Scientology Ruins EVERYTHING Including Mimi’s Billionaire Wife Dreams
The tragic end of Mariah Carey and James Packer’s love has been blamed on everything from her spending his cash like crazy to him being a violent crazy. But now sources close to Mimi says that their blessed union crumbled like one’s sanity after joining Scientology because of James Packer’s relationship with his business manager, Tommy Davis, who was once the main spokesperson for that cult of alien crazies. Goddamn Xenudamn you, L. Ron Hubbard, for ruining the opulent wedding of this century!
Idris Elba Says That He’s Not Doing Madonna
Panty Creamer Hall of Famer Idris Elba is currently shooting a “docu-series” for Discovery UK that follows him as he lives out his dream of being a professional kickboxer. Idris pounded and fisted a dude in a match over the weekend and sitting in the front row was Madonna, who posted a clip of him in action on Instagram. Idris and some of his friends celebrated his kickboxing debut at a restaurant in London called M, and Madge was papped going in. A witness tells The Sun that once inside, Idris risked getting his soul sucked out of his body by putting his mouth on the mouth of the always-thirsty High Priestess of the Illuminati.
Open Post: Hosted By Tamron Hall Delivering The Performance Of A Lifetime As Vivian Ward
Every year, the wrecks of Today do one big group costume and they usually go all out. Last year, they brought the night terrors by dressing up as The Peanuts and the scars I got on my brain from being exposed to that terrifying shit still haven’t healed. Well, the producers must have used most of the show’s budget to pay preppy butt plug Billy Bush to go away, because this year’s costumes looked like they came from a community theater costume shop sale and a Salvation Army donation bin. You know they told Kathie Lee Gifford that a bottle of chardonnay was hiding at the bottom of that bin and she hopped in to get it.
The 90s have been barfing all over 2016 for a while now (see: every trick wearing a choker, Vanilla Ice being somewhat relevant again, the return of Kimmy Gibbler, etc…), but on Today this morning, the 90s came back in a messy way.
Michael Douglas Says That Val Kilmer Is Battling Cancer And Things Aren’t Looking Good
Michael Douglas did “An Evening with Michael Douglas” at the Royal Drury Lane Theater in London last night, and he should’ve spent the entire evening describing in detail what it was like getting humped from the back by Matt Damon while wearing a polyester beaver on his head. But instead of doing that, Michael Douglas spent the evening talking about his career with host Jonathan Ross. When Michael talked about making 1996’s The Ghost and the Darkness, his fat mouth hole spilled out the news that his co-star Val Kilmer has tongue cancer and is in a bad way. “Not knowing that spilling someone’s medical situation isn’t a good idea” is probably a side effect of eating a lot of twat.
Hilary Duff Is SO Sorry For This
Hilary Duff’s name was smeared all over the internet this weekend and in a PLOT TWIST, it wasn’t because the paps caught her walking to her car again (see: thousands of pap pictures of Hilary Duff walking to her car). Hilary got shit after her boyfriend and personal trainer, Jason Walsh, showed up to the Casamigos Tequila Halloween Party in L.A. on Saturday night as a Native American chief. Hilary went as a sexy pilgrim. As to why Jason thought his costume was a good idea, maybe it was his way of standing with Standing Rock or maybe he’s a caring boyfriend and knew this would get his piece some attention. Who knows, but they both obviously got dragged for it on Twitter and beyond.
This Lucky Chick May Be Secretly Doing Prince Hot Ginge
Whenever I read a headline about Prince Hot Ginge dating a new trick, I usually run over to the not-at-all Photoshopped picture of him and I on my bedside table and yell at his face for doing me wrong. But when I read about his newest-maybe piece at the always-truthful Sunday Express, I didn’t do any of that. I’m into this maybe-union. PHG usually only gets with stringy-haired blond Brit chicks, but this one is American (GASP!), a divorcee (DOUBLE GASP!), is bi-racial (TRIPLE GASP!) and a commoner actress who is on a basic cable show, not even HBO (QUADRUPLE GASP!). PHG is reportedly rubbing his fiery nipple knobs on actress Meghan Markle from the show Suits. THE QUEEN just fainted on a Corgi as Prince Philip thought, “Hmm, I wonder who she sponges off of?”