SNL Broke Character Last Night Because The Election Is Just That Gross
Amidst a week of even more negative revelations on both sides of the presidential election aisle (we’ll get to those in a moment), Saturday Night Live put on their final Donald Trump/Hillary Clinton cold open before election day on Tuesday. It was a little different than the usual “Trump is repugnant and clueless” and “Hillary is way desperate and thirsty” schtick.
Jinger Duggar Got Married
The Quiverfull movement had reason to rejoice anew yesterday. A new Duggar baby portal was officially dedicated. By that, I mean Jinger Duggar got married, and it’s only a matter of time before her uterus is bringing forth multitudes to continue her family’s quest to overrun the planet.
Let Basement Baby Soothe Your Soul With Her Deep Interpretive Dance Moves
Beyonce performed at a Clinton rally in Cleveland, Ohio on Friday where she commanded the Beyhive to fly into the polling places to use their stingers to punch a hole next to the name Hillary Clinton. (Beyonce tried but you know the BeyHive is going to write-in her name in their bee blood.) While she was doing that, Solange was in NYC preparing to dust our faces with several layers of new age art, sweet lyrical dance moves and high fashion (that’s usually only found in a public access movie from the 1970s about space).
Dave Chappelle Isn’t With Hillary, But He Also Didn’t Vote For Trump
Observer reported that Dave Chappelle performed an hour-long set at the Cutting Room in NYC on Friday night which reportedly consisted of him hatin’ on Hillary Clinton and lovin’ him some Donald Trump. Remember when Dave allegedly went insane and forced a commercial airliner to make an emergency landing? Me, too.
Hot Sluts Of The Day!
BBMak!
Most of us were forced to fall back 1 hour today thanks to Daylight Savings Time, that annoying whore who doesn’t seem to ever go away. Thanks to this un-poppable urethra pimple of an election, many of us probably hoped that we could set our clocks back 16 years to simpler times when Blind Date was the worst (and best) thing on our TV screens, Lindsay Lohan was still a pure ginger non-secret agent dew drop, our hardest decision tech-wise was choosing which color Nokia 8210 to get, and Kim Kartrashian wasn’t a name that was stored in our brains. (Although, PornHub didn’t exist back then and I had to get free porn from shit like Napster, so fuck going back.)
Since I’ve taken us back to the ancient days of the newborn aughts, let’s pay tribute to one of the songs that wiggled into our ear tunnels and burrowed into our brains for a few months.
Birthday Sluts
Sally Field (70)
Conchita Wurst (28)
Emma Stone (28)
Patina Miller (32)
Lamar Odom (37)
Taryn Manning (38)
Zoe McLellan (42)
Susan Downey (43)
Thandie Newton (44)
Rebecca Romjin (44)
Ethan Hawke (46)
Kelly Rutherford (48)
Michael Cerveris (56)
Lori Singer (59)
Maria Shriver (61)
Arturo Sandoval (67)
Mohamed Hadid (68)
Glenn Frey (1948-2016)
Pic: Pinterest