Don’t worry about that dude behind Coco. Coco’s minions always carry around a fainting couch because everywhere she goes, men, women, children, animals and a few inanimate objects pass out from being exposed to that much elegance, perfection and grace. So as soon as that guy began the fainting process by closing his eyes, I’m sure one of her assistants rolled a couch behind him.

Coco, whose legendary camel toe decided to pull back a little last night, sashayed into Heidi Klum’s Halloween party in NYC with her glorious titty balls trying to use all their strength to HULK SMASH through those strings. Those strings must’ve been made with Teflon, kryptonite and a blessing from God because they are holding on. Chichis looking like two big-headed toddlers trying to headbutt their way out of a playpen.

Most would say that Coco wore a slutty referee costume from Yandy, but I say that Coco wore a slutty Footlocker employee costume from Yandy. Although, Ice -T went as a prison inmate, so there’s a chance that they could’ve coordinated their costumes and Coco actually dressed up as some kind of slutty prison house aerobics instructor. Whatever the case may be, Coco still filled that party up to the top with her beauty.

Here’s more of the tricks who showed up to Heidi Klum’s Halloween party, and yes, 99% of them wore a better costume than Heidi did. Bethenny Frankel, as a Dollar General Catwoman with rabies, is the 1%.

Pics: Splash

But of course they have! What would a professional relationship agreement be without a section outlining the conversation of marriage? “Section 4.2: In the event both parties don’t totally hate each other, a formal marriage proposal will be discussed. Dream wedding optional.”

E! News says that Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk have decided to take their year-and-a-half long relationship to the next level, which in the world of celebrities is putting it out there that they’re “discussing” marriage. A source says that they’re in an “extremely happy place” and have been discussing both the options of marriage and kids.

If you just got the feeling of déjà vu, it’s probably because we’ve already heard this story about a year ago. Except this time it comes with an addendum about a vacation. The source tells E! that Bradley and Irina are reportedly planning a tropical holiday. A vacation that could end with a ring on that finger, right source? But it could also end with pictures of Bradley eye-shanking Irina after she returns from the swim-up bar with a margarita (“OhMyGod did I or did I not ask for a Mai Tai“).

If Bradley and Irina’s “discussions” of marriage materialize into the real thing, this will be Irina’s first marriage and Bradley’s second. Bradley Cooper was married for four months to Jennifer Esposito. I’m sure Jennifer would be more than willing to give Irina some advice on being the next “Mrs. Master Manipulator.”

Pic: Splash

Just a couple of days ago, the tabloids were saying that Prince Hot Ginge and bi-racial divorced Yankee actress (THE QUEEN passed out on a Corgi again) Meghan Markle have been seeing each other and it’s too soon to know if one day in the future she’ll be waving to her subjects in her new full-time job as a professional royal hand waiver. But today, (cut to me doing sarcastic quote fingers) a friend is telling People that things have been pretty serious for around two months. Things are so serious that an engagement is a “possibility.” Uh huh, it’s also a possibility that the Blue Fairy will magically appear before me and Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo one of my hemorrhoids into a ginger prince who will propose to me.

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It’s probably a good thing that Adele isn’t Drunk Adele anymore, because I’ve got a scar that can tell you being drunk and getting on a swing is not exactly something you should do. Adele is fine on that swing though, because she’s put her drunk days behind her ever since she got pregnant with her son around four years ago. According to Adele, she wrote her best songs during those childless drunk days.

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After Justin Theroux’s wife Jennifer Aniston was dropped into the Brangelina drama, he said that it’s surprising how everyone focuses on trash gossip when there are more important things to focus on. But over the weekend, some thought that Justin was joining all of us garbage whores in the dumpster when he posted a picture on Instagram of graffiti art in Berlin done by artist Nick Flatt. As everyone noticed, between “fuck politics” and “fuck condoms” are the words “fuck Brad Pitt.” Some of us who love to reach hard for drama, thought that either Justin Theroux was burning Brad Pitt, or he was telling us that he really wants to forget the condoms and bareback fuck Brad Pitt.

UsWeekly says that Justin’s original caption for that pic was: “#currentelectionmood #berlin #graffiti #fuckingnickflatt.” But when everyone thought he was hating on his wife’s cheating slut of an ex-husband, he changed the caption and became Snooki’s #1 enemy while doing so:

#currentelectionmood
#berlin
#graffiti
#fuckingnickflatt
#andNOthispostisNOT’shading’anyonebecauseimnotelevemyearsoldimeanseriously
#okaymaybepickles

Bitch may not shade like he’s “elevem” years old. But he hashtags like he’s eleven years old. And I wonder why Justin shat on pickles out of all the things in that pic to shit on. Could it be because Jennifer Aniston is knocked up and is craving pickles all the time and the constant smell of them has grossed him out? That’s it. Next week on Star Magazine: Pickles Tore Them Apart! Justin Theroux Abandons A Pregnant Jennifer Aniston!

Pic: Instagram

Bryan Cranston has recently added his name to the long list of famous Americans who claim they will pack up their stuff and migrate north to Canada if armpit cyst Donald Trump becomes President of the United States next week.

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