Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Judith Slade, an 81-year-old horny bitch who will drive all night to get a piece of lady ass, even if the cops take away her drivers license!

Judith and her dog Aca were going 164km/h down the highway in Lake Boga, Victoria, Australia on Monday afternoon when the cops tried to break her lady boner by pulling her over. But Judith told the Herald Sun that she didn’t pull over at first because her secret lesbian lover (who is half her age) was driving in front of her and she didn’t want to be separated. The cops finally caught up to her and now Judith might lose her drivers license for good. They even took away her car. Judith doesn’t give a fossilized clit if they take her license away, because she says she will buy more cars and keep on driving for a piece of young poon!

I have a feeling this was the original plot of Thelma & Louise.

Judith said, “What difference would it make if they took my licence from me? I’ll just buy more cars and they can take them away, too. I could buy another one now just to fight this and cruise past the police station, and say, ‘Here I am’. What I’m losing now, this is a lot. My friend, she has been punished and so have I. Isn’t that enough to make me feel sorry for what I did? I won’t speed again, that’s for sure. If they get nasty, I’ll just think, what the hell does it matter — I’ll drive after dark.”

And get this shit, Judith blamed her speeding on Aca, “My friend, she was ahead, and I overtook her. Aca then jumped on my leg and wanted to sit there, pushing down hard. I had to drag him off . . . and throw him on to the back seat.”

No wonder Aca has third-degree “PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THIS LOONBIAN” eyes.

The lesson that needs to be learned in all of this is that old horny lezzies just don’t give a fuck! Don’t try to keep them from getting their crusty pie eaten or you might get hurt!

(For Rachel)

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Birthday Sluts

July 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Courtney Love (46)
Mitchel Musso (19)
Kiely Williams (24)
Ashly DelGrosso (28)
Fred Savage (34)
Jack White (35)
Marc Almond (53)
Kelly McGillis (53)
Tom Hanks (54)
Jimmy Smits (55)
Debbie Sledge (56)
John Tesh (58)
Chris Cooper (59)
O.J. Simpson (63)
Richard Roundtree (68)
Brian Dennehey (72)

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ASkars With A Face Full Of Ass

July 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Sometimes a video comes along that just makes you want to lock the chain on your door and call in sick. This might be one of those videos. It’s True Blood’s Alexander Skarsgard partaking in some drunken dry ass play with his “Beyond The Pole” (I’ll fucking say) co-star Rhys Thomas. It’s like a frat boy party meets a Calvin Klein ad circa 1995 meets a fangerbaner’s wet daydream.

ASkars exposes his Swedish nipples before trying to awaken Rhys’ no-no with a faux ass much. Rhys is trying to act all giggly, but you know he got the twitches at least once.

This is obviously some marketing shit, but at least it’s marketing shit that plays to all my senses. Enough of me, roll that beautiful bean footage already:

Visit My New Plaid Pants if you need screencaps to make a collage to hang on your bedroom ceiling.

(Thanks Maimo)

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

July 8, 2010 / Posted by:

This A-lister comes off as a cool customer, but behind closed doors she stresses out about everything. Her partner’s been telling her to do what he does when he’s stressed — get stoned! She hasn’t taken his advice yet, but everyone wishes she would. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

St. Angie and Billy Goat Brad? And who is this “everyone“? Don’t tell me Maddox is looking at his mom like, “You need a blunt, girl.

This Blind Item deals with a female judge or host on a reality show. She absolutely cannot stand her boss who is a big-time network exec. Both have clashed egos more than once, but it wasn’t always that way. When the two first met, they flirted terribly, leading to a one night stand. After that, things went sour and the two create terrible tension behind the scenes of the show. The other judges/cast/crew/etc. are often caught in the middle and everyone is hoping to get rid of this female judge next season. Not Sharon Osbourne. (BuzzFoto)

“Female judge” conjured up portraits of my favorite judge ever Judge Mablean. Then it started to get a little weird when I pictured Judge Mablean humping on her boss while ticking his ass with her gavel. My real guess is Kara Diostfunow and Simon Fuller from American Idol? Or Mia Michaels and Nigel Lythgoe from SYTYCD (HA!) ?

This A list singer/writer/musician is working on a secret documentary. Nothing really juicy. More like his impression of the world. In every city he goes to, he puts on a disguise, goes downtown, and plays music on a street corner and asks for money. He plays his songs but does nothing to let people know it is him. It all gets filmed. No one really pays attention to him or even thinks he is anything special. He then films himself on stage in front of 25,000 people singing the same song and the crowd reaction. (CDAN)

I just hope this is John Tesh, because the world really needs a John Tesh documentary. Or Michael Bolton.

Which Hollywood couple are failing to convince people that they’re the new power couple in town? It’s been a long time since one of her films has scored, whereas her intended is on the way up. He was convinced into this PR made match but he’s having massive second thoughts. You can see the actress being dumped yet again – perhaps even before she gets to the altar this time. (Popbitch)

Squinty Zellweger and Bradley Cooper? Poor Squinty. Why do her boyfriends keep shaving her off their faces?!

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Russell Brand As Arthur

July 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Here’s Russell Brand, the former prostatetute who was tamed by Katy Perry’s chichis, on the NYC set of the remake of Arthur. Russell has snatched the title from Dudley Moore. The rest of the cast includes Jennifer Garner, Helen Mirren and Nick Nolte.

I don’t know about this mess. Judging by his costume, it looks like Arthur got an Annie Hall Easter makeover by one of the Jonas Brothers. Although, at least our asses know that Arthur 2.0 dresses to the right.

Mel Gibson Might Be In Trouble

July 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Ever since Mel Gibson called a lady officer “Sugar Tits” and told a Jewish officer that his people are what is wrong with this world, The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department has been silently waiting in the dark for the chance to jump his ass. Well, their chance has come. UsWeekly reports that the Sheriff’s Department has started a file on Mel Gibson entitled: “Revenge Is A Sugar-Tittied Bitch.

They are investigating Oksana Grigorieva’s claims that Mel exorcised his crazy all over her by beating on her several times. A rep for the Sheriff’s Department had this to say:

“We opened an investigation into allegations and those do involved domestic violence and other things. We did our first interview on Monday and the investigation is on-going. When it is compete, we will turn it over to the District Attorney just like we do in any case. We take these allegations seriously and we are moving ahead. It will be a thorough and exacting (investigation). The DA will be the ultimate purveyor of what will happen.”

While I do think that Mel seems about as pleasant as 7 minutes in heaven with a bear trap, I will refrain from stamping a “GUILTY” label on top of his forehead until concrete evidence comes out. What am I going about on? He’s Mel Gibson! That’s all the evidence we need. Throw him in general population and air it live on webcam! Not since the Shiba Inu puppy cam….

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