Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 7, 2010 / Posted by:

By popular demand, here’s superhandmodel Ellen Sirot demonstrating why she’s at the top of her game. This is a couple of years old, but the high potent CRAZINESS is timeless. This is probably why George Costanza decided to get out of the business. DAMN!

Most of us love our hands in a for real way, because without them it would be pretty difficult to do all of life’s greatest necessities like light a bong, rub our genitals, slap a trick in the face when they do us wrong, and pet kittens, but Ellen is obsessed with her hands in a Boxing Helena kind of way. Ellen probably sleeps with her hands in little boxes so they don’t crawl away from her in the middle of the night. Look at her caress them as though they aren’t even part of her body:

I do understand why Ellen is stalking her own hands. Her hands put food on the table. Or should I say, her hands put moisturizer on the table that she uses to slather them with as her eyes widen at their bare naked BEAUTY!

I bet Ellen dresses her hands up like a bride and groom, and then stages a little hand wedding for them before their consummate their love in a tub filled with cocoa butter and rose petals. The Crazy Hand Lady is the new Crazy Cat Lady.

And at the end of the clip, I was surprised that “Written & Directed by Todd Solondz, Starring Jane Adams” didn’t pop up on the screen.

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

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Birthday Sluts

December 7, 2010 / Posted by:

Nicholas Hoult (21)
Jasmine Villegas (17)
Emily Browning (22)
Aaron Carter (23)
Angel Carter (23)
Jennifer Carpenter (31)
Sara Bareilles (31)
Shiri Appleby (32)
Nicole Appleton (36)
Terrell Owens (37)
Damien Rice (37)
C. Thomas Howell (44)
Jeffrey Wright (45)
Larry Bird (54)
Priscilla Barnes (55)
Tom Waits (61)
Ellen Burstyn (78)
Eli Wallach (95)

(Image via Flickr)

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I See You!

December 6, 2010 / Posted by:

St. Angie Jo was so focused on dropping a thank you note (written with slow loris venom and pressed paper made of SARS) to Chelsea Handler into the post office box that she completely failed to the notice the adoring fan trying to get a picture of her to see if vampires show up in photographs or not. But I noticed her ass. BOOM!

But seriously, I’m sure the fan just wanted to get a picture of the front of Angie’s Snuggle Bear slit dress. A dress that will later be used to warm a dozen orphans on the verge of hypothermia.

Here’s more Angie Jo, Almost Billy Goat Brad (thumbnail #7 is my new wallpaper for everything) and Johnny Depp at the NYC premiere of The Tourist tonight. Even though Johnny insists on dressing like Diane Keaton at a Bonnie & Clyde costume party, I forever would.

Tacoma Is Keeping The Poetry Of Stephen Alive!

December 6, 2010 / Posted by:

If you ever need to bail your piece out of a jail in Tacoma, Washington, you can drop into Bad Boy Bail Bonds and then freshen up your beauty next door at the most EXCLUSIVE salon on Pacific Avenue and beyond! I throw myself at the feet of Dlisted reader Shan for sending in this perfect picture of the Excuse My Beauty salon named after the internet’s forever reigning beauty queen Stephen!

The Excuse My Beauty salon is the only place where you can paint a pair of heat-proof exquisite brows on your friend’s face (while she does yours) and the only place where you can gets a tans on your legs (but not your face). When the beauty experts at EMB are done with you, every police officer in a 5-mile radius will be crashing into each other to put you into handcuffs. You’ll look so gorgeous that cops will assume you’re selling it to the highest bidder. The kind of beauty tricks will sell their children’s organs on the black market for! Beauty that should be illegal! I never thought I’d type this out loud, but I’m doing it tonight: WHY DON’T I LIVE IN TACOOOMA?!!!!

Let’s relive the ravishing magic of Stephen all over again like it’s the first time.

Seriously, why hasn’t this been inducted into the HALL OF EVERYTHING yet?!

Kathy Griffin Calls Bristol Palin “The White Precious”

December 6, 2010 / Posted by:

Thanks to Kathy Griffin, I now have the image of Sarah Palin sitting her ass in a pleather rocker and taking drags from a cigarette in between yelling at Bristol for not plucking all the hairs out of the pig’s feet. And Bristol, how in the fuck is Sarah supposed to eat pig’s feet without no collard greens? Actually, it would be moose feet and boiled pine cones. But I digress.

Kathy Griffin went and did it! Bitch forced the troops to attack her ear holes with a whole lot of BITCH BOOM BYEs at the Vh1 Divas Salute the Troops concert on Friday night (that shit aired last night). Kathy brought up Dancing with the Stars and then joked that Bristol is the only contestant who got fatter as the weeks went by.

Kathy put it like this: “She’s the only contestant in the history of the show to actually gain weight. No, come on, come on. She gained like 30 pounds a week, I swear to God, it was fantastic. She’s like the white Precious.”

Either the troops fap for Bristol and they didn’t appreciate Kathy calling her ass fat. Or the troops fap for Precious and they didn’t appreciate Kathy comparing her to Bristol. Either way they poured boo after boo onto Kathy.

As soon as Bristol finished cleaning up the broken pieces of the analog TV her mom dropped into the stairwell from above, she burped out this response to Pop Tarts:The audience’s reaction to this ‘comedian’ spoke volumes, and the decent people I know would probably have booed her, too. I hope people didn’t have to pay money to hear her negativity and criticisms when you can watch my mom do that shit for free!

You know, I’m disappointed with Tripp who obviously wrote this Bristol! In the last statement she released, she name dropped both KD Lang and the Indigo Girls! But yet she didn’t pull out one famous name from the 90s for Kathy. Couldn’t she have dropped Paula Poundstone’s name, or even Rita Rudner? Someone. And Bristol also forgot to use the word “canard” again. We’re going to need a refund.

via HuffPo

Okay, Which One Of Them Cut A Check? (UPDATE: Some Billionaire Did)

December 6, 2010 / Posted by:

The overcrowded playground that is Twitter is now filled with a dozen fame whoring zombies furiously feeding on the “OMGZ I MISSED U” comments left by their followers, because they have been released from their digital coffins! The Keep a Child Alive’s “Buy Life” campaign has magically reached their goal of $1,000,000 after five and a half days. Detective La Toya just whipped out her monocle, because just this morning they were only at the $300,000 mark.

Did Usher erase his guilt from cheating over the weekend by cutting a check? Did Pimp Mama Kris pass Alicia a $700,000 money order after Kim Kardassian busted into a seizure from not being able to share every second of her life with her 5 million followers?! Did the fact that they changed the minimum donation amount from $10 to $1 have a major effect on that shit? Who knows. But now we’ll go back to knowing what Kim stuffed her mouth hole with for lunch and what kind of condiment Khloe Kardashian is rubbing on her sascrotch to make it pop. All is NOT well in the Twitterverse again!

UPDATE: TMZ says that a pharmaceutical mogul named Stewart Rahr breathed life back into Alicia Keys (and others) by donating $500,000.

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