Melissa Joan Hart has gone public with her amazing transformation from Sabrina The Teenage Witch to Ice Cold Middle-Aged Holy Judgmental Bitch. You can go ahead and add Melissa to the list of former pre-teen idols that has fallen on hard times. Melissa has gone public with her innermost beliefs, which are that if you don’t believe in Sweet Baby Jesus, you are basically a terrible person who should stay away from her kids. This has many people calling her a lo-fi anti-Semetic.
In the wake of the truly cry-worthy, disturbing docu-series Surviving R. Kelly on Lifetime, everyone’s asking themselves, “Do some of these freaks get a microphone in their hand and just lose all morals and common sense?” This is why I don’t do karaoke.
A newly resurfaced video of Drake shows him kissing and fondling a 17-year-old girl from the audience at one of his shows. No wonder why he wears those sweaters, he’s (hopefully) punishing himself.
Many who caught CBS’ docu-series The Case Of: JonBenet Ramsey back in September of 2016 probably came to the same conclusions that I did at the end of it:
1) I need to secure all the access points to my home and maybe buy a taser or collapsible baton just in case Burke Ramsey’s in the neighborhood and looking for his bowl of pineapple.
2) Burke Ramsey (could have possibly but we can’t say) killed his little sister, 6-year-old child beauty queen JonBenet.
CBS ended the series by pushing the theory that Burke killed JonBenet and his parents covered it up including writing a fake ransom letter. Burke Ramsey was angry by the show’s conclusion that he might have killed sis for stealing his pineapple at the age of 10. So he sued CBS for $750 million. Well, they’ve settled.
Kevin Hart’s recent appearance on Ellen show to complain about how he’s been treated while Ellen DeGeneres Captain-Save-A-Ho’ed him drew a mixed reaction from the public. Some wondered whether Ellen shaved too close to her brain this time and took a layer off, because she, a lesbian, tried to redeem Kevin after he stepped down as host of the Oscars because he refused to apologize again for homophobic tweets he made in 2010 and 2011. CNN’s Don Lemon was someone who criticized Ellen on his show and felt that it was a misstep on both comedians’ parts. Kevin must have been watching.
If you regularly watched Saturday morning cartoons or children’s shows in the late-80s, then there’s a very good chance that you’ve already gotten a priest to exorcise the FruitFlush jingle from your brain. So if you don’t want the FruitFlush jingle to possess your mind all over again, do not press play on the video below. But FruitSlush was basically a fruity slushie made by Wyler’s around 1988-ish. Like all slushies, it was pretty much something a polar bear would piss out after downing gallons of TOTALLY NATURAL fruit juices.
FruitSlush was found in the fruit snacks section of the grocery store, and after freezing it up, you’d turn that bitch into a slushy by stabbing a spoon into it. I don’t remember ever eating a FruitSlush, but what I do remember is the commercial’s jingle. If you didn’t smash your FruitSlush while singing “Mish-mush, eatin’ FruitSlush, doin’ the FruitSlush mush” and bouncing around in a dimly lit kitchen or garage, then you were doing it wrong.
The FruitSlush jingle is also the perfect song to sing if you’re a nostalgic top and doing a nostalgic bottom.
And if you’ve ever wondered if meth loses its potency when you freeze it, the answer is obviously: NO. I mean, judging by that commercial, meth was obviously the secret ingredient in FruitSlush.
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