Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

This well-known personal trainer has an enviable physique and a successful TV career. The trainer urges clients to lose weight the natural way through exercise and diet management. But our slim and muscular gym buddy doesn’t have that much personal self discipline and is secretly a cocaine addict. By day the trainer is in the gym or TV studio – with frequent bathroom breaks – at night the trainer is found at parties and Hollywood clubs brazenly hopped up on blow. (Janet Charlton via Blind Gossip)

RICHARD SIMMONS! No, Richard only snorts sugar-free Pixy Stix when he needs an after hours pick-me-up. I’m narrowing this mess down to Jackie Warner or Jillian Michaels? Jillian screams at the hos she’s training as though she’s trying to cut a coke rock with her rage, but I clearly picture Jackie doing a quick bump off of her piece of the hour’s nipple in a lesbo club somewhere. I’ll go with Jackie as my final guess?

This aging still A list Academy Award winner/nominee was on a plane recently when he repeatedly kept groping one of the female flight attendants. A hand here a squeeze there and the flight attendant finally told our actor that she did not care who he was that if he did it again she would tell the pilot and have the plane met by police. Our actor stopped groping her but soon found a willing partner when he did the same thing to another flight attendant. (CDAN)

Brad Pitt needs to stop before every Brangeloonie tries to become a flight attendant! My real guess is Jack Nicholson?

These two comedian costars who are known to be friends off stage but bitter enemies in their popular movie, are no longer buddy-buddy in real life either. It happened on the set of their latest movie when one of the stars decided to play a trick on the other (who is severely allergic to peanut butter) by slipping peanuts into his food. When he went into anaphylactic shock and had to be taken to the hospital, halting production, their relationship has never been the same. (BuzzFoto)

Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson on the set of Little Fockers? That’s totally going to be an extra on the DVD.

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White Oprah Never Gets A Day Off

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Can’t White Oprah just have one full day of lying passed out on the garage floor (with car keys still in hand) without Nana Lohan having to tase her in the neck to tell her that once again someone has dragged the innocent Lohan name through the mud! Kind of like how White Oprah had to drag herself out of the T.G.I.Friday’s to barf her 8th Mud Slide of the night into the bushes. Sort of like that. Sort of.

Hopefully White Oprah will get tomorrow off, because today she had to rinse the turnpike party out of her mouth to release a statement in response to a judge calling Snooki a “Lindsay Lohan wannabe.” The judge called Snooki this after she declared she was guilty of getting tanked on the beach (she was sentenced to 2 days of community service). White Oprah kept her statement to TMZ pretty simple:

The family is very disappointed that a judge would say that in a court of law.

It really is disgusting that a judge would compare Snooki to Lindsay Lohan. I mean, LiLo has snorted a lot of lines, hit a lot of parked cars, gotten a lot of DUIs and told a lot of people to fuck off to get where she is today! And what has Snooki done? The Wookie of Poughkeepsie has a long way to fall before she even comes close to LiLo. Thankyouverymuch.

Here’s Snookers going to the movies with JWoww and Deena today before showing up to court. Whatever you do, do not let Tim Peeler see Snooki’s boots. I don’t think he can handle it.

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Afternoon Crumbs

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Jeremy Renner needs an apple on his face to make this look work – Lainey Gossip

Vintage Kendra Wilkinson with BIC EYEBROWS. Just…no. – Egotastic!

The bodyguard who claimed Brit Brit flashed her coochieronies at him just filed a lawsuit – The Superficial

Click! Flash! Wow! Bang! Crack! Head! Fornarina! – Hollywood Tuna

Poppycock’s tribute to Harvey Milk Towleroad

Teresa Giudice needs hairline revision and Danielle needs face revision so they should make up and try to get a two for one deal – Celebitchy

Miley Cyrus’ face has finally settled down a bit – Popoholic

The last thing Jessica Simpson should be wearing a funeral Ice Capades dress – Popsugar

Looks more like Betty Draper goes to 1960s Moscow – Popsugar

Finally, someone with real moves (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Are we sure this is not Detective La Toya taking the subway? – OMG Blog

Expert fuck word slipper Jenny Slate is off of SNL next season – ICYDK

Snooki got told – I’m Not Obsessed

Since when do they make booster seats for Lamborghinis? – Celebslam

Rosie O’Donnell is going by the name Captain Joe Riley now – Cityrag

Taking pictures of wet cardboard boxes and half-dead moths down in the basement has paid off for Solange! – Necole Bitchie

JON HAMM at the GQ Men of the Year Awards!!! – Holy Moly!

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The Wrong Way To Launch A Watermelon

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

In this preview clip for the new season of The Amazing Race, Claire finds out the hard way what it’s like to get slapped in the face by one of Aretha Franklin’s chichis. “I can’t feel my face” is what most people say when they try to motorboat Aretha, so they all feel Claire’s pain!

And then right after Claire almost gets decapitated by a watermelon, her partner Brook tells her that she needs to keep going. Claire was just on the wrong end of a Gallagher facial! Claire has watermelon snot lodged into the deeper parts of her brain! Claire is trying to emotionally deal with the fact that she’s going to smell watermelon for the rest of her fucking life! Claire’s gums have been replaced by watermelon rind! Claire’s vision is blurred by a chorus of dancing watermelons taunting her ass! Claire just got a heavy dose of “BITCH BOOM BYE” in the face by a damn watermelon! ….And her bitch partner says to her, “You have to finish.

THAT BIT….Okay, I’d probably tell Claire the same thing. Well, do you want to get a happy face from Phil at the end of the leg, or a sad face?! See, don’t let that bitch ass watermelon keep you from seeing Phil’s happy face!

via SOW

Open Post: Hosted By Hanson Bulge

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Dressed up like a lesbian mime who paints houses during the day, Taylor Hanson (soft) rocked out with his bulge out at the Paper Summer Music Festival in NYC last night. This might make you “MMMBop” where it counts, so I’ll just leave this here for you.

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Wonky Really Does Have Talent!

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Joe Francis, the douchebag with the most punchable face in the world, is trying to cock block one of his former employees from releasing a tell-all which paints him as a “child molester, tax cheat, rapist, coked-out amoral direct marketer, violent thug and sexual predator.” You know, all the things Joe’s oldest auntie calls him when she pinches his face cheeks at family reunions. “You adorable little coked out tax cheat rapist you..

The book FLASH! Bars, Boobs, and Busted: 5 Years on the Road with Girls Gone Wild written by Ryan Simkin isn’t out yet, but he’s been releasing excerpts including this one about Wonky McValtrex’s ONE MAJOR TALENT!

Ryan writes that Joe called him from Europe one day and asked him to get twenty hits of ecstasy and four 8-balls of coke from Girls Gone Wild’s controller/drug dealer. Joe instructed Ryan to get the bundle of the bad shit to his girlfriend at the time Paris Hilton. Ryan put it all in a Camel ciggie box and met Wonks at Smashbox Studios where she was doing a photo shoot for Seventeen. Ryan went on to write:

I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.

Right after that they came in with her next outfit, and she put it on. She said we could stay for a while and watch, but we were tired, and our work there was done. We hugged, said our goodbyes, and my roommate and I went back to the car to go home. I don’t think we said five words to each other the entire car ride. I spoke to Joe a couple weeks later. He thanked me again for the favor and said it all arrived safe.

I guess so.

And I bet that when Wonky pulled out the Camel box in Europe, that shit was empty! Tinkerbell, the army of pussy parasites and all her crotch crustaceans snorted it all up! Do you blame them? Every day, they all sit in Wonky’s cooch cavern waiting for some kind of nourishment to come through. When it’s a peen, they just stand against her sour walls filing their nails and waiting for it to leave. But when it’s a box of something good, they fight over that shit Lord of the Flies-style!

Bitch’s pussy is like the opening to Ursula’s lair. I would call Tinkerbell and Wonky’s crabs “poor unfortunate souls” but they probably snort more coke than all of us combined!

via Gawker & THR

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