Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen have been together 8 years, engaged for 6 and are raising a 2-year-old baby friend together. Early last week, Isla and Sacha decided they have spent enough time liking each other, so why not fuck it all up by getting married! Oh, I’m joking. Their new marriage will last as long as a plate of Vegemite! That shit doesn’t decompose, right?
Woman’s Day reports that Isla and Sacha got married in a small Jewish wedding in Paris last Monday. Isla and Sacha didn’t feel like making it a giant extravaganza worthy of Platinum Weddings, so they only invited their close friends and family. Shortly after Isla handcuffed herself to Sacha, she wrote an e-mail to all her friends that read: “We did it – we’re married! It was the absolute best day of my life and in so many beautiful moments I missed you all so much. I thought of you as everything was happening, but Sacha and I wanted no fuss – just us!”
Unfortunately, I doubt Sacha wore any of these outfits to his wedding. What a waste. The perfect ceremony, reception and honeymoon ensembles.
Oh well. Hopefully, the guests got a plastic swan with Sacha’s turd in it as a wedding memento. Congrats!
Whenever you see a picture of Dreamboat Doherty’s cherished dough-face on any site, you know to automatically scratch another line on the wall, because he’s been arrested again. You’re going to need a fresh new wall soon.
BBC News reports that Dreamy was taken to his home away from home on Friday to speak to police about his involvement in the death of heiress Robin Whitehead. Dreamy was arrested, because the police believe that Dreamy supplied Robin with copious amounts of the bad shit before her death. Robin was found dead in her apartment from an apparent overdose after she had tea and crumpets with Dreamy and three other men. And by “had tea and crumpets” I mean that they smoked crack and snorted heroin. Apparently, the police have video footage of Robin and Dreamy partaking in Amy Wino’s former morning ritual.
Dreamy and the three dudes were charged with suspicion of supplying drugs. They were released on bail and they must return next month to answer to the charges.
What more is there to say about this? Dreamy sees the inside of a jail cell more than he sees the inside of a shower. Although, that’s not saying much because he sees the inside of a jail cell more than his asshole sees a piece of toiler paper.
It’s probably like a damn family reunion every time Dreamy gets arrested. All the cops cheer and hug Dreamy when he comes stomping through the front door of the police station. Everyone gets to catch up! As the cops use a salad tong covered with a GLAD bag to check his asshole for contraband (or Lindsay Lohan’s career), they tell Dreamy how their wife and kids are doing, etc.. etc…
That poor little girl saw Reese Witherspoon holding hands with a grow-man wearing flip-flops with long pants, and figured it was Jakey Poo. So she ran over to hand Jakey a pink umbrella, because she knows he loves nothing more than to prance around his backyard with a ruffle parasol in his hand (who doesn’t?). The little girl felt a wave of disappointment hit her when she got up close and realized it wasn’t Jakey. It’s Reese’s new piece Jim Toth! DAMN JIM for tricking that little girl by wearing man flops with pants.
Reese and her new hand-holding partner spent the weekend in Ojai, CA to celebrate her birthday. They’ve been dating for a few weeks, but this is one of the first times they’ve been photographed together.
Hopefully, Reese has finally found someone that can blow into her hot box without giggling. Although, I do spy a few glitter flakes wafting off of Jim. It’s probably nothing. Reese just likes her men the same way she likes her tea: WITH EXTRA HONAAAY!
Rosie O’Donnell is reduced to tears when she realises it’s not the type of fish pie she was hoping for. – BigBadMac
This is the worst season of Toddlers and Tiaras yet. – Chilly
A look inside the mind of the Rock of Love laundry machine – klisted
Yes Jesse James, you are now officially “King of the Douchebags”. Here is John Mayer’s former fishy smelly crown. – natters5
When I was a kid my mother never bought us sugary crap, because she believed (and still does) that processed sugar is made from Satan’s warm blood! Whenever I begged her for candy, she would tell me to go eat a fruit. So because of this, my ass had to get creative to get my fix. I’d drink sugar water and pretend it was soda, or eat a tube of concentrated orange juice and pretend it was ice cream. Desperate times. And when I was feeling real hardcore and brave, I’d steal a couple of pieces of Sundaes Neapolitan Coconuts from the Brach’s bin at the supermarket. When my mom wasn’t looking, I’d grab a few, tell her I had to go to the bathroom and I’d swallow them after flushing the toilet. I was afraid my mom would hear me chewing processed sugar, so that’s why I flushed the toilet.
Yes, I was a child thief! A student of Hood Rat Stuff Academy’s candy robber division. I should send the Brach’s family a money order. But honestly, it’s all my mother’s fault. She forced me into a life of crime by denying me sugary deliciousness. It’s hard out there for a sugar-deprived brat!
(Image via Flickr)