File this under: Shit I didn’t know, but should’ve. There’s a good reason for why Jeffrey Jones looks like he’ll gently sit you on a stool in front of his camera and tell you to focus on the birdie over his lens after slowly taking off your romper. That’s because he’s done that sort of shit in the past and it landed his name on the sex offenders list. Bitch does look like someone whose passport is filled with stamps from Thailand.
Back in 2003, Jeffrey, who played Principal Rooney in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Deetz in Beetle Juice, was arrested after he hired a 14-year-old boy to pose for sexually explicit pictures. A judge sentenced Jeffrey to five years probation and ordered him to get therapy. Jeffrey is also required to register as a child toucher every single year. But last September, Jeffrey failed to register (A FELONY!!!) and so the cops busted him. Jeffrey was later released from jail on $20,000 bail. Jeffrey could go to the chokey for three years if convicted.
Now, every time I watch Howard the Duck (which is often, you know) I’ll have to hide behind my Chris Hansen cardboard cutout when Jeffrey Jones does that shit with his tongue. Movie ruiner!
With a face freshly injected with what’s left of Billy Goat Brad’s testicle syrup, Santa Onghaleena Yoly (bitch is in Mexico) floated on the labia of angel into Cancun yesterday to do promotion for that Morton Salt Girl biopic called Salt. Oh, how I wish that mess was about the Morton Salt Girl.
St. Angie showed up to a photo call wearing a dress that used to be Jesus’ first baby sheet. I’m not sure what the story is behind that hem. The Brangeloonies probably accidentally tore that shit when they were trying to crawl up her blessed no-no. It happens all the time. Luckily, Maddox brought his sewing machine so he can turn that dress into a summer “Montenegro style” shorty suit for Shiloh.
Here’s a few more pictures of St. Angie working the shit out of her forehead vein with her Salt co-star Chiwetel Ejiofor.
Thankfully, due to excessive steroid use, there are no nuts in this cake. – Pat MaGroin
You think this is bad? You should see the “Snookie Puss” cake the 2 bitches in the other room had to carry. – perky
Duncan Hines premiers their new ‘douche’ flavored cake mix. – LaPerlaDelSur
Sandra Lee’s latest creation is a look at what happens after too much ‘Cocktail Time’ – cs182
Miles from Bravo’s Work of Art! Miles is the insomniac hipster with OCD who has a major fascination with buttholes. So you know that if Miles ever spends the night at your apartment, he’ll gaze into your no-no and organize all your clutter while you sleep. Swooooooon, right? Right!
My love-hate-love for Miles grew stronger during last night’s episode when he painted a Mickey Mouse head filled with anuses, peens and vaginas (Bravo’s site is broke down right now, but you can click here later to see it when that shit starts working again). The challenge was to create “shock art,” and everyone’s pieces were about as shocking as a Miley Cyrus crotch flash, but at least Miles jizzed all over his piece. Miles explained that he got his first boner while watching The Little Mermaid, which is why he assholed up Mickey Mouse’s head like that. Miles jacked off on it in the bathroom to bring the piece full circle (jerk).
Bravo showed way too much of that annoying Jaclyn trick taking pictures of her nekkidness in the bathroom, but yet they didn’t film a second of Miles making his peen barf on a painting? Damn them. Since Miles has OCD you know he meticulously came on that thing and made sure his jizz dripped just the right way. I have a feeling Miles is going to stay for at least a couple more episodes, so Bravo can make it up to us somehow.
Debbie Harry (65)
Hilarie Burton (28)
Liv Tyler (33)
Sufjan Stevens (35)
Claire Forlani (38)
Missy Ellliot (39)
Henry Simmons (40)
Karen Mulder (42)
Pamela Anderson (43)
Andre Braugher (48)
Carl Lewis (49)
Evelyn “Champagne” King (50)
Dan Aykroyd (58)
Fred Schneider (59)
Terrence Mann (59)
Victor Willis (59)
Geneviève Bujold (68)
Twyla Tharp (69)
Karen Black (71)
Wally Amos of Famous Amos Cookies (74)
Jamie Farr (76)
Leslie Caron (79)
Olivia de Havilland (94)
This is not something I thought I’d ever see and I have felt some shit while listening to “Just Another Day.” This is 47-year-old Jon Secada flexing his veins and popping that apricot Fashion Fair lip gloss at a Chippendale’s event in Las Vegas last night.
Who knew that Jon was hiding some juiced-up Jersey Shore shit underneath his white linen shirt. Bitch is looking like a dehydrated roid daddy who can’t fall asleep unless a whitening strip is lounging on top of his teeth, but I still would. WELL, I told you I felt some things while listening to “Just Another Day” and you can use his lip gloss as lube.