“YOU’RE STILL NOT PREGNANT,” yells Kirstie Alley’s pee stick. – jazzfish_77
Picture It – Tokyo, 1980. A drunken Pillsbury Doughboy is invited backstage at a Pink Lady concert. Thirty years later the legacy of that evening continues. – loozer
All the buttplugs cry when they learn that Tommygirl has entered the store. – bkmn
Aunt Flo, Period Penny and Menstruating Millie like to get out once a month to see a game….too bad they spend the entire time bitching and complaining. – NovaNightly
Harriet, the hen in England who keeps pushing out record-breaking egg after record-breaking egg.
While Michelle Duggar is patting herself on the labia for having a strongman vagina that can easily push out an elephant with elephantitis without even trying, Harriet the Hen keeps laying eggs that are almost twice the size of regular eggs. That’s right, Michelle, sit your vag down in the second row. There’s a new power pussy in town.
Harriet’s owner said that over a week ago she popped out an egg that measured 4.5 inches long with a 9.1-inch circumference. Roughly, that’s about 2 inches longer than Jon Gosselin’s penis. The average hen egg is around 2.3 inches long.
A few days later, Harriet’s hengina started screaming in misery again and another egg came flying out. It also measured around 4.5 inches long.
Harriet’s chocha is so strong that I’m surprised it also didn’t crack the egg and whisk it until scrambled. Harriet is going to do that for Act III.
(via The Daily Mail aka The Most Important News Source in DAH WORLD)
Laurie Metcalf (55)
Diana DeGarmo (23)
Abby Elliott (23)
Eddie Cibrian (37)
John Cho (38)
Clifton Collins Jr. (40)
Arnold Vosloo (48)
Ian Buchanan (53)
Joan Van Ark (67)
Joyce Carol Oates (72)
Eileen Atkins (76)
Bill Cobbs (76)
If I was sitting behind Tom Brady at the Celtics vs. Lakers game last week, I would’ve rubbed my palms together, kissed them each for good luck and then tried to snatch that moppy wig off of his head. Only that shit is not a wig. That’s real-life hair. Real-life hair he paid to get cut that way.
Either bitch lost a serious bet or Gisele Bundchen has a weird thing for Justin Bieber and Dorothy Hamill. Whatever the case may be, this is bringing out the “DURRRRR” in his face.
In order to get through this together, let’s just pretend that Tom is more cultured than we think and this new cut is a tribute to the twinkle in my step known as PETER PAN DUDE:
Doesn’t that feel better? This is obviously the look Tom is going for. I mean, who wouldn’t want to look like this? No wonder Tinkerbell sneezes and queefs glitter. You would too if you were constantly breathing in the sparkly air around this magical beauty.
Ke$hit, who looks like something that fell out of a dog’s ass (no offense to things that have fallen out of a dog’s ass before), on the special gift she gives to people at Christmas times:
“Sometimes I’ll walk my dogs and fill bags full of massive dog shit. Then I’ll wrap them as Christmas presents and give them to people.”
It could be a lot fucking worse. She could give them a copy of her CD.
via NYDN (Thanks Damon)