Afternoon Crumbs

May 20, 2010 / Posted by:

A t-shirt promoting colonics? A suit made out of Donatella Versace’s shedded skin? Adrien Brody is forever dead to me….unless he fixes this by posing naked in a field surrounded by Afghan Hounds – Lainey Gossip

JLo dressed like a second rate Jackie Collins character. I’m probably giving her too much credit – The Superficial

Kendra Wilkinson should not be fucking on camera. She should be cleaning up that dirty ass room. I mean, a visor hanging over an intercom thing? Tacky bitch! – Egotastic!

Grace Jones forever (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Ceiling Eyes can’t even show her nipples right! – Hollywood Tuna

When is the paddy wagon going to crash into the Salahis’ house? – Towleroad

Which community theater production of Romeo & Juliet did Lily Allen steal that dress from? – Popoholic

Jennifer Aniston thinks she looks “rough.” “Rough” is offended. – Celebitchy

Reese Witherspoon or Elin Nordegren? – Popsugar

Connor Cruise is getting so tall that Tommy Girl will soon have to start wearing his double decker platforms around him – Just Jared

Amanda Seyfried and Dominic Cooper are on a break – ICYDK

Is this what the flight to hell is like? – OMG Blog

“The Jonas Brothers trapped in an elevator” sounds like the beginning of the worst gay porn ever – I’m Not Obsessed

12 pictures of Michelle Duggar’s vag – Cityrag

Valerie Bertinelli is getting married – SOW

Sandra Bullock isn’t taking any chances – Hollywood Rag

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Open Post: Hosted By A Lemur In Diapers

May 20, 2010 / Posted by:

It’s a serious shame that the lemur is wearing a diaper, because if he wasn’t Snooki would clearly see what her future looks like. Although, I’m sure she’s smelling it.

And honestly, Snooki is the one who should be wearing the diaper, not the lemur.

Image via INFDaily.com

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George Lopez, How Could You?

May 20, 2010 / Posted by:

This really is turning out to be the year of philandering peens. Soon “Let me smell yo dick” is going to be the new “How was work?

George Lopez’s wife gave him one of her kidneys 5 years ago, and now The National Enquirer is saying that he has thanked her by giving his dick to two pussy peddlers for a price. If this is true, bitch needs to get her kidney back with interest. When she handed over one of her kidneys on ice, she didn’t expect his ass to use it to help him hump a whore.

One of the professional hookers, who goes by the name “Tiffany,” told The Enquirer, “I had sex with George Lopez for money, and so did a friend of mine. He wanted a threesome and texted me . . .

Sandra Bullock always wondered why when George Lopez came over for dinner he always spent most of the night whispering with Vanilla Gorilla in the corner. They weren’t talking about cars and shit, Vanilla Gorilla was giving George Lopez tips on how to get puss juice out of his clothes using a Little Tree air freshener, a stick of Wrigley’s and spit.

And if you ever think that a hooker’s job is easy, just reread this quote: “I had sex with George Lopez…

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Lindsay Lohan Is Wanted

May 20, 2010 / Posted by:

Somebody actually wants Lindsay Lohan, and that somebody is Judge Marsha Revel in Los Angeles. Judge Marsha just issued a bench warrant for LiLo’s arrest, because she failed to show up to court this morning for her DUI progress hearing. LiLo’s lawyer tried to argue that she couldn’t make it to court today because Michael Lohan’s hired ninjas ate her passport so she couldn’t get on a flight from France to California. Or something like that.

The judge threw LiLo’s excuse into the trash and issued a warrant for her arrest. The judge said LiLo can post $100,000 bail if she wears a SCRAM bracelet, doesn’t drink any of the sweet nectar and submits to random drug testing at least once a week. When LiLo’s lawyer continued to whine about the decision, the judge explained that her client could’ve easily gotten a new passport and made it to the hearing in time. The judge added that LiLo has a history of not showing up to scheduled hearings.

Judge Marsha just dropped a “Bitch Boom Bye” on Lindsay’s head! By the way, it helps if you picture Judge Marsha as Marsha Warfield. Actually, most things are better if you picture them as Marsha Warfield.

This is going to be good. Thinks about all the excuses she’s going to come up with when her SCRAM bracelet goes off or when her drug tests come back positive! “My not father snuck into my room while I was sleeping and gave my SCRAM bracelet a hand job to start screaming!” “My not father poured meth into my bottles of fake tanner.”

And now LiLo can finally wear her 6126 leggings with a built-in-pouch for a SCRAM bracelet.

Here’s LiLo walking the plank in Cannes late last night.

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Megan Fox Was Not Fired

May 20, 2010 / Posted by:

Paramount announced yesterday that prolific philosopher and soon-to-be Fox Reality Channel star, Megan Fox, would not be in Transformers 3. They decided it was more cost effective and easier on the nerves if they used a wig-wearing piece of wet cardboard as Shia LaBeouf’s love interest instead. And they would probably get more raw emotion out of a piece of cardboard. But wait! Megan Fox wants it known that Michael Bay did not throw her ass towards the exit sign, she quit that bitch!

Megan’s spokesbitch tells People, “Megan Fox will not be starring in Transformers 3. It was her decision not to return. She wishes the franchise the best.”

I know that Megan is trying to save face, but that was a dumb bitch move! Bitch can kiss a weekly unemployment check goodbye now that she’s saying she quit instead of getting fired. Stupid toe thumbed fuck. I say that with respect (no, I don’t).

And guess who is already trying to land Megan’s spot in Transformers?

Before you laugh, let me remind you that Heidi Montag is a CGI robot with the personality of a broken car engine so she’ll fit right in with the rest of the cast,

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