Birthday Sluts

June 6, 2010 / Posted by:

Sandra Bernhard (55)
Stacy Keanan (35)
Uncle Kracker (36)
Sonya Walger (36)
Natalie Morales (38)
Max Casella (43)
Paul Giamatti (43)
Jason Isaacs (47)
Colin Quinn (51)
Harvey Fierstein (58)
Robert Englund (63)

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What In The Cherry Kool-Aid Hell?

June 5, 2010 / Posted by:

Alien Princess RiRi brought her ketchup colored foolery to the Rio in Rio Madrid Festival in Spain tonight, and I don’t know whether I want to hand her a pair of clippers or dip a french fry in her hair. Bitch looks like Ronald McDonald’s special cousin Rudy who has big dreams of becoming a full-time Moe Howard impersonator, but has to work the red eye as a janitor in the meantime.

I’m trying to hate this shit, but the more I stare at it the more I see a peen head. And well, you know I’m easy for peen heads. Even peen heads that suffer from Rosacea.

Now the fact that her body looks like Vadge’s Blonde Ambition tour drank too much Cisco and barfed all over it is a different subject for another day.

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Miley Is Right

June 5, 2010 / Posted by:

Attention whore Miley Cyrus got attention for fake kissing another chick on Britain’s Got Talent the other night, and now she’s pretending to be mad about it. Yes, this is one of those “DON’T LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! DON’T LOOK AT ME!” moments. Miley spat up on her blog (via ONTD) last night and said that everyone needs to focus on more important things like world peace. Like such as.

Miley is a 17-year-old window licker whose mom was most likely high on glue and swamp water during pregnancy, but she is absolutely right! The world needs more peace, which is why she should lead the way by getting her jaw permanently wired shut and retiring to the dam from which she came from.

And while we’re waiting for that to happen, here’s Miley in London yesterday giving the lot lizards of the south a preview of what they will be wearing this fall.

Send In The Coke

June 5, 2010 / Posted by:

Somebody forgot to blow the blow off their nose before stepping outside. Catherine Zeta-Jonesingforthebadshit left her apartment in NYC this morning to perform in A Little Night Music on Broadway and her nose brought along Lindsay Lohan’s favorite friend.

NO! CZJ doesn’t touch that stuff! CZJ gets high off of drinking champagne in a bubble bath while wearing all her diamonds. It’s obviously just make-up or sunblock. Or maybe Michael Douglas accidentally farted dust into her face while she was gently licking his crack. That sounds about right.

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