Programming Note

May 13, 2010 / Posted by:

So for the next few days I’ll be filling my body with the sweet nectar from a foreign land and charbroiling my nalgas in more ways than one. Because of this, posting will be lighter than usual. The hotel swears on a pair of lucite heels (yes, I sent them a pair of lucite heels and made them swear on them) that their wifi is fast so I’ll still be posting ginges and chichis every day. Things will go back to normal on Monday.

For now I leave your asses with the video above featuring the world’s worst wedding DJ. Well, some call him the worst, but I call him the fucking best! What other DJ will give you Phil Collins AND a delicately choreographed hand dance. I don’t want to give anything away, so I’ll just ask you to stick around till after the 0:24 mark.

If we ever have a Dlisted Booze & Bong party we should hire this dude to be our DJ. When he blasts Phil Collins we’ll all form a line on the side of the stage. Slap my chichis like a cymbal!

(Thanks to Anna for the clip)

Single White Chicken Cutlet

May 13, 2010 / Posted by:

Break off a bone from a chicken drumstick and sharpen it into a shank, because shit is getting real. This isn’t international supermodel Phoebe Price, this is an impostor who goes by the name Maria Kanellis. Maria is a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice, and it looks like she’s trying to get a piece of the chicken pot pie. Bitch ain’t even a Chicken McNugget, let alone Chicken Cutlets!

Everybody and their butcher knows that Phoebe Price is the only creature with hair like a red fern waterfall who is allowed to put reject craft projects on top of her head! And Maria is doing everything wrong.

You’re not supposed to actually read the tabloid, you’re supposed to turn to some random page and pose with it! You’re not supposed to pay the parking meter, you’re supposed to pose in front of it as though it’s the Eiffel Tower. Really, Maria!? If you’re going to attempt to copy perfection, you have to come harder. Maybe PP will see something in this lost poor thing and take Maria under her freckled wing.

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

May 13, 2010 / Posted by:

Which fading starlet is trying to force her younger sister into plastic surgery? She told the young wanna-be model that she’ll never make it in the biz unless she goes under the knife, so the little sib is set to get a nose job and breast implants, ASAP. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

My only question is, who is going to pay to change The Curious Case of Ali Lohan’s nose and chichi situation? Blohan should know that most plastic surgeons don’t accept handjobs as payment. I’ve tried.

These two movie costars are cheating with each other. One is an A List male with a wife and the other B List maybe. They fell in love on the set of the movie and although filming is wrapped and the movie will be out soon, the two are coming up with a million ways to meet up. They are going in on some charity work together so they can be closer. The sad thing is, the A-lister’s poor wife has no clue and brags to all her friends about her husband’s fidelity. She is completely devoted to him, but he is telling his new actress girlfriend he’ll be leaving his wife very soon. Not Liev Schreiber. (BuzzFoto)

It’s the return of the Ben Affleck and Blake Lively rumors! But if this is true then the most shocking thing here is that Ben Affleck is considered A-list.

There are all kinds of ways to get a job in Hollywood, but this one is particularly juicy. This married writer/producer/director wanted to direct this much anticipated movie. A movie for which there was a lot of competition. Well, one day the producer of the movie came over to the director’s house to interview him for the job. While he was there the director’s B- list movie and television actress wife showed up. She sat in on the interview and made it perfectly clear to the producer that she was perfectly willing to fuck him right there if it got her husband the job. The next day the producer came over and our actress and he had sex. The director got the job. What he might not have expected though is that his wife who has done this kind of thing before has continued to sleep with the producer. (CDAN)

I’ve tried to pull a guess out of anywhere, but I’ve got nothing. I will say that this producer is an easy mark. Dude gave up the job after only one lay? Easy fuck.

This amusing actor – who stars in at least one big movie coming out this year – is becoming more and more open about his gender preference. He’s not one of those guys who interviewers ask about his sexuality. Maybe it’s because he behaved himself during the time he was married (yes, to a woman). Maybe it’s because many of his characters are larger than life. In any case, he’s recently been hitting on a male pop star with whom he has a prior work connection. It will be interesting to see who he brings to his movie premiere(s). It certainly won’t be the pop star, who plans on staying in the closet for at least a few more years. (Blind Gossip)

The majority is going with Mike Myers and Justin Timberlake, but I”m hoping it’s Robin Williams and a member of Menudo.


Lisa Marie Presley Wants Sunflowers Galore For Michael Jackson

May 13, 2010 / Posted by:

Lisa Marie Presley recently visited Michael Jackson’s tomb at Forest Lawn and she didn’t like seeing the giant empty space surrounding him so she has asked his fans to solve that problem. Lisa writes on her MySpace page that sunflowers made Michael Jackson’s soul do the crotch grab, so she wants all his fans to send a satin sunflower to fill up the space around his tomb. Lisa writes:

Greetings MJ Fans….

While visiting him a few days ago at Forest Lawn , Riley and I couldn’t help but notice that , while there are a few bouquets , candles and gifts there is a very large empty space around him and in front of him that could use a whole lot more.
While , I am sure that the staff at The Holy Terrace do their very best to place what is sent and what is placed at the door at his tomb , I thought you might like to know that he would want and deserves more than what is there and I had an idea…….
Some may or may not know this but his favorite flower was the Sunflower.
They made him happy because they looked happy to him , Thus, he called them “The Happy Flower”.

When we were married , I would try and fill up rooms with them wherever he was.
I wanted to bring something to place near him that he liked and that wouldn’t die so I brought a large vase of silk sunflowers and placed them near him.
This barely made any kind of dent in the atmosphere so I thought of maybe letting those who care know what the situation is and how we can solve it.

I know how much he loved and appreciated being showered with Gifts and flowers by his fans , I thought if whoever wants to bought just one silk sunflower each and sent it , the whole area around him and in front of him (As well as the two large empty vases that sit on either side of him) could be filled up in no time , which would be much more appropriate than what the current status is right now.
We can all cause a “Sun shower” if you will………..

He deserves to be flooded and surrounded , LETS SURROUND HIM!

Lots of Love,

There are two Forest Lawns in LA which is confusing,
Below is the correct address to send them to:

The Holy Terrace At Forest Lawn
1712 South Glendale Avenue
Glendale Calif, 91205

So basically Lisa Marie wants the area in front of Michael Jackson’s tomb to look like a real-life version of the game Plants vs. Zombies. That game was my breakfast, lunch, and happy hour for months so I approve of her mission.

I also approve because when I was 14-years-old I planted a sunflower in my backyard and the first thing my friend said when he saw it was, “That is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.” My sunflower practically curtsied at that compliment.


Tiger Woods, Vanilla Gorilla, And Now Matt Lauer

May 13, 2010 / Posted by:

Tiger Woods and Vanilla Gorilla might have found the third piece to complete their manslut trinity! Lock up your vaginas, because the Three Whoremigos are coming! Maybe. Possibly. That’s if you believe the National Enquirer (via Radar). They are shouting from the top of the sex rehab clinic that Matt Lauer and his wife of 12 years Annette haven’t lived under the same roof in 2 months.

Apparently, Annette believes that Matt passed his peen all around Vancouver while he was covering the Winter Olympics last February. Basically, every time Johnny Weir threw Evan Likesdadick a shank eye, Matt Lauer was sticking it in some random piece. That’s a lot of pieces.

A wife of another staffer whispered in Annette’s ear about Matt’s trampy ways in Vancouver. Matt was spotted “canoodling” with at least two female broadcasters. Annette’s suspicions reached a fever pitch when Matt stood her up on Valentine’s Day, because he wanted to stay in Vancouver instead. Matt denied the accusations when Annette confronted him, but she still thinks something in the milk ain’t clean (hint: it’s herpes).

This wouldn’t be the first time Matt dipped his dong on the down low. He reportedly cheated on Annette just a few months before they got married. In 2006, Annette filed for divorce, but canceled that shit after one month.

A source tells the Enquirer, “Matt is trying to keep this [split] on the down low. Matt is still very involved in his children’s lives. He goes to the family apartment after he finishes his Today duties to see the kids – and picks them up from school. For their sake, he and Annette plan to continue getting together on weekends – and they’ll go to their house in the Hamptons.”

I believe this, because Matt looks like the type who will pick up a chick in a bar and finger her in a bathroom stall (while still wearing his wedding ring) without even buying her a drank! Then he goes home and sweetly holds his wife’s face with his trick’s snatch syrup still glistening on his finger.

Matt is kind of dude who asks his trick to give him a beej in the cab and then immediately gets out afterwards leaving her with the fare. Then he goes home and tells his wife he forget to shake after going pee pee which is why he’s got a wet spot on his crotch area.

You know that bitch. Hell, you were probably the slut in the cab!


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