Vintage Christopher Walken

January 21, 2010 / Posted by:

Despite popular belief, Christopher Walken did come out of his mother’s womb as an old man who takes no shit from shit. No, once upon a Three Wolf Moon, Christopher was a young, powdery, hot piece of ass who made the young ladies drop their lace handkerchiefs and reach for the smelling salts. And this picture is proof!

I seriously want to print this out in sepia, put in a locket around my neck and run through the wheat fields with a parasol in hand.

via WOW Report

Afternoon Crumbs

January 21, 2010 / Posted by:

It’s PEE-WEE! And yes, I’d hit it on Chairry while Jambi videotaped it – Holy Moly!

I see you, Zoe Saldana’s nipples – Egotastic!

ScarJo works it like a crime scene outline – Popoholic

Who pissed in Brit Brit’s Cheetos? – Hollywood Tuna

Experts weigh in on why Shiloh dresses like a guido from Jersey ShoreUsWeekly

Lady Sovereign and Ronnie Wood’s ex-piece got tanked last night (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Glee goes Sumo – Towleroad

CNN is finally covering real world issues like Jennifer Aniston’s lonely love life – Lainey Gossip

JLo’s ho dress – Popsugar

Cheetos O’Brien! – Just Jared

Skankasswhore tries to bring the sex – Hollywood Rag

Posh’s fake hairbun looks like Vadge’s old sascrotch – I’m Not Obsessed

John Mayer’s childhood photo – Cityrag

Amy Fisher will thrust her pussy for Haiti – Socialite Life

Kate Hudson and John Mayer. Naturally. – Celebitchy

Chachi is getting death threats for making fun of Michelle Obama ICYDK

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Heidi Montag Is Living The Dream!

January 21, 2010 / Posted by:

Heidi Montag, delusion’s favorite spokesperson, said that she truly believes her album Superficial is destined to become the next Thriller. According to Wikipedia, Thriller has sold an estimated 65-100 million copies worldwide. Well, Heidi only has only 64,999,342 copies to go before she touches Michael Jackson’s pinky toe, because UsWeekly says her album was downloaded only 658 times in one week.

For some of you this, little info is your own Shiba Inu webcam. It will turn your bitchface into a smiley face for the rest of the day. Bitch really is taking us HIGHER.

Heidi claims that she went flat broke putting her album together, because she spent almost $2 million of her own money on it. Heidi went on to queef, “The songs will make an impact in pop history.” Nielsen Soundscan reports that these historically important songs have been downloaded 6,000 times collectively.

The thing is, you know 657 of those downloads came from Spencer. The other download was made by the US military who uses it as a tool of torture.

The Haiti Telethon Doesn’t Care About Kanye West People

January 21, 2010 / Posted by:

This Friday night, every TV network on the damn planet will air George Clooney Presents….The Haiti Telethon. If you’re a famous person who has been in a magazine at least once during the past 365 days, you will probably be a presenter or a performer on Georgie’s telethon. Well, unless your name is Kanye West, because he’s the only one on the DO NOT WANT list. This is according to Popeater anyway.

One of the telethon’s producers says that they are afraid Kanye would take the focus off the telethon by giving us another “Imma” or “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” moment. The producer went on to say, “Kayne has to make everything about himself. He will do anything to steal the spotlight and, well, this night it’s just not about him.

That producer bitch needs to eat a dick! Kanye West is not only about himself! Kanye has a heart that just gives gives gives. In fact, Gay Fish wouldn’t be a part of their telethon if they gave him a gift basket filled with fishsticks, because he’ll be swimming to Haiti himself to… Oh, wait. What’s that? Kanye West just announced that on Friday night he’s hosting on his blog an event called “CAPS-LOCKIN’ FOR HAITI: A Blogathon way better than George Clooney’s thing.” Oh, carry on then….

And here’s Kanye and Ambot at the Louis Vuitton men’s show in Paris yesterday. Before you start shouting about how Kanye and Ambot are evil for wearing Fluffy’s dead relatives on their bodies, watch this sermon given by our glittery savior Johnny Weir.

They are only following the gospel according to Weir.

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Becks Gets Molested On TV

January 21, 2010 / Posted by:

Italian TV presenter Elena Di Cioccio, who is kind of giving me SamRo fevah, wanted to find out if Becks’ bulge of wonder in his Armani ads is 100% natural, so she decided to check for herself. Elena slipped on a pair of rubber gloves and waited outside of his hotel until he came out. While Becks was busy talking to the press, Elena gave him a “cough and drop” test (without the cough).

After Elena molested Becks’ business, he backed away, threw hot daggers at her face with his eyes, and his security jumped in. It wasn’t not funny to Becks, but Elena kept the joke going. She said to the cameras, “I touched it but it’s small. David you have conned us all. What did you use cotton wool? It’s all a trick.”

The stunt aired on the comedy show Le Iene. A source close to the show tells Metro that they were just having a laugh, “It was just a joke and we hope that Beckham took it in the spirit it was meant.”

Yes, because if a dude grabbed Posh’ vagina without getting the thumbs up from her first, he’d be using that same hand to massage Pooki’s prostate in the clink. But when a lady does it to Becks, it’s a punchline!

Don’t get me wrong, if Becks’ balls were that close to me, I’d probably have to bite my own fingers off to stay away, but I listened to my kindergarten teacher when she told me to keep my shit to myself. Although, I obviously didn’t listen to her when she told me to stop farting in my hand and smelling it (my John Mayer-ism of the day).

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