The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For July 22nd!

July 25, 2011 / Posted by:

SWM. Searching for discreet three-way with lettuce and tomato. – MeowMeow

Runners-up:

Howard Hesseman tries to make a comeback with “WPORK in Cincinnati.” – citizenstrange

And now for a public service announcement:
Fuck all you want but be sure to wrap your meat. – OurMissC

After discovering that using graphic images taken from slaughter houses is having a limited influence on today’s desensitized childeren, PETA begins a newer, more horrific ad campaign aimed at terrifying kids into becoming vegetarians. – I heart Natalie

via Poorly Dressed

Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 25, 2011 / Posted by:

Hilary Devey, a serious businesswoman who is so serious about business that she has won awards for it, the CEO of a freight distribution company called Pall-EX and the new judge on BBC 2’s Dragons’ Den (which is like the US’s Shark Tank but with dragons instead).

Even after reading a profile on Hilary Devey by the highly important news source The Daily Mail, I still don’t know much about the Dragons’ Den newest Dragon Lady, but that doesn’t matter. Everything I need to know about Dragon Lady Hilary is in these pictures. Hilary’s asymmetrical haircut tells me that she whips her rivals with her hair cape before she takes over their company (or it tells me that her hairstylist is cockeyed)! Hilary’s 100-yard long shoulder pads tell me that she loves to make a grand entrance. Specifically, a grand entrance that involves her slipping through a doorway sideways since bitch can’t fit straight on (like a couch!). Hilary’s permanent heatproof lipstick tells me that when she breathes out fire balls at anyone who effs with her, she wants to make sure that red lacquered glamour stays permanently on her mouth. This is POWAH DRESSING, DAHLINGS! It’s like she’s an alien sea lizard from a planet whose only transmissions from Earth are episodes of Dynasty and she thinks all humans look like Alexis Carrington (which they should)!

Here’s Hilary on an old episode Secret Millionaire.

THAT VOICE! It’s like a chain-smoking toad with a voice box yawning into a fan. That voice could melt the nicotine off any patch.

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Birthday Sluts

July 25, 2011 / Posted by:

Verdine White (60)
James Lafferty (26)
Tera Patrick (35)
Michael C. Williams (38)
Matt LeBlanc (44)
Illeana Douglas (46)
Bobbie Eakes (50)
Darren Star (50)
Thurston Moore (53)
Iman (56)

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The Ginger Dame Rises

July 24, 2011 / Posted by:

By the time you read this, Christopher Nolan would have already shut down production on The Dark Knight Rises, pink-slipped every single cast member and locked himself up in his basement office where he’s re-writing the whole story to focus on a freckled heroine who’s the chicken coop love child of Poison Ivy and The Joker and was raised by Alfred in a half-broken incubator in the corner of the Bat Cave. It’s BAT CUTLETS!

When you shine her signal in the night sky, she rushes to the spotlight and strikes poses in front of it for hours until the villains get bored while waiting for her and go and get a Double Double instead. Have you ever posed with the Cutlets in the pap’s flash light?

For the second year in a row, Nerdapalooza felt the A-list (A is for “aim a camera at her and she’ll pose”) powers of Phoebe Price who brought some free range glamour to the streets of San Diego by posing in costumes EXCLUSIVELY picked by PP from KMart discount bins the day after Halloween.

The major Comic-Con events might’ve been inside, but the real show was outside. Yes PP can pose with SD’s finest who almost put her in handcuffs for flashing farm raised labia. Yes PP’s mother can wear a Kinko’s original t-shirt that I want to be buried in. And yes Lynda Carter will bawl on all 60 of her birthday candles tonight and wish the same thing she wished last year: THAT PP WILL STOP SHOWIN’ HER UP LIKE THIS!

Rhys Ifans Goes Crazy At Comic-Con

July 24, 2011 / Posted by:

You have to be a special kind of infuckingsane to make the crazier fanboys at Comic-Con look like they’re on the right side of sane, but Welsh actor and former piece of Sienna Miller Rhys Ifans managed to do just that before a screening for The Amazing Spider-Man. Rhys, who plays The Lizard in that shit, acted like a fourteen karat cunt when a member of his entourage (the word “entourage” has hit hard times when even Rhys has one) didn’t have the right credentials and wasn’t allowed into the screening. Rhys brought the bitch, shoved a woman to get in and declared that the United States of America sucks. Rhys was not only under the influence of stupidity, but he was also under the influence of the sweet nectar.

The Wrap says that Rhys was allowed to take part in the panel, but afterward a security guard did my favorite thing ever. The guard busted a CITIZEN’S ARREST on Rhys’ ass. Sometimes when I’m bonging with friends, the good shit smoke floats into my brain, unlocks my bucket list and makes me want to issue a CITIZEN’S ARREST on one of them for smoking an illegal substance. You know, just so I can say I CITIZEN’S ARRESTED bitch. Better yet, can you CITIZEN’S ARREST yourself? That’s a question for another pass ‘n puff party….

Lt. Andra Brown explained the details of Rhys’ act of drunk dumbassery like this: “He was aggressive and belligerent. He was… berating everyone from the security staff to the United States of America. He was cited and released, which is a non-custodial misdemeanor arrest. But, according to him, the U.S. sucks and he doesn’t want to come back.”

Sony apologized for this mess and the San Diego District Attorney will later decide if they want to press charges.

When you’re in the US, promoting an American movie made an American production company that lined your checking account with American dollars, maybe it’s not a good idea to say that the US can suck your hairy twat nuts (which I’m sure look exactly like his hairy face).

I swear, I’m parking my ass at Comic-Con next year. Last year, nerds stabbed each other with BICs and this year Sienna Miller’s old fuck buddy got CITIZEN’S ARRESTED by a security guard. Comic-Con is where the real tragic cunt theatrics are.

Kristen Stewart As Snow White

July 24, 2011 / Posted by:

Straight from Comic-Com comes the promo pictures for Stoned Snow White and the Huntsman starring Kristen Stewart as Snow White, Charlize Theron as The Evil Queen, Chris Hemsworth as The Huntsman, Sam Claflin, Eddie Izzard, Nick Frost and Toby Jones. This is the second Snow White movie coming out next year, and this one is going to turn Snow White into a Joan of Arc type bad bitch who drops the innocent maiden act to take down The Queen.

I know these are just pictures, but since only premature overreactions are allowed on the internet, I just have to say: THE FUCK?! Kristen Stewart as Snow White = No. Kristen Stewart as Dopey = Si. How is Snow White going to bite the apple when she’s too busy biting her own lip? How are we going to know the difference between Snow White in an apple-induced coma and Snow White not in an apple-induced coma since Kristen Stewart always looks like she’s been bitten by the Lunesta moth. And even a half-broken lezzie mirror with Twihard tendencies who has never felt the drop of Windex would never say that Kristen Stewart is “fairer” than Charlize Theron. Bye Ho….Bye Ho….

Bitches need to explain all of this right after they explain why Charlize Theron looks like Heidi of the Alps at a Brother of the Wolf costume party.

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