Adele Is Too Expensive For Pippa Middleton’s Wedding
“Oi, poor fing don’t realize that the only way I’m gonna appear at her weddin’ is if someone hooks up a phone to a video cable and projects a YouTube video of this performance. Sorry, bum.”
Person with a job Pippa Middleton got engaged to her banker boyfriend James Matthews earlier this summer, which means she’s got a wedding to plan. Of course Pippa’s wedding won’t be nearly as fancy an event as her older sister’s wedding was, but Pippa is trying. Duchess Kate and Prince William hired Ellie Goulding to sing at their fancy royal wedding back in 2011. Pippa wanted a famous person too, just more famous than Ellie Goulding. UsWeekly says Pippa wanted Adele to sing at her wedding next year. Pippa, please.
Corey Haim’s Mom Will Sue Corey Feldman If He Doesn’t Shut His Mouth About Her Son
While many of us scream, “TELL IT!”, whenever Corey Feldman talks about the pedophiles crawling all over Hollywood, there’s one person who would like to cover up his mouth with duct tape and write “STFU” on it with a thick black Sharpie, and that someone is Corey Haim’s mom Judy Haim. Judy Haim is so over Corey Feldman telling “lies” about her son that she’s threatening to sue him for EVERYTHING he owns, which is an old BETA copy of License To Drive, an autographed picture of Bubbles and a hat tree full of fedoras.
Lindsay Lohan’s Ex-Fiancé Claims She’s A Cash-Gobbling Liar
Lindsay Lohan? A money-hustling freckled lie-teller? Never!
Lindsay Lohan’s former rich Russian fiancé Egor Tarabasov just recently discovered that Lindsay Lohan is like a vacuum that sucks up money and spits out lies. Last week, Lindsay gave a tell-all interview to Russia’s Channel One about her relationship with Egor and accused him of going Zangief from Street Fighter on her on several occasions and claimed she was afraid he was going to throw acid in her face. Shortly after the interview aired, Egor denied everything. TMZ says that Lindsay also accused Egor of having some long-ass pockets when it came time to getting out his wallet and paying for things. According to Lindsay, there was only one person paying the bills in their relationship, and it was the Apricot Ashtray. Of course, Egor is denying that too.
Like The Future King Of England Would Really High-Five With A Commoner!
“Wipe that filthy smile off your face, peasant, and get to kissing the ground YOUR MAJESTY just walked on.”
Prince George and his entourage arrived in Canada on Saturday to begin his week-long surveying of the land he will one day rule. Prince George’s trip started off most unpleasant, and it was gracious of him to not immediately send all those Canadian officials to the gallows after declaring war upon the country. When Prince George stepped off of the plane at the airport in British Columbia, he found a sad, sad sight. The people of Canada were not all bowing down in a receiving line and Michael Bublé was not crooning out Prince George’s official entrance song, Move Bitch Get Out Da Way, as servants waited at the bottom of the stairs with giant maple leaves to fan with him.
Brad Pitt Probably Won’t Be Prosecuted For That Alleged Plane Fight
Last week we learned that Brad Pitt was being investigated for child abuse after an anonymous complaint was made almost two weeks ago claiming that a beyond-drunk Brad had gotten abusive with 15-year-old Maddox Jolie-Pitt during a fight with Angelina Jolie on their private jet. A source close to Brad claimed that it was nothing more than just a tipsy parent-child argument that escalated. The details of what happened were all a little murky. Apparently the people investigating the situation think so too.
The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For September 23rd!
Kohler’s new collection: “Simplicity” by Harald Glööckler. – ejcsanfran
Upvote winner:
Golden shower, extra. – Baconslut
Pic: Tosh.0