Brie Larson won a lot of Best Actress awards last year for Room, so this year she got the job of presenting Best Actor at a few award shows. Casey Affleck won many Best Actor awards this year. Brie had to say Casey’s name twice and when she did, she did it with the least amount of enthusiasm as possible. I’ve seen STD results delivered with more oomph. Brie’s excitement level was set to “I’d Rather Be At The DMV On A Monday Morning” when she handed Casey the Golden Globe, and she didn’t clap when he won the Oscar. Brie meant to do all that.
Yesterday we learned that Scarlett Johansson’s divorce and subsequent custody battle with her French husband Romain Dauriac was getting more uncomfortable than watching ScarJo get a reach-around kiss from John Travolta. Scarlett filed divorce papers on Monday and asked for primary custody of their 2-year-old daughter Rose Dorothy. Romain’s lawyer publicly talked bout the situation, to which Scarlett responded by releasing a statement asking “other parties” involved to keep their le trap shut and do this in a private way.
“It is indeed unfortunate, especially for our daughter, that Scarlett filed in Court and made our personal differences so public. I would implore her to withdraw her action promptly and go back, as uncomfortable as it might be, to the negotiating table. We are the parents of a lovely daughter whom we will continue to co-parent for many years and share her joys and sorrows as only a parent can.”
I love how that statement is both shady (see: the part accusing Scarlett “Private Person” Johansson of making their drama public) and art-house sophisticated (see: that part about sharing her joys and sorrows).
The thing I learned the most from Romain’s statement is that he communicates with words. I always assumed Romain just moved from room to room, communicating solely through intense gazes. There goes my theory that their divorce battle would reach a breaking point over a moody stare-down.
Disney’s live-action Beauty and the Beast opens almost everywhere next week, but well, they can go ahead and cancel it and put it on the shelf to collect dust. Because Doug The Pug beat them to the punch and put out a live-action Beauty and the Beast that is a million times more magical and is filled with some real dramatic acting!!
Last year, Doug The Pug had Daniel Day-Lewis questioning his existence when the thespian pooch played all the roles in a one-pug remake of Stranger Things called Stranger Pugs. Doug is back with an all-pug version of BatB called Beauty and the Pug and it rivals Disney’s version in every single way from the exquisite costumes to the opulent props to the raw emotion that pours out of the pug actors. Yes, Belle sort of looks like Tori Spelling as a bootleg Scarlett O’Hara, but she’s still giving it more than Emma Watson ever could!
That melancholy look in their eyes tells us that although happiness is filling their hearts over spending an enchanting evening together, they know that happy feeling is fleeting since the odds are against them. That’s acting! Or maybe that melancholy look is from the pugs thinking to themselves, “Why the fuck does my human keep putting me in these dumbass outfits?” Yeah, that’s probably it. But well, it could’ve been worse. They could’ve made those pugs do La La Land instead. Oh shit, I’m giving them ideas.
Finally, a story about a famous person and their spawn that doesn’t involve a custody fight or pulling the curtain back on their absentee ways. This one is actually nice. Back in October, we found out that David Arquette was going to be a daddy for the third time. Yesterday, David announced on Instagram that his wife Christina Arquette spent International Women’s Day doing an extremely woman-ish thing, which was giving birth to a baby.
Charlie Hunnam had to put lots of muscles on his body for his last three movies, including the ones he’s promoting now, The Lost City Of Z. Charlie talked to Men’s Health about how he got so ripped, and he said he did it by quitting weed, working out a lot (duh) and pretty much existing on the model diet (coffee and cigarettes). Charlie does it all when it comes to work out stuff, and one of the exercise techniques he counts on the most to keep his body hot is fucking.
If anyone out there has a time machine I can borrow, please let me know. I would really love to go back 48 hours to when I honestly believed the custody drama between Robin Thicke and Paula Patton was over. But of course it continues.