Morning Wood

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:
 
The worst celebrity smiles – INO 
 
Nicole Richie's bump is getting bigger – SOW 
 
She also apparently buys Rogaine for Women Celebitchy 
 
Jennifer Garner is at the farmer's market like every damn day – ICYDK 
 
Viggo Mortensen fights the good fight – Mollygood 
 
The 40 Greatest reality momentsVH1 Blog 
 
Jessica Simpson wanted a baby for her 16th Birthday – Holy Moly! 
 
If you're not too busy trying to look like you're working while you're surfing porn, please vote for my hot ass friend Matt Toka for Star 98.7's Fan Favorite!
 
Vote here and I'll blow you later.
 
 
 
 
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The Big Brother House Of Horrors (And Morons)

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:

Let’s just set fire to the Big Brother house and watch those bitches run! Almost every single person in that house has made some sort of moronic and racist remark. Meth faced Amber is getting the most attention for her two-part anti-Semitic rant. CBS said they would not air it.

The above clip compiles all of the remarks that have been made in the past couple of weeks. There’s Jessica who says that she couldn’t understand her High School Valedictorian, because he was Asian. Evil Dick then proceeds to do the lame stereotypical, Asian accent.

Evil Dick has also been caught making racist remarks about Muslims, gays and who knows else?

The worst of all is probably when Gay Dustin confessed to Meth Faced Amber that he calls his dog a “n-word” because she’s black.

Do these idiots not realize they are on camera 24-hours a day, 7 days a week and the things they say out loud will most likely hurt them when they leave the house. Yeah, I say some awful things, but I would never EVER go on Big Brother for that reason alone! It’s not hard. Don’t make racist remarks. It’s not hard.

The clip is honestly just the tip of the iceberg. These sluts are so damn stupid!

KFed’s Big Screen Dreams Are Crushed!

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:
 
KFed was all set to make a small cameo during a montage in the Keanu Reeves film "The Night Watchman." At one point the rumor was that KFed had a supporting role opposite Keanu. A source claims that KFed was fired and his manager never told him.
 
"Kevin found out when he turned up for a wardrobe call."
 
The film also stars Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie and Chris Evans. The production company said KFed never had a role in the movie.
 
Pleeeeaaaaseeeeeeee….I don't even think the Bratz movie would take his ass! Unless they are making a movie about stupid ass douche bitches who can't rap, I don't think KFed is going to see the silver screen anytime soon. Well, he'll see at the $2 movie theater of course.
 
Source: NYDN
 
 
 
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That Can’t Be Water

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:
 
Britney Spears is looking at that bottle of water the same way I look at my tenth cocktail of the night. It's like looking at your best friend, the mother of your child, Jesus even! She's saying to that bottle of water "I'm so glad you're here for me. You really are my one true thing. I knew I loved you before I met you."
 
I also love the rumor going around that those "lollipops" she keeps sucking on contain marijuana or some other substance! Yup, Brit's still a wreck!  
 
 
 
 
 
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Help Him Hugh!

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:
 
Shouldn't Joe Francis be busy servicing jail dick and not talking to Page Six? Well, Joe spoke from jail in Reno, NV about how disappointed he is that Hugh Hefner is not helping him out.
 
Hugh really does have better things to do. He's busy trying to get his limp dick into one of his girlfriends. Ok, off-topic, there's nothing worse than trying to get a limp dick in a hole. I call it "coke dick" or "drunk dick," because this usually happens to dudes while they are under the influence. It's especially sick when you add more lube to try and get it hard. A sticky, wet limp dick is ILLEGAL!
 
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Joe said, "Hugh Hefner was arrested in 1963 for a similar offense and pursued by law enforcement for decades. It's sad how quickly he forgets. What I am going through now is exactly what Hugh Hefner went though, and what Larry Flynt went through, and I will prevail, because I've done nothing wrong."
 
Joe shouldn't count on Hugh being his corner. Last May Hugh told Larry King, "I'm not a fan, because I think it's [exploitative], and I don't think he's a very nice guy."

"I don't see any parallels . . . What sets the magazine apart is it really is a lifestyle publication, you know, with good fiction and good articles . . . It doesn't have much to do with what he's doing."

Exactly. Joe should just bend over, bite the pillow and take it like a man.

 

 

Elton John Sucks At Suicide

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:
 
In David Buckley's new biography about Elton John he tells of the time that Elton tried to murder himself before marrying Linda Woodrow. Marrying a woman can do that to you.
 
Minutes before the wedding, Elton's friend, Bernie Taupin walked in on him with his head in the oven. Bernie apparently couldn't stop laughing, because Elton sucks at suicide.
 
David wrote, "Elton had stuck his head in the oven, but set the gas on low with all the windows open. What's more, he was resting his head on a pillow."
 
That's the worst way to off yourself! I'm not sure what the best way is. I'd say pills, but if you live and eff up your system you can become a veggie for the rest of your life. I'd say shooting yourself in the head, but that would leave an awful mess everywhere. I don't want people to see me with my brains coming out of my head and shit coming out of my ass. Oh wait, what brains?
 
Source: NYDN
 
 

Sometimes Dykes And Bikes Don’t Mix

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:
 
Not all dykes like bikes! Rosie O'Donnell wrote on her blog about her weekend encounter in Florida with a dude on his Harley. Rosie and her girlfriend, Kelly, were leaving a restaurant and while Kelly was backing the car out, the dude apparently flipped out.
 
Here's what Rosie wrote. This shit is like art:
 
along
came a bald screaming infuriated man
it's always a man
i tell ya …

as i buckled my belt
he ran towards r car
angry
"MY MOTORCYCLE BLAH BLAH !!!"

"chill dude –
we didn't touch it"

 

he got madder
pupils big – snorting like a dragon
FUCK LESBIANS
he screamed

the trump card
always

and we r supposed to cower
to fall 2 r knees ashamed
not good enough
unworthy

not tonight
mr bald muscle man
with a pimped out hog
not tonight

i stood up in the front seat
hands above my head
smiled and yelled
CORRECT SIR – FUCKING LESBIAN!!!

he stormed back to his table
right there in the lincoln mall

 

Rosie is one angry bitch! She eats too much sugar. If she laid off the sugar, she'd be more content. That's what my mother told me anyway. She said I'm a mean, nasty cunt, because I eat too much sugar. Makes sense.

Rosie is all bark, no bite. 

Source

 

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The Happy Ex

August 13, 2007 / Posted by:
 
Kate Hudson's ex and the father of her son, Chris Robinson, is apparently extremely happy that her boyfriend, Dax Shepard, has basically moved into her house. Sources have told Page Six that other family members aren't pleased, but Chris is into it.
 
A source said, "Chris is thrilled because now he can have [their 3-year-old son] Ryder whenever he wants . . . Kate gets a little more distracted when new men come into her life."
 
Kate's rep said it wasn't true.
 
Chris is probably happy that someone else finally took that annoying slag off his hands. Dax also probably moved in, because he can't afford rent!
 
 
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