Heidi Klum Did NOT Win Halloween This Year

/ November 1, 2016

Halloween isn’t only the one day of the year when I get in my car and drive through the neighborhood, looking to find a lazy person who just left a bowl of candies out for the kids, so that I can steal it and run off. It’s also the one day of the year when hundreds of sites declare that Heidi Klum Has Won Halloween Yet Again! Heidi Klum won last year when she did herself up like a Julie Masking version of Jessica Rabbit. Heidi won in 2014 when she did herself up as The Fly if The Fly was directed by Lisa Frank. And she won in 2013 when she did herself up as an Upper East Side abuelita. So last night, every blogger probably had their “Heidi Klum Got Another Gold Medal In Halloween-ing!” headlines ready to go, because Heidi Klum never really disappoints. But some were left confused and scared about the future of everything when she showed up to her annual Halloween party in NYC as herself. Heidi Klum came as Heidi Klum in one of Jennifer Lopez’s ugliest leotards, and was surrounded by a bunch of Klum klones. This is the part where we all wake up our inner Tyra Banks and scream at Heidi: “Do you know that all of America was rooting for you and then you come in here treating this like it’s a joke?! I was rooting for you! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! How dare you!

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Taylor Swift Got A Few Members Of Her Squad Together For Halloween

/ November 1, 2016

I wasn’t sure if Taylor Swift was going to celebrate Halloween this year. Since she spent her entire summer dressed up as an American Girlfriend doll and was no doubt all costumed out. But because there’s no holiday that will get you more attention than Halloween, both good and bad, Taylor put on a Deadpool costume borrowed from Blake Lively’s husband. Ryan Reynolds, meanwhile, probably went as someone who was once again embarrassed to be friends-by-association with Taylor Swift.

Taylor must have thrown her little Halloween party together at the last minute, because it appears the only squad members who were available to attend were a handful of the less-popular models. Joining high-ranking squad member model Gigi Hadid (as a boy scout) in the mandatory awkward costumed posing were Martha Hunt (as “Martha Brady“), Lily Donaldson (as a space hoochie), Kennedy Rayé (as a cat), Emmie Gundler (as chick in a mask and a unitard). And Fifth Harmony’s Camila Cabello. Camila dressed as a crazy old cat lady who accidentally sat on Taylor’s precious cat Meredith. And thus concludes Camila’s invitations to any and all of Taylor Swift’s squad get-togethers.

Here’s more of Taylor and her friends (but where is grocery clerk with half an eyelid?) during their Halloween-themed photoshoot…I mean “party.” Also included are some pics of Gigi Hadid walking to Taylor’s house in her boy scout costume. I wonder how many times she got asked by some gross dude on the street to help them “pitch a tent“?

Pics: Taylor Swift, Splash

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ November 1, 2016

The dog who got into a losing, downhill battle with nature and gravity. 

Benjamin Baele posted a video of the fight and struggles his American Alsatian dog goes through every time that pooch sees a stream of water freely flowing along the curb. I feel this dog’s inner conflict. When I was a kid and would see a river of water rushing down the gutter in front of my house (from a neighbor washing their car in the driveway, or whatever), I’d grab some toys and immediately build a DIY dam to try to stop the FLOOD. In my mind, I imagined a gutter village of little people down the road that would be wiped out by that devastating flood and I made it my mission to save their tiny gutter-living lives. (And yes, by “when I was a kid,” I meant that I did that three weekends ago when I was at my mom’s house.)

This dog could be trying to save a village of tiny gutter people, or maybe pooch is a water conservationist. If doggy is a water conservationist, then California’s Department of Water Resources should hire it immediately. This dog could be the answer to ending the drought!

The most frustrating part of that video is that it cuts off. Does doggy ever stop the water?! But you know, that video is a metaphor for life. Half of us are that high-strung ass dog trying to stop an unstoppable stream of water and the other half of us have already given up and are taking hits from a bong while watching that water flow.

via Reddit (For Leslie)

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Birthday Sluts

/ November 1, 2016

Lyle Lovett (59)
Penn Badgley (30)
Natalia Tena (32)
Matt Jones (35)
Logan Marshall-Green (40)
Bo Bice (41)
Aishwarya Rai (43)
Toni Collette (44)
Jenny McCarthy (44)
Tina Arena (49)
Sophie B. Hawkins (52)
Daran Norris (52)
Rick Allen (53)
Anthony Kiedis (54)
Tim Cook (56)
Rachel Ticotin (58)
Peter Ostrum (59)
Beth Leavel (61)
Jeannie Berlin (67)
David Foster (67)
Belita Moreno (67)
Larry Flynt (74)
Bill Anderson (79)

Pic: A.V. Club

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Night Crumbs

/ October 31, 2016

Over the weekend, Taylor Swift’s private jet flew into the same airport in England she flew into to meet Tom Hiddleston’s family. What does it all mean?! It either means nothing or it means that we’re going to get a sequel to the international nightmare that was ToTay!  – Lainey Gossip 

Tara Reid is giving me “holiday Goddess Bunny” vibes in her Slutoween costume, and well, I do like her exquisite Lucite heels – Celebitchy

Countess LuAnn had her bachelorette party in Miami and La Bruja’s daughter showed up but La Bruja herself didn’t. In other words, that party was probably trash – Reality Tea 

Bella Thorne served up some pink cowgirl elegance on Slutoween – Drunken Stepfather

And some zombie cheerleader elegance too… – Hollywood Tuna 

Kylie Jenner did herself up as a Dirrty-era Xtina and now my soul feels dirty for not hating it – The Superficial

Finally, having dead eyes paid off for The Slow One – (site NSFW) The Nip Slip

Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black carved pumpkins as Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Hey, who am I to judge what kind of kinky shit a couple gets into? – Towleroad

And here’s Courtney Stodden looking like something straight out of a porn parody of ItOMG Blog

That dragon looks like it’s enjoying the shade underneath Salma Hayek’s chichi – Popoholic

Whatever, poke at me when Disney does a live-action remake of The Black CauldronJust Jared

Tippi Hedren says that Alfred Hitchcock didn’t only emotionally torment her, she says he sexually assaulted her too – IDLYITW

If you don’t have kids, Adele salutes you for your bravery! – Jezebel

Basement Baby left out yet again! – Popsugar

Pic: Wenn.com

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