Mel Gibson Being Mel Gibson: The Tape!

July 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Mel Gibson’s You Look Like A Bitch In Heat” rant against Oksana Grigorieva has finally leaked on Radar Online and it’s some serious shit. It’s like Mel’s flirting with the South Park writers. I swear, Mel is huffing and puffing so damn much that lines of the bad shit on the coffee table are probably blowing all over the place. If you put your nose to your speakers, you can practically sniff the coke smegma dripping off tonsils. The KKK is totally going to remix this into a dance song to play at their pot lucks.

And I love how OctoSana is sitting there as calm as a stoned sloth. She’s imagining all the money she’s going to make when she leaks this audio tape of Mel shooting his career in the head at close range.

UPDATE: That was fast. The Hollywood Reporter says that Mel Gibson’s agency WME has dropped his ass.

Afternoon Crumbs

July 9, 2010 / Posted by:

I liked Lady CaCa when the year was 1987 and she went by the name MadonnaThe Superficial

Whitney Port’s boring ass makes water look fascinating and interesting – Egotastic!

I just want to stick the handle of a razor in my b-hole and shave that shit off Adrien Brody’s face – Lainey Gossip

Those coochie cutters would look hotter on Cristiano RonaldoHollywood Tuna

Mischa Barton is all of the above (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Twilight’s Jackson Rathboner is lost – Towleroad

Look at this fucking hipster puppy – OMG Blog

Did Kathy Griffin’s D-list clit pay a visit to Levi Johnston’s south pole? – Celebitchy

Poke at me when Glee does an all Color Me Badd episode – ICYDK

Celine Dion’s house will soon be filled with two diaper-clad little dudes. Well, three if you count her husband ReneJust Jared

What in the Mrs. Roper hell is Jessica Simpson wearing? – Popsugar

Just two beautiful girls hugging. Oh, wait… – Moe Jackson

Kelis doesn’t hate Nas, but she does our eyes obviously – Hollywood Rag

LiLo getting a head start on coming in first at the prison art fair – Popbytes

The Fuck word wants Michael Lohan to keep its name out of his mouth – SOW

CoCo’s ass, because it’s Friday – Cityrag

The Brangelina child army will get to know what it’s like to take a nap during every kind of religious service – I’m Not Obsessed

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This. Looks. Painful.

July 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Does the swine flu also cause your titty sacks to look like the surprised eyes of a frog with a Graves disease? Tori Spelling needs to let a bit of silicone out or something, because her chichis are jumping out at us. While Tori is seeing love in her eyes, I’m seeing two giant OWs in her chest. It’s like an ant carrying a Cheerio.

On a positive note, if for some reason a stadium in South Africa isn’t available on Sunday, they can hold the final World Cup game in Tori’s titty canyon.

Anymytittyskinisweepingfortori, here’s Tori and her son leaving a pizza place in L.A. yesterday.

Dreamboat Doherty Is In The Hospital

July 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Since Dreamboat Doherty decided to throw the media a twist by giving them a headline to write besides the usual of “Troubled Pete Doherty is in handcuffs”, he has shuffled off to a hospital in France to be spend a little time there. The crust of my scab was supposed to perform at the Theatre de Verdure in Nice last night, but that shit was canceled at the last minute. Dreamy’s fans were simply told le crackhead had been le hospitalized. No other details were given as to why Dreamy’s veins are suckling up morphine in the hospital.

The Toronto Sun says that Dreamy’s were madder than fish grease, “Three young Italian girls were really mad. They drove four hours from Italy to see Pete Doherty and couldn’t believe the gig was cancelled. One of them was really furious and shouted, ‘I can’t believe he did that! It cost us time and money to come all the way from Italy.’

Couldn’t believe it?! Are these Italian girls freebasing the same shit as Dreamy? Going to a Dreamboat show is like sucking the dick of cokehead. When you’re about to lick on the eye of a cokey cock, there’s a good chance that the bitch isn’t even going to lift its head and give you one note. That is why you should always book a second peen for the night just in case that cokey cock refuses to perform. Bitches should know this!

Here’s Dreamy in Paris right before going off to the hospital. As usual, Dreamy looks like he smells of dryer sheets, kitten necks and the petal of a rose after a cloud tear has kissed it. Swoon. And Swoon.

Put Everything On Spain!

July 9, 2010 / Posted by:

The World Cup final isn’t until Sunday so that gives you plenty of time to sell your organs to the Russian mafia, lease your kids to Maddox’s child army, turn your apartment into a Nazi whorehouse for the weekend (Mel Gibson will come) and then put all the money you make on Spain beating the Netherlands. You cannot lose, because Paul the Psychic Octopus has wrapped his Sylvia Browne-like tentacles around the lucite box with Spain’s flag in it. Paul is never wrong! And if he is, well we can all sit outside the welfare office together while chewing on calamari.

Also if Paul is right Bibi Eden owes him a blow job. Wait. Do octopuses even have peens? A peentacle?

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