Open Post: Hosted By A Hot Dog Sexing A Hamburger
“Hamdog” sounds like the name of a sexual position that involves Jon Hamm splitting you in two with his Hammaconda as he does you doggy style. But over in Australia, a “Hamdog” is what happens when a hot dog meets a hamburger at a hot spot (the grill), sweet talks it, gets between those beef patties and goes in good. Three seconds after that picture was taken, that Hamdog was covered with mayonnaise. And yes, I’m actually writing food porn. It’s come to this.
The Mercury says that the godfather of the Hamdog is Mark Murray from Perth and he got a US patent for his creation in 2009. Mark took the Hamdog to the Australian Shark Tank last year, but the sharks didn’t recognize a phallic culinary masterpiece when they saw one. Mark didn’t get one offer. But those sharks are going to smother their words all over a Hamdog and eat them up, because Mark is selling it for $8 (around 6 USD) at fairs all over Australia. Mark’s also selling franchise rights for $10,000 and he’s hoping to make vegan, gluten-free and vegetarian versions of the Hamdog soon. Here’s a little video of Mark’s team making Hamdogs. THIS is Brit Brit Spears’ porn:
If Mark ever brings it to the US, he’s going to have to do it bigger than that. That is way too simple for us. That’s a light snack! He’s going to have to give us the Hamdog-mozzabacoring, which is a hot dog and a mozzarella stick DPing a hamburger patty as crisp pieces of bacon fuck onions rings on top of them. We need a whole orgy in our mouth. With that being said, I’d still eat that hot dog as it does sex with that hamburger. Hot dog hamburger sex probably tastes delicious.
Adam Levine Is A Daddy Now
UsWeekly says that Adam Levine’s model wife Behati Prinsloo finally gave birth to their baby yesterday in California. UsWeekly doesn’t have many details. Like there’s no word on whether or not Baby Levine came out with a couple random tattoos that it got in the womb while it was waiting to be born (it does have its daddy’s DNA after all). Neither Adam nor Behati have confirmed they had a kid by Instagramming a picture of Baby Levine holding Behati’s finger or tweeting a shout-out to the baby wipe brand who dropped off the most cases of product. “Big ups 2 @Pampers for their mad poop-removal skills!”
Thomas Gibson Told His Side Of The Fight That Got His Ass Fired
The TL;DR version of Thomas Gibson’s side is basically: I DIDN’T KICK HIM! HIS LEG RAN INTO MY FOOT!
Thomas Gibson’s contract with Criminal Minds was declared null and void last month and he was immediately fired after he allegedly kicked writer-producer Virgil Williams during an on-set fight. It reportedly wasn’t the first time that Thomas acted a wreck during a fight with a co-worker. He allegedly pushed assistant director Ian Woolf during a fight in 2010. Thomas hired lawyers and has been thinking of suing CBS and ABC Studios for wrongly firing him. Thomas was reportedly going to argue that he kicked Virgil in self-defense, but he told a different story to People. Thomas told his side and parts of his side sound like they’re covered in a layer of shit out of a bull’s culo.
Hillary Clinton Went On “Between Two Ferns”
Just like President Obama before her, Hillary Clinton appeared on Zach Galifianakis’ fake-ish/real-ish/definitely awkward talk show Between Two Ferns. Get that hipster millennial vote, Hil!
I’m not surprised that Hillary would appear on Between Two Ferns; she’s no stranger to popping up on funny stuff like SNL and Broad City. What I’m more surprised at is that Zach Galifianakis looks a whole lot more like Zach Galifianakis than the last time we saw him. That’s must be why Hillary is making that “Who dis?” face above. That, or she’s still trying to get to the bottom of the mystery of who had the audacity to sully her favorite blue boucle knit pantsuit jacket with a cheap piece of tape. “I know part of the charm is that it’s beyond low budget, but would it kill you to upgrade to coordinating lavaliers?”
Zach is known for getting really awkward during his interviews, but Zach’s interview with Hillary never got that uncomfortable. Maybe he figured it wasn’t worth it to go full-awkward with his presidential candidate interview. Even if he conducted the whole interview in nothing but a rubber Bill Clinton mask and cigars taped to his junk while Hillary sang a collection of angry Bernie Bro tweets while trying not to pass out, and it still wouldn’t be anywhere near as uncomfortable watching as Jimmy Fallon getting cutesy Donald Trump.
And since Hillary is continuing to go for that youth vote, I can’t wait to see her wearing a suit made of crushed-up Ritz crackers and shower drain hair clogs on The Eric Andre Show.
That Ukrainian “Prankster” Struck Again And This Time Gigi Hadid Struck Back
That professional Ukrainian asshole Vitalii Sediuk has been banned from many red carpet events and even got in trouble the law for trying to give Brad Pitt a dry crotch-sucking, but dude obviously hasn’t learned that getting into someone’s personal space for attention isn’t such a good idea. Vitalii has already built himself a long ass resume of fuckery by trying to mouth kiss Will Smith without permission, trying to give Bradley Cooper a dry beej, crotch-hugging Leonardo DiCatchAHo and climbing up America Ferrera’s dress. And yesterday in Milan, he screwed with Gigi Hadid and she proved that she’s a junior member of the Not The One Club by elbowing him in the face.
Megan Fox Is Now The Co-Owner And Creative Partner Of Frederick’s Of Hollywood
Megan Fox is many things: actress, mother of children that sound like future surfing instructors, part-time Bigfoot hunter, and now we can add “panties mogul” to that list.