OK! Magazine is saying that manskank A-Rod has replaced Kate Hudson with Cameron Diaz as his part-time fuck partner. Apparently, A-Roidy and Cameron dry humped and slobbered on each other at a Super Bowl party in Miami on Saturday night. Where was the dog catcher with a garden hose when we really needed one?
The witness-type said that a drunk ass Cameron was freaking on A-Rod all night, “A-Rod and Cameron have been totally hooking up. They were having a great time. Cameron was grinding on A-Rod.”
Cameron Diaz should not be grinding on A-Rod at some party. Cameron shouldn’t even be at a party to begin with. Cameron should be at the doctor’s office to figure out why her face looks like a week-old pizza slice that has been reheated in the microwave. Bitch’s face is melting! Although, grinding on A-Rod could be the cause of that.
Here’s A-Rod and Cameron posing with two leather daddies on Saturday night. Tommy Girl must have let out an after-butt-sex queef while this picture was taken, because Stepford Katie looks like she’s in the middle of a face seizure.
It goes without saying that my favorite ad from last night’s Super Commercial Bowl 2010 was Betty White’s commercial for Snickers. Betty White is like bacon. Her presence makes everything better. That being said, Snickers did get it a little twisted. Betty White could murder a herd of Khloe Kardashians just by flinching, so I didn’t appreciate that “you’re playing like Betty White” line. More like you’re NOT playing like Betty White.
The rest of the commercials paled in comparison, but let’s talk bout a couple of them anyway. Google’s ad was at the top of a bunch of lists. While watching this mess, I couldn’t help but think that Hollywood is going to turn this into a feature-length romantic comedy starring Tom Hanks as the Googler and Meg Ryan as the French girl. You’ve Got Google In Paris!
Oprah and Letterman’s sequel to their 2007 ad also starred Conan O’Brien’s dream killer. The commercial is more entertaining if you picture all of them pantless. And also if you picture Gayle King munching on Oprah’s Frito-Lay pie.
Click here to see the rest of the commercials. The theme of the night was the balls-less man! Is Kate Gosselin producing commercials now?
On Friday there was a rumor going around the block that Lindsay Lohan threw a drink at SamRo during a fight at some club. Well, today there’s a new story about how SamRo threw her fists at HoHan’s face. This is what happens when Michael Lohan and fan fiction meet.
A source (aka The Bagina Basher of Long Island) close to both SamRo and HoHan tells Radar that there’s some lezzie domestic violence shit going on. The source said, “One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head. She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her. She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”
It doesn’t help matters that SamRo moved into LiLo’s apartment building, “It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are. I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.”
While I’m sure the two have whooped each other over the last line, I don’t know if I completely buy this. I just tried to envision LiLo as Sophia and SamRo as Harpo from The Color Purple, and it didn’t work. I even pictured LiLo giving the “All my life…” speech to Pooty. Does not compute.
This rumor sounds like something that came out of Michael Lohan’s ass during one of his more intense bowel movements. But if it is true, throw SamRo in the clink! Actually, SamRo surrounded by butch puss doesn’t sound like much of a punishment. Throw her in White Oprah’s basement instead!
During a drag show in Brazil a few days ago, Beyonce slipped on Michelle Williams’ career and aaaaaaaaaalmost busted her ass. I need a refund. I had the laughs locked and ready to go, but Beyonce’s triple decker ass did not hit the stage. Just when she was about to go boom, her wig spread its wings and saved the day. Damn.
It sucks for us that Beyonce’s nalgas didn’t kiss the stage, but it’s good for Solange. Because when Beyonce falls, the ceiling in Solange’s basement drops down 2 inches.
A few months ago, Playgirl went web-only, because it’s easier for dudes to click a mouse than turn a page while masturbating. But they roared up printer again just for Levi. The magazine promises all nude “pix,” but just like the (NSFWish) internet spread you’re still not getting peen. Not even a tip. We get a handful of pit muff. You can develop a case of blue eyeballs all over again! However, I will give Levi a few nipple pinches for his “Someday I Will Be Senator” pose and bronzerface.
And in case you missed it, here’s the picture of Sarah Palin and her Alaskan telepalmpter at the Tea Party Convention in Tennessee over the weekend. The note on her hand does not say, “Pick up Levi’s Playgirl.” It says: “Energy“, “Tax” and “Lift American Spirits.” Sarah learned that trick from Piper obviously.
Honestly, who cares. The President uses a teleprompter, Sarah Palin uses a 4th grade cheat trick, and Michelle Obama stores all of her speeches in her intergalactic eyebrows of the universe. We all have our ways.
But you know what we really should be ranting and raving about?! The fact that there was a Gaylord tea party this weekend without oiled-up go-go dancers in spandex, poppers and the presence of Gay Al Reynolds. That is the REAL travesty.