Last month, Latarian Milton stole a commercial plane and flew over to Los Angeles to do bad things during a spot for Comedy Central’s tosh.0. Latarian’s basic cable TV debut aired last night. In the scripted and slightly awkward segment, Latarian trains Daniel in the art of hood rat stuff. But as we all know, hood rat stuff cannot be taught! It’s in the veins. Or you can get it from eating a lot of chicken wings at Walmart.
While Latarian was out West, I was kind of hoping he would put his hood rat stuff skills to good use by hotwiring Gary Coleman’s career. Come on, Latarian! Help a fellow hood rat shorty out!
Vadge was sick of Baby Jesus’ loud ass goo goo and gagas waking her up in the middle of the day as she tries to sleep in her coffin, so she got him a record deal! That way he can cry and whine in front of a mic in a recording studio far far away. Some mothers send their children to daycare, Vadge sends hers to a recording studio!
The Sun says that Baby Jesus’ first single titled “We Came From Light” (insert your own Vadge vag joke here) will come out this Summer. Vadge was only able to get Baby Jesus a two-single deal from Warner Bros. after she agreed to license some of her classic songs for advertising campaigns. A source added, “Madonna really wants Jesus’s career to take off. She’s been going through her Filofax and putting him in contact with as many of her influential pals as she can.”
Aw. This is sweeter than Gay Al Reynold’s donut hole. Vadge really is a loving sugar memaw. Before Vadge drops Baby Jesus off at the orphanage, she wants to teach him how to wipe his own ass and walk a few steps without the help of a toddler walker. Vadge’s zombie heart still has a few beats in it.
In other news, JLo chopped her hair off, strapped her titties and ass down, changed her name to Joachim and was seen strutting outside of Vadge’s front door.
I’m sure there’s a few of you out there who wake up every morning, kick the stranger out of your bed and then pray to Al Gore’s laptop to bring you new pictures of Faith No More’s Mike Patton flashing his dickness for everyone to see. Well, your prayers have finally been heard, because Faith No More 2.0 posted a curious picture of Mike Patton bringing his dick out at a show in Brisbane, Australia last weekend.
This isn’t your memaw’s wang shot either. I really don’t know what’s going on here. It’s like David Lynch stepped in to direct this dick flash. I mean, Mike’s giving hot oral to a mic while stretching his soft noodle out for the camera? The Hell? And obviously, that peen was not ready for its close-up! Anyway, Patton’s peen is after the jump. It’s not safe for work or for people who are abnormally obsessed with trying to solve picture puzzles. JUMP!
Click here to see a slightly bigger version (that’s not a pun, trust me).
In Alaska they refer to women getting their periods as “riding the red toboggan down the ice flow” – starvis
Two of Nicole Kidman’s chilled eggs prepare for the slippery descent down a frozen fallopian tube. – _fail_
Tiger Woods Favorite new Olympic Event: Ho Boarding – Way
Karina Bradley – Pop Star, Super Model, Recording Artist, Diva (this description is straight from her AMAZING official website)
The Prophet Blog pointed and pushed me towards the strobe light (bought for $2 at a yard sale) known as Karina Bradley’s website and now that I’ve fallen in, I don’t think I want to come back out!
Karina is the self-proclaimed “Puerto Rican Barbie” and the brightest star that shines above Philadelphia’s skyline (Note: Karina’s star shines even brighter when you hear the sound of garbage trucks). I could go on and on, but I’m just going to let pieces of Karina’s bio queef for itself.
In the 6th grade, we had to write our future bio, and mine pretty much looked like this word for word:
Karina Bradley personifies the word “beautiful”. Her perfectly shaped and petite body, gorgeous and glamorous looks, enchanting eyes, long blonde hair, will instantly command your attention. So unlike the typical “Diva” stereotype, what truly makes Karina “Beautiful” is the person that she is on camera and off. Once you get to know her she has such a sweet and humble personality.
Karina’s supermodel looks have taken her all over the world from Milan to Madrid not to mention all over the United States including Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Philadelphia and New York. Working with some of the top photographers and agencies she has quickly catapulted on to the scene. Karina is already being compared to some of the top models in the industry.
Karina Bradley was destined to be a Diva. When she was a child she had a passion for the performing arts, dancing, singing, drama and song writing. You name it Karina was into it. Karina realized early on that her passion was more than just a hobby. As a kid, Karina was a child star. Her voice was angelic, at an early age Karina was discovered and she began her singing career. Even as a child, Karina Bradley stood out. She performed in front of thousands of people before she even had her driver’s license! Karina Bradley was also a very much sought after model. She worked with many talented agencies. Karina even modeled for Victoria’s Secret (fashion show).
That shit right there is my breakfast, lunch, happy hour and dinner. And it gets better (or worse, depending on how sober you are this morning). Karina’s “bio page” states that she was: a cheerleader, class president, prom queen, a straight A student, on the honor roll her ENTIRE LIFE, Student of the Year (VERY BIG DEAL) and Best Dressed Award winner. Karina has also graced the cover of such prestigious magazines as AutoSuccess Magazine, and she’s a certified internet sales expert! Seriously, I think I’m her biggest fan, which isn’t that difficult since I’m pretty sure I’m her only fan.
And if all of that doesn’t make you want to quit everything in your life and devote all your time to being a Karina Bradley groupie (a title that will get you a free prescription for Clozapine), let her serenade you below:
At first, I thought this was Alexis Arquette doing a Heidi Montag impersonation using one of Kim Zolciak’s tortured ass wigs. I’m in deep!