Ginger, the cunning cat from South Wales who summoned the police to his door when he “accidentally” dialed 999 (the number for emergency services) while taking a nap on a phone. THIS IS NEWS. Ginger’s owner Mr. Howard Moss tells the most important news service in the world The Daily Mail that he was left scratching his WTF place when the police knocked on his door answering to a 999 call placed from his house. The police came inside to make sure everything was alright and then they saw it: GINGER’s sneaky ass napping on top of a phone with the receiver off. Mr. Moss went on to say, “When the police realized what had happened they were quite amused. I asked them if they had ever had a call-out like that before and they shook their heads.”
You know who wasn’t amused? GINGER! That call was not accidental. Ginger’s fragile eyeballs just couldn’t take looking at his owners’ fug ass sweater anymore. This is a violation of all his rights and straight-up harassment so he called the police to do something about it. And they didn’t! Look at how Ginger is looking away with a tinge of sadness mixed with disappointment in his little eyes. The police have let him down! Justice has not purrvailed (ugh, you can GONG me hard for that one).
Mayim Bialik (35)
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Hank Williams III (38)
Madchen Amick (40)
Regina Hall (40)
Jennifer Connelly (40)
Burke Moses (51)
Sheila E. (53)
Susan Powter (53)
Cathy Rigby (58)
Bill Nighy (61)
Tom Wilkinson (62)
Paula Wagner (64)
Dionne Warwick (70)
Connie Francis (72)
Ed Koch (86)
Bob Barker (87)
Because everything is better with a giant splash of Showgirls, here’s a NSFW-ish (due to several drops of Nomi nips) masterpiece mash-up of The Black Swan trailer and the greatest piece of cinema ever made! I’m glad that I wasn’t the only one who thought Black Swan would’ve been perfect it it had more bejeweled pasties, Doggy Chow, exquisite stripper nails and Saved By the Bell stars.
(Thanks to Jeffrey McHale for making dreams come true)
Piers Morgan is still months away from taking over Lizard King’s suspenders on CNN, but he’s already putting bitches on his blacklist. Madge must’ve kidnapped, murdered, skinned, blended and spread one of Piers’ puppies all over her face (extremely possible), because he never EVER wants to interview her. Piers tells The Hollywood Reporter (via Showbiz Spy) that his new show is thirsty for Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan, but not Madge:
“She is so boring. She is too vegan for TV. We have Lady GaGa now so Madonna is banned from my show.”
SHOTS FIRED! With all due respect to Piers’ cuntified words, I’m pretty sure that Lady CaCa was actually born as a growth on Madge’s taint that later fell off and mutated into the alien pop star we know today. So if it wasn’t for Madge’s taint, there wouldn’t be a Lady CaCa.
In Vivica Fox’s #itgetsbetter video for Essence TV, she tells the kids out there to make their own choices and be themselves no matter what the hating bullies say because it will lead them to success! Vivica would know since she’s constantly getting teased for her unique career choices. When Vivica chose to do the direct-to-DVD spectacular Motives, she got teased for it and then EVERYBODY started to do direct-to-DVD movies. When Vivica chose to star in the reality shit show Glam God, she got serious shade for it and then EVERYBODY started to do reality shows. When Vivica chose to act in the play Cheaper to Keeper, bitches pointed and laughed at her and then EVERYBODY started to do theater. None of these things really existed before Vivica touched ’em.
And just so you know, Vivica actually shot this video years ago and got teased for it. And now EVERYBODY is doing #itgetsbetter videos.
Carnie Wilson got her stomach pinched and her intestines rotated live on the internet in 1999 and the chunk quickly slipped off her body the same way the name of the other ginger in Wilson Phillips always slips off your mind (It’s WENDY FYI). For the next 11 years, the weight came off and on several times. Well, Carnie is back in all her BBW glory and tells Popeater that she’s embracing it:
“I’m fat as fuck, what can I say? You know, after all these years, it’s just like we are who we are and it’s a struggle for me and sometimes I’m heavier and sometimes I’m thinner.”
You go Carnie Coco! Fuck it and fuck putting your internal organs on webcam. No, seriously, don’t put your internal organs on webcam again.