That Ukrainian Mess Who Screwed With Gigi Hadid Tried To Literally Kiss Kim Kardashian’s Ass

/ September 28, 2016

Last week, Vitalii Sediuk, who doesn’t seem to know what the definition of a “prank” is, got elbowed in the face by Gigi Hadid after he picked her up from behind as she walked to her car. Vitallii really did it to raise awareness for his attention whore ways, but he dribbled out a river of bullshit when he said that he did it to protest against Anna Wintour and the rest of the fashion industry putting the Kartrashians and other Instagram-famous people on the covers of magazines. Vitalli kept “protesting” again today by trying to kiss Kim Kardashian’s ass, but his face ended up kissing the concrete instead.

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Agnes Nixon, The Grand Dame Of Soaps, Has Died

/ September 28, 2016

And if you’re like me, then the piece of you who faked sick from school to watch One Life to Live died too.

Philly.com says that Agnes Nixon, who gifted the world with the legendary soap operas One Life to Live and All My Children, has gone off to heaven where I’m sure a Greek chorus in white robes are waiting to greet her. Agnes died at her home in Pennsylvania this morning. TMZ says that she died from complications of Parkinson’s and pneumonia. She was 93.

Agnes started out as a writer on daytime soaps like Search For Tomorrow, Guiding Light and Another World. In 1968, Agnes’ first creation and my mom’s favorite soap of all-time One Life to Live was born on ABC and went on for more than 43 years. After One Life to Live took daytime BY STORM, the network gave the greenlight for All My Children, which came out in 1970 and aired for around 41 years. Agnes also helped to create Loving and The City. The Daytime Emmy Awards gave her a Lifetime Achievement Award in 2010.

Agnes’ son also told TMZ that she just finished writing her memoirs My Life to Live last week.

La Lucci, who played one of Agnes’ favorite characters, posted this note on Instagram:

Rest in peace, Agnes. Thank you for original HSOTD Dorian Lord, Erica Kane, Viki Lord Buchanan, Tina Lord #1, etc…

Pic: Getty

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Courteney Cox Wants You To Leave Jennifer Aniston Out Of The Brangelina Drama

/ September 28, 2016

Just like how Bloody Mary is supposed to appear in the mirror if you say her name three times or a lawyer shows up to your house if you piss off Taylor Swift,  Jennifer Aniston’s name is likely to get dragged up when someone types the words “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting a divorce.” Even though Jennifer Aniston hasn’t really had much to do with Brad Pitt since getting him to sign divorce papers eleven years ago, some people still want to know what she thinks about the news that her cheater ex-husband and the tomb wrecker are splitting up. Jenny hasn’t said anything publicly, but some of her nearest and dearest have. Much like Justin Theroux, Courteney Cox thinks you should be leaving Jennifer Aniston’s name out of it.

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Open Post: Hosted By Prince William And Duchess Kate Eating Peen Clams

/ September 28, 2016

Prince William and Duchess Kate, the hardest working Brits in the universe, are still working hard on their week-long tour through British Columbia, and yesterday, they rewarded themselves for all the labor they’ve done by filling their royal mouths with dick… shaped…. clams. Duchess Kate apparently has a rule where she doesn’t eat at public events, because she doesn’t want the photographers getting jacked-up pictures of her looking like she just tasted rotten spooge (see: jacked-up pictures below of DK looking like she just tasted rotten spooge). But Duchess Kate broke that rule at The Taste of British Columbia Festival in Kelowna when she and her man were served delicacies like geoduck. In case you don’t already know, geoduck is more like geoDICK, because it looks like this:

dickclamdkpw2016

Duchess Kate nibbled on it a bit and probably made reporters choke on the laughs they had to keep down when she said this about it:

“There is a slightly firmer texture to this. It’s really unusual. I’ve never seen it before. It’s so fresh from the sea.”

Duchess Kate and Prince William really need to take a master class in how to royal from Prince Hot Ginge. Because if PHG was at this event, he would’ve given the people what we really want by licking the tip of a geoduck while winking. A real seasoned and professional royal cares about the people and cares enough about them to give them fapping material!

Pics: Splash, Evergreen State College

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“The Lion King” Is The Latest Disney Film To Get The Live-Action Treatment

/ September 28, 2016

Don’t worry, Timon and Pumbaa; I also don’t know how to feel about this news.

For the past couple of years, Mickey Mouse has been reaching into the Disney cartoon vault, blowing the dust off the first VHS his hand touched, and going “Sure, let’s make a live-action version of this.” Disney almost has more live-action adaptations made or in-production than they do dalmatians at this point. We last left off at a live-action adaptation of The Little Mermaid. Today, Variety is reporting that Disney has announced that their next animated feature-turned-possible live-action mess will be 1994’s The Lion King.

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Make Way For The Lamb Stampede: Miley Cyrus Talked Shit About Mariah Carey

/ September 28, 2016

When you think of Miley Cyrus, you immediately have to rinse your mouth out with industrial-strength Listerine since the taste of chipmunk smegma covers your tongue. But after you do that and think of Miley Cyrus again, you think of a serious artiste who is all about the art and her voice and isn’t at all about gimmicks or herself or what she’s wearing. Miley Cyrus thinks that of Miley Cyrus too! And Miley Cyrus is the complete opposite of Mariah Carey.

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