Afternoon Crumbs

November 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Look at these stoned dogs – Buzzfeed

Speaking of taking an extra hit in the bong circle – Popoholic

That must be glued on weave tips, because the purdiful princess Zac Efron cannot grow facial hair – Lainey Gossip

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are like The Honeymooners, basically – The Superficial

Ricky Martin peeked out of the closet, got the scareds, jumped back in, peeked out of the closet again, got the scareds again, jumped back in again…etc… – Towerload

Suri needs to go to ballet class to learn how to prance on eggshells as to not crack Stepford Katie’s fragile psychosis – Popsugar

Man nipple day – The Berry

Cindy McCain looks like a butch CharytinOMG Blog

Miranda Kerr is flexible (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

RiRi’s cold knees, cold ankles and hot thighs – Hollywood Tuna

The mother of Madge’s new victim is just shocked that her son is with a woman – Celebitchy

Justin Bieber has an owwie – I’m Not Obsessed

HOLD UP! I thought good actors didn’t use scripts? – ICYDK

Snoop Dogg must’ve been sober when he picked that hat out – Cityrag

That time of the day we discuss Cher’s camel toe – Hollywood Rag

Eddie Munster and his crazy superfan broke up – Videogum

Angela Lansbury is way too good for this shit – Just Jared

Mrs. Garrett, come and get this child – Crunk + Disorderly

All I want for Christmas is for Jessica Simpson to never sing this mess again – Popsugar

Highschool basketball coach gets in trouble for spanking boys – NYC Barstool Sports

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And Then There Was d’Manti!!!!!

November 12, 2010 / Posted by:

The red green carpet at The Latin Grammy Awards is always a field covered with delicate flowers whose petals are touched with the finest crystals found in a Michael’s sale bin and they did not disappoint this year. Mostly that’s because d’Manti chose to rise out of the lotus flower she lives in and grace us with her presence. d’Manti’s website tells me that she’s a singer, dancer, actress and born entertainer, and her style tells me that she’s the kind of elegant lady who will only address you if you oh-so-gently kiss the top of her hand first.

The top of d’Manti says “third runner-up in Spearmint Rhino’s Dancing with the Strippers contest” and the bottom says “Gay Al Reynolds’ favorite ridin’ outfit.” The down south pearl necklace is the perfect touch. And d’Manti has so much glamour to give that she changed into a “Carrie does the Ice Capades” dress and walked the carpet again. I must bow.

And as much as it pains me in the soul to say this, I’m sure the sequins on Charo’s gown dimmed in honor of d’Manti when she sashayed by. The Queen of the NIGHT!

Those lucky enough to bask in d’Manti’s perfectly manicured beauty were: Jesus Albert Miranda Perez, Skeletor and JLo, CHARO!!!, Elvis Crespo, Hebe Carmargo, Jossie Cordoba, the Cuban Rainbow Brite known as Lucrecia and Paloma San Basiliio.

Open Post: Hosted By Maru

November 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Maru loves hot box more than anybody else and I can say with complete confidence that he’s boximitized. I mean, the pussy is obviously addicted to box in a serious way. Look at him. There’s not a box small or tight enough that Maru won’t try to squeeze himself into. Being a boxosexual is a real thing.

….And now I need a cigarette.

via TDW

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The Kanye vs. Glib Rematch Is Not Going To Happen

November 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Pick up your lawn chair and give up your place in line at Rockefeller Plaza, because Kanye West and Matt Lauer are not going to settle their differences with a bikini brawl in a plastic kiddie pool filled with baby oil after all. Kanye was supposed to perform in a Today show concert on the day after Thanksgiving, but he has pulled out after he feels the producers tried to manipulate his emotions in an interview that aired yesterday. Those plotting bitches are going to have to get their leftover turkey elsewhere.

Kanye’s full BASIC BITCHES sermon is below, but in case the only nerve in your system capable of handling his root tooty fresh and foolery has already checked out for the weekend, here’s his shit in a nutshell: 1) Ye feels vindicated that Today aired the footage that proves he was set up!!!!!!! 2) Ye doesn’t hate Matt Lauer because he only bleeds love. 3) Ye quit the Today concert via Twitter, doesn’t understand why the producers don’t read every single syllable that falls out of his Tweet hole. 4) Ye is off that.

I’m not performing on the Today Show for obvious reasons. I’m so happy the world got to see just a small piece of “the set up”. I blatantly said I’m not performing on a tweet and to everyone around me and the next day they still announced a performance. Do you guys see what I’m saying now… this is just a small slice of the day to day bullshit that goes on that helps to precipitate the idea that I such an asshole…. cause when I don’t perform oh noooow I’m the one that’s crazy or a jerk!

If I hadn’t tweeted about how they set me up at the show they would have never played the extra footage that displayed how disrespectful…. I want you guys to look at that footage and start to put everything together now. It’s very simple to call someone angry or spoiled or the one thousand names I’ve been called but it’s harder to try to take a look at what’s really behind the curtain.

I’m so happy that my real fans are not as “basic” as the media makes them out to be. Did you see them try to justify playing the audio under my interview. Yo sometimes you’re just wrong and it ain’t nothing you can say to justify it believe me I know!

Right now I’m not complaining. I’m tweeting because I’m so happy you guys got to see this shit really go down!!!!! : ))))))!!!! FINALLY!!! And I don’t hate Matt Lauer… We don’t promote hate. That’s the whole point!!! I promote love and truth! … we’re all products or our environments … reflections of our surroundings…

You know what ….WE OFF THAT!!!… They made a mistake… they thought they could pull it but they couldn’t! That was just a small representation of a bigger media play that’s been going on since the beginning of time.

All positive energy … all smiles. Much love to Matt and the whole Today Show. I accept ya’ll future apology in advance LOL!

Why did I even bother copying and pasting that mess? You probably didn’t even read a word of that since you’re too busy staring at that giant string of glowing anal beads dangling out of Kanye’s asshole in the picture above. Kanye’s anal beads WOULD glow. So fancy.

Jake Gyllenhaal Sneaks Into Harry Potter’s Back Door

November 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Jakey Gyllenhaal got shy and didn’t want to walk the carpet at last night’s Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part Uno premiere in London, so he tried to be slick and sneak into the theater’s back door with protection (aka his bodyguards). Dude got caught!

And Jakey would’ve brought Taylor Swift with him, but the movie is rated PG-13 so….

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Lindsay Lohan Turns Down Painkillers

November 12, 2010 / Posted by:

Now we know the story behind those pictures of Michael Lohan staring into the tunnel to Bogota the other day. Radar says that Lindsay Lohan got her teefs worked and even shook her head NO when the dentist offered her those delicious pills that hug the pain away and make you feel like you’re spooning with a fluffy polar bear made of clouds. The Blohan of the old days (and by “old days” I mean like 3 weeks ago) would’ve asked the dentist to Super-Size that order to avoid buying her shit from White Oprah at a 200% markup, but the new LiLo wants to keep her seat on the wagon. Uh huh.

Radar’s source explains, “Lindsay had tooth surgery this week. She had teeth removed and won’t even take any painkillers for the pain. Lindsay is so dedicated to the rehabilitation of her substance abuse problems she’s doing everything she can to stay on track. She’s taking her time at Betty Ford very seriously.”

Who needs Vicodin when you’ve got a pot of Shake and Bake meth hiding in your closet. But seriously, LiLo is stronger than me because if the dentist so much as fires up a drill near my face, I demand a messy Novocaine thrust to my gums before we proceed any further.

No wonder LiLo and her ex-father are spending time together again. Since ho has ALLEGEDLY stopped medicating herself, she relieves the pain in her mouth by punching Michael Lohan in the face. It’s therapeutic in so many ways! You should ask your dentist for the same prescription.

Here’s LiLo getting her daily dose of photo-op yesterday afternoon.

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