Battle Of The Fake Losers

May 11, 2010 / Posted by:

Michael Lohan, E*Trade, sanity and soap aren’t Lindsay Lohan’s only arch rivals. Apparently, the pride of Canada Avril Lavigne is also feeling the wrath of Blohan (feels like a hot bath in the Rock of Love Bus septic tank).

Page Six says that Avril, who is eternally a 13-year-old MySpace slut, is mad at LiLo for ignoring her at an event a while ago. Most people run home, light their saint candles and say a “thank you” prayer to the gods above whenever LiLo ignores them, but Avril felt the opposite. So when LiLo tried to play nice with her at the Chateau Marmont the other night, Avril threw shit right back at her which led to a public display of patheticness.

A witness-type says, “Avril was at a table with friends just over a week ago including her boyfriend, Brody Jenner, when Lindsay came over to say hi. But as soon as she approached, Avril launched at her and said: ‘Get the hell out of my face, you are fake, you are a loser. I don’t like false people. Stay away from me and my friends.’ Lindsay was furious and screamed back: ‘Don’t threaten me!’ She then stormed off to security and tried to get them to kick Avril out. They refused to force Avril to leave. Lindsay eventually stormed off.”

First of all, LiLo should curtsy and say thank you to anybody who calls her a fake loser, because that is probably the nicest thing anyone has said to her in MONTHS. Second of all, Avril Lavigne was most likely wearing a “Sk8R Gurlz Do It Better” trucker cap and sipping on an Ed Hardy energy drink, so she is only allowed to use the word loser if she’s looking in a mirror. AND Avril is humping on Brody Jenner!

If the word loser had legs and arms, it would’ve ricocheted off of Lilo and drop kicked Avril in the mouth. Avril and LiLo both need to fuck a faucet, because the Fake and Loser store is out of both of them.

Besides, didn’t these two get the memo that the Chateau Marmont is not the place for creatures of irrelevancy to battle it out. Dancing with the Has-Beens is! Tuck your meat and take it to the dancefloor!

The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For May 10th!

May 11, 2010 / Posted by:

To be sure the the paps don’t lose sight of her, Phoebe Price buys a new car. – tiny monkey


Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed that Rent-A-Cock would make discreet deliveries. – Sweetas

Things you might see at Kid Rock’s house. – zomay

The tree huggers will be pleased. Detroit finally came up with a car that runs on corn-based fuel. – OurMissC


Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 11, 2010 / Posted by:

Janey Cutler, the granny from Glasgow who made the luscious locks on Simon Cowell’s titties curl with her caramel square-melting voice on Britain’s Got Talent!

Proving that this really is the century of memaws (with Betty White leading the cavalry of walkers), 81-year-old Janey Cutler brought the audience to their feet when let it out all with her rendition of “No Regrets.” Janey’s fellow geezers would’ve gotten on their feet, but they have bad hips and shit.

Although, Janey is a late-in-life superstar sensation, I’m giving her the HSOTD stamp because her last name is one “n” away from being CUNTLER. And that is a real natural gift! Watch Simon’s moobs percolate below:


Birthday Sluts

May 11, 2010 / Posted by:

James Haven (37)
Matt Giraud (25)
Cory Monteith (28)
Holly Valance (27)
Jonathan Jackson (28)
Laetitia Casta (32)
Nicky Katt (40)
Tim Blake Nelson (46)
Martha Quinn (51)
Peter North (53)
David Gest (57)
Shohreh Aghdashloo (58)
Frances Fisher (58)


Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

May 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Which A-list actress is so concerned about wrinkles, she stores bottles of Botox in her freezer? She never has to worry about getting a last-minute treatment – whenever she needs an injection, she has a plastic surgeon come right to her home! (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

Since her body is made up of 99.5% Botox, I’ll go with Nicole Kidman. She must have one of those walk-in freezers, because there’s no way her weekly supply of forehead spackle fits in a regular one. Nicole should totally make Sunday Rose get her medical license online, so she can give her the injections whenever and wherever!

Which leading man has a thing for his co-stars? And not just the current one he was caught kissing. A few years ago, this handsome actor arrived quite drunk in the wee hours at the Mercer Hotel — where his lovely co-star was staying — demanding to be allowed up to her room. “She said she could hear his shouts all the way upstairs,” said one friend. “He was tossed out” . . . (Page Six)

Josh Brolin? Gerard Butler? Those manslores need to get a room together already.

Which ex reality star’s eating disorder is so bad, she now has peach fuzz all over body? She’s desperate to get rid of it – and her cleaning crew complains about having to continuously clean up the gooey mess all the hair removers leave behind. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

Maybe the cleaning crew should tell whoever this is to call Gina Kincaid for help.


Kendra Made A Sex Tape With Everyone

May 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Kendra’s debut sex tape is supposed to be released later this month, and she’s apparently still trying to fight it. Radar is still saying that Kendra tried to whore several tapes out a few years ago, and now they are saying that she made fuck films with “multiple partners.” Now, we don’t know if that means Kendra brought the camcorder out every time her clitoris danced with a different dick, or if she got passed around like a bottle of Squeeze Bacon at the Chawners family reunion.

Radar reports:

New documents uncovered by show that not only were there multiple sex tapes , as we exclusively reported, but also multiple partners!

And while Kendra has threatened to sue if the tapes are released she has not returned requests for comment about her attempts to secretly sell the tapes and the company she formed in November, 2008 to do so.

While attempting to sell the tapes in 2008 Kendra was already with Philadelphia Eagles’ wide receiver Hank Baskett, who is now her husband. She needed the approval of Playboy’s Hugh Heffner to go through with the deal, as she was starring in her final season of The Girls Next Door.

And while the deal never went through, the documents governing the deal show that the tapes “featured” her in intimate relations with others.

Again, I’m not even batting one eye lash at the mention of Kendra’s sex tape possibly featuring an all-out messy gang bang. It’s like the trailer park version of Caligula.

This is Kendra we’re talking about! Even if she filmed a sex tape with a real-life Catholic priest and she wasn’t dressed like an altar boy, I still wouldn’t reach for the smelling salts. Any ho who gets naked with Hugh Hefner is a freak of every week.

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