SanToya Claus Is Everywhere

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Christmas is really the time for giving….and for posing in photo-ops. SanToya Claus conquered both of those things yesterday afternoon when she visited the children at AIDS Project L.A.

Thankfully, SanToya didn’t get the kids satin ass floss and nipple pasties from Frederick’s of Hollywood. Although, I wouldn’t have been mad if she passed out pairs of exquisite lucite heels since you’re never too young to learn the power of lucite.

SanToya also gave APLA a giant check for $10,000. Hmmm. Everybody should take cover, because that big ass check is going to cause some serious damage when it bounces back.

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Tina Knowles Filed For The Big D

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Tina Knowles is legally sending Daddy Knowles to the left…to the left (sorry for that). TMZ reports that the woman who is responsible for making Beyonce look like she’s about to get her wig snatched by a vengeful queen has filed for divorce from her husband of 29 years Matthew Knowles. Cut to Basement Baby looking confused as hell, because she has no idea whose basement she’s going to lay her head in at night.

Tina filed the papers last month in Texas. And just a month before that, some backyardigan bitch filed a paternity suit against Matthew Knowles claiming that his sperm fertilized her egg. Coincidence? Probably not. My guess is that Tina has been waiting to dump Matthew like a dusty wig, and his “Maury Moment” forced her to make it official.

I really hope Tina Knowles wears the above outfit to divorce court. That “Scott Storch goes to a White Party in Panama Beach” ensemble deserves a second showing.

Hooker At The Point

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

At first glance I thought this was broke ass Lynne from The Real Housewives of Orange County doing what she’s gotta do to pay her rent and plastic surgery bill. But in real life, it’s Russell Brand kissing his girlfriend Katy Perry goodbye in Los Angeles yesterday.

Russell must really love Katy like a slut loves Free Clinic Fridays, because he wants her close to him at all times, which explains why he’s wearing one of her lady tanks from the junior’s department at Macy’s.

Russell is totally flirting with danger, though. Dude shouldn’t be walking the streets like that unless he’s okay with Eddie Murphy trying to pick him up for a $20 date.

Conan Out, Seinfeld In?

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Ginges are having the worst month EVER! First they were kicked repeatedly on “Kick a Ginger Day, then they were kicked on a Christmas card in Britain, and now they might be kicked off of late-night. Rojo Caliente is madder than fish grease!

Popeater claims that NBC is thinking about escorting Conan O’Brien to the nearest exit, because since he took over The Tonight Show the ratings have gone down faster than Gay Al at a glory hole.

Once source says that NBC thinks that one of their golden child of the 90s, Jerry Seinfeld, could bring the ratings back up. The source added, “NBC just can’t carry on like this. ‘The Tonight Show’ has lost 52 percent of its viewership in just one year. The November ratings will be the show’s lowest in 15 years. They would be idiots to not be having the replacement conversation.

Didn’t Conan just take over from Leno two quick seconds ago (real talk: Conan took over in June)? Of course the ratings are going to be down since most of Leno’s fanoldies grabbed their walkers and hobbled on over to 10pm. NBC needs to give Conan a little more time to work that shit out. When a bitch isn’t dicking you the right way the first time, you just don’t send him back to the Craigslist Casual Encounters section. No, you give him at least one more chance to make your genitals hum.

But if they are going to pink slip Conan’s ass, can they wait until after the holidays? Seeing a sad ginge clown would totally destroy my Christmas.

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For December 17th!

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

This year, Papa Joe wanted ‘something different’ for the Simpson Family Christmas Card. – MtlMama

Runners-up:

Why God? Why did I look at my dad’s MySpace page? – snowpiece

Brooke Hogan wasn’t just the Maid of Honor at her father’s second wedding; she also provided the entertainment. – Anonymous101

Typical. While the other girls can keep their composure, Sienna Miller just completely loses her shit at the sight of a penis. – TFBuckFutter

The full NSFW picture is after the jump, because it has a little peen (“little” being the key word) and nipple. JUMP!

Source: The Skateboard Industry (Thanks John)

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 18, 2009 / Posted by:

Snooki from Jersey Shore!!!!

You knew this was coming. As soon as an oyster filled with the precious pearl known as Snooki washed up on the pristine shores of Jersey, we all instantly fell in love. So much beauty in such a small package (sort of like a pina colada flavored condom) Yes, Snookerdoodles needs to take a class at the Learning Annex on how to operate a duck phone, but who needs smarts when you’ve got the grace of Audrey Hepburn and the elegance of Grace Kelly. If you felt the Earth move, that’s because there’s a whole lot of coffin rolling going on.

If you need further proof of Snooki’s greatness, watch her Crotch du Soleil moves from last night’s episode. Pussies pumpin’ like champs!

Snooki’s already orange, so I sort of wish she was wearing a green wig and white overalls while poppin’ her pussy in the air like that.

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