Birthday Sluts

May 7, 2011 / Posted by:

Michael E. Knight aka Tad from All My Children (52)
Traci Lords (43)
Natalie Mejia (23)
Breckin Meyer (37)
Eagle Eye Cherry (43)
Ned Bellamy (54)
Amy Heckerling (57)
Thelma Houston (65)
Robin Strasser (66)


Madge & Lourdes Are The New Judds

May 6, 2011 / Posted by:

Madge already helped make her 14-year-old daughter’s fashion designing dreams come true when she collaborated with Lourdes on a line for Macy’s. And now The Sun is saying that Madge is kicking Lourdes out on the professional ho stroll and hoping to turn her into a pop superstar like herself. Madge wants Lourdes to record a song called “It’s So Cool” with her and she plans to either release it on her next album or slap it on the soundtrack for her movie about 1930s socialite Wallis Simpson. Yes, because “it’s so cool” was a phrase that Wallis Simpson used in the 1930s all the time.

Madge and Lourdes apparently yodeled out that song in a studio together 8 years ago, but it wasn’t released until 2009 when she put it on the European version of her album Celebration. Lourdes’ voice was erased from that version, but I guess Madge feels like her time is now. A source said this: “Madonna hopes Lourdes will step into her shoes and become one of the biggest female artists in the world. She’s the perfect mentor for her daughter and is keen to assist her first steps into the industry. Lourdes has a great voice and plenty of character – like her mum.”

I’ve never understood why some of the chirruns of international millionaire superstars want to follow in their parent’s footsteps. Why? Too much work and unneeded stress. Wouldn’t it be much more fun to go to Catholic boarding school, get kicked out for doing lines during confessional and then spend the next 10 years supporting a model boyfriend by selling stories about your mom to the tabloids and posing topless in the Mexican edition of Playboy? That’s how it’s supposed to go! But if Madge and Lourdes insist on going about it this way, they can at least go really hard and show The Smith family how nepotism is really done.

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

May 6, 2011 / Posted by:

There’s a good reason why this actress’ skin is glowing and she looks so happy lately. She’s pregnant! Our girl is only about eight weeks along at this point, so you probably won’t see a baby bump for a few more weeks. However, she is currently filming a role that requires form-fitting clothing, so it will be interesting to see if she drops out as she gains weight.

Although she is not married or engaged to the Baby Daddy, she is very happy in their relationship. He’s not as excited as she is about being a parent, but he really likes her and is fine with the news. No plans for the two to get married at this time, which is just as well, as the relationship has moved along so fast as it is. Besides, he’s working on a lot of projects of his own and has already done the family thing, so we doubt he’s in a hurry to make this new little family official. (Blind Gossip)

ScarJo and Sean Penn? But have they even better together for 8 weeks? Time flies when you’re up in a bitch’s business, I guess. What I don’t understand is ScarJo had some perfectly good Ryan Reynolds sperm at her disposal yet she chooses Sean Penn’s dusty shit instead? Her fetus (if one exists) just grew eyes in record time so it could roll ’em at her decision making skills.

But I will not believe this until I see Hugo Chavez skipping down the road singing about how he’s a godfather now.

This star is part of an ensemble cast that gets together every once in a while to hang out. Our star is not the brightest star of the bunch but she is one of the nicest. Because she is so nice, and generally well liked by every body in the group it’s caused some jealousy issues with one of the cattier stars. The jealousy boiled over after the group hung out several weeks ago and the jealous actress had a few drinks in her. She got her hands on a used tampon and put it on the driver’s seat of the nice celeb’s car. When the nice star was walked out to her car by the group, everyone saw it and although she denied it was hers, everyone was still grossed out. (BuzzFoto)

How is Wendie Malick going to do Betty White like that?


Afternoon Crumbs

May 6, 2011 / Posted by:

Nicki Minaj continues to provide jobs for all the unemployed pink pinata wigs out there – Towleroad

What a beautifully handsome lesbian couple – Lainey Gossip

So are the Teen Moms trying to tell me that if I cuddle after fucking I won’t get pregnant? – The Superficial

Do they even know what a Jessica Lowndes is in England? – Hollywood Tuna

Reason #(I lost count) for why Tara Reid can party like no other – Celebitchy

Oh look, Candace Swanepoel happens to be in a bikini again (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Aniston shows us 10 ways to pose with a giant bottle of overpriced crap water – Just Jared

….isn’t going to end well – The Daily What

Dita Von Teese wearing the glasses everybody’s mom wore in 1981 – Popoholic

What New Orleans is trying to say is the less amount of time Nicolas Cage spends in their city, the better – ICYDK

Why do I have a feeling Princess Beatrice’s boyfriend is busy thinking about Brother Middleton’s half-nekkid pictures? – Popsugar

Pussy 33 ways – The Berry

Ladies and gentlemen, the Jessica Simpson of dogs – Cityrag

Dear dude in the corner, you’re not in alone in asking yourself what the hell is Eva Longoria doing? – Hollywood Rag

Russell Brand’s wet bulge. – SOW

This is what John Travolta sings to himself down in his dungeon – OMG Blog

The “Over the Moon” Watch: Baby SpiceI’m Not Obsessed

And here’s an interview Just Jared and I did for Paper Magazine. If you’re asking yourself if I was drunk during this shit, then I guess we really don’t know each other anymore. Let’s reconnect at a couples counseling retreat this weekend. – Paper Magazine


“Friday” Has Found Its Way Onto Glee

May 6, 2011 / Posted by:

It’s true that whenever a new pop song falls on the world I always place a bet with myself on whether or not it will somehow come out of Lea Michele’s (or whoever’s) mouth on Glee. So when Rebecca Black chewed a giant hole into all of our eardrums, I asked myself the same question. I didn’t think they would. But would they? They wouldn’t? They would! Well, they did and here’s Puck, Artie and Sam doing their version for next week’s episode.

Yeah. So I’m just going to leave this here for you to marinate on while I write a letter to Fox pleading with them to bring back Cop Rock just so they can cover The Backinup Song.

What Does Angelina Jolie Hate?

May 6, 2011 / Posted by:

Children in catechism class are taught that the patron saint of forehead veins Angelina Jolie has had many bones in her body but the hate bone isn’t one of them. But this is actually a lie. Angie Jo does have hate for something. It isn’t food. It isn’t American holidays that end in “ing.” It also isn’t clothes that look like they don’t belong in the closet of a professional funeral seat-filler. The thing that Angie Jo hates is the sound of her own voice! Yes, the sound heaven’s angels hear when they put their ears up against an empty conch shell on their grandma’s coffee table (every grandma has an empty conch shell on their coffee tables, even in heaven) is the sound that Angie hates the most!

Pass me a plate of youknowthishoislying and then read what she said during an interview with USA Today for that Kung Fu Panda sequel.

Men might like her voice. Jolie hates it.

“You know, when you hear your own voice, you can find it quite boring and uninteresting,” she says. “Suddenly, you get very shy that your voice is not enough, because I’m not musical and I don’t know my voice.”

Jack Black’s ears perk up as Jolie talks about her early auditions for voice-over work. She says she was so nervous about getting jobs that she brought dozens of zany voices she plucked from thin air, including a crude Mae West imitation.

“You mean like, ‘Come up and see me sometime?’ ” Black asks in a husky breath.

“That sounds more like Bogart doing Mae West,” Jolie says. Black rolls his eyes. “Uh, that was Bogart in drag.”

Angie can inject that “you know” up into her bulging forehead vein and speak for herself, because I happen to love the sound of my own voice. I especially love it when a telemarketer hears the sound of my voice and calls me “ma’m.” Not even “miss,” “mrs.” or “Are your parents home, young lady?” MA’M! Those stupid bitches.

Although, I could be projecting a “ma’m” since when they call I’m usually wearing a sweatshirt with some kind of cartoon cat character on it and am in the middle of pulling my dog’s ears back so they look like Princess Leia buns. But that’s still not a ma’m! That’s more like a “Ms. Aniston.”

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