Starring Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman And…..Heidi Montag

March 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Heidi Montag will make her feature film debut, and surprisingly she won’t be playing the role of Billy in the next Saw movie.

HuffPo says that Heidi has been cast alongside Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman and Brooklyn Decker in the comedy Just Go With It. I guess all the Dollar Store Dolls and factory-defective Real Dolls in Los Angeles were otherwise engaged.

Heidi Twatted the apocalypse-summoning news. I also threw in a couple of her Twats that really need to be seen:

I was just cast in my first feature film comedy! I start filming monday!!!!!
4:13 PM Mar 10th via mobile web

memorizing my script for the feature comedy movie I am filming all next week
12:40 PM Mar 11th via mobile web

I love Jesus and the infinate love and light above
2:57 PM Mar 11th via mobile web#

I love the US Coast Guard so much! They have the coolest gazelle helicopters that fly over our house all the time. GO NAVY! love you guys!
33 minutes ago via web

Unfortunately, Heidi isn’t playing Nicole’s long-lost twin twister who was separated from her on the plastic surgeon’s table. Heidi is playing herself. Again, there wasn’t even a wig-wearing dildo (Kim Zolciak doesn’t count) available to play the role of Heidi Montag?

Chicken Cutlets Never Disappoints

March 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Just when I was about to officially declare it a slow news day, these precious jewels popped up on my screen like a shiny Vicodin pill you come across in the back of your bathroom cabinet when you’re trying to find a bottle of lube in the dead of night (TMI? NEVER!)

International supermodel and walking art installation Phoebe Price has once again delivered Lourve-worthy portraits that will grace the desktops of computers everywhere. Everywhere = just mine.

In this latest series, Chicken Cutlets poses on the steps of an airport tram (after flagging it down), makes a sign for Tito’s Tacos look like the Eiffel Tower and graciously gives a volunteer her autograph. And don’t tell PP, but the volunteer was a little confused when he looked down at her autograph because he thought the one and only Madam was standing before him.

Keyboard Cat: The Next Generation

March 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Since the original Keyboard Cat has retired to a place called heaven the world has been in dire need of a cat to take his place at the keyboard, and now we have one! The world can’t end in 2012 unless there’s a live Keyboard Cat on stage to play us all off!

This new Keyboard Cat has a new keyboard, a new song and even busts a move at the end. Basically, Keyboard Cat 2.0 is the Lisa Coleman of cats.

FYI: This shit might be more entertaining if you smoke a little catnip first. Trust me, it works (I think).

via Buzzfeed

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Afternoon Crumbs

March 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Who’s legs look like two breadsticks after getting the stretched out “Promise of a New Day” treatment – Hollywood Tuna

Today’s heaping serving of bare breasts is brought to you by Alice Eve Egotastic!

Screw Lady GaGa and her Diet Coke rollers, Sharon Stone is showing her how it’s really done – Lainey Gossip

The gayest sport on the planet still won’t step out of the closet and embrace its gayness – Towleroad

Christina Ricci is fun – The Superficial

OH MY GOD! Amanda Seyfried is wearing the exact outfit I used to wear to wood shop class too! – Popoholic

Adrianne Curry is still at it (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

The twin messiahs are grouchy because they don’t like traveling without their angel-drawn gold chariot – Just Jared

Julie Bowen’s titties need rotating – Popsugar

Wonky McValtrex brought her forced chesticles out for her mom’s birthday dinner – Hollywood Rag

The Megan Fox Ass Quiz – Cityrag

Just pretend it’s 1999 and enjoy these pictures of Ryan Phillippe I’m Not Obsessed

I see Eli Roth is still doing research for the next Hostel Holy Moly!

At least JLove will always have her vajazzled vag – Celebitchy

Gerard Butler says Jennifer Aniston is like “family.” And by that he means she’s a gay man – ICYDK

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Tatum And Ryan End Their Feud With A Kiss

March 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Tatum and Ryan O’Neal’s love/hate relationship was set back to “love” last night in Los Angeles at The Runaways premiere. The love between the father and daughter was so strong that they even Angelina-ed each other right there on the red carpet.

Tatum told Access Hollywood (via OK! Magazine) that re-connecting with her father felt weird at first, but now “it feels beautiful, you know.” No, I don’t know, Tatum. I’m not looking at this with bulging James Haven eyes, so it doesn’t look beautiful to me at this time.

But only I say this because my brain opened up the file labeled “The Gospel According to Papa Joe” and flipped to the page where Ryan talks about how he hit on a Swedish woman at Farrah Fawcett’s funeral who turned out to be his own daughter. That story paired with this picture is making me want to run away. Grab your hobo bindle and let’s give these two some fucking space!

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