Now That Peter O’Toole Has Been Dead For A Little While, Diane Kruger Can Finally Talk Shit About Him

April 28, 2016 / Posted by:

The phrase “never speak ill of the dead” doesn’t exist in Diane Kruger’s brain, and in fact, she thinks the best time to talk ill about a person is when that person is dead.

One of Diane Kruger’s big breaks was the movie Troy, where she played Helen of Troy next to Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Rose Byrne, Sean Bean and the Werther’s Originals-covered thorn in her asshole Peter O’Toole, who died in 2013. While promoting their movie Sky, Diane Kruger and Norman Reedus did a bit for Buzzfeed where they interviewed each other, and he asked her who was the meanest actor she’s ever worked with. Diane mouth farted up the late Peter O’Toole’s name, and throughout the interview, Norman brought up Peter a couple more times and she told us how she really feels.

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Kesha Finally Went Back Into A Studio To Record New Music

April 28, 2016 / Posted by:

After several months of fighting in court about recording new music in a place where she might run into a certain producer with a dubious medical title, Kesha has found a studio that didn’t make her skin crawl and has recorded some new music. And that studio belongs to her new friend, Zedd. Two weeks ago, Kesha made a surprise appearance at Coachella by joining Zedd on stage and performing his song “True Colors.” Shortly after, Zedd and Kesha decided to record their collaboration as a single, and it will be released tomorrow. Praise be! It’s been far too long since our ears have been blessed with the dulcet drunk party goblin tones of Kesha’s voice.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 28, 2016 / Posted by:

The pothole in Jackson, Mississippi that one dude threw a surprise birthday party for!

If your friends and family forget your birthday a lot and hardly ever send your ass a card, this goes out to you. There’s a pothole in Jackson whose birthday was not only remembered, but the lucky trick got a party that looked more exciting than some of the birthday parties I’ve been to.

Eddie Prosser, a citizen of Jackson, is the dude who put together the birthday celebration for the pothole. The local news covered it, because THIS IS NEWS. Just like your cousin who threw you a birthday party because she wanted a reason to show off her new haircut to everyone, Eddie had ulterior motives when he threw a born day celebration for that pothole. Eddie made a big deal about the pothole’s 1st anniversary of being a pothole, because he wanted it dead!

Eddie tells KXAN that it was technically the pothole’s 16-month birthday, and he threw the little party for it, because he was frustrated over it messing up his street and he wanted everyone to know. Eddie says that he’s called 311 over a dozen times to report the pothole and the city did dick about it. When Eddie made a birthday card out of a caution sign and tied a balloon to it, he did it as a joke at first. But his joke became a local news story, because again, THIS IS NEWS. Eddie said this about the toddler pothole:

“I do. I do find our problems in the city of Jackson serious but at the same time just one small pothole. When they fix the potholes just a block away it wouldn’t of taken another 10 minutes.”

Because the local news covered the pothole’s birthday party, the city finally filled it and now it’s dead. And I thought my 19th birthday party ended badly when I spent the latter part of my night barfing in the bathroom. That pothole has me beat. So yeah, this is a posthumous HSOTD, but it’s still an important one. RIP (rest in pavement), Jackson Pothole.

Pic: @KXAN_News

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Birthday Sluts

April 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Ann-Margret (75)
Melanie Martinez (21)
Samuel Larson (25)
Jenna Ushkowitz (30)
Harry Shum Jr. (34)
Jessica Alba (35)
Alex Riley (35)
Drew and Jonathan Scott (38)
Caroline Stanbury (40)
Penelope Cruz (42)
Eric Vale (42)
Jorge Garcia (43)
Elisabeth Rohm (43)
Violent J (44)
Bridget Moynahan (45)
Too Short (50)
Steven Blum (56)
Kim Gordon (63)
Mary McDonnell (64)
Jay Leno (66)
Paul Guilfoyle (67)

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

April 27, 2016 / Posted by:

The Florence Foster Jenkins was a little on the “meh” side for my ass,  but Meryl Streep will still get 5,4782,987 award nominations for it, and I hope whoever drew on those stunning chicken scratch brows gets a million nominations too – Lainey Gossip

Anne Hathaway is 100% theater kid in everything her ass does, even when she worships BeyonceCelebitchy

John Stamos licked Dave Coulier’s peen once, sort of! Yes, I’m reaching…. for the lube – The Superficial 

Bella Thorne went topless in some kind of Blair Witch Snapchat – Drunken Stepfather

Most of The Real LymeTruthers Of Beverly Hills are probably coming back next season – Reality Tea 

Things That Will Soon Exist: An Exorcist ride at Universal Studios – Egotastic! 

Chicken Cutlets goes full demure by giving the paparazzi a giant taste of her crotch lips – WWTDD

FYI: Padma Lakshmi went out last night and she left her bra at home – The Nip Slip 

Thor showed up in some lady’s cubicle at work, and that’s hot and everything, but all I could do was think about how she really needs to clean that shit up – Towleroad

Please, Kim Kartrashian wishes she was as talented as this trick – Hollywood Tuna 

Wet Hot American Summer will be back – Jezebel

Okay, but why is Rachel Bilson wearing Tootsie’s top? – Popoholic

About pic #1, I wish I had a love like that –  The Berry 

Rebecca Romijn had it right the first time! – Just Jared

Emma from Glee is knocked up – SOW

Panty Creamer of the Day: A topless and wet Thor – Popsugar

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Another Day, Another Story About Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s Latest Piece

April 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Earlier this month, I posted a rumor that Leonardo DiCatchAHo was getting on a 19ish-year-old model. But we all threw that rumor onto the fake pile when we read the part about the model being brown-haired. A couple of months before that, I posted a rumor that Leonardo DiCatchAHo was getting on a blond TV host. But we all threw that rumor onto the fake pile too when we read the part about the TV host being 30 years old. Well, a rumor about another piece has popped up and DiCatchAHo doesn’t have to worry about getting his lawyers to sue a bitch for defaming his good reputation with stories about how he dates brown-haired olds. Because this one is 24, blond and a model. Phew!

Roxy Horner’s name popped up back in February as being a member of DiCatchAHo’s rotating harem of blond models and it’s popped up again. People says that on Sunday, DiCatchAHo and his bro-in-waiting Lukas Haas had a double date with Roxy Horner (I guess her parents really wanted her to be a porn star) and some other blonde at Serendipity 3 in NYC. One source said that it was really just dinner with friends, and a different source (Hi, Roxy’s agency!) said that they were canooooodling:

“They came in very low-key, all wearing baseball caps,” a source tells PEOPLE.

“She was very attached to Leo,” adds the source. “She was definitely with him, she was holding on to his arm. They were affectionate.”

I love how People is saying it was a double date. Please, DiCatchAHo was on a date with two blondes and Lukas Haas was just there as the Gary to his Selina Meyer. You know, Lukas holds onto Leo’s vape pen, laughs at all of his jokes and whenever he forgets the name of Whatshername on his left or Whatshername on his right, Lukas mouths her name to him. And at this point, whenever an agency signs a new skinny blond model who is under the age of 25, they should give her Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s bio, copies of his movies and bug spray for when the gnats on his beard jump onto their crotch.

Pics: Instagram

Someone Clearly Missed The Astronomy Unit In 3rd Grade Science Class

April 27, 2016 / Posted by:

I don’t know if all the weed Miley Cyrus has smoked has killed the part of her brain that stores the stuff she learned in elementary school, or if it’s because the tutor on the set of Hannah Montana skipped science class all together because she was afraid a person like Miley would be predisposed to turning the classroom into a meth lab. But Miley Cyrus clearly has a problem identifying planets.

Yesterday, the humanized version of a Nevada pull-tab ticket posted a picture of her newest tattoo on Instagram. It’s the one on her arm in the middle of the cat and what appears to be some kind of double-ended alien vibrator. Now, if I asked you to guess what planet was on Miley’s arm, you’d probably guess Saturn. Right? It’s a planet surrounded by a huge ring, so it’s got to be Saturn. Well, according to Miley, it’s Jupiter. Miley captioned the picture “#lilbbjupiter“, and a whole day (and several people in the comments screaming “DID YOU MEAN SATURN?“) later, she still hasn’t changed it.

See, this is one of those times where it’s so obvious that on-set learning can’t duplicate the regular school experience. In my school, we learned about the solar system in the same way we learned pretty much everything: by spending an entire week working on a model! We made a bunch of janky paper mache planets, painted them up all pretty-like, then tied them to a wire coat hanger and proceeded to watch them fall on everyone’s heads because nobody tied the strings tight enough. That the kind of learning that stays with you. I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, but I sure as hell can remember that Saturn is the one with all the fancy-ass rings and hurts like hell if you catch it on the face.

E! News says that Miley isn’t technically wrong when she says that the planet on her arm with a ring around it is Jupiter. In 1979, scientists discovered that Jupiter had a few tiny rings of its own. Yeah, I’m calling “Sure, Jan” on that one. That’s like me bragging about having money because I can withdraw $20 from my checking account without it going into overdraft. I mean, I do it, but it doesn’t make it true.

Pic: Instagram

Open Post: Hosted By Katie Price And A Horse Who Is Oh. Ver. It.

April 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Paging PETA! Paging PETA! Come save this sad and tragic beast. And that horse needs your help too. I know you want to GONG me for that one, but you should really be using your hands to call the authorities on Katie Price’s ass!

Every time Katie Price takes a caca, she has to hold a photo call around it. She holds a photo call for every single thing she puts out and usually her photo calls lift me up to the heavens and beyond, but she has gone too far this time! Katie is starring in some TLC reality show called Katie Price’s Pony Club, and that might sound like some not right Equus shit. But it’s actually a show that follows Katie as she teaches two of her children, Junior and Princess Tiaamii, how to ride a horse. (Yes, even TLC in the UK is a leading purveyor of foolery.) Katie launched her newest reality shit show with a photo call starring herself, Junior, Princess TiaAndTamera, her latest husband, some other kids and a horse who didn’t sign up for that ridiculousness.

I am all for Katie Price doing herself up like some busted down whorse showgirl at a Brony-themed club who turns tricks in a stall for hay and sugar cubes, but I cannot condone what she’s done to that THOT (that horse over there). That poor horse didn’t ask to be done up like Swift Wind’s broke cousin named Slow Fart who got its clothes from a former child beauty queen’s yard sale and at a party store’s going out-of-business sale.

Where is an equine diarrhea attack when that horse really needed it? I would so not be mad at that horse if it made a shitty mess during that photo call. Although, I will say that horsey’s FML up-eye game should win all the blue ribbons.

Pics: Wenn.com

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A Judge Confirms Prince Didn’t Leave A Will, Appoints A Trust To Temporarily Oversee His Estate

April 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Yesterday it was brought to our attention that Prince might have passed on to the great purple beyond without leaving a will behind after Prince’s sister Tyka Nelson filed papers asking a court to appoint a special administrator to look after his estate. In the papers, Tyka claimed Prince didn’t have a will that she knew of, and suggested that a company called Bremer Trust take over. Page Six says that a hearing was held earlier today and a Minnesota judge has confirmed Tyka’s suspicions that Prince didn’t make a will (although I feel like it should technically be called a “would“, since there is never any question when it comes to Prince).

The judge has also accepted Tyka’s request that Prince’s estate be taken care of by the professionals at Bremer Trust. That is, unless someone comes forward with a secret will that was found hidden under the false bottom in one of Prince’s jewelry boxes. In the event that doesn’t happen, Bremer Trust will act as a special administrator for Prince’s estate for the next six months or until a personal representative is appointed.

TMZ says that Tyka requested Bremer Trust because Prince did business with them for years and – no pun intended – trusted them. Bremer’s responsibilities will be to manage and supervise Prince’s assets, and determine who his heirs will be. As for that whole thing about appointing a personal representative, nobody knows whether that will be Tyka or another one of his siblings. TMZ did mention that Prince’s half brother Omarr Baker was also present at the hearing this morning, so who knows.

Whoever takes over from Bremer Trust might have their work cut out for them. According to TMZ, Prince’s finances were a little bit of a mess. They claim that in the past five years, it was almost impossible to get Prince to sign anything because he was paranoid about putting his name to something he’d later regret. They also say he supposedly went through a lawyer a year. Okay, but I don’t see how that’s a bad thing. Prince was probably on a quest to find a lawyer that met his strict standards of opulence. A suit from Brooks Brothers and a funky tie just isn’t going to cut it.

Pic: Wenn.com

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