As promised, Hollywood has delivered a reboot of the 2000 Nancy Meyers film, What Women Want called What Men Want, and the first trailer was released today. If you’re into Taraji P. Henson in top-shelf power bitch business suits, you’re going to be all over this movie.
In the trailer, we learn that instead of advertising executive Mel Gibson creeping on women’s brains, it’s sports agent Taraji P. Henson using men’s thoughts against them in an attempt to break through the glass ceiling.
That image above is from right after Taraji’s character discovers what her brain can do. And honestly, that’s probably the same face I’d make if I had just discovered that I was now trapped in a mental prison that involved hearing the inner thoughts of the men around me. I live two doors down from a frat house, so my skull would basically be a never-ending nightmare box filled with inner-monologues about MMA, “smoking hot broads” and Jägermeister.
In What Women Want, Mel Gibson gained access to women’s minds by falling into the bathtub while holding a hairdryer. In What Men Want, Taraji’s magic happens after she meets with a psychic played by Erykah Badu, who offers her some jasmine tea with just a pinch of weed, peyote, and crack. Is Erykah even playing a character? That is kind of how she dresses in real life, and some of the shit she’s said recently definitely sounds like the work of drug tea. Why do I get the feeling that at least once, as she was pouring that tea, she looked at the cameras and said: “So, are you guys filming a movie?”
The up-the-nose angle is never a good look for anyone, but that’s not the most uncomfortable part of this old picture of Safaree Samuels and Nicki Minaj. Safaree and Nicki dated for about fourteen years, and their break-up was a mess-and-a-half (to say the least). Now Safaree is claiming that things were also messy while they were dating, to the point that Nicki allegedly put him in the hospital and he almost died.
Just because Melanie Griffith has no qualms serving as witness at a wedding officiated by Kris Jenner, don’t expect her to utilize her services! One- Kris probably charges out the ass and makes you invite Scott Disick. Two- after three husbands and four walks down the aisle, Melanie is done with marriage. She’s looking for something casual…just don’t expect her to go looking for it on Tinder, commoners.
Your mom probably remembers the day she wrecked a pair of chonies by shooting a jet stream of coochie cream into ’em while watching hairy nippled hotness Lucky Vanous suck down a can of Diet Coke in a 1994 commercial that is an important panty creaming artifact. Well, bear lovers are going to mark August 13th down as the day that they wrecked a pair of chonies by prolapsing into ’em while watching queer rapper Big Dipper orgasm on the inside as a 2-liter Diet Coke bottle busts an endless carbonated jizz geyser all over him.
In case you’re uneducated in the subject of important panty creaming artifacts, the original Diet Coke Break commercial starred Lucky Vanous as a hot construction worker who makes the ladies in a nearby office building shoot their clits off every time he takes a topless Diet Coke break. Big Dipper put a gay bear spin on it, and I don’t know if those office gays are getting the swoons from that Diet Coke shower or from those denim huevos suffocaters. Or both!
This is what you call “suffering for your art,” because Big Dipper probably looks like a hairless bear now after that chemical sugar water burned all of his luscious fur off. It was worth it.
The George Michael Lite known as Sam Smith was on an innocent boat ride to Catalina Island with Adam Lambert when choppy waters came his way in the form of Michael Jackson fans grabbing him by the tip of his widow’s peak and throwing him into the ocean with the sharks. The man version of Adele (Mandele?) learned that the only thing you have to do to get MJ superfans, including Grammy-winning singer and the original Dorothy in The Wiz Stephanie Mills, to declare you public enemy #1 is to say the words: I don’t like Michael Jackson. Sam Smith better wear an industrial-strength helmet and sunglasses made out of steel whenever he goes outside, because you know the dove lady from Michael Jackson’s child molestation trial is going to send her birds to peck a trick to death.
David Beckham was allegedly sick of Victoria Beckham posting their kids’ faces on social media and was refusing to pose on the cover of an upcoming issue of British Vogue with the entire family. But he has decided to go along with it. Posh must have threatened to upload pictures of Becks serving as a size model for her ready-to-wear fall 2018 ladies unmentionables collection!