Birthday Sluts

March 29, 2017 / Posted by:

Amy Sedaris (56)
Megan Hilty (36)
Chris D’Elia (37)
Jennifer Capriati (41)
Brandi Love (44)
Lucy Lawless (49)
Michel Hazanavicius (50)
Jill Goodacre (53)
Elle Macpherson (53)
Michael Winterbottom (56)
Annabella Sciorra (57)
Perry Farrell (58)
Christopher Lambert (60)
Brendan Gleeson (62)
Marina Sirtis (62)
Eric Idle (74)
Scott Wilson (75)

Pic: Todd Oldham/Bust

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Night Crumbs

March 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Oscar Isaac is probably going to become a DILF, because his girlfriend Elvira Lind is either knocked up, or for the past week, she’s been on my usual diet of Double Doubles, Monster Tacos from Jack in the Box, Strawberry Shortcake bars, wine and deep fried sadness wrapped in puff pastry  – Lainey Gossip 

This is Alicia Vikander trying to look tough and badass as the new Lara Croft… – Celebitchy

This dude who wants a Paul Walker statue in San Clemente, CA is a character created by Kevin Smith and no one can tell me otherwise – Drunken Stepfather

I am all for NeNe Leakes getting paid a mountain of money to go back to The Real HouseMesses of Atlanta if she wears that haha-inducing scarecrow wig in every single episode – Reality Tea

Jay Cutler’s nalgas look like this, if that’s something you want to see – The Superficial

My mom once bought me a 75 cent, bootleg rubber Marilyn Monroe figurine from the swap meet and it exuded the spirit of Marilyn Monroe more than Kendall Jenner did in this video – Hollywood Tuna 

Are we sure the trailer for Casey Affleck’s pretentious ass ghost movie isn’t a parody of a pretentious ass ghost movie made by Saturday Night Live? – Pajiba

Another trailer for the new Iron Man movie, I mean, the new Spider-Man movie is out – IDLYITW

Upstaged On The Pap Stroll By A Dog: The Dakota Johnson Edition – Popoholic

Candis Cayne as The Fairy Queen in The Magicians is giving me a touch of Yolandi from Die Antwoord – OMG Blog

I’m about as musical as a broken peanut shell, but I want to start a band just so I can call it: Bette Davis’ Talentless Jesus Freak Of A Daughter – Boy Culture

Bar Refaeli and her husband wasted no time and already made baby number two – Popsugar

International treasure Gary Fisher is now living with Carrie Fisher’s assistant – Just Jared

Judging by the trailer, What Happens At The Abbey is going to make Vanderpump Rules look like Masterpiece Theater. I’m going to watch every millisecond of it – Too Fab

Pic: Splash

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Open Post: Hosted By “The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air” Reunion

March 28, 2017 / Posted by:

So far today I’ve written about Full House and Trading Spaces, so I may as well continue with the “shows of yore” theme by posting about The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Hopefully I can continue the theme even more when TMZ burps up an ESCANDALOSO story about the cast of Out Of This World.

TMZ says that most of the cast of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reunited at Nobu in Malibu yesterday and they did it in the name of charity. Karyn Parsons, who played Hilary Banks, has a charity called the Sweet Blackberry Foundation and they recently auctioned off a dinner with the cast of Fresh Prince. A family from England won and they got to eat overpriced sushi with Tatyana Ali (Ashley), Alfonso Ribeiro (Carlton), Karyn, Will Smith, Daphne Maxwell Reid (Aunt Viv 2.0) and Joseph Marcell (Geoffrey). Alfonso posted a picture of their reunion on Instagram and added that the reunion was not complete without Uncle Phil, who died in 2013.

Always amazing to spend an afternoon with my Fresh Prince family. Wishing that James Avery was still with us to make this complete.

Altogether now: BUT WHAT ABOUT ORIGINAL AUNT VIV?!

I ask that question even though the answer is every kind of obvious. Janet Hubert (Original Aunt Viv) has nearly made a second career out of dragging Will and Jada Pinkett Smith all over the internet and back again. So obviously, Aunt Viv 2.0 is the only Aunt Viv to Will Smith. But if I was that family from England, I would’ve demanded that Original Aunt Viv be there, because that $16 soft shell crab roll would taste so much better while watching Original Aunt Viv theatrically read Will live and in person.

Pic: Instagram

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Emmy Rossum Is The Latest Famous Person To Get Robbed

March 28, 2017 / Posted by:

This is starting to feel like a page from People StyleWatch. “The hottest trend in celebrity jewelry? Coming home and finding all of it missing!” Just like Nicki Minaj, Alanis Morissette, Kendall Jenner and Jamie Pressly, Emmy Rossum has found herself without a whole lot of jewelry. TMZ says that Emmy’s Los Angeles home was broken into while she was away in NYC. According to law enforcement sources, Emmy’s housekeeper showed up to work last Friday only to find broken panes of glass on the back door, no power, and a theft situation. Emmy had two safes in her home, and both were wide open and empty. $150,000 in antique jewelry was taken.

Police think the burglars cut the power so that the house alarm wouldn’t go off. As for how they broke into those safes, they didn’t exactly have to work very hard to get into them. TMZ’s sources say that Emmy kept the combinations right next to each safe. Whether or not she had also painted giant arrows on the floor leading to the safes is still unknown.

I know people keep saying that this isn’t a Bling Ring situation, but I don’t know. An awful lot of celebrities keep getting robbed of their (deep cringe) bling. I just hope that whoever gets robbed next is smart enough to memorize the combination to their safe. This is a teachable moment for all of us, really. If you get a safe, don’t write the combo down and put it next to the safe. Instead, program in an easy-to-memorize combination. Something like 666, or 6969, or 3636. That last is easy to remember because it kind of sounds like “free sex free sex.” At least make your burglars work for it, you know?

Pic: Wenn.com

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Please Tell Me This Means That Hildi Santo-Tomas Will Make Her Triumphant Return To TV!

March 28, 2017 / Posted by:

This morning, when I read the headline, “TLC To Revive Trading Spaces,” I prayed to the gods to please fart some sense into the heads of TLC executives and get them to offer former HSOTD Hildi Santo-Thomas anything she wants to come out of interior design retirement to star in the revival of Trading Spaces. If TLC did that, they’d almost redeem themselves for infecting the world with the Duggars.

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Jodie Sweetin’s Ex Got Arrested Three Times In The Past Nine Days

March 28, 2017 / Posted by:

The good news for 35-year-old Jodie Sweetin is that she found out that her 40-year-old ex-fiancé Justin Hodak is a wreck before she made him her fourth husband. The bad news for Jodie Sweetin is that her ex-fiancé is a wreck and an alleged roided-up ball of drunk messiness who keeps committing one of the ultimate HOW RUDEs by violating a restraining order she has taken out against him. If Jodie was really Stephanie Tanner and her life was a never-ending season of Full House, this would be the episode where Kimmy Gibbler hands her fanny pack to useless D.J. Tanner, slicks back all of her hair into a scrunchie, takes out her plastic earrings and goes after Justin. Yes, Kimmy would defend her frenemy even if Stephanie called her a whore to her face once.

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