Birthday Sluts

April 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Jack Nicholson (77)
Amber Heard (28)
Amelle Berrabah (30)
Michelle Ryan (30)
Willie Robertson (42)
Eric Mabius (43)
Ingo Rademacher (43)
Sherri Shephard (47)
Sheryl Lee (47)
Jeffrey Dean Morgan (48)
Ryan Styles (55)
Peter Frampton (64)
John Waters (68)
Glen Campbell (78)
Charlotte Rae (88)

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Bryan Singer’s Accuser Names More Names

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

When Jeff Herman, the lawyer of Michael Egan who is suing Bryan Singer for allegedly drugging and raping him when he was a teenager, said in a press conference last week that they would be naming more names and filing more lawsuits, the pedos of Hollywood all shook right out of their assholes. Today in yet ANOTHER press conference, Jeff Herman announced that they have filed civil suits in Hawaii against Garth Ancier, David Neuman and Gary Goddard. Michael Egan alleges that all of them sexually used and abused him when he was just 15 years old.

Jeff Herman said that Garth, David and Gary were all part of that pedo sex ring of “Hollywood power players” who fed drugs to underage twinks and kept them as their sex toys while promising to make them STARS! Michael claims that all three of them forced him to take mind-altering shit before raping him. This allegedly happened from when Michael was 15 to when he was 17 and it happened at that gay orgy estate in Encino and also in Hawaii.

Garth Ancier was apparently a major bitch in TV and is the former president of NBC, The WB, Fox, BBC Worldwide and Disney TV. He also created The Rickie Lake Show (NOT THE RICKIE LAKE SHOW! WHYYYYYYY GOD WHY?) and greenlit The West Wing. David Neuman was also the president of Disney TV at one point and the chief programming officer of CNN. Gary Goddard directed the Masters of the Universe movie and since then he’s produced a few off-Broadway shows. Of course two out of three of them were head hos at Disney. Of course!

David Neuman has already denied all of this on Twitter.

I usually believe in that “innocent until proven guilty” shit, but not this time and not when it comes to Gary Goddard. I mean, he’s already assaulted my childhood by shitting all over He-Man with that wet turd he tried to pass off as a movie. GUILTY!

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Night Crumbs

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Panty Creamer of the Day: Matt Boner in Out Magazine. I’ll leave you to chew his pit fur with your eyes – Towleroad

A beefy, hairy B. Coop and his girl beard are still together and if they’re going to keep doing this they should really coordinate their looks, because he’s giving me “bear dad trying to go incognito while trolling for dick in a park bathroom” and she’s giving me “shit I bought at Carol Channing’s yard sale” – Lainey Gossip

Thank GOD (no, literally thank GOD) that Jesus rose from the dead or we wouldn’t have these pictures of models in bunny ears – Drunken Stepfather

Emma Stone has probably been reading the comments here – Celebitchy

One bleached blond whose lips are usually covered in red car paint is replacing a bleached blond whose lips are usually covered in red car paint on The VoiceReality Tea

“Keep fucking that rabbit” is 2014′s “Keep fucking that chicken”Jezebel

Johnny Depp’s box office appeal (sans that Pirates of the Caribbean shit) is falling along with his hotness – Defamer

This Thai PSA also proves that surprise parties are generally the worst and always ruin everything – Buzzfeed

I see that Vanessa Hudgens is still in character as the mess she played in Spring Breakers - Hollywood Tuna

Even Lea Michele’s nipples are annoying - The Superficial

Leighton Meester is wearing a busted dress that a bride would make her bridesmaids wear if she really, really hated their asses – Popoholic

If you’re ever out of Ambien, just stare at these pictures of Ashley Greene leaving the gym while holding a water bottle – IDLYITW

Julia Roberts talks about the dead sister who hated her – ICYDK

And I bet Simon Cowell made his party guests lick that Viagra ice cream off of his juicy man tits – OMG Blog

Leonardo DiCaprio might play Steve Jobs – HuffPo

The Photoshop Lifetime Achievement Award: Famous hos posing with their younger (and pre-Botoxed) selves – The Berry

Robin Williams’ mansion looks like one of the nicer Hiltons – Popsugar

BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence’s hair is growing – Just Jared

Pic: OUT

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Open Post: Hosted By Chicken Cutlets At Coachella

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

The forever Queen of the Ho Stroll and the greatest supermodel without a Barbizon degree has been laying low and I’m guessing it’s because the paparazzi stopped returning her texts the ho stroll has been littered with such trash heap heffas and gutter garbage like the Jenners and Kardashians and it’s not the A-list glamour trail it was once. But Phoebe Price was back where she belongs, in front of the paparazzzi’s camera lenses, over the weekend at Coachella.

While all those under-the-barrel fames whores at Coochella tried too hard by doing themselves up like they were attacked by an Urban Outfitters outlet and the costume closet of a production of Peter Pan, PP kept is simple, demure and classic. Classic is wearing a dress that looks like something a brothel whore would wear during caveman times and an Alexis Carrington-approved funeral hat. PP probably wore that funeral hat, because being at Coachella makes you want to mourn the current state of ~fashun~.

Pics: Pacific Coast News, Wenn.com

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The Magazine Interview Where Lindsay Lohan Drinks Vodka The Entire Time And Says She’s Screwing A Married Man With Kids

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan’s on the cover of some magazine I’ve never heard of called KODE doing the “shitting next to a dumpster in the alleyway behind a club” pose and inside the magazine she shits all over Jennifer Lawrence, Rachel “Chupacabra” Zoe and shits all over her so-called sobriety by guzzling down vodka the entire time. Just Jared has a scan of the interview and it has more typos than your average Dlisted post and the only way I’ll believe it 100% is if LiLo says it’s all a lie (because her mouth’s got an opposite filter on it). KODE Magazine’s writer claims they were with LiLo in L.A., NYC and at Coachella and they watched her drink margaritas and drink vodka out of an Evian bottle at Coachella. The magazine also tells The Daily Mail that she did Ecstasy the first night of Coochella. During the interview, she became America’s #1 most wanted terrorist when she threw hate at America’s sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence and declared that she’d never fuck for roles (only 8-balls and second row seats at fashions shows). More hilariousness ahead:

On Jared Leto: “All my friends love Jared, we’ve been on and off for years.”

On Jennifer Lawrence: “She’s so fake and I’m sorry I’m not going to fuck for roles.”

On Chupa Zoe: “She stole a lot of my shit, designers would send me stuff and she would just keep it. That’s shady.”

On the married man she’s doing: “Oh this guy I’m seeing sent me a jet because he wants to see me, but he’s married with kids.”

On L.A.: “I really hate LA. I should have just listened to my mom and never moved out here. It just really wasn’t the best decision for me.”

At the end of the article, KODE says that LiLo complained about morning sickness and told them she thinks the dude she’s doing in London (read: a john) knocked her up. LiLo supposedly told them this right before she left for Coachella, but on her OWN reality shit show, she says she was pregnant months ago when filming started. LiLo’s spokeswhore told The Daily Mail that she did do a Q&A over email with KODE, but they closed their lips and refused to respond when asked about her boozing.

Lindsay Lohan is dumber than a dried-up coke booger, but I don’t think she’s dumb enough to fill her rubber mouth with the sweet nectar in front of a magazine writer while she’s trying to convince all of us that she’s the poser child for sobriety. KODE either made it all up or they’ve been had. If the “Lindsay Lohan” they interviewed constantly talked shit about that shady bitch Cookie Puss and regularly asked the writer for a Parliament in exchange for a hand job, it wasn’t LiLo. It was White Oprah in a teased Raggedy Ann wig.

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Goop.com Isn’t Making Enough Money And Is $1.2 Million In Debt

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

“Actually, we don’t like to use the word ‘debt’; it’s too traumatic and sounds low-class. Instead, we use the term ‘financially overleveraged’, which means that technically the money we have is not currently present in a tangible sense, but that we know we have money and are extremely secure in a spiritual understanding of finance.”Gwyneth Paltrow to her accountant.

If you happen to be browsing the office furniture section of Craigslist and see an ad for a bunch of imported cashmere desk chairs and a champaca oil-rubbed agarwood boardroom table, you’ll know why. According to corporate documents obtained by Radar, the world most pretentious website, Goop.com, is about two bounced cheques away from skipping town and living under the fictitious name Poop.biz. I don’t recommend you read the documents unless you get a boner for accounting and want to jerk it to pages and pages of numbers, so I’ll put on a shirt with a giant collar and sum it all up in the most Suze Orman way I can. Oh, by the way – all the numbers are in British pounds and not American dollars, because Goop has to be pretentious even when it’s talking about being a failing business:

1. Goop is the Lindsay Lohan of websites, spending way more than it actually makes. Like in 2012, when it spent £932,096, but only made £932,096. Or in 2011, when they only made £64,484 but spent £216,544. Shit, that’s a lot of organic cold-pressed kale juice.

2. Gwyneth and former CEO Sebastian Bishop gave themselves personal interest-free loans, to the tune of nearly £80,000. Sebastian has paid back about £13,000, and Gwyneth has paid back £0.

3. Despite losing more money than a toothy hooker at a blowjob convention, Gwyneth and Sebastian the Cash Crab gave themselves giant raises, going from £102,788 to £350,000. Congratulations on the raise, you two! You earned it! Writing the description for that $600 sleeveless vest must have taken HOURS.

So basically, what we have here is a classic case of writing a cheque that your ass can’t cash. Or several cheques. To yourself. Over and over again. And then wondering why the lights got shut off at Goop Inc. Then writing yourself another cheque.

And the most surprising thing from the Goop documents is that in 2012, £11,000 was spent on “recruitment”. Recruitment for what? Is Gwyneth starting her own insufferably pretentious army of WASPs? Lord help us.

Pic: Goop

Padma Lakshmi And Richard Gere Are Doing It

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Page Six says that understated gold digger and host of Top Chef Padma Lakshmi and the Dalai Lama’s homeboy Richard Tiffany Gere have been casually bumping nipples while he’s shooting a movie called Time Out Of Mind in NYC. The 64-year-old zen silver fox is currently in the middle of divorcing his second wife Cary Lowell and 43-year-old Padma dated billionaire Teddy Forstmann until he died of brain cancer in 2011. Page Six’s source says that Padma and Richard are keeping it casual right now, so they’re not exactly sharing a toothbrush after they suck on each other’s down low parts.

“They have been quietly spending some time together. It is all very new and recent, and happened while he has been filming in New York.”

A source at UsWeekly co-signs what Page Six’s source said.

Padma lives in NYC with her 3-year-old daughter Krishna whom she made with Adam Dell. She was married to Salman Rushdie for three years.

These two together makes TOO much sense and I’m surprised it took them this long to start humping on each other. Richard Gere’s nipples throb for seasoned model types with a strong jawline that could crack open a coconut and if Padma doesn’t pull white pubes out of her teeth after blowing a dude, she’s not fucking with him full-time. They’re perfect for each other and will probably go all the way. We’ll know if things are really serious if on a future episode of Top Chef, Padma tells the chefs that for their Quickfire Challenge they have to make an amuse-bouche using dead gerbils that are covered in Crisco and some kind of weird jelly.

Japan Continues To Win The WTF Food Olympics By Creating Vegetable Ice Cream

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

While Canada is carelessly stacking pizzas on top of each other to to create a disgusting meat and cheese sadness orgy, and America is saying “fuck it” and just shitting pizza toppings all over piles of fried chicken, Japan is out there trying to postpone our impending heart attacks by making garbage food just a little less terrible for you. Bless your little Hello Kitty heart, Japan.

In an attempt to make ice cream just a bit better for you, Häagen-Dazs Japan has released two new ice cream flavours that combine delicious ice cream with boring vegetables (sounds like a match made in Hell). The “Spoon Vege” ice creams will be released in May, and flavours include Carrot-Orange and Tomato-Cherry. But regardless of which flavour you choose, you should make sure to keep the cup it came in, because you’ll need something to collect your barf (what I’m trying to say is, these look super gross and will probably make you vomit).

And yet, I know that if I lived in Japan, I’d end up buying these all the time as a way to convince myself I’m eating healthy (cut to me scooping Spoon Vege ice cream into the trash and using the empty container as a Crunchy Cheetos holder).

via Buzzfeed

American Vogue Isn’t Working With Terry Richardson And Has No Plans To

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Yesterday, model Emma Appleton tweeted a screenshot of a skeezy Facebook message that she claims came from the creeper who looks like he regularly hears the words, “Sir, jacking off on the women’s panties in the lingerie department will not be tolerated. Put your leaky dick away and please leave,” from a department store security guard. Emma alleged that he offered to shoot her for Vogue if she fucked him. Terry’s spokeswhore spit out a lukewarm stream of denials and accused Emma of faking it for attention. American Vogue also responded to that mess and in a vague statement, which they gave to The Wrap, they said that they haven’t hired Uncle Terry since 2010 and they’re not looking to work with him anytime soon.

“The last assignment Terry Richardson had for US Vogue appeared in the July 2010 issue and we have no plans to work with him in the future.”

Vogue is VAGUE. I’m not sure if Vogue is shading Uncle Terry or shading Emma or a little of both. In that Facebook message, Uncle Terry doesn’t specify which Vogue, so it could be Vogue Neverland or Vogue North Korea for all we know. But I wouldn’t put it past American Vogue. I mean, they put two dried cum stains stuck to a pair of dirty chonies on the cover, so Anna Wintour is devoid of shame.

Illustration: AleXsandro Palombo

Cool Mom Alessandra Ambrosio Brought Her 5-Year-Old To Coachella

April 21, 2014 / Posted by:

I’ve never been to Coachella (there but for the grace of god go I) but what I’ve gleaned from the millions of pictures I’ve seen of Coachella, it’s really just an excuse for a bunch of assholes to get together and take selfies in the desert while listening to future American Idol montage songs, and that literally the only thing that makes Coachella tolerable is shovelling a shit-ton of drugs in your mouth and drinking till you forgot your last name. But I guess Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio didn’t read that page of her Coachella brochure (which comes stapled to a crop top) because when she returned to Coachella this weekend she brought along her 5-year-old daughter Anja.

I would think that Coachella would be about as fun for kids as a trip to Discount Carpet Warehouse, because unless you’re tripping balls, standing in a hot field for 3 days posing for pictures sounds boring as fuuuuuuck, but this picture of Anja that Alessandra Ambrosia Salad posted to Instagram makes it look like she’s having an ok time and not cry-whining “I WANT TO GO HOOOOOOME”, so who knows? Maybe kids are meant for Coachella. Or maybe Anja is rolling hard on Pedialyte and really feeling a set by Arcade Fire. Either way, I think we can officially declare this to be the final nail in the coffin of Coachella’s coolness (which says a lot, since people have been nailing that coffin shut for years now).

Here’s more of Alessandra dragging Anja around Coachella this weekend. I will say this about Alessandra: snaps for setting limits with your child and not letting Anja dress up like the rest of the children at Coachella.

Pics: InstagramWenn

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