The mitt-stealing dog who brought some true entertainment to a college softball game!

I used to think that the only way I could sit through an entire softball game is if I had a bunch of hot dogs, a keg full of beer and if the players are all dudes, a bunch of bulge, to entertain me. But now I know that all I need to entertain me at a softball game is a trouble-making, attention-whoring dog who terrorizes all of the players and fucks with their game. That’s what happened at a softball game between Simon Fraser and Western Oregon University on Sunday night.

A thieving rogue pit bull had all the spotlights on it when it ran onto the field, stole a glove, ran some more, dropped that shit and ran some more before stealing another glove. It’s the most thrilling thing that has ever happened at a daytime softball game! After that dog slobbered on some mitts (not a euphemism), it ran off to bring chaos to more softball games. The umpire (or whatever the head bitch of a softball game is called) would’ve immediately thrown the dog off the field, but they were too busy overdosing on the adoreableness of it all.

And you know, since that dog loves chewing on old, leathery things, someone should point it in the direction of Lindsay Lohan and Donald Sterling.

via Tastefully Offensive

Most hos in California don’t seem that fazed by the water shortage, but I’m sure they’ll all be screaming in the streets when it’s announced that there’s a silicone shortage because most of the state’s supply has gone into the Porn Iguana’s possibly new tits – Hollywood Tuna

WWKBS? (What Would Kristen Bell Say?) Goopy Paltrow let the paps take pictures of her Gooplings as long as they name checked her GOOP jeans – Lainey Gossip

Sorry, Michael Lohan, but your reign as Father of the year has come to an end, because this year the title goes to Courtney Love’s dad for basically calling her a murderer in a book – Celebitchy

Kathy Griffin went full messy gay when she found herself in the presence of Madge – Towleroad

When Uncle Terry shoots Rita Whore, she ends up looking like a slutty Jafar in sad drag – Drunken Stepfather

Cindy Lou Who’s new video looks like a cross between a flop Grateful Dead festival and rejected scenes from a Kanye video – The Superficial

If Sheree comes back to The Real Housewives of Atlanta, we’ll finally get to see the glorious Chateau Sheree. I can’t want to see the grand ballroom made of popsicle sticks and leaves – Reality Tea

Meet the Brazilian gravedigger that I’d gladly let dig my hole – Buzzfeed

Thanks to an oh-so-subtle “ring hand on the purse” pose, Jessica Biel lets us know that she’s still married – Popoholic

V. Stiviano thinks she’s the Rosa Parks of racist billionaire side tricks – Jezebel

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULGE – The Berry

Dear Naomi Watts, please give that dress back to the Bea Arthur Estate where it belongs – Just Jared

Jason Priestly spreads slanderous lies! We all know that Brenda Walsh was an innocent, well-behaved angel in the 90s – ICYDK

Scientific question! How many different species of roaches do you think are living in Steven Tyler’s beard? – SOW

Your healthy dose of peen for the day, brought to you by Seth Gillam – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Jennifer Lawrence is FHM’s Sexiest Woman In The World – IDLYITW

Ellen and Ellen have a heart to heart about coming out as a gayelle – Popsugar

Jordan Knight and Nick Carter started a two-piece group called Nick & Knight, because money – HuffPo

In case you didn’t recognize him since he has a shirt on and doesn’t have Lena Dunham’s stuffed pancake tits pressed against his chest, he’s the one in black high waters in the back.

After weeks upon weeks of every name from Zac Efron to Lupita Nyong’o being tossed around as a possible cast member of Star Wars 7, the main cast was finally announced and a picture of the read-through was posted on StarWars.com. Some of the original hos like Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, C-3PO, Chewbacca and R2D2 are coming back and they’re joined by Adam from Girls, Oscar Isaac from Inside Llewyn Davis, John Boyega from Attack the Block, Andy Serkis, Domhnall Gleeson, MAX VON FUCKING SYDOW and Daisy Ridley.

Their character names haven’t been released, but the rumors say that Adam from Girls is playing the villain, John Boyega is playing a Jedi apprentice and who knows who that Daisy girl is playing, but whatever role she is playing Lindsay Lohan will definitely claim that she was soooo clooose to getting it.

They start shooting in a couple of weeks and the planet will be drowning in nerd jizz when it comes out December 18, 2015.

Two things:

1. FOR WHERE ART THOU, BILLY DEE WILLIAMS?!!!!

2. Max Von Sydow better be playing his Flash Gordon character Ming the Merciless, because Star Whores is in dire need of eyebrows shaped like the profile of a business woman’s Easy Spirit pump.

Former skanky party gremlin/anti-Semetic conspiracy theorist Tila Tequila announced she was with worm less than two weeks ago, and already things are turning classic Tila (aka crazy and dramatic). Dear CPS, start hiring extra staff now; I have a feeling you’re going to need them very soon.

The mystery surrounding the identity of Tila Tequila’s baby daddy was solved last Thursday when Radar revealed that she’d been knocked up by an aspiring rapper/producer and father of 3 from Georgia named Thomas Paxton Whitaker. The bargain bin K-Fed (and that says something) said that Tila had a wonderful relationship with his daughters and he was very happy and excited to have put a worm in Tila’s tequila pouch, and that he thinks she’ll be a “fantastic mother”. I’d like to know what Thomas’s definition of “fantastic” is, because I wouldn’t trust Tila to look after an artificial cactus from IKEA.

But only 4 days later, Thomas is speaking to Radar once again, and this time he sounds more like what I imagine a Tila Tequila baby daddy sounds like. Thomas says that Tila is a status queen who is no longer pursuing a relationship with Thomas because he filed for bankruptcy back in 2008 and he’s all shades of broke. He also says that Tila is a two-faced backstabber who talks a ton of shit, and that if he ever spilled the beans on what she’s said behind closed doors, she’d never “get a drop of news coverage again for the rest of her days”. So…about as much news coverage as she gets already?

Meanwhile, Tila is chugging along in her own crazy train by posting a rebuttal to Facebook, claiming that she left Thomas because she didn’t want to raise her unborn baby in an unhealthy, unsafe environment, blasts him for running his mouth off to the media, then pops over to Twitter to call him a drug-using drunk. Jesus take the wheel. Take all the wheels.

And somewhere in Florida, Landon Lohan just received a note from Baby Tequila Worm asking him to save a seat in his Cozy Coupe so they can carpool to CPS together.

Pic: Facebook

It’s not often that you see an act of class and grace at the Nets game, but RiRi being the master of elegance that she is managed to perform one when she gave a two-handed hand job to a big, black hard finger. That dude behind her friend is into it. – Lainey Gossip 

The royal family wants you think that Duchess Kate spent $83,000 on all the New Zealand-Australian tour ensembles that she probably got for free – Celebitchy

Black history historian Porsha Stewart needs to take a moment from teaching African American Studies at Harvard to look up what the definition of “bully” is – Reality Tea

Ariana Non-Fat Grande Latte takes the first step in trying to scrub off the Disney from her squeaky clean image – Drunken Stepfather

Zachary Quinto took a topless selfie, because what’s the point of working out and picking up all those heavy ass weights if you’re not going to post a picture of your topless body on Instagram? – Towleroad

Lindsay Lohan is in Europe “raising money for her movie” and that’s such a professional way of saying “turning tricks for coke cash” – The Superficial

Little Sprout and the Jolly Green Giant cuddle after one of his fights, but what in grandma’s TV den wallpaper HELL is Little Sprout wearing? – Hollywood Tuna

Sorry, Rob Kardashian, no allowance inheritance for you, because Pimp Mama Kris spent it on buying 500,000 copies of Vogue – Jezebel

St. Angie Jolie and Brad Pitt went outside the other night – Popsugar

NERDGASM ALERT: Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia and Han Solo are in the next Star Wars movie for real – IDLYITW

The Leftovers looks like the broken condom rapture baby of Lost and Under the Dome – Pajiba

Beyonce and Jay Z are going on tour together and expect Blue Ivy Carter to open for them by sitting onstage and blowing saliva bubbles for 30 minutes straight (she’ll be the most exciting act of the night) – ICYDK

I see Lea Michele stole her dress from a little old lady who was going to wear it to her retirement community’s ballroom dancing night – Popoholic

UsWeekly is confused about what the phrase “just like us” means and they’re really confused about the definition of “star” – The Berry

And somewhere in Hell, Lucifer’s maids prepare a special room for the producer suing Valerie Harper for dropping out of a Broadway play because she had brain cancer – HuffPo

Iggy Azalea drives with RuPaul – OMG Blog

Um, shouldn’t Matt Damon be Robin? – Defamer

Oh, it’s just two homeless lot lizards in love – Just Jared

“Actually, we don’t like to use the word ‘debt’; it’s too traumatic and sounds low-class. Instead, we use the term ‘financially overleveraged’, which means that technically the money we have is not currently present in a tangible sense, but that we know we have money and are extremely secure in a spiritual understanding of finance.” – Gwyneth Paltrow to her accountant.

If you happen to be browsing the office furniture section of Craigslist and see an ad for a bunch of imported cashmere desk chairs and a champaca oil-rubbed agarwood boardroom table, you’ll know why. According to corporate documents obtained by Radar, the world most pretentious website, Goop.com, is about two bounced cheques away from skipping town and living under the fictitious name Poop.biz. I don’t recommend you read the documents unless you get a boner for accounting and want to jerk it to pages and pages of numbers, so I’ll put on a shirt with a giant collar and sum it all up in the most Suze Orman way I can. Oh, by the way – all the numbers are in British pounds and not American dollars, because Goop has to be pretentious even when it’s talking about being a failing business:

1. Goop is the Lindsay Lohan of websites, spending way more than it actually makes. Like in 2012, when it spent £932,096, but only made £932,096. Or in 2011, when they only made £64,484 but spent £216,544. Shit, that’s a lot of organic cold-pressed kale juice.

2. Gwyneth and former CEO Sebastian Bishop gave themselves personal interest-free loans, to the tune of nearly £80,000. Sebastian has paid back about £13,000, and Gwyneth has paid back £0.

3. Despite losing more money than a toothy hooker at a blowjob convention, Gwyneth and Sebastian the Cash Crab gave themselves giant raises, going from £102,788 to £350,000. Congratulations on the raise, you two! You earned it! Writing the description for that $600 sleeveless vest must have taken HOURS.

So basically, what we have here is a classic case of writing a cheque that your ass can’t cash. Or several cheques. To yourself. Over and over again. And then wondering why the lights got shut off at Goop Inc. Then writing yourself another cheque.

And the most surprising thing from the Goop documents is that in 2012, £11,000 was spent on “recruitment”. Recruitment for what? Is Gwyneth starting her own insufferably pretentious army of WASPs? Lord help us.

Pic: Goop