Khloe And Lamar’s Divorce Deal Has Been Finalized
A beautiful love story has reached its bittersweet ending. I’m talking about Khloe Kardashian and all of the press she could wring from her Lamar Odom’s alleged drug problems. Koven kween Kris Jenner, perhaps feeling generous after successfully burning down Dennis Hof’s house with her mind (according to Dennis), must have given the OK for daughter Khloe and Lamar to sign off on their divorce. Hell, the show might not come back (yeah right) so why not take the opportunity to trim the cast a bit? Less supporting characters, the more money for her witchmaster general wardrobe.
TMZ reports that they came to an agreement on their mutual property and signed legal documents on Friday. All they have to do now is wait for the judge to sign on it (which will probably happen in December) and they’re free! Lamar is free to hopefully realize that he doesn’t have to mess around with the drugs and alcohol anymore to numb himself from the pain of being a Kardashian plot device. Khloe is free to find the next poor bastard to snare in the family’s tentacles (and snack upon the livestock of her choosing).
Khloe first filed for divorce in 2013 but took her time, because a “reality” show needs scripts and a troubled marriage can almost always provide those season finale ratings. She dropped the divorce last year when Lamar went belly-up from drugs in a whorehouse in Nevada. She later re-filed, which brings us here.
Hopefully Kris Humphries (remember him?) is around after this to help big brother Lamar and get him to join a “Tall Guy Survivors Of The Kardashian Koven” group.
Pic: Splash
“Nils Sjoberg” Performed The Song She Wrote For Calvin Harris
Taylor Swift performed at the Formula 1 United States Grand Prix in Austin, Texas last night. Because it wouldn’t be serpentine without a little shade, Vulture reports that she performed “This Is What You Came For” for the first time. That’s the song she wrote for her ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris and Rihanna under a pseudonym “Nils Sjoberg” and then outed herself as her actually having written it after they broke up. Because she must speak her truth and create as much dramz as possible!
Ryan Lochte Is Still In Trouble In Brazil
Dancing With The Stars contestant and human “duh” Ryan Lochte is still facing charges in Rio for filing a false police report. It turns out that the Brazilian legal system is unimpressed by tearful televised apologies, shaking your ass on a reality show and getting quickie engaged so everyone forgets you’re a walking bottle of AXE body spray. All of those attempts to rehab his image were for naught. Fish is still on the menu in Rio’s courthouse cafeteria!
TMZ reports that Aqua-douche’s lawyers tried to have the court case against him thrown out. As you know, Ryan filed a police report and told the world that he and his merry band of underwater frat brahs were held at gunpoint and robbed by dastardly thieves posing as cops after a post-Olympics party in Rio. But the truth was that Ryan vandalized a gas station with his mitts and his piss and security guards rolled up looking for money to pay for damages (or something). The language barrier might have led to some confusion, but Ryan Lochte is still an entitled pinhead in any dialect.
A judge ruled “Eu não penso assim, douche” on the dismissal request and even gave it an upgrade.
A rep for the Court of Justice tells TMZ … a Rio judge kicked Ryan’s false police report case up to the public Ministry of Justice, which will now begin figuring out how hefty of a fine to drop on Lochte.
Jimmy Feigen was the other swimbo in the group to file a report and he had to pay a fine of $11,000 as punishment. Ryan’s fine will probably be higher seeing as he was the mastermind behind all of these tantics. And I should be fined for using the term “mastermind” in conjunction with anything involving Ryan Lochte.
Pic: WENN
Porn Actress Jessica Drake Claims Donald Trump Offered Her $10,000 To Have Sex With Him
The NY Daily News reports that adult film star Jessica Drake has become the 12th woman to come forward in recent weeks to accuse pig in a wig presidential candidate Donald Trump of alleged skeevy behavior. In related news, Donald revealed that he plans to sue all of his accusers after the election. Tiny-Hands’ situation hasn’t reached DEFCON level Bill Cosby territory just yet, but it’s getting there.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Froze Toes ice cream bar, straight from the ice cream truck!
Thanks to Miranda Sings and that Haters Back Off show on Netflix, Froze Toes from the ice cream truck has finally gotten its time in the spotlight.
When I was a kid and had enough money for extravagant purchases like frozen bars of processed deliciousness from the ice cream truck, I mostly spent my coins on either the crown jewel of ice cream trucks, the Pink Panther pop, or a Strawberry Shortcake. But whenever I felt like showing the kids how edgy I was, I made a controversial decision by buying a Froze Toes. (This was before my mom forbid our asses from buying from the ice cream man because her sister heard a story about how one ice cream man killed a kid and stuffed the child in his freezer. But I digress….)
A Froze Toes pop (also sometimes called a Funny Feet or Big Toe pop) was an ice cream foot with a gumball on its big toe. I don’t really remember what it tasted like, but I do remember that chewing on the frozen gumball was like chewing on stale taffy. And now that I look at it in its natural state, it looked more like Mama June’s Forklift Foot with a giant boil that’s about to pop.
Froze Toes was discontinued a while ago, but apparently pops like it are still sold at a few ~select~ ice cream trucks. But I bet that when Froze Toes was discontinued, Quentin Tarantino bought all the back stock and he keeps them in a giant freezer in his garage. Because you know that after a long stressful day, he loves nothing more than to deep throat a Froze Toes.
Pics: Pinterest, Electrik Relaxation
Birthday Sluts
Ryan Reynolds (40)
Amandla Stenberg (18)
Ireland Baldwin (21)
Emilia Clarke (30)
Briana Evigan (30)
Jessica Stroup (30)
Miguel (31)
Izabel Goulart (32)
Meghan McCain (32)
Cat Deeley (40)
Kaleena Kiff (42)
Kate del Castillo (44)
Steve Wilder (46)
Dr. Sanjay Gupta (47)
Brooke Theiss (47)
Augusten Burroughs (51)
Robert Trujillo (52)
Doug Flutie (54)
Nancy Grace (57)
Sam Raimi (57)
Weird Al Yankovic (57)
Martin Luther King III (59)
Dwight Yoakam (60)
Ang Lee (62)
Michael Rupert (65)
Pelé (76)
Baby Jane Holzer (76)
Philip Kaufman (80)
Barron Hilton (89)
Pic: GQ