Hasn’t Bret Michaels Been Through Enough?!

June 16, 2010 / Posted by:

Even that puppy (who might be under Maryann Forrester’s spell) can’t save this truly shitty cover of Poison’sEvery Rose Has Its Thorn” by Miley Cyrus. Usually when I need to get through a Miley Cyrus song, I just picture a 50-something Waffle House waitress in Georgia (aka Miley in 40 years), sitting on a crate in the back alley during her lunch break and singing this mess in between puffs from her 40th cigarette of the day. That glamorous vision usually holds my hand through shit like this, but not this time. This mess sounds like the Casio keyboard of my childhood (with 75 “awesome sound effects“) violently barfed all over it.

Bret Michaels, please keep your bandanna-weave safely over your ears, because I don’t think you can take this.

via Jezebel (Dedicated to Snowpiece)

Quote Of The Day: Cameron Diaz Will Fly For Peen

June 16, 2010 / Posted by:

Cameron Diaz is the Kate Hudson of blonde actresses. Or is it Kate Hudson is the Cameron Diaz of blonde actresses. It’s a little of both, because Cameron and Kate will both go through airport security and fly thousands of miles just for a piece of the dick pie. Cameron admitted this to Playboy (via HuffPo):

“Oh gosh, I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten on a plane for love. It’s not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I’m always traveling for [whispers] cock. You’ve got to go where it is.”

And I’m pretty sure many genitals (including several cocks) are on a plane right now to get far far away from that picture of Cameron.

So That’s Why They Lost

June 16, 2010 / Posted by:

Right before Australia’s World Cup match against Germany, John Travolta tried to boost their morale by farting out a few bars of “You’re the One That I Want.” The second hand embarrassment the players suffered fucked them up so bad that they lost to Germany, 4 to shit. They will never be the same again.

Why, John, why?! Now the Australian players will NEVER let you into the locker room so that you can sit on a pile of their dirty jock straps while watching them shower.

Source: Mirror via BWE

Afternoon Crumbs

June 16, 2010 / Posted by:

Raise your hand if you like the way the wind tickles your taint when you wear a skirt made out of Caesar Palace’s old placemats – Lainey Gossip

The only Disney star I want to see in a two-piece is Chase from The Party. In the meantime, here’s that Demi Lovato girl – Egotastic!

Miley Cyrus is always coming up with new ways to make herself look like a dumbass – The Superficial

This English teacher knows what’s most important – Towleroad

Mingey Seyfried, Dominic Cooper and some hot baldy (yes, I would) play basketball (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Dita Von Teese is sitting the wrong way – Hollywood Tuna

Nicole Scherminger in Maxim – Popoholic

Charlie Sheen files for divorce, Brooke Mueller is off to rehab again. Rinse, repeat, etc… – Celebitchy

WTF: St. Angie Jo and Kimora Lee in the same picture – Popsugar

This has “NO” written all over it – Just Jared

Update on Chris Klein’s DUI: The dude really loves loves loves the booze – ICYDK

Jennifer Aniston to fuck a pregnant woman in her next movie – I’m Not Obsessed

Batman at Disneyland – SOW

Peter Andre’s coffee table book will make you want to throw out your coffee table – Holy Moly!

But what about the dudes? – Cityrag

THIS “Betty White sex pictures” rumor is made of lies!!!! They didn’t have cameras back then! – OMG Blog

Miss Scarlet’s still got it – Hollywood Rag

(Image via INFDaily.com)

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The Photoshop Awards: Julia Roberts’ Lancome Ad

June 16, 2010 / Posted by:

This is Julia Roberts in Lancome’s ad for their new Définicils (pronounced “Full of Shit”) Precious Cells Mascara. Not only does this mascara magically make your eyelids grow long synthetic lashes made out of broom bristles, but it also causes your pores to seep out mannequin wax which covers your entire face. Don’t ask me why her lips look like two leeches spooning. One of Lancome’s other products must have caused that.

Oh, and you know how I wrote “This is Julia Roberts“? Well, I take that back, because this could be Eric Roberts in a wig for all we fucking know.

via ONTD

Open Post: Hosted By Precious’ Real Mom

June 16, 2010 / Posted by:

You can usually find Alice Tan Ridley, the mother of Gabourey Sidibe, singing for dollars down in the NYC subway. And by “you” I mean not me, because I’ve tried to find her ass down there several times to no avail. The only subway performers I usually run into are those damn breakdancers who bust their shit in the aisles of the train and nearly kick my nose off every time when their legs go flying through the air. I just want to stab them in the culo with my walker. Anyways, I’m digressing all over your retinas again….

So Alice Tan Ridley auditioned for America’s Got Talent last night, and she sang until the tips of Mimi’s moustache singed right off. Analog TVs dropped into apartment stairwells and Alice kept on singing. Mo’Nique nearly slapped her up side the hide for not pulling the hairs out of her pig’s feet, but Alice didn’t stop.

I vote that Alice goes all the way. And not because she can sang, but because she might be the only person in this country (besides child beauty queens) who still sleeps with pink foam rollers in her hair.

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