It’s Boo Boo!

September 15, 2010 / Posted by:

Central Park is no stranger to hosting junked out meth faces with bulging “wheresmynextfixwheresmynextfix” eyes, greasy hair and thirstay lips, so it warmly welcomed Boo Boo the Chihuahua into its field this afternoon.

According to Guinness Book of World Records, Boo Boo is the world’s smallest dog! Boo Boo is 4 inches tall, 6.5 inches long and weighs 1.5 pounds. This isn’t official, but I’m sure Boo Boo is also the world’s smallest crackhead! I mean, why is she giving me a look like she’ll follow me all the way home unless I give her a dollar or my watch. And I totally would. I bet Boo Boo smokes the tiniest crack rock on the tiniest doll spoon. That’s kind of adorable, actually.

NO! Boo Boo is not the Pete Doherty of toy Chihuahuas. Boo Boo is just scared as hell. If a baby butterfly could take you in a street fight and a human fart could send you flying into the next dimension, you too would be frightened as all fuck. But Boo Boo really has no reason to be terrified, though. The wings on her gorgeous owner’s hair will protect her now and for all time.

Here’s more of the dog who is smaller than some dicks promoting the new Guinness Book of World Records 2011 in NYC today. The world’s tallest dog (at 3 feet 5 inches) Giant George was also there! George is looking at Boo Boo like: “My nutsack is bigger than you.

Afternoon Crumbs

September 15, 2010 / Posted by:

The first rule of GAY HIPSTER FIGHT CLUB is: don’t fuck up my hair – The Awl

What in Mr. Burns meets Chris Kattan hell did they do to Gael Garcia Bernal? – Lainey Gossip

Babies in strollers should now beware of a white Porsche instead of a Maserati – The Superficial

Rachel Uchitel’s camel toe could use a manicure – Egotastic!

I’d hit it. I’d hit it. I’d brunch with it. I’d hit it. – Towleroad

Kate Gosselin’s tucked, plucked and Photoshopped body on People – Celebitchy

Felicity! Put on some damn clothes! – Popoholic

JWoww is subtle – Hollywood Tuna

35-year-old Drew Barrymore is losing her baby fat – Popsugar

GQ doesn’t know how to sell magazines, puts Ryan Reynolds in clothes – The Berry

LeAnn Rimes hit the gym to deal with taking a sledgehammer to two marriages. The ho has endurance! – Just Jared

Sofia Vergara is maybe engaged – I’m Not Obsessed

Was Big Brother Lane’s girlfriend running from the scene? – ICYDK

The “Gingers Have Souls” kid is playing dress up, induces nightmares while doing so – OMG Blog

Who ordered the Double Down? Sorry, no refunds. – Cityrag

I can totally see Jason Biggs’ Apple charger – SOW

Matt Bellamy is already bored of Kate Hudson’s ass – Hollywood Rag

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Josh Brolin Thinks Megan Fox Is The Next Katharine Hepburn

September 15, 2010 / Posted by:

Katharine Hepburn has won 4 Oscars for Best Actress. Megan Fox was nominated for “Best WTF Moment” at the MTV Movie Awards. Katharine Hepburn is ranked the #1 actress in AFI’s “50 Greatest Movie Legends.” Megan Fox is ranked #3 in the hotties with the hottest rack list on Michael Bay’s basement refrigerator. Katharine Hepburn is considered one of the greatest actors of all time. Megan Fox is considered one of the dumbest bitches of all time.

So you can completely understand why Josh Brolin is hailing Megan Fox as the Katharine Hepburn of this generation. This is what Josh tells Playboy (via Contact Music):

“What Megan has done is confuse everybody thoroughly. To me, she’s doing something more interesting than what a lot of other young people in movies are doing. Katharine Hepburn, one of the most appreciated actresses today, was hated back in her heyday. She was box office poison…They didn’t understand her. Yet now we all look back and go, ‘OK, she was incredible.’ I would love to be the person who puts Megan in a film in which she can actually do something interesting.”

Josh Brolin is not alone. Earlier this year, Mickey Rourke said Megan was the most talented actress he has ever worked with. The fuck? Does she lick the taint that good?

I’m sure my night nurse at the retirement home will be spoon feeding me my own words when we watch Megan Fox accept the Honorary M. Night Shyamalan Lifetime Achivement Award at the Oscars in 40 years.

Open Post: Hosted By A Self-Serve Wine Tank

September 15, 2010 / Posted by:

At several grocery stores in France right now, they have a wine vending machine set up that allows you to fill up your resealable container of choice (examples: a gas jug or a giant plastic trash can with lid) with either red, white or rosé. Then you print out your receipt and skip your way to Boozetown! The creator of this thing of beauty says that it works for customers, because there’s no packaging, which means the wine is cheaper (1.45 euros/liter). They are hoping to bring over the wine pumping stations to North America as soon as next year.

Now, I’m not sure if you pay before you pump, or after. If the answer is the latter then supermarkets will replace Catholic churches as the go-to place to get drunk on free wine. I can already picture the line of drunk ass whores waiting to suck off that nozzle.

And Maggie Griffin, this is not a mirage. Your prayers have been answered! You two will be very happy together…forever!

Source: DrVino via Consumerist

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What The Hell Kind Of GD Accent Is That?

September 15, 2010 / Posted by:

St. Angie Jo is a world traveler whose old passport drawer is fuller than the drawer containing the nutsacks of all her victims, but damn DAMN damn she sucks at doing accents! Who keeps telling her that she should do accents in movies? Slap that bitch! Look at the first trailer for The Tourist, a movie where Angie once again plays an international woman of mystery who can unzip a man’s pants with her eyes while loading a pistol with her labia.

For some reason, Angie does a foreign accent in this movie. It won’t piss in your bowl of Count Chocula like her jacked up accent in Alexander, but it will still put a question mark over your head. I mean, what kind of accent is that anyway? She sort of sounds like a tongue-less Brit trying to do an American accent. I don’t even know. For the love of Shiloh tell her to stop!

And I’m honestly only focusing on Angie’s accent, because I refuse to talk about how Johnny Depp looks like a bloated Eddie Vedder here. Don’t make me.

Christmas Is Canceled This Year

September 15, 2010 / Posted by:

Replace your stupid Santa Claus hat with a black veil and tell the kids not to bother jumping out of bed at 4 in the damn morning like crackheads on December 25th, because 2010 is the year without Christmas! How can Christians and people who just want free gifts (aka me) celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus without hearing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’s voice?! The answer: we can’t! So Christmas is officially over now that Rudolph is a mute!

E! Online reports that Billie Mae Richards, the voice of Rudolph in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, passed away last week in Toronto. She (yes, Rudolph’s voice had a vagina) was 88.

Billie Mae was also the voice of Tender Heart Bear in The Care Bears Movie.

Rest in Peace, Billie Mae… Make sure to drink a mashed fruitcake with rum on Christmas Day for us since we won’t be celebrating down here.

(Thanks Tracy)

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