ChinGate: The Saga Continues

January 15, 2010 / Posted by:

It’s been raining chins and ginges for the past week, and it’s not going to let up. Every time I blink my eyes, another late-night rumor fucks me in the eye. So I’ve been stock piling my colon with Conan and Leno bits to serve to you at one sitting (just wipe them off with one of El Pollo Loco wet naps you keep in your desk drawer for this very occasion).

First up is Jimmy Kimmel giving it to Jay Leno without lube last night (clip above). During Jay Leno’s 10@10 segment on his show, Jimmy bent Jay over, held on to his chin and rammed him over and over again. Jimmy didn’t even spit on his hand and rub first. For those of you on Team Coco (not to be confused with Team CoCo), this was so beautiful that your eye ducts actually filled with authentic tears for the first time in history. Kind of like the time I cried while reading a hate e-mail that said I was a “dumb fucking faggot bitch whore who sucks homeless dick for butt dildo money.” It was touchingly beautiful, but then it got me wondering. Would would I need to buy a butt dildo if I had a homeless dick at my disposal? And why would I think a homeless dude had any money? Oh, now I see. That’s where the “dumb” part comes in. I’ve seen the light. Moving on…

TMZ says that Jay has officially taken candy out of a ginge baby’s hand and will host The Tonight Show again since Conan has pretty much quit. But another source tells THR that this is lies, and Jay’s chin has not signed on the dotted line just yet.

The Daily Beast
claims that the peacock has put a wad of cash in Conan’s garter belt and now he’s free to shake his shit at a different network. According to a source, NBC is buying Conan out and also allowing him to take his act to a different network before his contract expires.

And finally, if you’re in the market for a barely used late-night talk show, this is the Craigslist ad for you.

There you go. We’re all bloated and full now, so I’ll race you to the toilet.

When Were They Scarier: Then Or Now?

January 15, 2010 / Posted by:

By now you might have already seen and hissed at the cover of People Magazine featuring Heidi Montag’s transformation from your average California reality show prostitute to a factory-defected blow-up doll who comes complete with a rubber dick and pussy. Well, ONTD posted a bunch of NSFW-ish (unless you work at a Mattel) scans from People of Horsey before, during and after her Jocelyn Wildenstein-approved plastic-over.

Horsey’s 10 procedures included: mini brow lift, Botox in the face, nose job encore, fat injections in cheeks, de-chinning, neck lipo, ears pinned back (like a scared cat), titty job encore, ass implants and full body lipo. You would think that while the doctor was hacking her up, he also would’ve removed the shit-filled wart on her vagina known as Spencer Pratt.

Horsey said that she’s always been insecure about her looks, and went under the knife so she can fulfill her dream of becoming a world famous pop star.

Yes, because all the world famous pop stars I know of look like something The Swan queefed out after masturbating with an over-sized suppository. I’m not being sarcastic.

via Gawker

CaCa Cancels

January 15, 2010 / Posted by:

Lady CaCa had to pull out of a show at Purdue University last night, because she had the sicks in a serious way. Just a few minutes before she was supposed to take the stage, the audience was told that they were not going to get their dose of CaCa that night. Thousands of sad scat lovers had to go home empty-handed.

According to CaCa’s Tweets (via ONTD), she was told by the paramedics that her heart was doing weird shit, because she was tired and thirstay. And even though she was suffering from dehydration and exhaustion, CaCa still managed to drink ten jugs of water just so she could produce enough tears to cry cry cry for her fans. CaCa cares:

I’ve been crying for hours, I feel like I let my fans down 2nite. An hour before the show, I was feeling dizzy and having trouble breathing
about 10 hours ago from web

Paramedics came to take care of me, and told me my heart-rate was irregular– a result of exhaustion and dehydration.
about 10 hours ago from web

can’t apologize enough for how sorry I am. I could hear my fans cheering from my dressing room, I begged everyone to let me go onstage.
about 10 hours ago from web

My stage has complicated mechanical elements,everyone was concerned I’d be in danger during the 2hr show, since I had passed out earlier.
about 10 hours ago from web

I am so devastated. I have performed with the flu, a cold, strep throat: I would never cancel a show just based on discomfort.
about 10 hours ago from web

I hope you can forgive me. I love my little monsters more than anything, you are everything to me. I will make-up the performance on Jan 26.
about 10 hours ago from web

MeThinks CaCa is just taking the bullet for her hermie peen. The truth is, her peen was coughing up phlegm, because it has Balanitis. It just couldn’t spend another night holding its breath while tucked into her dark, sweaty, dingle-y ass cheeks. It’ll be as good as new as soon as it gets an OxiClean sponge bath and spends a few hours soaking in a bowl of Skin-So-Soft.

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SuBo Goes Crazy At The Airport

January 15, 2010 / Posted by:

Susan Boyle’s debut album has sold approximately ten trillion copies (Pebbles the cat is her tabulator), so she should be on the top of the world. But some source tells The Sun that SuBo is actually on top of Mars instead. Apparently, SuBo brought her crazy cat lady act to the VIP lounge at Heathrow, and it made everyone around her clench their ass lips out of uncomfortableness. Fun fact: Listening to SuBo’s album without freebasing vodka first will also cause you to clench your ass lips. I learned this the hard way. I had to show them this picture so they could exhale.

The source went on to explain that while SuBo was waiting to board a flight to Chicago, she suddenly grabbed a cleaning product out of a janitor’s cart and used it as a fake microphone. After SuBo started singing into her make-shift mic, an airport employee asked her to put the crazy on mute. That’s when SuBo started running through the terminal screaming, “I’ve escaped, I’ve escaped!” Basically, SuBo was re-enacting the first time all of us dropped acid.

The employee finally got SuBo to simmer down by sitting with her. The source added, “It was chaos. Susan was very restless and agitated from the minute she walked in and immediately started making a scene. She was singing and dancing around, shouting obscenities at full volume.”

Because of her past public meltdowns, SuBo’s team is giving her mental state the side-eye.

So SuBo released the bats in the airport. That doesn’t mean her loved ones should hug her with a straitjacket just yet. Airports make people go crazy. That’s what they are supposed to do. We all have allergic reactions to airports. I mean, nothing pounds on your nerves like the smell of burnt coffee, the sound of screaming brats and the sight of the one vacant seat in the waiting area being used as a luggage holder. SuBo was just PROJECTING.

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The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For January 14th!

January 15, 2010 / Posted by:

A tired pussy sitting on a pig’s face: I didn’t know Paris and Jeremy Piven were dating. – starvis

Runners-up:

Paris Hilton’s pet pig can only sleep when the smell of pussy is in the air. – OurMissC

With the Sopranos off the air, I thought I’d never have to see another James Gandolfini bedroom scene. – Team Valtrex

When Butch told everyone at the motorcycle rally that he had a picture of some pussy on his hog, this is not what they expected. – brittany bitch

(Thanks Becky)

Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 15, 2010 / Posted by:

Annette Edwards, the 67-year-old great granmama from England who spent about $16,000 to look like one of her idols Jessica Rabbit!

Annette, who is an avid rabbit collector, gets a hard-on for anything bunny related, so it’s no surprise that she is infatuated with Roger Rabbit’s main patty cake partner. Annette spent her dough on a titty lift, face lift and cheek implants. Annette also said that Playboy has been knocking at her rabbit hole.

Annette is looking hot for a grand memaw of 67, but besides The Little Mermaid wig, I don’t really see Jessica. Maybe Bob Hoskins dressed as Jessica Rabbit? And if you ask me, I’d rather look like Bob Hoskins as Jessica Rabbit, than Jessica Rabbit herself. But if by paying a crane $16,000 to lift all her bits up helps Annette fulfill her dream, then I say tuck away!

Here’s Annette, who’s looking a little Kathy Najimy-ish, before all the surgery with one of her pet bunnies Amy. Amy is also one of the world’s most rubenesque bunnies. And by the look on Amy’s face, I think it’s safe to say that she’s also one of the world’s most frightened bunnies too.

via Buzzfeed

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