Finally, Hollywood has given us what we’ve all been waiting for: a movie about rich white ladies reading Fifty Shades of Grey. If only Smell-O-Vision existed for real, movie theaters would be filled with the scent of fancy perfume and Metamucil-infused panty pudding.
The final cinematic dingle in the Fifty Shits series came out last month, but the diarrhea-dripping words of E.L. James are continuing to terrorize us thanks to a movie that surprisingly enough, didn’t come from the mind of Nancy Meyers. Bill Holderman directed and co-wrote Book Club, which is about rich white ladies who live in Ethan Allen showrooms, exclusively wear St. John and whose lives get “spiced up” from reading Fifty Shades of Grey. It stars Jane Fonda, a ginger Raquel Welch wig (see: Jane Fonda’s head), Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen and Mary Steenburgen as the rich white ladies. Also in it are fine bottle of Cuban wine Andy Garcia, Craig T. Nelson, Anastasia Steele’s dad Don Johnson, Richard Dreyfuss, Ed Begley Jr., Wallace Shawn and Alicia Silverstone.
Give Murphy Brown the Oscar now, because she deserves it for looking like she’s actually interested in reading that mess.
For those of you who have the sads over Sex and the City 3 not happening, then I just need to tell you that you’re crazy and a masochist. I also need to tell you that Book Club is the Sex and the City 3 movie you never knew existed. Diane Keaton IS Carrie Bradshaw, Candice Bergen IS Miranda Hobbes, Mary Steenburgen IS Charlotte York, and Jane Fonda IS Samantha Jones.
And not only will Candice win the Oscar for this, but so will the special effects artists for CGI’ing Jane Fonda’s face circa the 197os onto current day Jane Fonda.
We’re a little more than two months away from the day that ER nurses and doctors pump my stomach of raw cookie dough, disco fries, cake batter and uncooked frozen corn dogs (it’s hard to cook anything while your heart is breaking, okay???) after I eat all my feelings while watching Prince Hot Ginge marry Meghan Markle. Because Kensington Palace wants to slowly and viciously torture us by releasing new details of the wedding every day, they said in a statement today that joining the Spice Girls and PHG’s exes at the wedding will be over 2,500 dirty commoners. Prince George’s stylist probably got a frantic note from him, telling them that they need to immediately track down a satin and gold embroidered mask to match his wedding day ensemble. Because he’s going to need to protect himself from the disgusting, simpleton fumes of the peasants!
On Wednesday night, 911 received a call from a frantic Tori Spelling reporting a break-in – a break-in that turned out to be just Dean McDermott coming home. Then on Thursday morning, police received another 911 call from Tori’s house, this time by The Deaner to report that she was acting aggressively and possibly suffering from a nervous breakdown. Sources claimed she had had a panic attack triggered by family issues. According to a source that spoke to People, the issue is that her family consists of five kids (six if you count The Deaner) and felt extremely overwhelmed.
They say lightning never strikes twice, or at least that must be what Oscar producers, Faye Dunaway, and Warren Beatty are telling themselves to get through the next few days. A snitch inside rehearsals for this weekend’s Academy Awards ceremony says Faye and Warren will be back to present the Best Picture nominee…what could possibly go wrong?! Continue reading
Hollywood has finally come around to the idea of giving dark-skinned black actresses a shot. But we’re only allowed to have two at once and they have to be different ages! Luckily the Chosen Two, Lupita Nyong’o and Viola Davis are teaming up to play mother and daughter in the upcoming film titled The Woman King. According to Deadline, TWK is not another live action remake of The Lion King where Nala rips our Simba’s throat to take her rightful place on the throne, but it is a tale set in Africa. And it’s based on a true story.
While promoting his upcoming “lengthy discussion” show, Alec Baldwin said in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter that every time he has to strap in and channel Donald Trump for Saturday Light Live “it’s like agony”. I’ll give you one guess to figure out who got really riled up by that and #tooktotwitter to throw a world class hissy fit. WRONG! Barbra Streisand is not the correct answer, what the fuck is wrong with you? It was Donald Trump himself!