Meanwhile, On The Democrat Side….

August 7, 2015 / Posted by:

As the top 10 Republican presidential candidates entertained a nation with some good old-fashioned foolery, this mess happened.

Variety says that Hillary Clinton hit L.A. last night and went to a fundraiser thrown by Justin Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun and that’s where she met the reigning fame whore rulers of the ho stroll Pimp Mama Kris, Kim Kartrashian and Kanye West. Scooter Braun AND Pimp Mama Kris?! Lord, if Hillary Clinton really wants to secure the fame whore vote, she should’ve went to a more respectable event like a fundraiser thrown by Phoebe Price and Bai Ling in front of Kitson.

TMZ says that people at the event were told to not take pictures of Hillary, but she made an exception for the Kuntrashians. Hillary posed for an Instagram portrait with PMK and became the meat in an attention whore sandwich when she posed for a selfie with Kummy Kakes and Kanye. The shit you gotta do for a vote:

Maybe Hillary posed with PMK, because it’s her way of saying that she’s got this game so locked up that she can pose with one of Satan’s mutated ass warts and still win it all.

Donald Trump’s Touching Love Affair With Rosie O’Donnell Was Reopened During The Debate Last Night

August 7, 2015 / Posted by:

If you pulled your hungover self out of a puddle of booze-infused slobber and tears this morning, then your name is probably Dina Lohan and it’s just another weekday. Or you watched the entertaining circus of beautiful fuckery that was the Republican Presidential Debate last night. It was the weirdest and most confusing circle jerk I’ve ever seen.

The night started off with a bang when ranting merkin Donald Trump declared that he maaaay run independent, and then he blew another wet, slobbery air kiss at his longtime soulmate Rosie O’Donnell. One of the debate’s moderators, Megyn Kelly, brought up Jabba the Trump’s history of calling women he hates “fat pigs,” “dogs,” “slobs,” and “disgusting animals,” and he stopped her by saying, “Only Rosie O’Donnell.” And just like that, open mic night had officially started!

As the crowd ate that shit up, the corroded veins of my dead heart warmed, because it’s nice seeing that the love between Trump and Rosie O’Donnell is still alive after all these years.

But of course, Trump wouldn’t be Trump if he stopped there. The rejected Dick Tracy villain let Megyn Kelly know that he doesn’t like how she’s treated him before and he could open the library on her ass and read her from cover to cover, but he’s not going to do that. I expected him to look Megyn up and down and say, “Check your weave before you come and talk to me, bitch!”

The Juliet to Donald’s Romeo, Rosie O’Donnell, responded to what Trump said by tweeting: “try explaining that 2 ur kids.” I don’t know if she was talking about the shit Trump said about her or the shit on his head.

Trump continued to finger bang his own b-hole this morning by saying that his Rosie line won the night and he won the whole debate. Trump has left Rosie alone FOR NOW, but he continued to talk shit about Megyn Kelly on Twitter:

And by “people,” I think he means the people he paid to talk shit about Megyn Kelly on Twitter.

But enough about Trump, here’s the First Lady of Gold Digging Trophy Wives, Melania Trump, giving you Peaches and Cream business woman glamour while arriving in Cleveland for the debate.

Pics: Getty, Splash

Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 7, 2015 / Posted by:

RONALD RAVEN!

The breakout star of the “Bridesmaids” part of the Republican presidential debate (aka the bottom 7 debate) last night was Ronald Raven who became a Twitter darling when he was name checked by Rick Perry. Or as my mom refers to him as: “That’s Kerry Petty’s dad, right?” (FYI: “Kerry Petty” is mom talk for “Katy Perry.”)

While talking about political stuff, Rick Perry meant to say, “Ronald Reagan,” but, “Ronald Raven,” came out of his mouth instead. Rick Perry’s team tried to call all of our ears LIARS by saying that he never said, “Ronald Raven,” but nope. Nice try. He said it and he can’t take it back. Quoth the Raven, forevermore.

And at that moment, Ronald Raven became my pick for president. Ronald Raven/Big Bird 2016!

Pic: YouTube (which predicted that Ronald Raven would take the political world by storm!)

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Birthday Sluts

August 7, 2015 / Posted by:

David Duchovny (55)
Francesca Eastwood (22)
Helen Flanagan (25)
Rick Genest aka Zombie Boy (30)
Brit Marling (32)
Abbie Cornish (33)
Charlotte Ronson (38)
Samantha Ronson (38)
Megan Gale (40)
Charlize Theron (40)
Michael Shannon (41)
Chico Benymon (41)
Rachel York (44)
Sydney Penny (44)
Harold Perrineau (52)
Jacquie O’Sullivan (55)
Bruce Dickinson (57)
Wayne Knight (60)
Tobin Bell (73)
Garrison Keillor (73)
Caetano Veloso (73)

Pic: Amazon

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Sean Penn May Have Found His Next Soul To Suck

August 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Approximately 45 seconds ago (specifically, about a month ago), the deep fried pork loaf named Sean Penn was trying to make Minka Kelly his rebound piece and he wooed her with an extravagant ass dinner in Napa. But even Minka Kelly wasn’t that desperate for attention and she got away. I’m surprised Sean didn’t tie her to a chair like the old days. Well, Sean brushed off the dust of rejection, polished his face with leather wipes and went hunting for a new piece. UsWeekly says that Sean went out on a date with actress Emmanuelle Vaugier of Lost Girl and CSI:NY. Sean Penn’s “See, Charlize Theron, I’m TOTALLY Over You And Totally Moving On” tour through chocha continues!

UsWeekly says that on Tuesday night, Sean and Emmanuelle had a dinner date at Madeo in West Hollywood and some “witness” gave them all the details. That witness’ dinner date must have been pissed, because it sounds like the witness spent the entire night with their eyes glued to Sean’s barbecued face and Emmanuelle.

For the night out, Penn opted for jeans and a gray leather jacket, while Vaugier dressed in a first date-appropriate black halter dress. The eyewitness tells Us that the stars “seemed to have good chemistry” and their conversation flowed throughout dinner.

Once they were done with their cozy meal, Penn and Vaugier walked out to the back patio of the restaurant, where they were able to enjoy a more private conversation. Penn seemed relaxed and smoked a cigarette, while Vaugier nursed a vodka martini. The insider adds that that the One Tree Hill actress was smiling and laughing throughout their conversation, and the Milk actor held eye contact and did a lot of the talking.

Emmanuelle is probably wondering why her local MRI Center called her today to schedule an appointment. Oh, they’re just checking to make sure there’s nothing wrong with her brain that’s causing her to go out on a date with Sean Penn. And I know this is the part where we all scream, “RUUUUN, BITCH, RUUUUUN,” but Emmanuelle is Canadian. So let’s just say, “Run, eh, please?

And here’s Emmanuelle at the premiere of the Descendants a couple of weeks ago.

Pics: Wenn.com

Afternoon Crumbs

August 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow went to Washington to talk about GMO labeling and while there, I’m sure she also talked to Joe Biden about the benefits of anus steaming and tried to hide her look of complete disgust when she found out that Michelle Obama’s White House vegetable garden does not use soil organically grown by 8th generation farmers from Holland  – Lainey Gossip 

Keef Richards thinks Sgt. Pepper’s was a trash album. I hope Paul McCartney is getting into a Speedo and is preparing to wrestle Keef in a plastic pool full of oil – Celebitchy

Kathy Hilton goes after Dr. Drew for commenting on Kim Richards and I’m just going to go sit in the section marked Team Neither Of Them – Reality Tea 

Kate Pierson and her partner of a million years got married in Hawaii – Towleroad

Beyonce is trying to make the flash tattoo happen – Drunken Stepfather

Gigi Hadid’s in W MagazineIDLYITW

And I’m sure if I checked, I could find 6-month-old pictures of RiRi wearing the same bikini that Rita Ora’s wearing – The Superficial 

Charlize Theron went to yoga where I’m sure she made at least one child star from the 90s cry – Popoholic

Jared Leto’s lawyer wants everyone on the Internet to stop talking about his huge dick, because you know, having a huge dick is a bad thing – Jezebel

Nina Agdal’s nipples look like this, in case you’ve been wondering – Hollywood Tuna 

That husky is either on bath salts or really loves water – The Berry 

Kelly Clarkson does Prince (not like that) – SOW

James Franco will probably have gay incest sex with himself in a show for HBO. That’s so Franco – HuffPo

Either I’m still drunk from last night or these pictures of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux getting on a private jet are really blurry – Popsugar

Some crazy fan grabbed Taylor Swift during a show. She’s so going to write a diss track about that fan – ICYDK

Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black will be Glinda in The Wiz LiveJust Jared

And on a sad note, one of my favorite pop stars of all-time Samantha Fox lost her manager and partner of 16 years – Boy Culture

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: Hosted By Katie Holmes Looking Hot

August 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Katie Holmes sometimes gets shit (and yes, I’m guilty of that) for the crap she puts on her body, but she shut all us haters up by stepping out in NYC the other day in a multi-purpose look that’s perfection from head to toe.

That hair is very “ballerina in a rush.” The shirt is lazy western wear. Those leggings probably once belonged to a wrestler from the 80s. That backpack is the kind of backpack that a late-80s kid would wear to school and wear it like it’s the shit. Those heels are probably the same heels that a member of Klymaxx wore while filming the video for Meeting In The Ladies Room. That hot outfit can take Katie Holmes all sorts of places. If she needs to perform in a ballerina recital, she’s ready. If she needs to host a rodeo, she’s ready. If she has to time travel back to the 80s and wrestle Koko B. Ware, she’s ready. If she wants to work the stroll during the daytime real quick, she’s ready. In that outfit, Katie Holmes can do anything. As Ronda Rousey would say, that definitely is not a “Do Nothing Bitch” outfit. That is a “Do Everything Bitch” outfit.

Here’s more of Katie’s hot outfit as well as equally-as-riveting pictures of her in a not-as-hot outfit.

Pics: Splash

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Brangelina Would Release The Trailer For Their Movie On Jennifer Aniston’s Wedding News Day

August 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Those shameless bitches just couldn’t let Jennifer Aniston have one day. ONE DAY! They had to try to upstage her by releasing the trailer for their 70s perfume commercial of a high art movie. Surprisingly, there’s not a scene in the trailer where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie-Pitt (she’s going by that now) dance around a pile of burning Aveeno and Smart Water bottles. But you know, I doubt Jennifer Aniston cares. She’s too busy picking dried cum balls out of her hair since Uncle Terry probably jizzed all over her and Justin Theroux instead of throwing rice at them.

Here’s the trailer for By The Sea, which St. Angie Jolie-Pitt directed, wrote and of course, stars in with Brad Pitt. /Film says that By The Sea takes place in the mid-70s and St. Angie plays a former dancer named Vanessa who goes to a seaside resort town in France with her American writer husband Roland (B. Pitt) as their marriage bites the dust. It’s like Mr. and Mrs. Smith get moody in a commercial for Dolce & Gabbana’s newest fragrance “Mascara Tears.” Get swept away by the pretentiousness and DRAMA:

It looks like their W Magazine photo shoot characters went to Europe where they smoked cigarettes, stared at things, took baths, got the sads and cried. This is their Eyes Wide Shut and we all know how that worked out for Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. No, I’m sure it won’t end with them breaking up for real. It’ll end with them drowning in a million OSCUHS!

The Nanny Is Hiding Out At The Hotel Bel-Air And Ben Affleck Is Allegedly Paying For It

August 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Seen above sending Ben Affleck a text threatening to release a Hi-Res, brightly lit picture of his dick if he doesn’t play nice with her (wishful thinking), the nanny Christine Ouzounian is currently living the opulent kept bitch life at the Hotel Bel-Air.

I’ve written about Christine the Nanny way too many times and even I couldn’t ID her if she was the only one in the room and was wearing a stick-on name tag that read, “Hello My Name Is… Christine the Nanny.” But somehow, “guests” at the Hotel Bel-Air keep recognizing her and have taken sneaky pictures of her in a bikini by the pool. Christine in a bikini popped up in Star Magazine and now she’s in this week’s InTouch Weekly.

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