Carrot Top Will Keep You Warm

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

If you’ve got a chill in your butt bones, simply warm them up on this tantalizing picture of Carrot Top. And if your nalgas don’t get as toasty as one of Paris Hilton’s crotch warts, there’s a good chance they will go numb from being exposed to THAT FACE. Either way, you beat the chill!

Anyway, here’s more of Bronzer Bottom with some ho ho hos at a screening for Avatar in Las Vegas yesterday. Do you think that while watching Avatar Carrot Top realized that those blue creaturelings look more human and life-like than he does?

And just for the record, I still would. Shameful.

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Everyone knows about this delightful action star’s relationship with the head of his company and that his wife isn’t really his lover. But the boyfriend is jealous and overprotective and now his hiring practices are raising some eyebrows. He will not hire anyone prettier/hunkier/more stylish than he is for fear of tempting his famous partner. (Lainey Gossip)

My first thought was Tommy Girl, but his business partner looks like this. Nothing breaks a TG boner like a lady person. So I’ll guess either Hugh Jackmeoff and John Palermo? Or Will Smith?

This might just be a first. This C list movie actress who has fallen from grace was seeing a guy on and off about six months ago. He wasn’t the only person she was dating but he is for sure the one who got her pregnant. Not for the first time our actress had a procedure and she was no longer pregnant. Fast forward to three weeks ago when a sister of our actress had the same procedure and it was the result of her being with the same guy who had impregnated our actress. (CDAN)

They need to go on Jerry Springer right now.

Which recently singled douchebag’s publicist has been calling every tabloid begging them to print his version of the breakup in order to protect his ego? The rep has been desperately trying to play competing publications against each other to make sure his client comes out of it with his penis size preserved which only reinforces the widely held belief that his client is a giant prick – in personality, and not necessarily in his pants. (Lainey Gossip)

This blind item smells like ass pimple puss, so I’ll go with A-Roid?

This a traditional “shopping” weekend for this established celebrity couple. She will likely be combing the aisles of every exclusive store, looking for that perfect flat panel TV or watch or digital camera or set of golf clubs for him. He will be busy too, but not in the way you think.

Since he must keep up appearances by spending the holiday with his family, his boyfriend gets this weekend. Our star will be very busy instructing him on how to properly unwrap and handle his gift. Don’t worry about her, though. His assistant will pick out a very nice gift for her – as is done every year – and she will feign excitement over her gift and their lovely and picture-perfect Christmas. We can’t wait for the photos of the whole family gathered around the tree, smiling, smiling, smiling. Fake, fake, fake! (Blind Gossip)

SJP and Ferris Bueller?


Afternoon Crumbs

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Beyonce fever sounds like something you get when wearing a wig too long – Just Jared

Ever wanted to know what Spencer Twatt looks like topless and in bikini briefs? Well, this is the next worst thing – Hollywood Tuna

How many copies of Photoshop did Playboy burn through while retouching Tara Reid’s pictures? – Egotastic!

Pony toeHoly Moly!

This is exactly how I want to remember Khloe Kardashian (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Glamberace jizzed in Lily Allen’s eyes – Socialite Life

Tommy Girl’s Scientolohole just blew up – Towleroad

Jennifer Aniston’s got another hit on her chin (sarcasm) – Lainey Gossip

LiLo and Leo party together again – Popsugar

Jude Law forgot (or doesn’t want to remember) that he has four kids – ICYDK

Oh, George Clooney, we know you would rather get a prostrate exam on live television by a guy with very cold hands than do ANYTHING else – Hollywood Rag

The bath houses of Spain will miss TommyI’m Not Obsessed

Jessica Simpson better keep the sacred word “cholita” out of her mouth and Twitter! – Celebitchy

Double the Fishy is a night terror come to life – Cityrag

Entertainment Weekly’s Best & Worst – Popbytes


Shane Sparks Arrested On Child Molestation Charges

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Shane Sparks, a judge on America’s Best Dance Crew and a guest choreographer on So You Think You Can Dance?, was arrested early this morning for allegedly committing acts of child touching. The District Attorney’s office in Los Angeles filed 9 8 counts of child molestation charges against Shane.

According to documents obtained by TMZ, the child touching allegedly began in 1994. Shane is accused of committing lewd acts upon an underage girl who was at least 10 years younger than him. The documents state Shane was born in 1969 (his Wikipedia bio says 1974), so he was 25 at the time. That means the girl was 15-years-old or younger. (Insert a Mary Murphy scream of horror here)

Shane is currently being held on $590,000 bail.

Shane isn’t the only SYTYCD choreographer that has been accused of not keeping his hands to himself. Alex Da Silva was arrested in April for allegedly raping 4 of his dance students.

Um. The producers of SYTYCD need to make Chris Hansen a regular judge from now on.


Open Post: Hosted By Yotaro

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

If even the thought of Baby Alive keeps you up at night, then take a peek at this Japanese baby simulator that is bound to be the star of many nightmares. Yotaro is his name and causing terror is his game!

Not only does Yotaro cry real tears, but he also reacts to human interaction. Among other things.

You know, creating something like this does make sense. Personally, I think that bitches should have to successfully care for Yotaro before they get the OK to procreate. But I don’t know anybody who would put this thing in their house. Can you imagine trying to close your eyes at night when you’ve got Yotaro in the next room? That’s a horror movie waiting to happen.

And don’t be surprised if you see Stepford Katie pushing Yotaro down the street in a stroller. Suri will get a playmate!

via Gizmodo


Blake Lively Is My Hero

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

The Sherlock Holmes premiere was last night in NYC, and this is what Blake Lively wore to that shit.

My space heater is on blast, I’ve got two pairs of socks on my feet, a heating pad is shoved up in my crack and I’m still cold. So I have to bow down to Blake Lively for not letting something called “weather” fuck with her tramping it up on the red carpet.

I’m sure Blake’s vagina is blowing steam and her nipples might have already fell off due to frostbite, but WHO CARES! Cameras are flashing and Blake has a show to put on! Don’t let some stupid Snow Miser shit get in the way of you showcasing those chichis!

Other hos, who obviously don’t have Blake’s dedication, at the premiere were: Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr., Rachel McAdams, Guy Ritchie and Rocco Ritchie.

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