The Nanny Is In Love With Ben Affleck

July 30, 2015 / Posted by:

Ben Affleck’s rep has already denied away that he has completed almost every step in “The Guide To Having A Cliche Mid-Life Crisis” by doing his children’s nanny. Ben is shaking his head “no” to the rumor that he had something going on with the nanny who was hired and fired by Jennifer Garner. He’s even threatened to sue. UsWeekly was the first one to report the rumor and now People, who has pretty much been Bennifer 2.0’s voice throughout their divorce, is saying that the nanny, Christine Ouzounian, is telling her friends that she’s ~in love~ with Ben. Well, judging by these paparazzi pictures of her that were taken yesterday, Ben has some competition. Because it looks like she’s ~in love~ with the cameras too.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 30, 2015 / Posted by:

The Grumpy Puppy!

The dog world must be sick and tired of all of the shine and millions of dollars Grumpy Cat has gotten over the years, so they have thrown their own contender into the ring. Earl is a half beagle, half pug (a puggle) whose human says that he was born looking like he was just forced to watch an Adam Sandler movie marathon while lying in a CROC bed. That dog’s looking at me like I just said that I love the Kardashians and meant it. That’s dog’s looking at me like I just farted and blamed it on him.  That dog’s looking at me like I just told him those two “jokes.”

Yahoo! UK says that Earl’s climb to Internet fame started a few days ago when his human Derek Bloomfield of Iowa posted his picture on Reddit. A grumpy ass Internet star was born. Earl now has a Facebook and an Instagram page and he’s well on his way to starring in a Lifetime Christmas special and getting extra grumpy as he’s forced to pose with celebs from B to Zzz. Derek says that even though Earl looks like Joe Jackson when his favorite switch goes missing, he is happy on the inside.

“He has had the grumpy expression from day one. The vet said he’s as healthy as any other puppy. He just looks grumpy because of his underbite, wrinkles, and dark complexion. He is the most relaxed, content puppy either one of us has ever seen.”

The definition of grumpy is: “surly or ill-tempered; discontentedly or sullenly irritable; grouchy.” Honestly, Earl looks like he’s way past grumpy. He looks like he’s raging on the inside. That’s a “hide the knives, don’t go to sleep, keep the lights on, pre-dial 911 on your phone” kind of mad. But I guess “Going To Kill You Puppy” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Grumpy Puppy” does.

I welcome our new grumpy Internet star! Here’s hoping that Grumpy Puppy and Grumpy Cat join forces one day in a reboot of Grumpy Old Men. Earl is obviously the Walter Matthau.

Pics: Caters, Instagram

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Birthday Sluts

July 30, 2015 / Posted by:

Kate Bush (57)
Diana Vickers (24)
Gina Rodriguez (31)
Yvonne Strahovski (33)
Hope Solo (34)
Misty May-Treanor (38)
Jaime Pressly (38)
Hilary Swank (41)
Elvis Crespo (44)
Tom Green (44)
Christine Taylor (44)
Christopher Nolan (45)
Simon Baker (46)
Terry Crews (47)
Vivica A. Fox (51)
Lisa Kudrow (52)
Alton Brown (53)
Laurence Fishburne (54)
Richard Linklater (55)
Delta Burke (59)
Ken Olin (61)
Frank Stallone (65)
Jean Reno (67)
Arnold Schwarzenegger (68)
Paul Anka (74)
Peter Bogdanovich (76)

Pic: Govert de Roos

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The 80s Supermodel TV Show Of My Dreams Is Coming

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

I know, I know, technically that picture was taken in the early 90s, but who cares about petty details when there’s good news to talk about for a change.

Variety says that the NBC peacock has finally pulled its head out of its ass and is doing what it should’ve done a long time ago. NBC is making a TV show about the modeling world in the 80s. One of George Clooney’s drinking partners and one of the biggest supermodels of all-time, Cindy Crawford, is producing the drama with Anne Heche and Anne’s husband James Tupper. Random IS Anne Heche and Cindy Crawford making a glamorous TV show about warring models in the 80s. Variety has a few details:

“Icon,” hailing from Universal TV, revolves around the modeling wars in the ’80s that occurred between Ford Modeling Agency and Elite Model Management. The show is completely fictionalized, rather than a re-telling of Crawford’s own experiences. No actual names of models or figures from the time will be used.

I know we’ve all been waiting for Cindy Crawford to once again knock us over with her impeccable acting skills the way she did in Fair Game, but she’s not going to be in it. She’s strictly producing.

This world needs a lot of things, but it really needs a TV show about 80s models. I hope Cindy, Anne and Anne’s husband don’t fuck it up. I also hope it’s a hit, because if it is, it may lead to reboots of Models Inc. and the 80s jewel that never got the chance to fully sparkle: Paper Dolls!

Actually, Cindy should just go ahead and save herself some time and just remake Paper Dolls using the original cast.

Pics: Peter Lindbergh

The Houstons And Browns Are Reportedly Fighting Over Bobbi Kristina’s Funeral Arrangements

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Bobbi Kristina Brown barely flew up to heaven to be with Nippy a few days ago, and you’d think that maybe the Houston and Brown families would put all their stupid bullshit aside for once and come together. But well, if People is telling the truth, they’re back to their messy ways.

Bobbi Kristina’s funeral is set for Saturday in Atlanta, GA. After the funeral, she will go to New Jersey to be laid to rest next to Whitney Houston. That’s apparently pretty much all the Houston and Brown families can agree on. A source tells People that there’s still many arrangements to be made, but the families are having a hard time agreeing on anything. That strong wind that hit all of them in the face hard is Whitney trying to slap some sense into them.

“Both sides [of the family] are still not happy and on the same page,” says the source of the Browns and Houstons. “There is a lot going on behind the scenes. There is a lot to do in a very short time.”

Adds another source: “Things are constantly changing.”

I’m not sure why they’re not on the same page. It seems like it would be pretty simple. Second Cousin Dionne Warwick will open with a song, Cissy Houston and Bobby Brown will close with a song, Aunt Tina will handle the refreshments and Nick Gordon won’t be around since he may be in a jail cell. Actually, scratch Aunt Tina from refreshments, because she shouldn’t be around glassware.

Pic: Wenn.com

Afternoon Crumbs

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Michelle Williams is dating author Jonathan Safran Foer and the source says it’s not a surprise, because she just loves books. If she loves books so much why doesn’t she just date a damn book? I didn’t know I was going to make a Pee-wee Herman reference while talking about Michelle Williams’ dating life, but here we are – Lainey Gossip 

Kim Kartrashian supposedly called Beyonce to laugh about her own pillow baby rumors and I’d totally believe it if I also believed that Beyonce gave Kim her real phone number – Celebitchy

Oh, it’s just Olivia Culpo naked and farting on a model’s chest for a photo shoot – Drunken Stepfather

Channing Tatum is probably not going to be Gambit The Superficial 

Chrissy Teigen wore an arm bra for Women’s Health UKEgotastic

Kelly Bundy could’ve been Elle WoodsJezebel

Eva Longoria and a journalist had a small fight over whether or not she needs eyeglasses to see. But you probably already read about it when it was CNN’s top story this morning – Egotastic 

That girl from Victorious looks like this now – Popoholic

The Katsopolis twins from Full House look like this now – HuffPo

Why don’t I have any friends who will stick Twizzlers in my mouth when I’m asleep? – Hollywood Tuna 

Elaine Lancaster is a life-saving drag queen hero! – Towleroad

A company called Lucky 13 really wants naked pics of Taylor SwiftIDLYITW

Because Detroit hasn’t been through enough, they have a Pimp Mama Kris statue now – Pajiba

Macy Gray made a song about her vibrator – SOW

Those hosts on Good Day Sacramento just didn’t get Cara Delevingne’s British sense of humor, so says Cara Delevingne – Just Jared

The raw emotions poured out of  Jimmy Kimmel as he talked about Cecil the LionPopsugar

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: A Corgi Puppy Trying To Go Down Stairs

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Sadly, there aren’t any new pictures of Phoebe Price posing bottomless while straddling a Bob’s Big Boy statue in Burbank somewhere. So we’ll all have to settle for this video of Peanut Butter, the corgi puppy, redefining the meaning of “struggle” while trying to go down a flight of carpeted stairs. Peanut Butter whimpers, throws a blue side-eye, whimpers some more and nearly eats it while trying to go down the stairs. This video is pretty much a dramatic interpretation of all of our lives. Aren’t we all just a corgi puppy trying to make our way down the stairs of life? (Although, I’m more of a drunk corgi puppy throwing himself down the stairs.)

SPOILER ALERT: Peanut Butter doesn’t make it down the stairs. He stops, barks and throws a look that clearly says, “Fuck this, you savage. Get me a doggy elevator already.”

via Time

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Jane Birkin Wants Hermès To Take Her Name Off Of Their Crocodile Bag

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Emergencia! Emergencia! The Parasite Hiltons and Kim Kartrashians of the world may have to use their queef bubble of a brain to remember a new name for their overpriced and beloved Hermès crocodile Birkin bag.

Hermès named the Birkin bag after Jane Birkin, the British actress/singer who was with Serge Gainsbourg for a while, in 1984. Hermès designed the bag for her after she told the company’s CEO during a flight that she was upset about not having a great purse for traveling. She carried it for decades. The Birkin bag comes in all different kinds of colors and animals skins and they range in price from around $10,000 to YOUR FIRST BORN.

Jane issued a statement asking Hermès to take her name off of the crocodile Birkin bag (cost: $60,000), because she just can’t with how they get the crocodile’s skin to make the bag.

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Cara Delevingne Is Totally Going To Sic Taylor Swift’s Girl Squad On “Good Day Sacramento”

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Cara Delevingne’s quick interview with Good Day Sacramento started off on the wrong side of awkward before she even spit out one word. The host called her “Carla” (the clip cut that part out) and Cara looked like she would rather be getting finger banged by a hawk than talk to three hosts from a Sacramento morning show. It was like many awkward first dates I’ve had, except it didn’t end with them having bad one-time sex for the hell of it.

Cara was doing a bunch of morning show interviews via satellite to promote Paper Towns, which I always read as “Paper Towels.” (“Paper Towels” sounds like a riveting biopic about the life and times of the Brawny Man.) One of the hosts asks Cara if she read the book the movie is based on and she dipped her answer in syrupy sarcasm before throwing it at them. From there, it gets worse, or better for those of you who like to work out your jaw by cringing.

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