Caster Semenya Will Race Again!

July 6, 2010 / Posted by:

Remember Caster Semenya? She’s the champion runner from South Africa who gave your silly ass the giggles because she has semen all over her last name? Caster is also the runner who had everyone and their cousin sticking their nostrils in her crotch, because there were rumors that she has a peen instead of a poon. Back in November, a source said that after several highly scientific tests were conducted (Note: Basically, they just compared her genitals to Khloe Kardashian’s) to determine Caster’s official gender, they discovered that she has both dude and lady parts. Specially, they said that Caster has two internal testicles. That’s two more testicles than Jon Gosselin has.

At the time, the source also said that the International Association of Athletics Federations would meet to decide whether or not Caster should be allowed to compete again. Well, there’s good news for Caster, because they have ruled that she can return to the track starting right now. They also said that Caster is a woman by their standards. Cut to Brooke Hogan giving Caster the nastiest stank eye, because she’s been waiting all her life for someone to say that about her.

Here’s the IAAF’s official statement:

“The process initiated in 2009 in the case of Caster Semenya has now been completed. The IAAF accepts the conclusion of a panel of medical experts that she can compete with immediate effect. Please note that the medical details of the case remain confidential and the IAAF will make no further comment on the matter.”

This whole thing has been such bullshit. Yes, Caster has the abs of a He-Man doll, but so does Jillian Michaels and is anybody accusing her of being a dude? Okay, bad example, let me try again. Yes, Caster has the biceps of a ripped pit bull, but so does Sheree from The Real Housewives of Atlanta and is anybody accusing her of being a dude? Shit. Another bad example. I’m totally not helping Caster’s cause.

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Afternoon Crumbs

July 6, 2010 / Posted by:

My Tivo is dead to me for not recording Vienna Sausage and Bachelor Jake’s showdown, which was filled with ugly wonky crying (from Vienna) and creepy eyes (from Jake) – Celebitchy with video at Gawker TV

Why is Kunty Karl hanging around that Styrofoam plate of bleached and boring asparagus? – Lainey Gossip

The thing that bothers me the most about these topless pictures of the Russian Spy is that her sheets don’t match. I mean… – Egotastic!

This is what Tim Peeler (aka The Sasquatch Hunter of North Carolina) thinks of when he masturbates with his coyote caller – The Superficial

Joseph Gordon-Levitt giving us some BENJAMIN BUTTON’S SHIT on Details Magazine – Towleroad

All Victoria Silvstedt needs is a pair of lucite heels and then she’d be an official purveyor of elegance (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Even Christina Hendricks magnificent chichis can’t save that fug dress – Popoholic

For some reason, Sophie Monk’s whole “barback at a biker bar” look is working for me – Hollywood Tuna

Javier Bardem to guest star on GleeICYDK

Kimberly Locke is looking for the next Weather Girls – I’m Not Obsessed

Zac Efron keeping his shirt on while at the beach?! His nipples must not have been camera ready – Just Jared

Matthew McConaughey teaching his son early that wearing a shirt is no way to go through life – Popsugar

Bitches can’t find they man cause this ho rode them until they disappeared (aka joined the priesthood) – Crunk + Disorderly

Kendra covers up at the pool – Hollywood Rag

A cast of cats reenacting my morning – Cityrag

Cheryl Cole has Malaria! Samantha Fox has rabies! Somebody check on Martika! – Holy Moly!

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OctoSana Comes Prepared

July 6, 2010 / Posted by:

Shortly after Mel Gibson’s side denied that he ever got violent with Oksana Grigorieva, an audio tape featuring his “I hope you get raped by a pack of n**gers” rant magically showed up on the steps of Radar (OctoSana denies leaking that shit). Well, OctoSana has more where that came from! Radar reports that OctoSana has loaded a bunch of pictures in her gun and is ready to fire that shit if Mel doesn’t play nice. The pictures show OctoSana after Mel allegedly punched her in the eyes and then knocked out a few of her teefs. An accusation that Mel’s lawyer has already denied.

A source who has seen the photos tells Radar, “You can see Oksana’s two main front teeth were broken and there are bruises all over her face. They will come out eventually and she is prepared to use them in their court case.” The source also explained why OctoSana never turned Mel into the cops, “Oksana was scared to death to go to the cops. Any battered woman is… most women never speak out and suffer years.”

While I do believe that Mel Gibson is an evil monster who would choke out an adorable kitteh if it was wearing a yarmulke, I think OctoSana held on to the tapes and pictures to use as ammunition against him later on. When Mel shouted, “I’m not giving you millions of dollars in child support, you sugar tittied pig in heat!” OctoSana dropped the audio tapes into the media’s lap. And if Mel continues to not give her what she wants, she’ll drop the pictures next. Don’t fuck with OctoSana.

On a positive note, at least Mel Gibson will have handfuls of evidence to bring to the admitting office in Hell to prove to them why he should get VIP treatment.

The Photoshop Awards: Vadge’s New Dolce & Gabbana Ads

July 6, 2010 / Posted by:

In a brand new set of Dolce & Gabbana ads, a nice Italian family gets a visit from a Photoshopped alien wearing a shellacked mask made out of the inner thigh skins of a dozen newborn babies. The ad campaign features many poignant and touching moments. Let’s go over them, shall we:

Thumbnail #1: Vadge happily meets her next boy toy for the first time! The look on her next boy toy’s face says it all.
Thumbnail #2: Vadge right before she sacrifices a couple of chickens for the Gods of Youth by chewing their heads off, slathering their fresh blood all over her face and then running in a circle while pounding at her cheeks (aka one of her nightly beauty rituals).
Thumbnail #3: Vadge toasting to the pair of toddler nalgas that were just inserted into her face.
Thumbnail #4: Vadge throwing shade at her former face (HOW RUDE!).

Speaking Of Struttin’ That Ass…..

July 6, 2010 / Posted by:

Yup, this is what that hot bitch in Alabama was talking about.

Open Post: Hosted By An Ass Struttin’ Hater

July 6, 2010 / Posted by:

The worst part of this video is when it ENDS, because I have a feeling that this hot piece was just about to really break down the ass strut for us. Dude backs his shit up like he’s trying to get poked in the ass by a top who keeps doing the Moonwalk (BEEN THERE!).

This clip that will keep you struttin’ that ass for the rest of the day is from a local news station in Huntersville, Alabama. This hot piece is telling the reporter how he can’t stand it when fancy falutin’ bitches strut their asses down the sidewalk without a care in the world, because walking is a luxury for them. But he doesn’t drive a Mercedes, so he has no choice but to walk all the way from Huntsville to Guntersville which leaves him too tired to STRUT THAT ASS! At least that’s what I think he’s going on about it.

But he shouldn’t have to walk anywhere. I mean, all he has to do is strut that ass down the sidewalk and every car will pull the hell over and take him wherever he needs to go! Shit, I don’t even own a car and I’m about to hot wire one so that I can drive all the way to Alabama to offer him a ride if he promises to strut that ass for me live.

via Tabloid Prodigy

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