Kim Kardashian Was Held At Gunpoint In Paris
During Kanye West’s headlining performance at the Meadows Festival in Queens tonight, he was halfway through Heartless when he announced that he had a family emergency and had to quit that bitch. No, Kanye’s family emergency was not him finding out that Kim Kardashian went SANS FARDS (but not really SANS FARDS) in Paris and it wasn’t him finding out that North West actually wore a color out in public. The family emergency was a serious and scary one. Kim was allegedly held at gunpoint by masked dudes in Paris. And which one of you bitches were at Kanye’s set and screamed, “That is SO Kanye!”
Kanye just cut his #themeadowsnyc set short, citing a "family emergency." pic.twitter.com/Yg6VQC5ieQ
— Genius (@Genius) October 3, 2016
Kim’s rep tells CNN that sometime tonight in Paris, two dudes pretending to be police officers held her at gunpoint. The rep didn’t say if the gunmen stole anything, but they did say that Kim wasn’t harmed:
“Kim Kardashian West was held up at gunpoint inside her Paris hotel room this evening, by two armed masked men dressed as police officers. She is badly shaken but physically unharmed.”
Does that Vitalli Sediuk mess have an alibi?!
Kim may not be harmed, but I’m sure her bodyguards are. Pimp Mama Kris is also in Paris, so she probably unlocked her jaw and immediately swallowed the souls of their security guards for not protecting Kim.
Pic: Splash
Open Post: Hosted By The Simon Cowell Toe That Viewers Thought Was A Dick
TV Mean Girl Simon Cowell was just sitting comfortably between fellow X Factor judges, Scary Spice and Baby Spice (fine, their slightly more real names are Mel B and Emma Bunton) while judging the poor unfortunates on UK’s The X Factor. Viewers at home grew concerned when it appeared as though Simon was a little TOO into the performances. To speak frankly, Simon looked like his dick had popped out to say something devastatingly snarky that would end a musical hopeful’s dreams. Or maybe Simon had kept a secret Spice Girls fantasy to himself all this time and he just couldn’t hold back any further.
Thankfully, it was actually his big toe that was the horny attention whore. He just had his leg folded up. At least that’s what the Daily Mail thinks. Simon hasn’t commented. I HOPE that’s what happened. Otherwise, Scary and Baby need to zigga-zig-ah his ass to jail.
Watch Simon question a contestant’s choice in cosmetics while his toe looks inappropriate below.
Pic: The X Factor
Rob Kardashian Might Prevent A 2nd Season Of “Rob & Chyna”
Angelina Jolie Has Added To Her Legal Team
Brad Pitt better put down the bong he had custom built to resemble Frank Gehry’s “Dancing House.” He needs to get on the stick if he’s ever going to catch up to his ex Angelina Jolie’s efforts in collecting celebrity attorneys. Have either of them claimed Gloria Allred yet? That poor gal is standing on the sidelines like the last power suit picked in a game of celebrity attorney kickball.
Amber Rose Hosted The SlutWalk Yesterday
Provocative glamazon Amber Rose hosted her second annual SlutWalk festival yesterday in LA. She was joined by her friends Blac Chyna (it’s nice to see that Chyna is capable of something more than inquiring if her Kardashian is still texting bitches) and former Playboy Bunny Kendra Wilkinson. The SlutWalk’s goal is to help “promote female empowerment and put an end to slut-shaming and victim-blaming.” People spoke with Amber who explained what it’s NOT about (via E!).
Alec Baldwin Debuted His Trump Impression During The SNL Premiere
There’s plenty of things to dislike about Alec Baldwin. Often times his teeth aren’t able to snap shut quickly enough before ridiculous statements escape his mouth. He’s highly irritable. He’s married to a woman who does yoga on planes. And we’ll always have #RudeThoughtlessLittlePig.
He has managed to balance the scales, however, with the pluperfect Donald Trump impression he unveiled on the Saturday Night Live premiere. Not since Larry David did Bernie Sanders has it worked so well! His characterization, teamed with whomever wrote the opening number, truly captured our potential future Asshole-In-Chief. The cold open satirized last week’s first presidential debate, and Kate McKinnon is still playing Hillary Clinton.
The Hollywood Reporter sez that the idea to have Alec play Donald was Tina Fey’s and longtime SNL czar Lorne Michaels.
The choice to go with Baldwin over a current cast member was the idea of former star and head writer Tina Fey, “SNL” creator Lorne Michaels told The Hollywood Reporter.
“I just thought he’d be brilliant doing it and I thought he and Kate [McKinnon] would be a match,” Michaels said.
Watch Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump below.