honestly, women need to know how to take care of their stuff.

Conan: I’m not even here anymore. I just… I’m wearing jeggings and listening to you guys talk about putting mayonnaise down there and I’m just… I don’t know what’s happened.

Kourtney: People ask us why would you want to put mayonnaise down there?

Conan: Wait a minute! Let’s just back up the truck just a bit. You can’t move ahead from that statement. You advised women to put-

Kourtney: No, we didn’t advise… I told Khloe-

Kim: They don’t really do this. It’s just a joke and they don’t really do it.

Khloe: How do you know?

Kourtney: I actually told Khloe that I found her sex mask under my bed, that she’s been looking for, and she wrote me back, “OMG I found your jar of mayonnaise that you use on your vagina.” And then we were talking back and forth and people asked what does mayonnaise on your vagina do? And we said it makes it shine like the top of the Chrysler building. But why would you want a shiny vagina anyways?

Conan: I don’t know…um…wow…okay.

Kim: I just don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about stuff like that especially on Twitter or any public place where young girls-

Khloe: Follow at your own risk.

Never mind that Tim Peeler just put a jar of homemade mayo out on his porch to lure the Sasquatch back into his life, why was Khloe’s sex mask under Kourtney’s bed? Just thinking about Khloe wearing a sex mask makes me want to scream, “BRING OUT THE GIMP!

via UsWeekly

Open Post: Hosted By A Biebstache

December 3, 2010 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber got into his mom’s purse during dinner at La Porte Indes in London last night and thought it would be real cute to give himself a skinny stache. This is Justin’s first step into getting a full-fledged beard. They grow up so fast!

You know, a bunch of hornies out there are going to be severely disappointed when they Google “lezzie getting moustached” and this picture comes up first. Well played, Bieber.


Josh Duhamel Is A First Class Asshole

December 3, 2010 / Posted by:

Passengers on a flight from NYC to Kentucky yesterday were told by flight attendants that there was a delay due to a gigantic asshole holding the plane down. The big piece of douchebag trash was none other than Josh Duhamel who refused to turn off his BlackBerry minutes before takeoff. Texting your side piece to schedule a dicking can wait, Josh!

A passenger tells TMZ that Josh’s tantrum forced the pilot to turn the plane back to the gate so that officers could pry off the cunt wart and take him away. The passenger claimed that a flight attendant told Josh to turn his BlackBerry off several times. Josh brought the rude on the flight attendant and taunted them by refusing to put it in flight mode. Apparently, everybody on the plane isn’t going to add When In Rome to their Netflix queue anytime soon, because Josh’s little spoiled pout caused the flight to be delayed for 90 minutes.

Josh’s spokeswhore tells TMZ that he didn’t turn it off, because he was texting someone about his flight being delayed. Josh is also sorry about the whole thing.

Why wasn’t Steven Slater there to grab Josh’s BlackBerry and bowl it down the evacuation slide? Is it really that hard to follow rules? We learned that shit in kindergarten. When an adult tells you to turn your toy off, you turn it off. When an adult tells you it’s not tinkle time, you pinch your peen hole. When an adult tells you to put on your seat belt, you put it on. Or you throw a blanket over your lap and pretend like your seat belt is on. Nooo, I don’t do that.


Madge’s New Toy Doesn’t Think She’s A Monster

December 3, 2010 / Posted by:

Speaking through a baby monitor from his nursery cell down in Madge’s dudgeon of toys, 24-year-old Brahim Zaibat has opened up to France’s Grazia Magazine (via The Sun & Daily Mail) about his relationship with the Cougar Queen of England (or America, or Narnia, or wherever the hell she’s claiming citizenship nowadays). Madge has been pouncing on Brahim since October, but he hasn’t publicly talked about his time with her until now.

Brahim was serious when he said that he’s not trying to fill his diaper with dollars by milking the relationship, but he does want to clear up a few “lies” out there (Examples: That his mom is much younger than 52-year-old Madge and that he had a rough childhood). Shake a rattle at Brahim and read his le coos:

On how he first met Madge when he danced at one of her events in NYC: “My mate Norman, who danced for her and who became her personal trainer, asked me to dance at the evening. I performed a solo to Material Girl. Then I met Madonna on the sidelines, and she just thanked me for my show. It wasn’t like meeting a monster! She’s just a woman like all the others. She’s an extraordinary artist and world famous, of course, but a woman above all. You know she wasn’t the first well known female singer I’d met. I was delighted to meet her but not stressed out.”

On how their relationship is going: “‘I’m not saying things have gone very fast since then, but things have happened in order.”

On if he was a fan of Madge’s music before she rocked him into a coma with her hard crotch: “It wasn’t the kind of sound I had on my iPod but I knew her tracks. I’ve since pretty much listened to all she’s done.”

On how his life has changed since dating Madge: “Deep down, not much really. I’ve stayed the same. It’s others who have changed. People I haven’t seen for seven years have suddenly remembered that I exist. It’s become unmanageable. So I’ve changed my mobile number.”

On the lies going around about him: “To make things clear. Lots of stories are going around about me and some are completely false. Those about my supposed edgy past in the suburbs, for example. All the claims of my mother, completely invented. Now I want to speak for myself, I hope so that people can discover a little bit about who I really am.”

Who ever said that meeting Madge is like meeting a monster? Yes, she lets out a deep growl and you can hear the fangs in her pussy drop down when stares at the bulge on a hot Latin piece, but she’s no monster! Yes, the dozens of Latin boy toys who are currently undergoing counseling for PTSD might think otherwise, but that’s them!

Oh, and Brahim only speaks French and Madge only knows how to say “EAT THIS” in his native tongue.

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