This story is becoming more drawn out than the reign of Queen Elizabeth II (I’m hitting snooze until she skips over Charles and Wills and gives the crown to Prince George). Seen above in happier times, because these lucky bitches got to go to the red carpet premiere of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, are Jesse Williams and Aryn Drake-Lee, two non-contentious, completely peaceful co-parenting “best friends” who ask that you respect their privacy during this difficult time.
I kid! These two messes are STILL stuck in a battle over the kind of money that most of us gutter dwellers will never get to see in our lifetimes (please let me be reincarnated as the former stray cat of a lonely dying millionaire).
Apologies for that post title but “Tits And Ass Vs. Ponytail On The Beach” isn’t SEO-friendly. Here’s the video for “Bed,” the second single off Nicki Minaj’s upcoming Queen album. Ariana Grande managed to peel herself off her fiancé for two seconds to appear. And it looks like the shooting script read “glistening boobs, wet ass, bedroom, glistening boobs, wet ass, mermaid, glistening boobs, wet ass, ponytail, glistening boobs, wet ass CUT.”
No, that headline does not imply that Russell Crowe (giving mid-life crisis Kris Kringle above) had the runs, it means he was Aussie levels of pissed off that someone had the audacity to suggest that he actually read for a part. This time it was Deadpool 2 creator Rob Liefeld on the receiving end of that Russell Crowe fury (take a breath, Azealia Banks, he’ll get back to you in a minute). Digital Spy says that Rob shared a heartwarming Twitter morsel about being the latest to receive the wrath of Russell while speaking on a Las Vegas Comic-Con panel promoting Deadpool 2.
Keri Russell might soon be fending off die-hard sci-fi creepsters hating on her via social media for appearing in a Star Wars flick while…not being white enough? Not being busty enough? Not appearing in a leather bikini while chain-choking a Donald Trump lookalike? According to The Hollywood Reporter, Russell’s next role might be in Star Wars: We’re Sure To Piss Off The Mouth-Breathers With This One.
Star Wars: Episode IX is being directed by JJ Abrams, who created Felicity. So she’s got the part. Since Felicity, JJ went on to take over the two biggest sci-fi franchises in the land (Star Wars and Star Trek) and Keri and her 1980s pussy bow blouses wowed the critics as a Russian sleeper agent posing as the mom next door in The Americans. Keri and JJ last worked together on the Abrams-directed Mission Impossible III which she was in for about three minutes because that short-ass diva Tom Cruise refused to be upstaged any more than he had to be by the WB’s second brightest star.
The ninth installment of the Star Wars saga will reportedly wrap up the current storyline and has already begun shooting in London with Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, Oscar Issac, and John Boyega reprising their roles from the last two movies.
Keri’s character on The Americans killed loads of people while wearing a variety of wigs so she should fit right in with all the Star Wars spaceship battles and creature makeup. There’s no word yet on what character she would play. Hopefully, her part would have nothing to do with Solo: A Star Wars Story because even the incels didn’t bother with that one. That says something because it was a whole new opportunity to terrorize innocent space actresses.
Todd, the hero puppy who saved his human from getting attacked by a rattlesnake!
If I took my dog hiking in the summer heat and we stumbled upon a rattlesnake just hanging out in its desert home, my pooch would totally spring into action and take care of the situation. And by that I mean he’d use every last strength in his almost-16-year-old body to get behind my legs and push me toward that rattlesnake as punishment for taking his old ass hiking in the summer heat in the first place. But heroic Todd here is not like my dog (and in my dog’s defense, you’d push me in front of a rattlesnake too if you lived with me for almost 16 years), and when a rattlesnake tried to bite his human, he let his inner Rikki-Tikki-Tavi out and threw himself in front of possible death.
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