Heather Mills has confessed that she’s pretty much blown through her £24.3 million divorce settlement from Paul McCartney in less than two years. As soon as the money dropped into her checking account, Heather said she immediately handed it over to various charities. You know, because she’s like the Robin Hood of gold digging whores.
Heather said on a show called Shrink Rap (via DS), “Most of it’s been given to charity, gone into ethical businesses or paid for a couple of properties for my daughter’s future security. I could never sit with millions of pounds in the bank that could make matters change.”
That quote right there should cause Paul McCartney to legally change his name, buy a new social security number online, move to the Artic and keep all of his money in a box made out of bloody beef steaks, because Heather is hopping back for more. It’s only a matter of time before she drags Paul back to court to drop another glass of water on his lawyer’s head and collect another bag of money.
Brit Brit Spears and her equally raggedy ass boyfriend Jason Trainwreck rolled through a McDonald’s drive-thru yesterday afternoon for a romantic Valentine’s Day hangover lunch since there’s no Waffle Houses in California.
Just let me believe that they went home, moved the plastic KMart patio table from the backyard to the family room, threw a white sheet over it, decorated it with plastic flowers (from a centerpiece stolen from one of her cousin’s weddings) and tealights, and then had themselves a VD meal fit for a Cheetoling! They serenaded themselves with Big Mac farts and Coke burps. This is exactly how I expect Brit Brit to spend her Valentine’s Day.
“Muh muh muh my Sharona” is probably playing on a loop in your head right now, so I don’t have to tell you that The Knack is best known for that song. “My Sharona” was #1 in 1979, and became a hit all over again in the 90s thanks to Winona Ryder and Janeane Garofalo dancing to it in a gas station. But it’s near and dear to my bong thanks to Cheech Marin’s version: Maaaaaah Scrotum!!
And I didn’t know this until recently, but Sharona is a real person! A real person who is now selling real estate in Los Angeles. You must visit her “about” page. It’s a shame Doug never wrote a follow-up to My Sharona called My Escrowa.
Rest in peace, Doug.
St Peter had a special greeting waiting for Captain Phil at the pearly gates – lezzytex
The proud winner of the eBay auction of the leftovers from Heidi Montag’s latest chin surgery. – Disraeli_Ears
Give me a boiling pot of water with a dash of OYSTER BAY Seasoning and some melted butter, I may actually overlook the fact that it came out out of Paris Hilton’s crotch. – Stan Hooper
Okay Jimbo, I guess you weren’t lying. You DO have a girlfriend, and those ARE the longest most sumptuous legs I’ve ever seen. – Sweetas
via Daily Mail
Keith Kimmel, an Oklahoma college student who is fighting for his right to drive around with an “IM GAY” license plate.
28-year-old Keith is battling it out with the Oklahoma Tax Commission after they rejected his bid for a personalized “IM GAY” vanity plate. They didn’t reject the tag because it was already taken by Anita Bryant. No, they rejected it because they said it was “offensive.”
Keith and his “Where’s Waldo’s Gay Cousin” beanie are not going to take this matter lying down. Keith and his lawyer plans to fight until the end. The Oklahoman reports:
“I want to tell people who I am and what I am. I’m proud of it. I’m openly gay. I’m not hiding,” said Keith Kimmel, 28, of Norman. “What better way to tell everybody than to put it on the back of a car?”
The Oklahoma Tax Commission turned Kimmel down last year because of an internal rule against special license tags that “may be offensive to the general public.”
Kimmel points out officials allowed tags such as STR8FAN and STR8SXI. “They defended using ‘straight sexy.’ … They didn’t think that one was inappropriate but yet ‘I’m gay’ is. I think it’s kind of a double standard,” said Kimmel, a political science/pre-law student at Oklahoma City Community College.
Even though I’m about to call in an emergency team (i.e. a group of cholas, a dozen tweezers, a pack of Sharpies, and a tub of wax) to handle Keith’s dreadful MAN DOWN CODE 10 eyebrow situation, I’m all about his cause. An “IM GAY” license plate is too much for innocent eyes, but a “LUVGAGA” (which I saw in CA for a few months ago) license plate is not?!
And if for some reason Keith loses the battle, there’s other ways he can declare his gayness on a license plate. He should submit “REESEBF” or “PEENLVR.” Or he can just drive around town with me in the passenger seat. That will pretty much let everyone know.