So That’s What Hef Saw In These Two

February 8, 2010 / Posted by:

I never understood why Hugh Hefner’s pacemaker skipped two beats for his ex-girlfriends The Shannon Twins. They were so below average on every level to me. I figured he liked the choo choo choo noises they made when they spoon fed him. But after seeing these pictures of them at Playboy’s Super Bowl party this past weekend, I now see what Hef sees. Like me, Hef has a soft spot for Fresno meth hooker hair circa 1987 (aka “chola going to spring formal” hair aka 90s teen mom hair aka Sav-On cashier hair).

This is the kind of hair you get when all you’ve got is a travel-sized bottle of gel and a gas station sink. When your trick gets a little too carried away and sprays the party all over your hair, simply rinse it off in a sink (a garden hose will do too), shake the water out, apply a generous amount of gel and scrunch your way to instant glamour! In just a few minutes, you’ll look just like these two day-shift pussy peddlers.

I should’ve never doubted Hef’s cataract encrusted eye. He knows what’s good.

Here’s the other junkies, tramps and thieves who showed up for the potato buffet at the Playboy Mansion yesterday. They are: Mini-Me, Chuy, The Two Coreys, The New Landers Sisters, Daisy de la Whora, nuns from the Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels and Brittania from Rock of Love Bus.

A Quote From The Crypt

February 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Donatella Versace tells Love Magazine that she does not believe in natural beauty:

I don’t even know what my natural color is. Natural? What is natural? What is that? I do not believe in totally natural for women. For me, natural has something to do with vegetables.

This is basically a slap in the face to the organic flower known as Shauna Sand.

(Quote via The Independent – Image via Your nightmare’s Twitter account)

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The Doctor Has Been Charged

February 8, 2010 / Posted by:

As Detective La Toya predicted CENTURIES AGO, Dr. Conrad Murray was charged with involuntary manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson. Prosecutors believe they have enough evidence to prove that Connie unlawfully killed MJ by over-medicating his ass with Propofol and other drugs.

The documents state that Connie “did unlawfully, and without malice, kill Michael Joseph Jackson … in the commission of an unlawful act, not a felony; and in the commission of a lawful act which might have produced death, in an unlawful manner, and without due caution and circumspection.

E! says that Conrad will plead “not guilty” to the charge. If convicted, Connie could get up to 4 years in the chokey. Or if the court is feeling evil, they could throw him in a locked room with the big scary butchie bitch in the picture above. She’s the one in the black t-shirt who could break a strap-on just by thrusting her crotch at it.

Here’s Connie and the Jackson family (sans Janet) arriving at the court house today.

Brangelina Is Suing The News Of The World

February 8, 2010 / Posted by:

We all need a break from the long-haired dead rat on Brad Pitt’s chin, so here’s a picture of Brangelina back in the olden days before they were Brangelina. And waaaay before the News of the World caused the ozone layer to melt by reporting two weeks ago that the super force known as Brangelina was dead.

That story was picked up by CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and every single one of your family members who drove you to reach for the straitjacket by asking, “Did you hear….?” Well, Brangie is trying to officially kill the rumor by suing the News of the World. I don’t have a copy of the History of Brangelina Bible close by, but I think this is the first time they have ever sued a tabloid.

The BBC reports:

In a story published on 24 January, the paper said the couple would separate and had agreed the division of assets and custody of their children.

The couple’s lawyer, Keith Schilling, called the “widely republished” allegations “false and intrusive”.

He added the paper had failed to meet “reasonable demands” for an apology.

He said the pair had also asked for a retraction of the allegations, which had subsequently been “widely republished by mainstream news outlets”.

You better believe Brangie is going to sue NOTW out of house and home! Then when the NOTW’s newly homeless and hungry children are crying on the sidewalk for a crumb of bread, Brangelina will swoop by in their Saint Mobile and adopt every single one of them. And when they win a Nobel Peace Prize for saving the children of impoverished tabloid editors, they will forgive the News of the World with a full heart. That will win them another Nobel Prize.

Afternoon Crumbs

February 8, 2010 / Posted by:

The Super Bowl as seen through the eyes of Tommy GirlMattchew

Boobs courtesy of Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler Popsugar

Marisa Miller’s teeny tiny ass crack – Hollywood Tuna

Carrie Underwears didn’t get the memo that head-to-toe white only looks hot on Elvis – Lainey Gossip

Draggy Justin Timberlake still looks more feminine than Jessica Biel Towleroad

Even more nakedness from Love Magazine Egotastic!

Blake Lively in a bikini (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Suri Cruise is starting to grow and it’s freaking me out – Just Jared

What in the name of the Regal Beagle is Jenna Jameson wearing? – Hollywood Rag

Lindsay Lohan is not only full of collagen, but she’s also full of shit – Celebitchy

Vampire Beeeeeeehl is giving us some leg – I’m Not Obsessed

Blah..blah…blah… But when they are going to make a movie out of Dear John the TV show starring Judd Hirsch?SOW

Shit your grandma says about Jersey ShoreCityrag

Dolph Lundgren knows how to open a show – Holy Moly!

Keira Knightley’s stalker looks like a stalker – ICYDK

A famewhoring Kardashian always gets its shot – Socialite Life

Don’t threaten us with a good time, Carey HartPopbytes

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