Afternoon Crumbs

September 22, 2010 / Posted by:

These vintage Jared Leto pictures have reached a whole new level of preciousnessONTD

Joaquin Phoenix and Leonardo DiCaprio as down low lovers would’ve been so much hotter 10 years ago – Lainey Gossip

MELOPAUSE, it’s a real thing (not really) – The Superficial

Chanel’s classiest ad yet (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Are these stills from the sequel to Hocus Pocus? – The Berry

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, an anti-gay megachurch pastor walks into a peen…. – Towleroad

Blohan keeps on…keeps on – Hollywood Tuna

Good news for professional athletes who don’t it mind when their dick smells like bronzer all the time – Celebslam

50 Cent has a lot of time on his hands – Celebitchy

Baby Sparrow Madden should know that the curly rat tail is supposed to be worn in the back of the head, not the front – Popsugar

What is AnnaLynne McCord showing off exactly? – Popoholic

Khloe Kardashian isn’t pregnant! That’s just wart hog bloat. Every Sasquatch gets it. – ICYDK

Tommy Girl in Prague – Just Jared

Everyone’s (almost) nekkid in MacheteEgotastic!

Jamie Foxx’s drunkface looks exactly like his Wandasgottasneezeface – Cityrag

Nightmares – OMG Blog

Kylie Minogue’s got face – Hollywood Rag

Brit Brit’s weave or overcooked spaghetti noodles? – I’m Not Obsessed

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Prostitution Whore-ah On Maury

September 22, 2010 / Posted by:

Danielle Staub, formerly of The Real Trashwives of New Jersey, is going to be on Maury tomorrow and it’s not what you think. Danielle isn’t on to find out if The Grinch IS or IS NOT her father. No, Danielle is on to perform the pop remix of her song “Real Close” with her partner Lori Michaels.

You know that lady with a poultry phobia on Maury who practically ate through the fake brick walls when he showed her a video of a raw chicken? Well, this is your raw chicken! RUUUUUUN!!!

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah….

September 22, 2010 / Posted by:

The worst kept secret since John Travolta’s love for sweaty man taint was confirmed to be true by FOX today. Steven Tyler, JLo and Randy Jackson will be the judges for American Idol’s LAST 10th season. Oh, remember the glory days when our brains would deflate from trying to make sense of Paula Abdul’s incoherent ramblings…and now it’s come to this! JLO and Steven Tyler?

Steven Tyler better feed on the blood of a virgin contestant and JLo better break a stool (you decide what kind of stool) with her double down ass to keep us entertained.

But importantly, what in awkward crotch hell did JLo wear to the press conference today? Not even the gayest baby inmate at the gayest baby prison would wear that glittery disaster called a onesie. A chorus line of slits on your front is not the look. We already know where your vagina is, JLo. You don’t need to advertise it with a giant V.

This is going to be a looooong season.

Open Post: Hosted By Paz de la Huerta

September 22, 2010 / Posted by:

One of my new favorite messy pouters Paz de la Huerta of Boardwalk Empire is back with her curious poses. When I say “curious poses” I mean that I’m curious as to what the shit her poses are about. Paz nearly exposed her Rikki Tikki Tavi when showing off her snake tattoo the other night, and here she is pointing at the glorious oil slick on her face at a foster care benefit in NYC last night.

Or since Paz has a thing for pointing out the damn obvious, maybe she’s making sure that you get an eye full of the goth cholaness spread across her lips. The last time I saw a lip color in that shade was on my chola friend Ruby who painted layer upon layer of that shit on her mouth. That shit was so thick that her boyfriend would make her take it off with paint remover before they made out. If she didn’t, he would look like he just earned his late-in-the-cycle red wings…again.

Here’s more of Paz being a mess last night in front of Courtney Love, John Slattery with Talia Balsam, Gay Fish, Estelle and Selita Ebanks.

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Playgirl Wants Vinny’s Watermelon

September 22, 2010 / Posted by:

Playboy has already offer Jersey Shore’s JWoww $400,000 to fully bare what a plastic surgeon gave her in the pages of their magazine, and now their little gay brother Playgirl wants Vinny to take off his Ed Hardy chonies for $30,000. So while JWoww is driving around in a Bentley she bought with her Playgirl money, Vinny can follow her in his brand new fully equipped Kia Sorrento! Kias get better mileage, thankyouverymuch.

Daniel Nardicio of Playgirl tells Life & Style’s Scene Queens that they put out the offer to Vinny after Snooki said on an episode of Jersey Whores that smooshing him was like putting a “watermelon into a pin hole.” Snooki is already the side of a watermelon, so my guess is that Vinny’s dick is bigger than her. Snooki normally looks like an Oompa Loompa, but when Vinny stuck it in she swole up like Violet Beauregarde. More like a garden snake eating a water buffalo.

Playgirl is not stopping there either. They also want to make a rubber replica of Vinny’s watermelon cock through their company Clone-A-Willy. They will give Vinny a cut of the profits.

If Vinny has a dick that could break the fruit weight at a grocery store then Playgirl better up their offer. They paid Levi Johnston $150,000 and he didn’t even show one peen lip. Vinny should charge by the pound.

And if Vinny gets sick of weak hos complaining that his “dick so large” situation leaves them with broken hip bones and sore throats (even though they didn’t give him oral), then he needs to call up Medusa:

And Now It’s Time For A Song!

September 22, 2010 / Posted by:

Here’s Amy Wino croaking, cracking and crowing at the Jazz Cafe in London a couple of weeks ago. Wino actually sounds good….if you put a Tempur-pedic pillow over your speakers and stuff pieces of eggcrate foam into your ear holes. But if you’re someone who likes the sounds of a goat exorcism, then do it raw!

via ONTD

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