Hawaii Won’t Let Woody Harrelson Open A Medical Marijuana Dispensary

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

What a shame; if anyone should be given the thumbs-up to sell weed in Hawaii, it’s the person in the picture above. Woody Harrelson, one of the very few people who is able to look stoned even when he might not be (that suit jacket is throwing me off), is apparently trying to open his medical marijuana dispensary in Hawaii. Unfortunately, he won’t be saying the words “Aloha and mahalo for choosing Woody’s for all your pakalolo needs” anytime soon.

Woody applied for a license early in 2016 on behalf of his company, Simple Organic Living LLC, after Hawaii created the Medical Marijuana Dispensary Program. Sadly, Reuters (via People) says that the Hawaii Department of Health denied Woody’s application on Friday. But Woody wasn’t the only one who was going home that night and smoking a cheer-up bowl; out of more than 60 applications, the state apparently only accepted 8. So, sorry, the 52+ other people. It looks like it’s back to Craigslist and the parking lot at Zippy’s for now.

There was no reason given for why Hawaii didn’t want Woody selling weed. Maybe the person in charge of approving applications thought it was Woody from Cheers who was applying, and they were afraid his slow ass would end up getting repeatedly hustled by Hawaiian high school stoners. Oh well. I’m sure that hasn’t derailed Woody’s dream of being the Newman’s Own of pot. What am I saying? Even if he woke up one morning and didn’t want to sell weed, I’m sure people would still approach him on the street with a handful of cash asking “So, how do we do this?” Like I mentioned above, Woody Harrelson was blessed with a face that says “Of course I can help you get some weed.

Pic: Splash

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Madge And Rocco Ritchie Together Again On Instagram

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

When we last wrote about the disastrous custody fight over 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Rocco had stopped fighting with his mom for a second to reunite with her at her house in London. Well, it looks like things between them are still okay.

Madge and Guy’s next court room battle royale isn’t until June, but a judge told both of those messes to try and work out their custody issues privately. Maybe they proved that miracles do exist and they were able to stop being wrecks, because Rocco has been spending a lot of time with Madge. People says that Madge has been staying in London, where Rocco is temporarily living with his dad, ever since her Rebel Heart tour ended. I guess Rocco also got over being mad that his mom keeps putting pictures of him on her Instagram, because over the weekend she posted this new picture of them together. Madge posted it with the caption:

madgeweneeeed

We need what, exactly? More booze? Because if you replaced Rocco with a long-haired black chihuahua rolling his eyes, I’d be Madge on a Friday night after drowning all of my sorrows in Hawaiian Punch, vodka and the good shit. Madge is giving me “Siamese Cat wax figurine right after chasing two Ambiens with a glass of red wine” and Rocco is giving me “first toke of the night.” That makes sense, because many people have to be drunk to hang out with a hormonal teenager (“Tell me about it.” – my mom during my teen years) and many people probably also have to be stoned to hang out with Madge.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com

Kerry Washington Is Probably Pregnant Again

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

As you can see from the picture above, Kerry Washington was giving a master class in pregnancy distraction technique at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday night. Purse in front of stomach? Check. Bright lipstick to draw attention away from stomach? Check. Unnecessary ruffle to draw eyes away from stomach in the event the makeup wasn’t distracting enough? Check. Dress that looks like it was made from Vantablack to kill even the slightest hint of a bump? Check? Even if she wasn’t trying to hide a pregnancy, it sure as hell looked like it.

According to E! News, Kerry Washington actually was working that baby-hiding game on Saturday night, because she’s got a baby in her. Two sources have confirmed to E! that Kerry is expecting her second child with her husband of almost 3 years, Nnamdi Asomugha. Well, that’s one way to silence the divorce rumors for a while. Kerry and Nnamdi already have a 2-year-old daughter named Isabelle Amarachi.

Kerry is all about putting her pointer finger to her lips and going “Ssshhhhh” when it comes to her personal life. She kept her wedding a secret and she kept the birth of her first kid a secret too. So who knows when or if she’ll announce that she’s pregnant. Kerry is supposed to show up at the Met Gala this evening. Maybe she’ll do the hand-on-bump pose (aka Hollywood’s favorite way to confirm a pregnancy) on the red carpet. Or maybe she’ll try to keep things quiet by hiding behind a lamp the whole night, who knows. There’s also no word on whether or not Kerry’s pregnancy will be written into Scandal. But if Shonda Rhimes decides not to write it in, there’s a chance Scandal’s 6th season could be delayed.

For now though, it appears that she’s letting her purses do the talking for her. Here’s Kerry with a giant red purse over her stomach area at Good Morning America this morning.

Pics: Splash

And Here’s Carly Fiorina Falling….

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Because one of Dlisted’s favorite pastimes is joining together to laugh at someone falling, here’s the secret weapon that is miraculously going to win Ted Cruz the Republican presidential nomination falling over at a rally in Lafayette, Indiana yesterday. Right as Donald Trump knocked a Carly Fiorina voodoo doll off of a table, Ted Cruz’s premature running mate fell over after announcing him as the next President of the United States. When Carly went down, it looked like the only Cruzes who cared were Heidi and one of her daughters, as Ted kept on fucking that chicken. Get into Carly falling through an invisible trap door:

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

If Carly popped back up and said, “Don’t bother me, I’m just wasted,” everyone would’ve just shrugged, because almost anyone involved in this circus of an election has to be tanked morning, noon and night to get through that shit. Mediate posted another angle of Cruz’s omen, and Carly doesn’t really fall off of the stage. She just falls over, and Ted Cruz sort of looks at her and keeps on shaking hands. It still gives me shades of this important moment in the history of falling (and ignoring):

Carly tried, but she still didn’t out-fall the Queen of Falls Michelle Williams!

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Amy Schumer Isn’t Here For Fans Who Take Her Picture Without Her Permission

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

I have only asked for a picture with a famous person once in my life. It was with Weird Al Yankovic, and by the way I was acting, you’d think I was asking him for a kidney or something; just lots of apologizing and embarrassment (and also severe anxiety from trying not to shit my pants). Thankfully, he didn’t mind. But some celebrities aren’t so psyched when you put a camera in their face and ask for a selfie, and they’re especially not into it if they say no and you do it anyway. For example, if you see Amy Schumer on the street and wonder what face she’ll make if you were to pull out your iPhone, that “Not into your shit” look above might be a pretty good indication.

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What Kind Of Trashy Shit Did Justin Bieber Get Called Out For Today?

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Believe it or not, those hideous ass tulip hem jeans from the shitty bowels of the 90s aren’t the most offensive thing in that picture.

Justin Bieber’s dried drop of dick discharge of a daddy Jeremy Bieber (not to be confused with his other daddy Usher) and his fiancee Chelsea Rebelo threw an engagement party at a mansion in Toronto on Saturday, and the whole thing was as tacky as you’d expect. The engagement party was also supposed to be an “art show,” and it should’ve been called “Douches On Display,” but the show was called  “Nyotaimori Celebrating Life Love And Art” instead. There was a Batmobile and people in superhero costumes, and the douche-induced rash clinging to the inside of humanity’s vagina performed for guests. You would think that forcing guests to listen to Justin Bieber would be the biggest act of cruelty to happen at that party, but it wasn’t.

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Someone Is Trying To Sell A Sex Tape Starring Blac Chyna And Tyga, And She’s Not Happy About It (UPDATE)

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

There’s a chance Kim Kardashian will finally have someone to talk sex tapes with at the family Khristmas party this year, and that person is her brother’s fiance, Blac Chyna. According to TMZ, a sex tape allegedly starring Blac Chyna and her then-fiance Tyga is currently being shopped around. However, Kimmy probably shouldn’t count on the conversation turning to comparing the numbers on their residual checks, because Blac Chyna doesn’t want that tape to see the light of day. “You know honey, maybe this family isn’t the right fit for you” whispered Kris Jenner to her future daughter-in-law.

Blac Chyna’s lawyer tells TMZ that she’s willing to sue the hell out of whoever releases the tape. Her lawyer isn’t hitting print on a lawsuit just yet; TMZ says that the sex tape has been sent to several media outlets and porn companies, but no one has handed over any cash for it yet. One of the reasons may be that apparently you can’t really tell that it’s Blac Chyna and Tyga who are the ones doing the fucking. Okay, honestly? That sounds like a major selling point to me. TMZ claims that the only indication that it’s them is by their tattoos.

TMZ doesn’t say who is trying to sell a sex tape of Blac Chyna rubbing her plastic bits on Tyga’s business, but I have my suspicions. Let’s see, who does Blac Chyna know that is that hard up for cash? I guess you do what you gotta do to prevent the repo man from taking back any more of your cars. Don’t worry Tyga, I’m sure someone will help you out eventually. “Hey, if you’re not interested in the sex tape, I got an unopened DVD box set of the first six seasons of KUWTK and a half-used Kylie Lip Kit in Dolce that I’d be willing to let go for $40.

UPDATE: Someone is apparently really desperate for cash. TMZ says that more than $200,000 in cash and jewelry was stolen from a safe in Blac Chyna’s home this weekend. Police suspect that it was someone close to Chyna, because there was no evidence of a break-in and there was no damage done to the safe. TMZ thinks that the thief/thieves could have been looking for a hard copy of the sex tape.

Here’s one-half of the stars of the might-exist sex tape (possible title: Sprayed in Chyna) looking like a broke years Mushmouth from Fat Albert while walking around New York yesterday.

Pics: Splash

Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

The Real Doll that got to live like a queen in Indonesia for a little while! 

Indonesia is mostly Muslim and Metro UK says that they consider solar eclipses a spiritual event. After there was a partial lunar eclipse on March 12, a fisherman from a small village on Banggai island  found a fuck doll floating in the ocean and thought she was an angel who fell from the sky during the solar eclipse. The local media reports that he took the fallen angel back to his house, where his family dressed her up in a new ensemble and hijab every single day and sat her in a chair like the queen she is.

This kind of reminds me of when people see Jesus on toast or bananas. But did important Hot Slut from 2009 Banana Jesus get dressed up in clothes and worshipped on a throne? I think not. Angel Real Doll is showing him up. Here she is clearly making a look that says, “Shush, nobody tell them that I’m soooo not a virgin.

hsotdrealdoll2016

When the news got around that the fisherman’s family had a holy angel living in their house, the police got involved and “investigated.” It didn’t take them too long to figure out that the angel was actually a sex doll and they took her away from the fisherman to “avoid any potential controversy.” Uh huh, I’m sure the officer who took her in is going to use a couple of his vacation days and lube sales on Banggai island are going to jump up by 1000%.

‘So it was checked by one of our team. It was a sex toy,’ the area’s police chief Heru Pramukarno said.

He said police took the doll away to avoid any potential controversy.

If that fuck doll could feel emotions and had a brain, she’d probably be pissed at the cops. She had it made. And if all-plastic blossom Courtney Stodden ever wants to be worshipped like a true holy queen, she should just float naked in the ocean off of Banggai island.

Pics: Detik News

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Birthday Sluts

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Donatella Versace (61)
Kay Panabaker (26)
Thomas McDonnell (30)
Lily Allen (31)
Sarah Hughes (31)
Robert Buckley (35)
Ellie Kemper (36)
Jenna von Oy (39)
David Beckham (41)
Pandora Boxx (44)
The Rock (44)
Mika Brzezinski (49)
Stephen Daldry (56)
Christine Baranski (64)
David Suchet (70)
Bianca Jagger (71)
Engelbert Humperdinck (80)

Pic: Getty

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