This week’s POOP (nourish the inner asshole) newsletter teaches you how to get rid of your “batwings” using the Tracy Anderson Method. Now, I always thought the Tracy Anderson Method of toning your arms involved shoveling millions of dollars of other people’s money into your own wheel barrow. What I’m saying is that bitch is a money-stealing fraud. But for shits, read what Fishsticks has to say:
Many of you may already know of my passion for the Tracy Anderson Method and my investment in it. She has kicked my formerly sagging ass (Ed note: Fishsticks will forever be a giant sagging ass. Nice try, though) into shape and I will be forever grateful. This week, Tracy shares with us a little arm series that I did everyday preparing for Iron Man and that I take on the road. She just made it home-made style for me, lo fi. But it’s good. Especially for the batwing problem. Also, some of her dedicated clients talk about why they love her as much as I do. She has some brand new DVD’s that I have been doing in my hotel room on location and which I highly recommend.
Could this ho be anymore pretentious? In my hotel room on location?! You LO FI BITCH, stay on location forever. And preferably a location with no wireless internet or any other form of communication (that includes carrier pigeons and campfires).
Anyways, here are the lo fi batwing-biotics Fishy does from her hotel room when she’s on location, as presented by Tracy Anderson:
I have a feeling that Tracy The Thief has struck again. Tracy didn’t invent this technique. I’m pretty sure this is what it looks like when Fishsticks tries to have sex with Chris Martin.
And don’t try this at home or your (fill in the name of your boyfriend, cat, or imaginary friend here) will think you’re crazy….er.
Hung, the HBO show about the adventures of a mammoth dick of wonder, is premiering in New Zealand and they erected this billboard in the middle of Auckland to let everyone know.
My nipples bark (they really do) for anything that advertises big dick, but this looks too much like a boiled egg to me. The bulge is probably coming from a chalupa dick. You know, short and stumpy. Like the Danny DeVito of bulges. And where is the panty elastic? Did it rip off due to the enormous weight of the obese peen? Yes, I’ve thought about this in detail. If I was in college, I’d write my thesis on this.
And you know Tommy Girl is going to find a way to climb up to that billboard and butt hump it.
The new saying is: “You play football like a Jonai.” I’m never one to talk, but I know that if I’m going to handle a ball in a parking lot, it’s not going to be a football.
Here’s more of the Jonas Bros. playing parking lot football on the set of their movie Chasing Butterflies (that one is too easy).
Scary Spice should’ve known not to try to recreate the “Cassie cut” with a Flowbee – Hollywood Tuna
Heidi Montag’s tits are a million times the size of her brain. But that’s not saying much since my nipple is a million times the size of her brain. – The Superficial
Mischa Barton went blonde for a movie role. HA. Okay, now I’m just being cruel. (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather
Glamberace looking like a butch Bill Kaulitz – Towleroad
Ryan Gosling in a t-shirt. That is all. – Popsugar
Paris Hilton has the brain of a 1-year-old, so isn’t she a little too young to be playing with Barbies? – Hollywood Rag
Brad Pitt might have accidentally kidnapped a child – Celebitchy
Susan Sarandon getting cougar tips from Demi – Cityrag
Elton John thinks Jesus liked peen – I’m Not Obsessed
Alexander McQueen’s label will go on – Socialite Life
Your daily douche gargle – ICYDK
Three weeks ago, Jesse James, former host of Monster Garage and husband of Sandy Bullock, got the sads after his 9-month-old dog Cinnabun went missing. Cinnabun was last seen watching Sandy’s movie All About Steve.
Jesse immediately offered up a $2,000 reward for the safe return of his best friend. A few days later, Jesse upped the reward to $5,000. As the days went on, it didn’t seem like this story was going to have a happy ending. I mean, All About Steve is pretty scarring.
But yesterday morning, a woman called Jesse James to tell him that she found Cinnabun! The woman saw Cinnabun’s picture on a flier. Jesse and Cinnabun were finally reunited yesterday afternoon. CUE THE MUSIC!
Jesse told TMZ that the woman says she’s had Cinnabun for “a while.” Despite being dirtier than a Lohan and 15lbs lighter, Cinnabun was okay. Well, she’s mostly okay. I mean, her name is still Cinnabun.