Birthday Sluts

July 12, 2011 / Posted by:

Cheyenne Jackson (36)
Erik Per Sullivan (20)
Gareth Gates (27)
Topher Grace (33)
Michelle Rodriguez (33)
Anna Friel (35)
Tracie Spencer (35)
Magoo (38)
Loni Love (40)
Kristi Yamaguchi (40)
Lisa Nicole Carson (42)
Rolonda (52)
Charlie Murphy (52)
Bambi Woods (56)
Brian Grazer (60)
Cheryl Ladd (60)
Richard Simmons (63)
Christine McVie (68)
Bill Cosby (74)

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Spaz de la Huerta Has Found True Love

July 11, 2011 / Posted by:

Looking like a 9 to 5 summer hooker strolling with her regular john to the skate park to pick up his 12-year-old son, the greasy “can’t get clean” flower that is Paz de la Huerta made mouth love with her sugar pepaw as they walked around in NYC yesterday afternoon. Paz, who has permanent flu face, looks like she never wipes when she pees and hasn’t washed her face since an officer did it for her in the drunk tank and her pepaw lover looks like he’s growing three kinds of cheeses in his armpit, so these two hot pockets definitely belong together. You know the room smells like burnt grease, chitterling water, spoiled cabbage, fingernail dirt and drenched regret when they fuck.

Don’t ask me why ole’ boy is holding that skateboard. It’s either because he’s always ready for some kinky sex shit Paz gets into or he’s really taking his mid-level crisis to new levels. I don’t know. But I do know I will be seriously disappointed if this true love affair doesn’t end with Spaz’s drunk ass getting carried out of her sugar pepaw’s office by security after she attacks him with a stapler for eye screwing some random on the street. If it doesn’t end in fuckery, it doesn’t end!

The Perfect Thing To Say When You Accidentally Shoot Yourself In The Leg

July 11, 2011 / Posted by:

In this NSWFish video, a hillbilly cowboy goes for the Darwin Award and the wins the Dumb Bitch Award by losing a high noon showdown to a damn paper target! Yes, a bullet to the leg by your own hand hurts something bad, but a bullet full of dumb to the ego hurts even more. If paper target people could shit, that one would’ve left a serious shredded mess from laughing so hard at all of this.

via Gawker

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

July 11, 2011 / Posted by:

When this couple started dating she was still A list to much of the world even though her talent has probably dropped. But hey, you don’t get to be a one worder unless you are great. Anyway, at dinner she told her boyfriend that she was going to suck him raw and then proceeded to crawl under the table and do just that. I wonder if he imagined it was a guy. (CDAN)

After all these years, Madge still knows how to do ho shit like no other! Pull out them dentures and gum the shit out of Baby Brahim’s dick, Madge! This could also be Brit Brit, but it would be extra weird since her daddy would have to unlock the belt of her high chair and turn his head as he holds her toddler leash tight so she won’t crawl into the kitchen for more nom nom noms.

WHICH former “DWTS” finalist has a secret obsession with Walmart?

The weight-challenged performer doesn’t want to get caught shopping for clothes at the discount chain, so she drives to the 24-hour stores far away from Hollywood! (National Enquirer via CDAN)

Kirstie Alley?

Which former almost A list singer threatened to walk off the show for which she was recently hired, unless she got a raise and top billing. She did this because of a new hire to the show she cannot stand. (CDAN)

Jessica Simpson and Nicole Richie?

Which late Hollywood star’s actress wife is being dragged into a black widow conspiracy theory? Turns out the widow has a sister whose husband ALSO died at an early age – and now the still-grieving widow’s in-laws think there may be a connection. (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

Gary Coleman’s wife Shannon Price? And no, her sister is NOT Phoebe Price (or is she?).

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 11, 2011 / Posted by:

I don’t know how you’re going to break this to your children, but Dana Delany murdered and skinned Tigger – Go Fug Yourself

And then Blake NotSoLively smeared Tigger’s orange blood all over her body – The Berry

Please tell me Jensen Button whispered into Prince Hot Ginge’s precious ear that his girlfriend gave him a new kind of the herp so we can be done with this Flee shit! – Lainey Gossip

Mad Mel just riding an invisible Nazi Big Wheel to Hell – The Superficial

If you need to turn a cat off for a minute, here you go (Note: Doesn’t work on children or Sienna Miller’s bull dozer vagina) – The Daily What

Continuing today’s theme of random man nipples, here’s Edward Norton’s (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

“I got ALL your numbers, hussy” – Xenu to Placido Domingo Jr. – Celebitchy

The Adventures of Tintin trailer – Towleroad

Julianne Hough SANS FARDS – Hollywood Tuna

Ben Affleck’s got that “been marinating in casino smoke and whiskey for 12 hours” glow about him – Just Jared

If Ke$ha as a Muppet – Popoholic

The Give Them All A Black Eye Please are taking a break so you’ll have to get your eardrum-murdering music elsewhere – ICYDK

Awkward is when people who used to fuck have to hug – Popsugar

Still a piece of trash – OMG Blog

The Empress of Lucite blessed the waters of Miami with her purified beauty – Hollywood Rag

Pie curious? – Cityrag

Gabriel Aubry’s crazy ass should really just knock on the front door next time – I’m Not Obsessed

Glamour three ways – SOW

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Man Nipples Galore

July 11, 2011 / Posted by:

Yes, the man nipples features in this man nipple buffet are not man nipples I’d ever request, but it’s a slow as hell Monday and we have to take what we can get! When the paparazzi hands me pictures of Ricky Martin’s freshly waxed nipples, Eli Roth’s furry chest knobs, the nipples that Trudie Styler pinches during a 6-hour tantric orgy and the nipples that Alan Thicke’s sperm co-built, it is my duty to post them.

Plus, I had a serious week last week, because I had to blog from California while helping a relative deal with a shitty issue that they made me promise not to blog about. (Note: The word “shitty” in shitty issue is not to be taken literally, so don’t grab my hand and take me there. Don’t.) So this chest clitorises of men gallery is just what I need even if I’m never going to look at Braille dots the same way again thanks to Robin Thicke’s nipples.

Here’s more of Ricky Martin giving an invisible beej (during a concert in Amsterdam), Eli Roth (in Ischia, Italy), Sting (also in Ischia, Italy) and Robin Thicke with Paula Patton in Miami.

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