Afternoon Crumbs

February 5, 2010 / Posted by:

Um. Somebody should tell Orlando Bloom that you should take off all your clothes before you go skinny dipping – Just Jared

Anne Hathaway hos it up for GQ Egotastic!

Beyonce and Lady CaCa are looking especially sessy these days – Towleroad

Vanity Fair’s Hollywood issue is not only filled with pretty white girls – Lainey Gossip

It must be hard times for the paps if they are taking pictures of that ho who got kicked off of The Bachelor (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

If Ginger Spice wants to dress like a slutty school girl with cold shoulders and an overheated midriff, let her! – Hollywood Tuna

Ceiling Eyes is dating a tattooed lesbian hedgehog – Popsugar

Katie Price and Roxanne’s marriage to detonate in 3..2..- Holy Moly!

Does Denise Richards have an alibi? – Hollywood Rag

3 reasons to love CoCo (ignore the top right picture) – Cityrag

Tiger Woods graduated Magnum Cum Loudly from sex rehab today – Celebitchy

The Photoshop Awards: Keira Knightley’s off-center head on Elle – ICYDK

30 Seconds to BoomSocialite Life

Mickey Rourke wants to bone Megan FoxI’m Not Obsessed

Does David Archuleta wear ass pads? Naw. I think his diaper just needs changing – Tabloid Prodigy


Snooki And Philly Really Love Each Other

February 5, 2010 / Posted by:

The Jersey Shore’s answer to Tattoo was not welcomed with fist pumps and pickle love when she hosted the Wing Bowl in Philadelphia this morning. After Snookwells made her grand entrance, the audience showered her with boos (hey, at least she got a shower). Snooks showed them the love right back by fingering them on live TV.

The amount of sheer elegance in the clip above almost trumps Pamela Anderson signing her perfume at a Rite-Aid outside of Philadelphia. Almost.

And I guarantee you, one of the items on Snooki’s cum bucket list is to flip off a bunch of boo-ing Philadelphians while hosting a chicken wing eating contest. CHECK!


This Isn’t Totally Good News

February 5, 2010 / Posted by:

The highly-skilled engineers at Heinz have spent many years trying to redesign their 40-year-old ketchup packet to make it easier for hos who like to dip and drive. After trying out unsuccessful prototype after unsuccessful prototype, they finally walked into a McDonald’s to soothe their frustrations with a 6-piece Chicken McNugget. The light bulb went off when they glanced down at the sweet & sour dipping pack that has been around for millions of years.

The VP of Heinz said that the new Heinz pack will feature 3 times more ketchup and won’t take you 4 hours and 2 sets of teeth to open.

I need to point out two things. First of all, how in the name of government assistance am I supposed to fill my ketchup bottle at home with those things? Heinz is making it hard. Second of all, does this mean that ketchup bombing will slowly be replaced with horsey sauce bombing?

via Consumerist

RiRi Still Wears Shit Made Out Of Fuckery

February 5, 2010 / Posted by:

RiRi always struts through life looking like one of the The Misfifts’ obsessed groupies, so I didn’t reach for the “What the Hell kind of GD Outfit is this?” headline after looking at these pictures of her performing at the Super Bowl’s pre-game show in Miami last night.

But I bet you this shit made Santy Claus reach for the holly-scented lube, because RiRi looks like a North Pole hooker in that slutty Christmas catsuit. Get yours, Santy. You’re allowed to cum more than once a year.

Here’s more of RiRi and Justin Bieber (is that the American Idol crying girl with him?) performing last night.


Not So Fast, Baby Jesus

February 5, 2010 / Posted by:

Earlier this week, the Chicago Sun-Times claimed that Baby Jesus snipped his umbilical cord attached to Vadge and crawled out of her life forever. But the cord might still be attached, if Gatecrasher’s source witnessed what they think they witnessed in London on Monday night. The witness claimed they saw Madonna and child playing patty cake with their tongues at the premiere party for Tom Ford’s movie A Single Man.

Let the source give you a visual: “They were all over each other and were even kissing in front of everyone. They looked like they were still very much an item.

Baby Jesus left the party early, because he has to be in his crib by midnight or Vadge will punish him by spooning him tightly. When Vadge spoons you, bones will break.

Even though Baby Jesus left, Vadge stayed to take part in a dance-off with Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner from The Hurt Locker. You know how I wrote above that spooning with Vadge will result in a visit to the ER? Well, the same goes for dance-offs with Vadge. When she thrusts her cooch, crotch bones split in two.

Here’s Baby Jesus sunning his “Still The Property Of Vadge” nipples in Rio on Wednesday.

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