Calm Down, America, Marie Kondo Isn’t Trying To “Fahrenheit 451” Your Books

/ January 17, 2019

Not since Lauren Conrad showed America she’s a first degree literature MURDERER has the U.S.  been this pissed! Tidying Up starring Marie Kondo involves telling people to get rid of shit that no longer brings them joy, and she always tells people to go through cluttered bookcases and toss the books they’re no longer as connected with. People took to social media to accuse Marie of being a one-woman army of trying to make the U.S. illiterate. Well, even more illiterate, since the president can’t spellhamburger.” Marie now says the whole thing is a misunderstanding. Continue reading

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Nikki Sixx’s 60-Year-Old Jizz Has Still Got It (Even After He Got A Vasectomy Years Ago)

/ January 17, 2019

Seen above looking like a Bizzaro World Megan Fox and Billy Ray Cyrus, Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe and his 33-year-old wife of about four years, Courtney Sixx, are getting ready to slather their first baby in a leopard print onesie, a leather headband, and White Rain hairspray. Scratch that last one, actually. This is Nikki Sixx’s kid we’re talking about. That baby is going to secrete White Rain hairspray from their head pores, naturally. Nikki and Courtney have let the world know that she’s got his fifth baby brewing in her womb, even though he got his baby batter tube snipped years ago.

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Les Moonves Is Going To Fight CBS’ Decision To Deny His $120 Million Severance

/ January 17, 2019

If Julie Chen is going to be marooned on Big Brother island, she better be compensated for it, dammit! Juile’s husband, ex-CBS head Les Moonves, and his reputation went down in a flaming pile of Ronan Farrow fever. Ronan’s reporting unmasked years of sexual misconduct allegations against Les, and Les was told to scram. He seemed to take it all in stride since he was still up for a $120 million severance package, but CBS decided to nip that in the bud since, well, they’re probably needing the cash to pay the lawyers handling the OTHER pervs they once had on the payroll. We didn’t hear much from Les after he was told “Hard pass!” on the request for his severance, but now he’s back challenging the ruling keeping him away from millions.

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Open Post: Hosted By Mariah Carey’s Version Of The 10-Year Challenge

/ January 17, 2019

Social media’s “I’m attention-starved and need gratification!” moment du jour is the 10-year challenge. It’s why your news feed is clogged with split-screen photos of people you went to high school with bragging about how great their moisturizer routine is by showing a self-photo from 2009 and one from 2019. Only, the 2009 one looks like Kendall Jenner’s Proactiv ad, and the 2019 one looks like Yoda. Someone whose 10-year challenge is not here for any wrinkling is Mariah Carey, dahhhling. She posted her own, uh, attempt at it, and it seems like we’re going to have to go find old episodes of TRL on YouTube if we want to see 2009 Mariah.

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Miley Cyrus Wants You To Know That She Is NOT Pregnant

/ January 17, 2019

Just because Mickey Mouse’s former bottom bitch Miley Cyrus got married last month doesn’t mean she immediately retired to a room to lay down and make babies with her husband Liam Hemsworth. Although, technically that would make her a fool since most people would take the entire year off just to spend all their time locked away with their legs wide open playing a perverted version of The Hunger Games with Liam called If You’re Hungry Eat This! Perhaps that’s just my fast ass, so pay me no mind. Miley shot down a rumor that she’s pregnant brought the most famous bitch on the planet into it.

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Robbie Williams Has Been Trolling His Next Door Neighbor Jimmy Page For Years

/ January 17, 2019

Ever wonder what erstwhile sloppy horn-dog Robbie Williams has been up to? Yeah, me neither. That is until I learned what he’s been up to, then I thought, I should have been wondering about what Robbie Williams is up to this whole time! Turns out Robbie’s been a busy boy. He’s got a new album in the works, he’s starting a residency in Las Vegas in March, he’s a judge on The X-Factor UK with his wife (yes, miraculously he’s still married!), and he’s a spokesperson for WW (Weight Watchers). But he’s also been a bad boy. Robbie’s been spending his free time trolling his next door neighbor, Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page, with whom he’s been embroiled in a 5-year-long neighbor dispute. Robbie’s been blasting Pink Floyd whenever he sees Jimmy out on his lawn and sometimes even parades around dressed up as Robert Plant. Oh Robbie, you adorable nutter. Never change!

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