The McGangBang, a secret item at McDonald’s that some employees are able to throw together without explanation. Although, you might want to specify that it’s a food item or you might wake up 3 days later in the back of a Pinto parked outside a funeral home in Queens with aviator goggles up your ass, a red clown wig in your lap, cookie crumbs on your face, and your large intestines chilling out in the front seat. Wouldn’t be the first time, right?
Eat Me Daily (via Consumerist) says that the McGangBang is a 750-calorie mound of artery-popping deliciousness made from a McChicken sandwich and a double cheeseburger. Basically, they stuff an entire McChicken sandwich into a double cheeseburger. Both of those things are on the dollar menu so it will only cost your ass $2.16. Correction: It will cost your actual ass dearly, but it will cost your wallet $2.16.
Over at EMD, they have a detailed post which chronicles the history (dating back to 2006) of the McGangBang including videos of people trying to order it. It’s a must-read and should be shown on the Discovery Channel.
Just like a real gang bang, eating the McGangBang will leave you with a torn anus, bruised guts, bloody mucus in your froat and the sudden urge to go to church. Don’t threaten me with a good time, McGangBang! I know what I’m doing tonight.
And I wonder what will happen if you order a McFisting or a McFelching?
Queen Fabiola of Belgium (82)
Shia LaBeouf (24)
Joshua Jackson (32)
Matt McGrath (41)
Peter Dinklage (41)
Manuel Uribe (45)
Dr. Oz (50)
Hugh Laurie (51)
Joe Montana (54)
Lynsey de Paul (60)
Adrienne Barbeau (65)
Christina Crawford (71)
Gene Wilder (77)
Jennifer Aniston has told Gerard Butler’s fingers to find another culo to poke for now, because apparently she found herself a new piece to keep her nalgas warm at night. Jennifer has taped a picture of Jason Sudeikis’ (of SNL and 30 Rock) face on her cardboard groom in her secret wedding chapel room, because according to Grazia (via Showbiz Spy) she’s been on a few dates with him. Jennifer and Jason first met on the set of The Bounty Hunter, but he was married and she had Gerard’s finger up her no-no at the time, so they kept it platonic. But Jason is divorced now so he’s aaaaaall Aniston’s.
A source says, “When Jen found out he was going through a break-up late last year, she made the effort to invite Jason over for dinner in case he was feeling lonely or down. They talked for hours and really opened up to each other. After a while, Jen realized she missed him in-between dates. She finds him hilarious. He is just what Jen needs — a solid, low key, funny man. It’s early days, but she’s quietly thrilled.”
Quietly Thrilled?! Tell that to her cats and Precious Moments figurines (yes, they can hear everything). They can’t sleep worth shit because all Jen does all day is loudly hum the wedding song while sending pictures of her and Jason to Maddox with the text, “SUCK ON THIS!” Maddox texts back “haha i paid him 2 pretend 2 like u haa” which makes Jen punch one of her Hummel kids in the head. And then Maddox texts her a second time with “jk” before they do it all again. Yes, they do that all day.
The over-ripened golden beet that is Nick Nolte is sitting in rehab right now to try and kick his tongue’s craving for booze and his nostril’s hunger for the bad shit. This is what the National Enquirer is going on about anyways. Their sources say that Nick is seeking treatment for his longtime addiction to alcohol and drugs at Germany’s Privatklinik clinic. Nick’s girlfriend Clytie Lane also came along for the dry out, because apparently she’s got shit she needs to sort out too.
A source tells the Enquirer, “Nick looked like death warmed over when he checked in. He reeked of alcohol and was obviously going through a heavy withdrawal, shaking and trembling. He was in really, really bad shape.”
Dr. Drew is probably politely flicking his tie collection in anger over not landing Nick for Celebrity Rehab.
I totally forgot Nick’s lovah’s name is Clytie Lane. I better add “Clytie Lane” to my “What To Name My First Born Or Next Dog Friend” list. Yes, I know it’s not pronounced clitty, but just let me believe. Let me also believe that her parents originally wanted to name her Laybeeah Majora.
USA Today (via The Wrap) says that producer Scott Rudin is working with St. Angie Jo to bring the biography Cleopatra: A Life to to the big screen with her holy one in the title role. Scott, who has been working on this shit since 2006, confirmed that Angie is developing it with him. The biography’s author Stacy Schiff thinks that Angie has the perfect look and even said that Billy Goat Brad would make a perfect Marc Antony. Hit the red button and SAVE US ALL!!!
Seriously, we all better start constructing a make-shift shelter on top of a raft, because if this becomes real-life the tapioca-like cream pouring out of every Brangeloonie is going to cover the world a million times over. I mean, your average Brangeloonie already holds daily rituals where they make their children carry a pillow with an Angelina Jolie doll lying on top of it so they can throw rose petals. So seeing her play Cleopatra is going to take them over the edge.
But seriously, were Scott Rudin’s ears working while he watched Angie in Alexander?! I know that Angie Jo is the earth’s mother (sarcasm alert), but she couldn’t successfully do a foreign accent even if she swallowed the UN whole. It’s really going to be hard to take Cleopatra seriously as the ruler of Egypt when she sounds like Count Chocula.
Instead of this mess, they should do a movie based on the lives of the other Cleopatra:
Now that is the shit I want to see.
CoCo is not wearing heels! I repeat, CoCo is not wearing heels! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Cha Cha Diva with her nipples on display and looking like she just washed her hair in the Gulf of Mexico – Egotastic!
If Tinkerbell and a bodybuilding leprechaun made a baby – Hollywood Tuna
Just picture Taylor Swift ironing her hair on board like Ricki Lake in Hairspray – Lainey Gossip
Danielle Staub’s uncensored nipples in case you want to cause physical and mental harm to yourself today – The Superficial
JLove already effed with Audrey Hepburn and now she’s going after Wonder Woman – Popoholic
When Crissy Ronaldo met Nelson Mandela – Towleroad
Vadge and Fishsticks are “donesville” – Celebitchy
Rolling Stone crowns Jay-Z as the King of the America. In other news, Kanye West just crowned Kanye West as the King of Universe (which trumps the King of America says Kanye) – Just Jared
HA! Carly Fiorina is a bitch – OMG Blog
From Prison Living Magazine’s swimsuit edition – Popsugar
Why is Khia wearing a droopy Target logo over her sunglasses? – Necole Bitchie
This is me in 35 years – Crunk + Disorderly
Footballer in a mankini – Hollywood Rag
That weak ass Twitter bird will never win against CoCo’s double down ass – Cityrag
Daddy Spears might have to hire a new man for Brit Brit – ICYDK
Shia LaDouche Sean Penn-ed a pap – I’m Not Obsessed