Yes, finally; I’m sure there’s at least one person out there who was anxiously bouncing their legs in anticipation. Good news, that person – we’ve got a name! Cheryl and the One Directioner Liam Payne made a baby boy who was born five weeks ago. At the time, Cheryl and Liam both made it known in their social media birth announcements that they didn’t have a name for their kid yet. Yesterday, The Daily Mail claimed that Cheryl and Liam named their baby Bear Payne. That news was confirmed by Liam after he was congratulated on Twitter by urine-drinking wilderness person Bear Grylls.
— Liam (@LiamPayne) May 2, 2017
The Daily Mail says that both Cheryl and Liam know Bear Grylls and he may have been the inspiration for their kid’s name. Well, that or Cheryl and Liam threw a dart at a list of Quirky-ish Famous Baby Names and hit Alicia Silverstone, Jamie Oliver, Kate Winslet’s favorite.
But back to that name. Bear Payne doesn’t even sound like the name of a baby; it sounds like a home-made alcoholic energy drink for lumberjacks. If Yogi trained Boo Boo as an MMA fighter, his Octagon name would be Bear Payne. All I really know is that if Bear and his mom were to get into Britain’s Motherboy circuit, Cher & Bear would be a great team name.
Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chips!
“Naked chicken chips” sounds like slang for chicken genitals, and well, Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chips could be made out of down-low poultry parts, because who really knows what kind of chicken parts they put in that shit. But last summer, Taco Bell started testing their answer to McDonald’s fried pink slime dingles (aka Chicken McNuggets): Naked Chicken Chips! Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chips are the babies (or turds, depending on how you look at them) of former HSOTD, the Fried Chicken Chalupa.
CNBC says that starting next week, Taco Bells in the U.S. will spread open their chafed b-holes and butt burp out their Doritos-shaped fried chicken nuggets. They’ll sell them for $1.99 for six and $2.99 for twelve. Of course, Taco Bell doesn’t expect you to eat their Naked Chicken Chips dry and without lube, so they come with a nacho cheese sauce. Taco Bell’s chief marketing officer, Marisa Thalberg, sold that mess with these words:
“The world wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Naked Chicken, and neither were we. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, we went and added our famous Nacho Cheese to expose the traditional chips and cheese combo like only Taco Bell can.”
Like only Taco Bell can… “Oh really, bitch,” said every stoner who invented fried chicken chips years ago after deciding that fried chicken is just way too hard to eat. But I’m all for these, because they look like you can easily dip them into Pintos N Cheese as you drunkenly cry about your painful loneliness in the parking lot of a Taco Bell as your Lyft driver honks at you to get in the fucking car already.
Pic: Taco Bell
Christina Hendricks (42)
Levi Johnston (27)
Mary Lambert (28)
Poppy Delevingne (31)
Meagan Tandy (32)
Cheryl Burke (33)
Rebecca Hall (35)
Eric Church (40)
Willie Geist (42)
Dule Hill (42)
Damon Dash (46)
Bobby Cannavale (47)
Jeffrey Sebelia (47)
Nina Garcia (52)
Kevin Kilner (59)
Christopher Cross (66)
Chris Mulkey (69)
Richard Jenkins (70)
Greg Gumbel (71)
Ron Popeil (82)
Frankie Valli (83)
James Brown (1933-2006)
Ann B. Davis (1926-2014)
Bing Crosby (1903-1977)
Pic: Max Abadian/Flare
Many were covered with disappointment when Lupita Nyong’o hit the Met Gala in an ugly orange table cloth trimmed with ugly orange feathers. It doesn’t really bother me that her look is barfastic, but it does bother me that the thing around her chest looks like an overused and beat up shower puff. Doesn’t Lupita know that those things are breeding grounds for nasty germs? Ask Dr. Oz! – Lainey Gossip
I guess Elle Bulgaria couldn’t even get Hailey Baldwin…. – Drunken Stepfather
The Kartrashians dumped their stylist, but that’s okay. They still have the greatest thing to happen to fashion Kanye West – Celebitchy
Good news for the zero of you who have thought, “I really want a bikini designed by that yapping wig from Bravo!” – Reality Tea
Ariel Winter’s ass cheeks will continue to make appearances on social media – The Nip Slip
“Kevin, just pretend he’s a hairless and blond twink from Eastern Europe” – Kevin Spacey to himself in that still from the House of Cards trailer – Towleroad
Oh, it’s just Maria Menonous dry humping a shrub – Hollywood Tuna
The Texas T-Rex and Idris Elba released teaser trailer for The Dark Tower during a fake fight on Twitter. Yes, actors are whoring out teaser trailers by fake fighting on Twitter now… – Popsugar
Pitch got benched for good. Wait, that’s baseball talk, right? – Pajiba
Why is Hailee Steinfeld wearing the gold foil gift bag my mom reuses over and over again to wrap presents in? – Popoholic
And here’s some uncut English peen provided by an actor you’ve never heard of – OMG Blog
The nominations for the Tonys (this year retitled to: The Bette Midler Appreciation Ceremony) were announced today – Boy Culture
What in “Halsey as a priestess/go-go dancer of an alien cult” HELL is Katy Perry wearing? – Just Jared
Janet Jackson Announces Her Return To Touring, But Well, You Better Check That Refund Policy Before Buying A Ticket
While everyone was distracted by the fuckery being served up at the Met Gala last night, Janet Jackson dropped yet another one of her “Announcements From Bed” videos for her fans. I swear, Janet and these POV videos. I’m sorry, Janet, but the only Jackson I want to know what it’s like to be on top of is that hot piece Jermaine.
While sounding exactly like Michael Jackson, Janet started off her video message by telling her brother Randy Jackson (who’s off camera) to shut his mouth after he pretty much called her a fatty fat ass. Then Janet let her fans know that she really did break up with her billionaire husband and they’re handling it in court right now. Once she got that news out of the way, Janet announced that the tour she pressed “pause” on to have her kid, Issa, is back on and will start up again on September 7, 2017 in Lafayette, LA. Hmm… I’m sure this news has nothing to do with that lawsuit from a fan who accused Live Nation of refusing to issue refunds because the tour was “rescheduled.”
This story is going to be a real emotional roller coaster for any of the following: people who cry at sad stories, people who cry at happy stories, people who cry seeing pictures of smiling babies, people who cry when they see Jimmy Kimmel cry.