Lindsay Lohan Got Dumped

April 24, 2010 / Posted by:

Since Lindsay Lohan’s life continues to play out like Kevin Spacey’s tongue on a Saturday night (plunging deeper and deeper down a dark, dirty hole), she has been dropped from a movie for being a liability. Brace your Twitter, because she’s going to spit out a dozen “medeeea be lyin” Tweets any minute.

TMZ’s sources say that the investors of the movie were biting their finger nails off over the thought of relying on Lindsay to show up for work every day. Instead of luring her to the set every day using a dog with an 8-ball tied to its tail, they decided to cut ties with her altogether. David Michaels, the director of The Other Side, tells TMZ, “Our team simply chose to move on from Lindsay and we’ll soon be announcing a replacement.”

Lilo was supposed to play a grad student who gets stranded on a deserted island with the likes of Alanis Morissette, Woody Harrelson, Giovani Ribisi and Dave Mathews. That shit would’ve been an all-star cast in 1999.

This sucks, because the only place Lilo should be right now (besides rehab or Daddy Spears’ kitchen) is a deserted island. Although, knowing this bitch she’d find a field of fermented mangoes. And she’d probably figure out a way to light banana leaves on her labia. Maybe it isn’t such a good idea after all.

And is it just me or does White Oprah look Planet Hiltron-ized in that picture above?

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Bret Michaels’ Daddy Says He’s “Doing Good”

April 24, 2010 / Posted by:

When the news broke yesterday about Bret Michaels suffering a brain hemorrhage, it didn’t look good. Bandannas everywhere refused to tie, weave tracks weeped, and fans from East to West had their lighters up. But Bret’s father Wally Sychak tells Radar that he spoke to his son last night and he sounded “in good spirits.”

Wally said, “I talked to him this morning. He sounded upbeat and positive but they had him sedated. But he’s doing good. He sounded like my son. We’re all keeping our fingers crossed and saying our prayers. He just needs to be quiet now and get rested.

Wally added that the doctors still aren’t 100% sure what caused the hemorrhage, but they all believe it had something to do with his recent emergency appendectomy and his type 1 diabetes.

Here’s hoping the news continues to be positive and Bret fully recuperates so that he can gift the world with Rock of Love Cruise.

UPDATE: Bret’s manager posted this on his website today: “There are several incorrect reports on Bret’s condition. Bret remains in critical condition at an undisclosed location. Further tests are being ran and information will be updated in the coming days.”

Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 24, 2010 / Posted by:

The Krispy Kreme Double Down (aka The Insta-Betes Special)

Topcultured is obviously trying to lure Aretha Franklin to their corner, because they have taken KFC’s Double Down to new heights. Specifically, the 8th floor of your city’s medical center where the Department of Cardiology is located.

Over on their site, they posted the step-by-step instructions on how you can make your very own KKDD using a glazed Kristy Kreme donut and KFC’s Double Down.

So what you’ve got here is one tasty mother of a sandwich that starts with a half Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut, extra Colonel’s Sauce (gotta get in those added calories where you can), fried chicken breast, Colonel’s Sauce, cheese slice, bacon, cheese slice, fried chicken breast and other half doughnut. What you end up with is over 900 calories of tongue flipping delight.

And if you want to turn this healthy afternoon snack into a meal, just combine it with a deep fried salad, chili cheese onion rings and a Diet Shasta. You don’t want to be a nasty hog, so stick with Diet Shasta instead of regular.

If your nipple holes start to vomit out a gooey substance, don’t worry it’s not blood. It’s just your liquefied arteries spilling out. Nothing to freak out about.

via Gothamist

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Birthday Sluts

April 24, 2010 / Posted by:

Captain Sensible (56)
Kelly Clarkson (28)
Austin Nichols (30)
Danny Gokey (30)
Eric Balfour (33)
Derek Luke (36)
Melinda Clarke (41)
Dijmon Hounsou (46)
Cedric the Entertainer (46)
Eric Bogosian (57)
Jean-Paul Gaultier (58)
Barbra Streisand (68)
Sue Grafton (70)
Shirley MacLaine (76)
Richard Donner (80)

(Image via Dark Neon)

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Some Like It Cold

April 23, 2010 / Posted by:

Since performing as JLo hasn’t really worked out for JLo lately, she decided to plop a white wig on her head and impersonate Marilyn Monroe while singing “Happy Birthday” to George Lopez on his show last night. This goes to show you how crazy in the brains JLo is because she believes that singing live for someone is a gift. That ain’t no gift. That’s a punishment.

If someone told me that they were giving me the gift of JLo’s SANS FARDS voice for my birthday, I’d erase their number from my cell phone and sign them up for Columbia House as punishment. And I’d choose ALL JLo movies.

via The Frisky

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Blind Item: I Guess, You Guess

April 23, 2010 / Posted by:

This is a follow-up to the blind item I posted yesterday about a celebrity popping out of a pinata on Cinco de Mayo to declare their gayness. Or according to this follow-up, their gayelleness. From Blind Gossip:

Everyone is speculating about the celebrity who will be coming out in a very public way on May 5th. We think that Howard Bragman is a great publicist – and we know we’re going to appear on Larry King Live with him one of these days – so we don’t want to totally steal his thunder. However, we think we’re being led astray as to the star’s identity.

Bragman has been talking a lot about how it’s time a gay man be cast as a superhero. But one of our sources slipped and may have given us an additional clue about the celebrity’s identity. They used the pronoun “she” when talking to us about the mysterious upcoming guest. They quickly tried to correct themselves by going back to using “he”, but it was too late. While there are many women who it could be, we think we’ve got it narrowed it down to three, although we honestly didn’t expect any of these three women to come out this year. Additionally, Michael Musto of The Village Voice seems to think it’s a singer or someone involved in music. So, with all these conflicting clues, dear reader, your guess is as good as ours.

Female and a singer? Hermmmm. Justin Bieber? Okay, that was one tenth of a wrong, and now maple syrup (or Canadians) will never taste the same to me again. But seriously, this makes it sound like on May 5th People Magazine’s cover will feature Queen Latifah with the headline “The Queen Bows Down To Pussay” or something like that. I’m still not convinced it’s Queen. Hell, I’m still not convinced there will be a big gay cover on Cinco de Gayo. Watch on May 5th People’s cover will feature some bitch’s new bikini body.

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