If you staggered into your cubicle this morning with chunks of crust hanging off your eyelashes, the musty scent of regret (smells like pubic sweat, well drinks, and canned refried beans) on your bref and wearing whatever the dirty laundry basket happened to cough up, then let these pictures of a beautiful magnolia blossom make you feel like you just stepped out of a frosted episode of Dynasty.
To play fair, it’s not like Brit Brit is running off to meet the Quween on the Scene or anything. Brit Brit is leaving the gym. Although, you know she would wear this to meet the QUEEN OF ENGLAND, which is why she’ll always be one of my fashion icons. People of Walmart, take note.
And do you think Brit Brit even knows who the “dick” on her shirt is? She probably thinks he’s a character on Family Guy.
*Image removed per request*
I’m so jealous of Khloe… I so want my own Skeletor backpack too. – salacious
If you can’t bring the mountain to Mohammed bring Mohammed to the mountain. – randy1
Who doesn’t enjoy a little cinnamon on their cottage cheese? – michelleb
It was many years before Octomom realized the ninth baby growing on her back. – scgolden
via Funky Downtown (Thanks Louis)
Since season one of Jersey Shore has come to a close, I feel like it is only fitting that we pay tribute to the most important, compelling, authentic, natural, articulate, intelligent, and attractive character on that show: THE DUCK PHONE!
You know every time Snooki hears a quack, her poof deflates like a two week old wart. VIVA LA DUCK PHONE! Here’s hoping that after the Duck Phone finishes cleansing itself at a Hazmat facility, MTV gives it a spin-off show. Duck Phone of Love!
Linda Blair (51)
Willa Ford (29)
Beverly Mitchell (29)
Christopher Masterson (30)
Balthazar Getty (35)
Gabriel Macht (38)
Olivia d’Abo (41)
Guy Fieri (42)
Diane Lane (45)
Steven Adler (45)
DJ Jazzy Jeff (45)
Jim Jarmusch (57)
Steve Perry (61)
John Hurt (70)
Seymour Cassel (75)
Piper Laurie (78)
Remember that photo shoot Vadge did for W Magazine? The one where she first met Baby Jesus and lured him into her manger? Well, this is a raw outtake from the shoot. Now you know why Vadge owns major stock in Photoshop, because without it she looks like she lives in a gingerbread house and tricks small children into coming inside so she can eat them. Instead of throwing her in the oven, we want to throw ourselves in.
But just splash some holy water at her and direct your eyes towards Jesus’ penis. My abuelita is going to slap with a chankla in the mouth for that last part.
After the jump is Baby Jesus completely nekkid from the neck down (because he has no head). Jesus’ dick is not something that’ll cause you drop to your knees and make the sign of the cross, but it’ll do. JUMP!
And let’s get up close and personal. I’m sure that by now his peen is tattooed with “Property of Vadge.”
If for some reason Baby Jesus’ naked wang is making your genitals wail in excitement, this up close picture of the Crypt Keeper will shut them up.
It will also make me you want to run to the nearest church and beg for forgiveness. I’ll meet you at the altar.