The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For October 25th!

October 26, 2010 / Posted by:

The Taylor Momsen guitar comes with do your own bad choices in legwear and eye makeup; contact her mother for the illegal purchase of Marlboro accessories. – howdareyou

Runners-up:

Courtney Love’s opening act…Hoping she’ll be paid with doll parts – Hondezgirl

This was the only way Jennifer Aniston could get a man to put his arms around her. – lazee

via PIU

Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 26, 2010 / Posted by:

The Yakult Mascot – If my digestive system was a cuddly clean plushie who cooed like a baby Ewok and wasn’t a smelly mound of organs drenched in coagulated shit and slimy neon yellow bile (Or whatever it’s called, I am not a science class!), I’d go horseback riding on the beach with it and let it blow bubbles in my face too. Okay, for real, I’d still go horseback riding with it as long as it bought me a Christmas present. Well, that wrapping paper is nice!

And I will not comment on that wiggly tube on the top of its head. Not today. Not ever.

(For Bobby)

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Birthday Sluts

October 26, 2010 / Posted by:

Jaclyn Smith (63)
Cary Elwes (48)
Sasha Cohen (26)
Jon Heder (33)
Rosemarie DeWitt (36)
Seth MacFarlane (37)
Anthony Rapp (38)
Keith Urban (43)
Tom Cavanagh (47)
Natalie Merchant (47)
Dylan McDermott (49)
Rita Wilson (54)
Julian Schnabel (59)
Bootsy Collins (59)
Hillary Rodham Clinton (63)
Pat Sajak (64)
Bob Hoskins (68)
Shelley Morrison (74)

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What In The Two-Faced Hell….

October 25, 2010 / Posted by:

Julianne Moore played a psychotic, pill-popping gold digger to completely perfection in Magnolia and she’s an elite member of the ginger coven, so she can do no wrong….until now. Somebody throw a handful of Seroquels at that dress, because it’s all sorts of bi-polar. The right side looks like a dress snatched from the “Inspired by Mad Men” rack at Ann Taylor Loft and the left side looks like something out of the Tootsie costume closet.

Julianne should’ve taken this Harvey Dent foolery all the way. I’m talking two different hairstyles (spiral curls on one side, crimped with beaded ends on the other), two different shoes (lucite heel on one side, chanklas on the other), two different kinds of make-up (the second coming of Xtina on one side and SANS FARDS on the other) and a different dude on each arm. COMMIT!

Here’s more of Julianne and her two faces of fug dress at the Kids Are All Right premiere in London tonight with Mark Ruffalo.

A Boy For Mimi?!

October 25, 2010 / Posted by:

Mimi has yet to comment on if her rhinestone-encrusted cocoon of a womb is going to spit out a baby butterfly, but the site HollyBaby is saying she’s about four months pregnant with a boy. A BOY! I really can’t wait to see Mimi walking around with a baby boy wearing a bedazzled hot pink onesie, sparkly butterfly wings and a Hello Kitty plushie hat on top of his head. Suri Cruise can just retire now.

The source says that Mimi got a case of the BABIES!!! thanks to IVF, which is why swole up like a dick trapped in a bath tub faucet (don’t ask). Mimi is about to start promoting her newest Christmas album and that’s when she’s going to confirm that her womb is currently occupied. The source went on to say, “She’s having a boy, but the reason that Mariah didn’t want to say anything is because she is 40, and she’s superstitious. But she’s going to appear on Oprah and The View, so she’s planning on making the announcement soon.”

Mimi better not disappoint with the name. I want a name that makes me feel like I’m riding on the shoulders of a baby pink polar bear on the cover of a Lisa Frank folder. If Mimi asks, tell her the name Princess Rainbow Heart Kitty isn’t too much for a boy. Not at all.

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

October 25, 2010 / Posted by:

This former A+ Olympic athlete who really needs to step it up if he does not want to embarrass himself at the next one, really should put some curtains in his windows. All of his neighbors are keeping a running tally of the number of women he has brought back to his place and even have scorecards they flash after the event has been completed. (CDAN)

Since Johnny Weir covers all of his windows with drapes made from imported crystals and panda fur, I’ll go with Michael Phelps? And if these smart ass neighbors have the time to make scorecards, they also have the time to record and upload a video of Phelps bare back stroking on a piece . Priorities, people!

This boy toy of an A list female singer is extremely scared his boyfriend will find out he is with the singer. (CDAN)

So that’s the real reason for why Baby Brahim had a look of ice cold terror on his face. Bitch was throwing a “there goes my daily dose of regular dick” face.

This reality star is part of an ensemble cast. Off set, her husband is making a fool of her. She pays for everything, he steals money from her and he lavishes other women with gifts (on her dime). She’s always been attracted to low lifes. Before she got married, she was like a groupie to low down male rappers. Her colleagues couldn’t understand her attraction due to her profession. (Panache Report via Blind Gossip)

Phaedra “Ah Just Looooove Foie Gras” Parks from The Real Housewives of Atlanta? Dickmatized: That bitch has got it bad.

Which TV and film star took the ashes of a dearly departed relative to the Magic Kingdom? The woman spread some of the loved one’s ashes without permission throughout the California theme park – and even around The Haunted Mansion! (The National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

I can’t pull out a guess, but sadly those ashes probably ended up in a janitor’s dust pan. When I worked there back in the olden days, I watched a gardener examine a flower to make sure every petal was clean. Mickey Mouse is a regular Joan Crawford.

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