Kristen Stewart Is Giving You “Stop The Insanity” Moodiness

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

Last month when Kristen Stewart officially came out as a gayelle on Saturday Night Live, her hair was very “Hollywood power lesbian.” Well, sometime before the L.A. premiere of that arty ghost texting movie, Personal Shopper, she Legend of Billie Jean’d herself by taking clippers to her hair and also Clorox’ing that bitch. Kristen Stewart gave herself a buzzcut for either that underwater movie she’s doing, or because she wanted to, or because she couldn’t handle the mutant lice anymore and tried to shave them out of her life. (SPOILER ALERT: That doesn’t work.)

Many are saying that Kristen Stewart is giving them Dollar Tree Annie Lennox vibes. And sure, KStew does look like a grouchy Annie Lennox impersonator who has a record low rating on Yelp because she screams at party guests who asks for a selfie and really just wants to smoke a joint in the corner. But I’m also getting fetus-aged Justin Bieber mixed with the greatest fitness queen of the 90s Susan Powter!

justinbiebersusanpowter

KStew seems to really be feeling it, because usually when she’s in front of a camera, she looks about as happy as Howie Mandel at a bareback scat orgy. But her face actually produced a smile or two last night. The power of a Susan Powter makeover knows no bounds! And I think KStew was feeling her new look so much that she forgot to put on clothes over that weird shapewear shit she’s wearing.

Pics: Wenn.com, Pinterest, Globe and Mail

Ben Affleck And Jennifer Garner Have Called Off Their Divorce

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

On February 17, 2017, this site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner May Finally File For Divorce From Ben Affleck.

On February 23, 2017, this same site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner Might Not File For Divorce From Ben Affleck Just Yet.

And now People is saying that Jennifer Garner is no longer planning to legally quit Ben Affleck and they’ve both pressed the pause button on filing for divorce. These messes! They better send all of us a jumbo-sized bottle of Xanax and a barrel of red wine, because they have taken us on a roller coaster of emotions (not really).

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Brace Yourselves For Another Possibly Messy Custody Battle….

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

And yes, this is the official “Brace Yourselves For Another Possibly Messy Custody Battle” face:

braceyourselfscarjo

In January, we learned that Scarlett Johansson and her French journalist husband of about 2 years, Romain Dauriac, broke up over the summer after deciding that they didn’t want to wake up to each other’s faces every day anymore. It seemed like ScarJo and RoDa’s split wasn’t going to go the way of other celebrity splits (read: into a diarrhea puddle). While separated, ScarJo and Romain opened up their fancy popcorn shop in Paris together, and even after the news of their break-up came out, they posed for a picture together at some event. But since a Hollywood divorce just can’t go smoothly anymore, Romain’s lawyer tells Page Six that shit may get bumpy.

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Birthday Sluts

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

Kat Von D (35)
Nick Zano (39)
James Van Der Beek (40)
Freddie Prinze Jr. (41)
Hines Ward (41)
Boris Kodjoe (44)
Andrea Parker (47)
Camryn Manheim (56)
Lester Holt (58)
Aidan Quinn (58)
Gary Numan (59)
Carole Bayer Sager (70)
Micky Dolenz (72)
Susan Clark (77)
Lynn Redgrave (1943-2010)
Cyd Charisse (1922-20080
Alan Hale Jr. (1921-1990)

Pic: Wenn.com

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