Even though Duchess Meghan wasn’t there to scream “move your bloomin’ ass” from the stands or make some other gauche faux pas like she did at Trooping The Colour, there was still plenty of excitement to be had at the opening day of the Royal Ascot horse race. The annual event which, according to People began in 1711, was attended by Her Royal Highness THE QUEEN, Duchess Kate, Prince William, Prince Charles, Duchess Camilla, Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice as well as those clog shuffling, french fry dipping, dyke plugging royals King Willem-Alexander and Queen Maxima of the Netherlands. In other words, every duke and earl and peer was there, everyone who should be there was there. And that folks, is your My Fair Lady deep cut for the day.
When the news broke yesterday that legendary socialite, heiress, and denim designer Gloria Vanderbilt had died at the age of 95, I’m sure most people might have said something like, “Poor Anderson Cooper, my thoughts are with him at this time.” And I’m sure there was a much smaller percentage of people whose thoughts turn to tackiness during such times, and wondered just how much cash Anderson was set to inherit. But gold diggers with their eyes set on The Silver Fox better get used to the idea of going after Anderson’s money and Anderson’s money alone, because there are no designer denim dollars in his future.
Would you rather jet off to Spain with your hot husband for a wedding that is crawling with football hunks and has a top shelf open bar, or stay home to go to a loud ass concert just to say “hi” to your annoying ex-coworkers? Anybody picking the latter has something wrong with their brain. But Victoria Beckham’s no fool. Posh didn’t make it to the final show of The Spice Girls’ Spice World 2019 tour at Wembley stadium this past weekend which upset Mel B, even though Posh had a perfectly legitimate excuse (in addition to simply not giving a shit). Seriously, how many times does Posh have to show the sole of her 6-inch hot pink Victoria Beckham brand stiletto before Mel gets the picture? She’s good love, enjoy.
We’ve all made the mistake of hearing a Mariah Carey song and thinking, “Is that actually Mariah Carey or is it two-time Nobel Peace Prize recipient Marie Curie?” Marie Curie is the physicist best known for discovering radioactive elements polonium and radium and being the only person to win a Nobel Peace Prize in two different categories. Mariah Carey is the pop star diva who loves rainbows, her lambs and doesn’t know who Jennifer Lopez is. Some might think it’s hard to mistake these two glamorous divas, but a bakery in England did just that.
48-year-olds Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos may not be as spry as they were in their twenties, but don’t think that means they’ve stopped fucking. Far from it. Mark filled in for Ryan Seacrest on Live! With Kelly And Ryan and boy did they have a Father’s Day story for us that I’m sure Kelly was oozing with happiness to tell. One that involves their newly-18-year-old daughter Lola getting as a gift a full view of her parents having sex. Can’t put a price tag on trauma like that.
For those of you who aren’t part of Bachelor nation, the fellow above isn’t the result of scientists trying to make Michael Bublé look even more like a generic white guy. It’s Colton Underwood, the virgin bachelor from The Bachelor. And during MTV Movie & TV Awards, which aired last night, Colton won a golden popcorn trophy for Most Meme-able Moment. But I demand a recount, because he was up against Lindsay Lohan, who obviously should have won by a landslide.