Night Crumbs

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

When Prince Hot Ginge (seen above in 2008) was in Jamaica, his chest was fur-free and the highly-esteemed literary journal of truth, The Sun, says that he’s been waxing it for Meghan Markle. Hmm… I wonder how long it would take me to get a job as a chest waxer in London? And after I got a job as a chest waxer in London, what would I have to do to get PHG as a client? And after I got PHG as a client, how long would it take me to collect enough of his ginger chest fur to make a crop sweater with? Hmmm…. – Towleroad

FYI: Kelly Rowland did not like an Instagram comment that hated on a picture of a topless Ciara hugging on her son as it looks like her husband is about to eat her ass. And no, I’m still not sure what’s going on in that picture – LaineyGossip 

“Oh lord, spare me…..” – that dog and me while watching Kate Upton sexy dance in the pool – Drunken Stepfather

It came from the sea, and by “it” I mean pure natural beauty – (NSFW) The Nip Slip

Goopy Paltrow would probably rather smoke crack than let her children go to school with peasants – Celebitchy

Eric Stonestreet and Bethenny Frankel still aren’t doing it – Reality Tea

Okay, unless Joe Man-Jello’s book to Sofia Vergara is filled with naked pictures of him and he’s going to show it to us, who cares!? – The Superficial

This awkward German award show prank maaaaaaaay have worked if the Ryan Gosling impersonator didn’t look a young Russell Crowe wearing a low-budget Gerard Butler mask – Hollywood Tuna

ScarJo, Ilana Glazer, Kate McKinnon, Zoe Kravitz and Jillian Bell did a Very Bad Things-like movie together and here’s the trailer for it – Pajiba

Michelle Williams looks like an S&M Tinkerbell – Popoholic

Gabourey Sidibe got weight-loss surgery after she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes – Just Jared

RiRi may have ended up on Naomi Campbell’s enemy list – Jezebel

The Silver Fox muted Jabba the Trump on Twitter – OMG Blog

Aaaaand they’re right! – Popsugar

Pic: Splash

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For Why Did They Cut Off Thor’s Luscious Mane?!

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

Entertainment Weekly released a ton of pictures from Marvel’s newest cinematic nerd Viagra, Thor: Ragamuffinorsomething, and they should’ve put a giant warning on the cover. Because it looks like Thor went down to the nearest Supercuts and got the haircut that every straight guy named Brian or John gets before a job interview. That golden luscious mane is Thor and Thor is that golden luscious mane. Without it he looks like some regular guy wearing a Thor costume from Halloween Town to Comic-Con. Okay, a regular guy with muscles the size of pantyhose stuffed with cantaloupes, but still a regular guy.

I’m no nerd and Thor’s hair is still emotionally upsetting to me. It’s like when Felicity cut her hair. The stocks for brushes and leave-in conditioners plummeted! The only way I’ll be okay with Thor’s basic ass haircut is if we find out that shifty Loki could no longer fight the jealousy he felt over Thor’s gorgeous locks, and one night he cut that mane as Thor slept and made a wig out of it. And Loki better wear that wig throughout the whole damn movie.

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Open Post: Hosted By Too Much Glamour To Handle

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

If you read the “trades” like Hollywood Reporter or Variety or whatever, and are wondering why all of the Oscar bait movies that were supposed to come out this year have all pushed their release dates to 2018*, you’ve now got your answer. Dame Joan Collins has a new movie coming out this year, so obviously everybody’s running scared, because they know that she’s going to get every Oscar and they can never compete with her! Hollywood has done something smart for once.

Dame Joan and Pauline Collins (no relation) did a road trip movie together, and sadly it’s not a reboot of Thelma & Louise. Dame Joan would make a perfect Louise. She wouldn’t need a gun to blow up a fuel tanker. She would just need to throw a cutting side-eye at it. But anyway, Dame Joan and Pauline star in a movie called The Time Of Their Lives and the London premiere was tonight.

Shortly after that picture above of Dame Joan killing the wig and bolero game at the same time was taken, that car revved up, its headlights exploded and a milky white liquid leaked out of its tailpipe. The organizers of the premiere were a little surprised since they took the engine out of that car earlier, but they shrugged it off since they know the effect that sex goddess Joan Collins has on men, women and inanimate objects!

* This is 100% True News!

Pics: Wenn.com

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Kristen Stewart Is Giving You “Stop The Insanity” Moodiness

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

Last month when Kristen Stewart officially came out as a gayelle on Saturday Night Live, her hair was very “Hollywood power lesbian.” Well, sometime before the L.A. premiere of that arty ghost texting movie, Personal Shopper, she Legend of Billie Jean’d herself by taking clippers to her hair and also Clorox’ing that bitch. Kristen Stewart gave herself a buzzcut for either that underwater movie she’s doing, or because she wanted to, or because she couldn’t handle the mutant lice anymore and tried to shave them out of her life. (SPOILER ALERT: That doesn’t work.)

Many are saying that Kristen Stewart is giving them Dollar Tree Annie Lennox vibes. And sure, KStew does look like a grouchy Annie Lennox impersonator who has a record low rating on Yelp because she screams at party guests who asks for a selfie and really just wants to smoke a joint in the corner. But I’m also getting fetus-aged Justin Bieber mixed with the greatest fitness queen of the 90s Susan Powter!

justinbiebersusanpowter

KStew seems to really be feeling it, because usually when she’s in front of a camera, she looks about as happy as Howie Mandel at a bareback scat orgy. But her face actually produced a smile or two last night. The power of a Susan Powter makeover knows no bounds! And I think KStew was feeling her new look so much that she forgot to put on clothes over that weird shapewear shit she’s wearing.

Pics: Wenn.com, Pinterest, Globe and Mail

Ben Affleck And Jennifer Garner Have Called Off Their Divorce

March 8, 2017 / Posted by:

On February 17, 2017, this site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner May Finally File For Divorce From Ben Affleck.

On February 23, 2017, this same site farted out the headline: Jennifer Garner Might Not File For Divorce From Ben Affleck Just Yet.

And now People is saying that Jennifer Garner is no longer planning to legally quit Ben Affleck and they’ve both pressed the pause button on filing for divorce. These messes! They better send all of us a jumbo-sized bottle of Xanax and a barrel of red wine, because they have taken us on a roller coaster of emotions (not really).

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