Katie Price (seen here trying to stop her brain from escaping out of her mouth) has quit I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here after she was nominated to compete in a challenge for the 7th time in a row! I guess the people of Britain just can’t get enough of seeing her swallow snail jizz during challenges. Sucio bitches.
Before Katie stormed out of the jungle, she begged the voting public not to force her to compete again. Katie already had to chew on fried flies and said she couldn’t do it anymore. Well, ask and you shall not receive!
Once Katie was told that she would have to eat nasty shit again, she told the producers that she wanted out. According to The Sun, Katie told them, “I can’t do another trial. I’m walking. There’s only so much c*** one person can take. The way I’ve been treated on the show by the viewers, you’d think I was the most hated woman in Britain.”
If that censored word was on Wheel of Fortune, I’d guess that it was “crap” and not “cock.” Because the sentence “There’s only so much cock one person can take” could never roll off of Katie’s cock-stained tongue. It’s impossible.
And the cloud of delusion that is fogging up Katie’s eyes might make it hard for her to see the pitchfork-wielding mob camped outside of her house at all times. A lot of people in Britain would rather nibble on Jodie Marsh’s cooch crumpet than share two words with Katie Price.
If Katie really wanted to win over the voting public, she should’ve skipped into the jungle with Harvey Price on her shoulders. Because if you vote against Harvey, a kitten suffers a coronary.
If a high school drama teacher (who works as a dominatrix on the weekends) directed Frankenstein in a musical homage to Paula Abdul’s Cold Hearted Snake video and Showgirls, it might look a little like Glamberace’s performance on the AMAs last night. Glamberace worked overtime to make sure Middle-America covered their children’s eyes with bibles while watching his orgy extravaganza.
You know, I’m all for doing slut shit on prime time TV, but this mess was way too staged. Glamberace was like a hooker giving a handjob to an obese man who smells like cold brisket and algae. He was just going through the motions. It’s like he was thinking, “Okay, now I have to dry face fuck this dude wearing Tommy Girl’s favorite weekend outfit. Okay, now I have to slide over here and pull this chick’s crotch belt. Okay, now I’m going to violently make out with this SamRo-type. Okay, now I’m going to try to outdo JLo’s tumble….” Glamberace’s peen was probably asleep the entire time.
I mean, that kiss was as erotic as a Snuggie. It looked like a gorilla sucking food out of another gorilla’s mouth.
And I really knew his performance wasn’t going well, when my dog lit a fire under my smoke detector so that the blaring sound of the alarm could drown out Glamberace’s “hyena getting DPed” screeches. Judge for yourself:
Tracy Morgan was so broke after his ex-wife cleaned him out, he consulted the Federline manual for making a quick fortune and went straight to work. – atterlym
After making the first recipe in the new book “Cooking with Coolio” I suspect he drew inspiration from Drunk Ass Sandra Lee’s “Semi-Homeade” cooking – sarabod
OrangeTip4u: Rejected by e-Harmony – RecessVillain
In another Hennessy moment, Kanye interrupts Britney to fuck her snack food. – jazzfish_77
b4-4, a Canadian boy band made up of twin brothers Ryan and Dan Kowarsky and their friend Ohad Einbinder.
b4-4 (stands for “bottoms for $4CAN“) looks like something 1991 accidentally farted out when it “gambled and lost,” but they weren’t formed until 1999! They had a few minor hits and were even nominated for a Juno award. But b4-4 were much more than just a trio of musical geniuses, they were also a trio of glamorous GODS! I mean, tell me all your parts aren’t humming for these three.
They are perfect from their glistening skin (in shade: White Oprah’s asshole) to their “electrocuted hedgehog who got doused with bleach cream” hair to their perfectly manicured manbrows to their totally awesome puka shell chokers (with matching cock rings, I’m sure). You cannot resist.
It’s only Monday, so try to contain yourself while watching their video below. It’s like Hot Chicks with Douchebags: THE MUSICAL SPECTACULAR!
Maxwell Caulfield (50)
Miley Cyrus (17)
Lucas Grabeel (25)
Kelly Brook (30)
Oded Fehr (39)
Vincent Cassel (43)
Harolyn Blackwell (54)
Bruce Hornsby (55)
B.J. Crosby (57)
Bruce Vilanch (61)
Joe Eszterhas (65)
Robert Towne (75)
If you are in CA, you might have been wondering why that glass of straight-up vodka (I know how you do it) on your table vibrated Jurassic Park-style for a few seconds. Well, it wasn’t from a gigantic T-Rex running through your front yard. It was JLo’s big ass hitting the stage at the American Music Awards tonight. Yes, bitch went BOOM! JLo’s Louboutins threw her off!
During her performance of that “Looweebatons” song, Skeletor’s bone polisher busted her ass when she jumped off one of her dancer’s back. JLo managed to pick her ass back up, but you know bitches will lose their jobs, health insurance, 401ks, loved ones and worldly possessions over this shit! That stage will be removed from the theater by tomorrow, those sneakers are already a pile of ashes and her dancer will only be able to get a job as a bus boy at Chili’s. Everyone will pay for this!
And thanks to the boxing theme, the chorus of shirtless dudes and the massive amounts of sparkle, JLo’s performance is the gayest of the night….so far (Glamberace is waiting in the wings). My no-no thanks her.
P.S. – For those of you who don’t want to torture yourself by watching the whole thing, JLo’s ass hitting the stage is at the 2:40 mark.