I knew we hadn’t seen nor heard the last of Madonna after she brought in the new year with a booty so ridiculously big it would make the cast of any Love and Hip Hop show say, “Ewww.” Everyone knows that Madge is controversy personified and never bites her tongue, so now she has a message for those of us who have something to say about her new ass: we can all pucker up and kiss those pads now!
Us Weekly is reporting that Reigning King of Douchedom, Scott Disick is in the hot seat. Scott and 6-year-old daughter Penelope went out to eat at a fine Japanese establishment. The two decided to commemorate the cute father/daughter moment with a picture and so they did, but the reaction he got after posting to Instagram was probably exactly what he was going for and it will to help me his fame whore quota with Kris Jenner who still owns whatever soul he had left before joining the Koven.
It’s been a minute since we’ve received an important update on Gold Digger Hall of Famer Jeremy Meeks. Back in June he cinched the bag up tight when his mark, I’m sorry, the love of his life, Topshop heiress Chloe Green delivered a healthy baby boy. Days later we learned that he and ex-wife/mother of his first kid Melissa Meeks had come to a custody arrangement wherein she would get a six-figure check, and their son Jeremy Jr. would come live with daddy in his new London mansion. I’m sure Jr. was thrilled with this arrangement because even the very young know that Pret A Manger > Hooters. Well, somebody just knocked that passable croissan’wich out of that poor kid’s hand and replaced it with a surprisingly decent hot wing, because according to The Blast, Momma Meeks will assume primary custody and Jeremy will pay monthly child support. Say goodbye to your dreams of becoming a prince by marrying Princess Charlotte in 20 years, little fellow. Back to Stockton you go.
The first two episodes of the R. Kelly docu-series on Lifetime, Surviving R. Kelly, aired yesterday and it was something. Of course we all knew R. Kelly was a creep (remember when he was in that person’s closet for 20 years), but the tea which was spilled on R. Kelly’s creepiness about how he wouldn’t let women speak to people and had to call him “Daddy” all the time… was a new kind of disgusting. And it ain’t over, there are two more episodes coming. And one of them features an interview with John Legend, who was one of the only musicians to speak out.
It’s 2019 and the economy is terrible. Most people rely on more than one stream of income and sometimes that means selling your items online, or selling weed to your neighbors, or selling ass, or getting a part-time gig like driving for Uber. Last year, former Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens was called out by a moron for having a job at Trader Joe’s, but the support he got far outweighed the shame. Which brings us to a true throwback in the form of Brian Dunkleman, who you may remember as Ryan Seacrest’s co-host during the first season of the show that refuses to die, American Idol. Brian was recently discovered driving for Uber and before anyone had an opportunity to give him any shit about it, Brian hit them with “Oh no the hell you won’t today!”
Bri, The Bachelor contestant who has obviously watched Difficult People!
There’s an episode of Hulu’s Difficult People where Julie thinks that because many Australians play Americans on cable dramas, she’ll be able to land a role on one if she pretends to be an Australian actress doing an American accent during her audition. The casting people don’t hear “Cate Blanchett as a Yank” and instead think Julie’s developmentally disabled, and get the writers to create a special role for her. Well, Bri from the new season of Desperate Attention Whores Fighting Over A Douche That’ll Dump Them A Month After The Finale Airs must’ve been inspired by Julie, because she put on a fake Australian accent to stand out.