The Jersey Shore’s answer to Tattoo was not welcomed with fist pumps and pickle love when she hosted the Wing Bowl in Philadelphia this morning. After Snookwells made her grand entrance, the audience showered her with boos (hey, at least she got a shower). Snooks showed them the love right back by fingering them on live TV.
The amount of sheer elegance in the clip above almost trumps Pamela Anderson signing her perfume at a Rite-Aid outside of Philadelphia. Almost.
And I guarantee you, one of the items on Snooki’s cum bucket list is to flip off a bunch of boo-ing Philadelphians while hosting a chicken wing eating contest. CHECK!
The highly-skilled engineers at Heinz have spent many years trying to redesign their 40-year-old ketchup packet to make it easier for hos who like to dip and drive. After trying out unsuccessful prototype after unsuccessful prototype, they finally walked into a McDonald’s to soothe their frustrations with a 6-piece Chicken McNugget. The light bulb went off when they glanced down at the sweet & sour dipping pack that has been around for millions of years.
The VP of Heinz said that the new Heinz pack will feature 3 times more ketchup and won’t take you 4 hours and 2 sets of teeth to open.
I need to point out two things. First of all, how in the name of government assistance am I supposed to fill my ketchup bottle at home with those things? Heinz is making it hard. Second of all, does this mean that ketchup bombing will slowly be replaced with horsey sauce bombing?
Butt sex will never be the same again thanks to this clip of Sherri Shepherd working her ass out on The View this morning.
RiRi always struts through life looking like one of the The Misfifts’ obsessed groupies, so I didn’t reach for the “What the Hell kind of GD Outfit is this?” headline after looking at these pictures of her performing at the Super Bowl’s pre-game show in Miami last night.
But I bet you this shit made Santy Claus reach for the holly-scented lube, because RiRi looks like a North Pole hooker in that slutty Christmas catsuit. Get yours, Santy. You’re allowed to cum more than once a year.
Here’s more of RiRi and Justin Bieber (is that the American Idol crying girl with him?) performing last night.
Earlier this week, the Chicago Sun-Times claimed that Baby Jesus snipped his umbilical cord attached to Vadge and crawled out of her life forever. But the cord might still be attached, if Gatecrasher’s source witnessed what they think they witnessed in London on Monday night. The witness claimed they saw Madonna and child playing patty cake with their tongues at the premiere party for Tom Ford’s movie A Single Man.
Let the source give you a visual: “They were all over each other and were even kissing in front of everyone. They looked like they were still very much an item.”
Baby Jesus left the party early, because he has to be in his crib by midnight or Vadge will punish him by spooning him tightly. When Vadge spoons you, bones will break.
Even though Baby Jesus left, Vadge stayed to take part in a dance-off with Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner from The Hurt Locker. You know how I wrote above that spooning with Vadge will result in a visit to the ER? Well, the same goes for dance-offs with Vadge. When she thrusts her cooch, crotch bones split in two.
Here’s Baby Jesus sunning his “Still The Property Of Vadge” nipples in Rio on Wednesday.
Carrot Top, the Thundercats version of Jacqueline Labofish Stallone, summoned the panty pudding at Fred Segal in Santa Monica yesterday by lifting up his shirt and exposing his freckled MAN DOWN CODE 10 situation and split buns.
Why don’t you give your froat a break today, and let your genitals do the dry heaving while looking at these pictures. Carrot Top will bring the carrot stick and you bring the ranch dressing!