Things You Want To See: Gary Coleman’s Dick Double

January 14, 2010 / Posted by:

The other day, Gary Coleman had to be calmed down with a bag of animal crackers and a milk box after he threw a tantrum over the producers of his movie Midgets vs. Mascosts using a dick double in one of the scenes.

Gary asked his fans to just say no to the movie, “I wanted all my fans to protest my penis being in the movie, because I didn’t want that. It’s a body double, I believe, because I certainly was not gonna do this. And I heard that the body double is ugly, and is unattractive, and does not make me look good.

Well, Rhymes with Snitch claims they got a hold of a screen shot featuring the dick double. It’s waiting for you after the jump. You might want to hold on to something sturdy and a put a piece of duct tape over your mouth so you don’t wake the children. (NSFW) JUMP!

Who in the “What You Talkin’ About Willy” Hell do the producers think they are fooling? We’re really supposed to believe that Gary Coleman owns that peen!?

That dick right there can ride every single ride at Six Flags, but Gary Coleman can’t! That dick could pin Gary Coleman down in a wrestling match in a quick minute. That dick could sit at the grown-ups table at Thanksgiving while Gary sits at the children table.

Seriously, this must be some viral marketing shit.

via Crunk + Disorderly

Afternoon Crumbs

January 14, 2010 / Posted by:

John Mayer’s continues to make his signature “seizure while orgasming” face in Amsterdam. This is also what it looks like when Hugh Hefner jizzes moth balls. – Lainey Gossip

Um. How about Brooke Hogan instead? – Just Jared

Ashley Green is shoving her nipple in your eye again – Egotastic!

Speaking of Ashley Green shoving a nipple in an eye, it looks like her dog is a victim of that – Hollywood Tuna

Posh’s spokeswhores are working overtime – Holy Moly!

Turtles are kinky (Note: This is not a Russell Simmons post) – Towleroad

Kim Zolciak could learn a thing or twenty from this hot bitch (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Ben Affleck’s Jon Hamm impersonation – Popsugar

This Is News: Katy Perry is on her period – I’m Not Obsessed

Kiefer Sutherland dressed up like a 90s teenage girl for Letterman – Celebitchy

Even Brit Brit thinks she’s special needs – Cityrag

Katharine McPhee and her butterhair on ShapePopoholic

Courtney Love is going to sue over her daughter’s custody. Good luck with that. – ICYDK

RPattz is not Spider-ManSocialite Life

The Asian RiRi does it better – Hollywood Rag

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NOOOOOOOOT RUE!

January 14, 2010 / Posted by:

I know Afternoon Crumbs usually goes here, but I’m interrupting the order of things to bring you the sad news that Rue McClanhan, my personal favorite TV tramp, is laid up in a nursing facility after she suffered a stroke. Rue’s rep said that she underwent triple bypass surgery back in November and had a minor stroke while she was recovering in the hospital.

Rue’s husband told Broadway World that she was in ICU for two weeks, but has been moved to a different facility where she’s receiving rehabilitation, “She can understand what you are saying in conversation, but still has some trouble speaking. Her speech is slower than it once was and she hasn’t completely recovered on the right side of her body. She’s going to require a lot more physical and speech therapy – but at least it’s not like I stay awake at nights any more thinking that Rue is going to die.”

Rue’s rep said that if all goes well, she will be back at home in two weeks.

Everyone get into your nightgowns and meet me at the kitchen table. You bring the cheesecake, and I’ll bring the hooch.

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This Is Our Future, Part 6

January 14, 2010 / Posted by:

If I had kids, I would pull them out of school and teach them the lessons of Jersey Shore. I’d let Professor Situation and Professor Snooki school them on important things like what’s appropriate to wear in a hot tub full of strange men and how to spot “the grenade” in a sea of skanks. You know, shit they’ll need to know when they star in their own Vh1 series. Yes, I have high hopes for my spawn.

But you might be the kind of parent who throws your kid into a kitchen cupboard every time Jersey Shore comes on, because you don’t want to damage their brain cells just yet. Well, now you can pull them out of the cupboard and play this for them. It’s Jersey Shore Jr.!

Fist pumpin’ like toddlers! Actually, don’t say that out loud or Lindsay Lohan might do a documentary on you.

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Who Is Hot Slut Of 2009: Wild Card Round

January 14, 2010 / Posted by:

Snookers, the Ooma Loompa of Poughkeepsie, is the round 2 winner of the Hot Slut of the Year competition and will now face off with STAINS in the finals. Maru tried to top that bitch, but Snooki shoved him back in his cardboard box and flipped away with 31% of the votes.

Now we’re moving on the wild card round. Below are 6 Hot Sluts of the Week who never made it to Hot Slut of the Month for whatever reason. They either admitted they spit instead of swallow or they were caught cheering for Mop Head on Dancing with the Has-Beens. I forgive them for their sins, and now they are getting a second chance.

Here’s the 6 most popular HSOTWs based on pageviews and comments. Yes, we’re getting technical. And we’re off:

DJ Lady Tribe: The precious pearl of Rock of Love Bus who performed a Herpes rap for Bret and also drank a shot out of another skank’s chocha.
Scotland’s #1 Male Barbie: The glittery Oompa Loompa of Scotland (one of Snook’s relatives?)
Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt: Needs no introduction.
Sandra Lee: Drunk.
Derek J: A glazed Cornish gay hen who can work a pair of high heels better than any woman!
Deidra Daley Everett: The Gisele Bundchen of Internet BBWs!

Voting is to the right…blah…blah…blah. The winning slut will battle it out against Snooki and STAINS tomorrow.

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