Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 2, 2010 / Posted by:

Zhu Jianqiang (which translates into Strong-Willed Pig), a 10-month-old pig from China who has charmed the hell out of the world with her two-legged walking skills! File this directly under: Babe ain’t shit! That’ll do, Babe, that’ll do. No, seriously, that’ll do, because ZJ has your ass beat!

When ZJ came sliding out of her mother back in January, there was obviously something very different about her compared to her other 9 siblings. ZJ’s owner, Farmer Wang, immediately knew he wanted to keep her even though his evil hateful wife demanded that she be thrown into a pot or shuffled off to the glue factory. The local circus also offered to buy up ZJ, but Farmer Wang told all of them to suck on a crusty taint. Instead, he spent weeks training ZJ how to walk. Farmer Wang explained, “I trained her a while each day. After 30 days she could agilely walk upside down. She proved to us that no matter what form life is it should continue to live on. I won’t sell her no matter how much the offer is.”

This does sort of fill my heart with warm Bac-Os, but one thing is missing: A MOTORIZED RICKSHAW! Seriously, get that bitch some wheels! But then again, if they did that she wouldn’t be able to do this anymore:

The Mary Lou Retton of pigs! Gold medals all around!

via Daily Mail

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Birthday Sluts

October 2, 2010 / Posted by:

Sting (59)
Camilla Belle (24)
The Obama Girl (28)
Ayumi Hamasaki (32)
Mandisa (34)
Efren Ramirez (37)
Lene of Aqua (37)
Tiffany (39)
Kelly Ripa (40)
Maribel Verdu (40)
Philip Oakey (55)
Lorraine Braco (56)
Annie Leibovitz (61)
Donna Karan (62)
Avery Brooks (62)
Don Mclean (65)
Rex Reed (72)

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

October 1, 2010 / Posted by:

She’s got a new gig. And a new face to go along with it. Well, technically, it’s not a new face. The plastic surgeon used pics of her from 10 years ago to put everything back where it once was. So unlike those who walk into a plastic surgeon’s office and say “I want to look like [insert celebrity name here]!”, she just wanted to look like her old self. It took two+ surgical procedures over the past 12 months (plus Botox and fillers), but everything is now done, and she actually looks great. A big bonus is that she can form some appropriate facial expressions when she’s critical or unhappy. One minor glitch, however, is that she may be getting bunny lines when she smiles. (Blind Gossip)

Unless Courtney Love’s new gig is posing outside of fashion shows with a cig, then this isn’t her. Maybe Jenny McCarthy or JLo? I’ll go with JLo since it’s pretty damn obvious that Jenny McCarthy has melted down an entire collection of Tupperware and injected it into her face.

And bunny lines sound kind of adorable, but they aren’t, right?

This A++ list movie actor from one of the top five grossing movies of all time was on the house phone in a hotel lobby when he was spotted by a fan. The fan waited patiently until the actor was done with a call and as the two crossed paths, the fan asked for a picture. The actor did not even acknowledge the presence of the fan and just walked right by. (CDAN)

Leonardo DiCaprio! But that fan needs to eat their fingers, because he’s probably still mourning the loss of screen icon Gloria Stuart (aka Old Rose).

This foreign born star who made it big in a movie last year was contemplating a move to Los Angeles to be closer to more roles and opportunities. When she put down the cash on some real estate in a posh Beverly Hills neighborhood, this C list Actress (who really hasn’t done anything but cameos lately) gave her a phone call that went something like this, “We’re sooo glad to hear you’re moving here… but I should probably warn you that you’ll be the only person in the neighborhood who isn’t white, except for the help of course. You might be more comfortable somewhere else.” (BuzzFoto)

Freida Pinto’s big movie was in 2008, so I’m not really sure this is about her. As for the Cunt-list actress, I’m going to guess Parasite Hilton even though it really doesn’t fit. I’ll still add it to the bottom of my “Wonky is the Antichrist” list.

The Black Panthers have been very busy lately. They’ve been holding not-so-secret meetings with Farrakahn and Ahmadinejad in New York, spewing their disgusting hate speech about “Fox Jews”, and calling for the mass killing of white babies. Well, guess who used to be a card-carrying member of the Black Panthers? A certain very popular television personality. Oh, yes! Don’t expect confirmation anytime soon, though. We think this is another one of those facts that will somehow be left out of their autobiography. (Blind Gossip)

Rolonda?! But I’m only going to guess her, because I really need a Roloando autobiography in my collection (right next to my Kerry Katona autobiography).

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Home Alone 5: Asleep In Congress

October 1, 2010 / Posted by:

This is exactly the kind of stuff that happens when you bring your grandkid to work to listen to you speak about domestic violence. The only thing that kid heard when he agreed to go to congress with his pepaw was “We’ll get funnel cakes afterwards….” The Macaulay Culkin-like is trying to hold on to awakeness, but he’s fading faster than a sloth on marijuana soda. Faster than a kitten in a teacup. Faster than me watching C-Span after eating two bowls of Easy Mac mixed with SpaghettiOs (my own special recipe).

I sort of want to jump through the screen to shake that kid while screaming, “Don’t fight it! Sleep Sleep! Sleeeep!”, but that would fully wake him and that’s not nice. It’s obvious the dude really just wants to pass out.

Source: TDW via Gawker TV

Frankie Muniz Is The Bane Of Shia LaBeouf’s Existence

October 1, 2010 / Posted by:

Shia LaBeouf has this recurring nightmare where Frankie Muniz is the one who kisses Megan Fox in Transformers, and Frankie Muniz is the one who gets to ride bareback on Harrison Ford’s bike in Indiana Jones, and Frankie Muniz is the one who HAS HIS LIFE! Then Shia shoots up in bed with sweat beads filling his ass crack and quickly looks over at the Daytime Emmy Award on his night stand to make sure it reads “Outstanding Performer in a Children’s Series – Shia LaBeouf for Even Stevens.” And it does so he lays back down and goes to spoon his girlfriend, but as she turns he around he sees FRANKIE MUNIZ’S FACE over hers. Frankie Muniz, DAMN YOU!

But seriously, did you know that Shia and Frankie Fucking Muniz are in a major feud? Like Shia hates Frankie so much that he punches himself in the ears every time he hears the words Frankie, Malcolm, Cody or Banks. It’s serious. Popeater says it started back in 2003 when Frankie bought the last pack of He-Man Underoos right from under Shia at KMart. No, apparently it started because Shia says that Frankie has always looked down at him. Back in 2003, Shia told Entertainment Weekly, “I used to see him at premieres and stuff and it would always be like he was looking down on me, and then it turned into we’re equal, and then it turned into ‘Oh Frankie, I know that guy.”

Well, LaDouche kept the bitch fight going yesterday during a radio interview with The Bert Show. The host stroked Shia’s tampon a bit by saying that he’s been in six #1 movies in a row. Shia kicked Frankie Muniz in the ass bone with his response, “While that’s flattering as hell, you could have put Frankie Muniz into any of the movies I’ve been in and it would’ve still been No.1.

Burn? Burn. Burn? Who knows, but Frankie felt it and hit back at Shia on Twitter:

Dear Shia Labeouf. It’s getting creepy the fact that you can’t stop talking about me. It’s been 12 years now. I don’t know you. Thanks.
11:55 AM Sep 30th via web

This is some “fighting over the top bunk” shit that really should be resolved with a game of Double Dare (hosted by Marc Summers, of course).

Ginger. ASkars. Chichis. Cake.

October 1, 2010 / Posted by:

And pretzels! And pickles! And radish bouquets! And velvet! And deli meat! And tostadas! Sweet Baby Jesus has given me a wonderful gift of all the things I love most and it’s not even my birthday! But it is National Lace Day and that’s practically the same thing.

Here’s a few more beautiful pictures of ASkars promoting True Blood, Mrs. Field’s cookie cakes, Auntie Annes Pretzels and overall bizarreness in Munich, Germany today.

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