Hot Sluts Of The Day!

May 20, 2011 / Posted by:

The Two Greek Peenanists from Greece’s Got Talent!

Tickling the ivory keys with the tool you use to pee is nothing new, but these two hot pieces deserve some recognition for doing it on Greek TV. The more piano playing penises on TV, the better! As a judging panel which includes Roberto Cavalli’s long-lost twin brother separated at the tanning incubator watched with open mouths (and other body parts), the two dudes dropped their pants and fucked the music right out of that piano.

Yes, I’m sure it’s a player piano or a much more talented woman is playing a piano with her clit offstage, but who cares! They have given me the image of two Greek dick tips dancing on piano keys and that’s enough for me to give ’em three Os in a fucking row. But enough talk, here’s the Greek peenanists making Liberace’s recurring wet dream come true:

If you’re thinking of booking a ticket to Greece to work as a human piano player, then I’m already one step ahead of you. And yes, that one step is painting piano keys on my no-no with Wite-Out.

Source: Guyism via Gawker

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Birthday Sluts

May 20, 2011 / Posted by:

Cher (65)
Naturi Naughton (27)
Chad Muska (34)
Busta Rhymes (39)
Timothy Olyphant (43)
Mindy Cohn (45)
Gina Ravera (45)
Ted Allen (46)
Tony Goldwyn (51)
Bronson Pinchot (52)
Judy Kuhn (53)
Jane Wiedlin (53)
Cindy McCain (57)
David Paterson (57)
Dave Thomas (62)
Joe Cocker (67)
Constance Towers (77)

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The Palin Family’s Got A New Member!

May 19, 2011 / Posted by:

The eldest Palin son, 22-year-old Track, married his high school sweetheart, 21-year-old Britta Hanson, in an intimate ceremony in Hatcher Pass, Alaska today. After the young army reservist and the nursing student were married, their families immediately wrapped this statement in seal blubber and sent it to the office of People via a carrier falcon:

“Our families couldn’t be happier! These are two hard working, humble, active, studious young adults who grew up together. We’re tickled that after two decades of friendship we proudly witnessed their marriage, knowing their new life together will be blessed.

They will have a larger wedding celebration this winter at Alaska’s Alyeska Ski Resort when extended family and friends from the Lower 48 can travel north for a long ski weekend.

The Hanson and Palin families are ecstatic and proud that Britta and Track married in one of our favorite spots in America, spectacular Hatcher Pass, Alaska. It’s a site we’ve all shared fun memories of skiing, snowboarding, hiking and snowmachining.”

You know, there’s something very familiar about this whole thing. Having a surprise wedding on a weekday afternoon… The bride wearing a smart casual blazer from Dress Barn with a slimming black t-shirt from The Limited…. A bouquet covering any evidence…. I KNOW! This is just like the wedding my cousin had when she didn’t want our abuelita finding out that she was 3-months knocked up! Ho tried to put a silencer on the shot gun! This is just like that.

However, in this case, instead of worrying about an abuelita finding out, they’re trying to keep it from the publicist who handles Bristol Palin’s pro-abstinence speaking engagements.

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Danielle Staub Has Retired From The Pole

May 19, 2011 / Posted by:

Scores is taking “The Grinch Grind” special off of their menu, because Danielle Staub, the former prostitution whorah from The Real Housewives of NJ, has torn her contract with them and has given her last twirl around the pole. Just two days after it was announced that fans of four square titties and deep fried ham wallets would get to see Danielle live at Scores once a year, she has told People that she quit to work on the state of her mental health instead.

“I have addictions with love and low self-esteem, and I need help! My low self-esteem derived from childhood sexual abuse has messed with my mind and self-worth, and over the years I thought about getting help but pushed it deep into the depths of denial. For years I have had the suicide hotline on my cell phone and would like nothing more than to free myself from this constant pressure.

Seeing how I have hurt myself and my family this time. I can no longer push it behind me.”

Danielle has also been trying to get a hold of Dr. Drew for help. AND Danielle just finished shooting a reality show with Heidi Montag. Now, I’m not saying that Danielle isn’t crazier than a flaming bag of mites and needs psychological help in a serious way, but hos usually only ring up Dr. Drew when they suffer from chronic famewhoreitis and the only cure is a Vh1 camera up their nostrils. Bitch needs reality show rehab, not Celebrity Rehab.

Afternoon Crumbs

May 19, 2011 / Posted by:

We’re living in a world where Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber are two of Forbes most powerful celebrities on the planet. Should I see if the rapture can be moved up to Friday or do you want to check? – Celebitchy

Ryan Gosling is in nerd glasses because he must stay hipster fresh at all times – Lainey Gossip

Candice Boucher has sophisticated tastes – Hollywood Tuna

Moving on…. Doesn’t Maria Shriver’s daughter look like if a younger Zooey Deschanel starred in Teen Witch? – The Superficial

Debbie Harry’s still got it – Towleroad

Now for something different! Instead of Kate Moss’ bare nipples, here’s Kate Moss’ nipples with a sheer piece of fabric over them! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Parker Gregory would look so much better if he was completely allergic to clothes – The Berry

Your boyfriend Chris Evans is cheating on you – Just Jared

Rosario Dawson in a bikini and someone named Luke Evans without his top on. It’s two wins. – Popsugar

Karolina Kurkova is wearing the dress version of a gladiator sandal – Popoholic

Wearing this outfit might be the most embarrassing thing David Arquette has ever done and you know that’s saying a lot – ICYDK

Don’t be mad, but I thought this was a stoned Charlize TheronHollywood Rag

The world needs more Ramones graffiti – Cityrag

Who doesn’t love a glitter bomb?! Newt doesn’t, that’s who – OMG Blog

The paps are still taking pictures of Carmen Electra and Rob PattersonI’m Not Obsessed

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And So It Begins….

May 19, 2011 / Posted by:

As Jon Cryer throws the same look of uncertainty I make when my sister takes me to a vegan restaurant and Angus T. Jones laughs at the insane amount of money he’s fucking making right now (he does that a lot), Ashton Kutcher thinks about the treasures he’s going to find buried in Charlie Sheen’s old trailer (a silicone vagina filled with 8-balls, a hooker’s right leg, who knows…).

Jon, Ashton and Angus gathered together at the CBS upfronts in NYC yesterday as the new cast of the next (and probably last) season of Two and a Half Men. Yeah, I know people are saying that CBS should just bury Two and a Half Men in the octagon next to Charlie Sheen’s sanity, but let these hos make as much money as they can while it’s still possible. Jon Cryer needs to buy more shiny suits. Ashton needs to buy Demi Moore a new face and a new pair of heat-resistant nipples. And Angus needs more money to drown the image of Charlie Sheen snorting yellow cocaine off of a gorilla’s pec while a midget porn star threw multicolored mini marshmallows at his asshole in his trailer. So more money for them! I can still hate. But I can’t fully hate.

And is it just me, or does this picture look like the three stages of a male-to-female sex change (you decide who goes with which stage).

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