The “Over The Moon” Watch

March 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Mario Lopez puts his penis in a woman’s vagina long enough to get her pregnant, and now he’s prancing and pirouetting right over the damn moon. You know the other planets are giving him the “not this bitch too” side-eye.

A source tells Star Magazine that Mario and his girlfriend Courtney Laine Mazza are expecting a baby friend together, “Mario is over the moon with joy since finding out he’s having a baby. She’s approximately three months pregnant and is healthy and happy.”

Mario confirmed the news to his employer Extra, “Courtney and I couldn’t be more excited. I’ve waited my whole life to be a dad, this is a true blessing. I am looking forward to sharing this experience with my family and my family at Extra.

You know, my guess is that AC Slater got into Jessie’s Spanos caffeine pills and that shit took him so high that he floated into the galaxy. I’m so NOT excited about AC being over the moon. Mario can redeem himself by naming his kid Screech, Lisa Turtle or Miss Bliss.

(Thanks to all who sent this in)


The Delusional Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

March 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Yesterday morning, accidental comedienne Lindsay Lohan made us all laugh like we’ve never laughed before when she filed a $100 million (or 500,000 8-balls) lawsuit against E-Trade, because she believes that a Milkaholic baby named Lindsay featured in their Super Bowl commercial was based on her. LiLo was dead serious when she claimed that she is one-name famous like Madonna and Oprah. Don’t use that during your set at amateur comedy night or LiLo will sue you for $100 million and White Oprah will call you a little baby.

The New York Post got White Oprah on the phone to get her thoughts on LiLo’s lawsuit against E-Trade. White Oprah was gracious enough to clear her schedule of doing nothing to say this: “They’re little babies doing this, mocking another child who’s just trying to survive Hollywood, basically. I’m just basically glad I took a stand. I’m not going to let them do this to us anymore. Everyone knows Lindsay, like Cher or Madonna.

Oh, White Oprah, you are crazy as you are orange. You are as delusional as you are peroxide-ridden. You are as genius as you are shameless.

I mean, Lindsay Lohan is hardly a child. The girl can drive a car for fucks sake. Wait, um…bad example. The girl can go number 2 by herself for fucks sake. Wait, um…another bad example. The girl can form a complete sentence. Oh fuck. I give up. White Oprah wins! Lindsay is a child. Shame on, E-Trade! Child on child hate is the worst!


Afternoon Crumbs

March 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Marion Cotillard’s got titty on the brain – Lainey Gossip

Ken Paves most certainly did not seal this look with a glittery kiss – Hollywood Tuna

Mindy Lawton was ROBBED – The Superficial

Only two ballsacks have touched this ass! Megan Fox wants you to know this – Egotastic!

CoCo’s convincing audition for Avatar 2 (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

FYI: Ryan Gosling’s peen is still available – Just Jared

Mrs. Rojo Caliente fights back – Towleroad

Sarah Jessica Parker is looking hot (note: I really thought that was SJP) – Popsugar

How did this creature escape from Middle Earth?! – Holy Moly!

Tyne Daly looking like she just got back from tanning at Kenny Rogers Roasters – SOW

Mexican vocabulary of the day – WOW Report

You know Tater Head can spin the hell around that pole with her chin – I’m Not Obsessed

Static pussyCityrag

Andre the Giant had the same diet as us, sans the small horses – Hollywood Rag

Gerard Butler trimmed Jennifer Aniston’s bush – Celebitchy

Corey Feldman on Corey Haim’s death – ICYDK


Dear Mattel, I’ll Take Your Entire Stock Of Anderson Cooper Dolls

March 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Technically, it’s a Mad Men Roger Sterling doll, but it looks more like a Mah Boo action (don’t ask what kind of action) figure to my partial eyes. That pucker is unmistakable.

For just $75, the price of 2 martinis in Manhattan, you can own your very own Mad Men doll. Mattel is putting out a Joan, Roger, Don and Betty doll in July to promote the fourth season of Mad Men.

There’s a few things Mattel forgot to add. First of all, where is the pair of red silk panties in Don Draper’s jacket pocket? Second of all, why doesn’t each doll have a Lucky Strike in their mouth and a stiff cocktail in their hand? But most important of all, where in the name of Aretha Franklin is Joan’s magnificent chichis and 8th World Wonder ass?! Is there a plastic drought or something? I know we’re in a recession, but Joan’s body never is. They did her wrong. That doll looks more like my Asian friend Frances dressed as Ginger from Gilligan’s Island for Halloween.

via Vulture

Open Post: Hosted By Burrito The Golfing Dog

March 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Tiger Woods should watch himself, because here comes a hotter bitch who not only dresses better than him, but I’m sure Burrito has humped on more plastic toys too. And let’s not even talk about Tiger’s lipstick vs. Burrito’s lipstick. No, seriously, let’s not.

Best Week Ever put up this clip from 2008 of Burrito the Golfing Chihuahua showing off his skills on the Today Show. Burrito’s owner says he does absolutely everything with her which includes kayaking (where’s the video of that?), shopping, horseback riding, stalking her ex-husband and crying into a pillow every night. Okay, I made those last two up.

Burrito pretty much sucks when it comes to playing golf, but I don’t think he’s trying to hit the ball. I think Burrito’s trying to raise the club high enough so he can hit his owner in the ankles.


Dakota Fanning Doing Cherry Bomb – The Video!

March 10, 2010 / Posted by:

You might have already heard Dakota Fanning sing Cherry Bomb for The Runaways movie, and now here’s the visual to along with it. Yay? Nay.

It might make you feel a little uncomfortable since Dakota is wearing one of Noah Cyrus’ favorite outfits and behaving like that hardcore rock star known as Taylor Momsen.

This is basically what it looks like when your little cousin (the one who always rolls her eyes at you) plays Rock Band without parental supervision.

Here’s The Runaways doing Cherry Bomb in 1976 if you’re feeling the need to compare:

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