Tim Burton’s remake of Beetlejuice is going in an unexpected direction. – Jade
Paula Deen is forced to apologize to the Asian community after old photos are leaked. – Sheena
State Senator Jim Ferlo, the Pennsylvania State Senator who came out to the public during a press conference yesterday morning by basically blurting out, “Yeah, I like dick AND?”
During a press conference in Harrisburg about updating the state’s hate crime law to include LGBT citizens, State Senator Ferlo, who’s a co-sponsor of the proposal, took to the mic and spoke for a few minutes before letting everyone who doesn’t know that he’s gay and if you’re not into it, you can get over it. Personally if I was a Pennsylvania lawmaker, I’d come out by sliding down a plastic prop rainbow as Sharon Needles lip-synched “I’m Coming Out” next to me, but Jim Ferlo’s way is the better way. While standing next to openly gay hot woof daddy House Representative Brian Sims, Jim Ferlo said this:
“Since I was a teenager and sexually active, I have only been with women from teenage years to the years of 22, 23, 24. Great relationships, no hard feelings, but I’ve been a practicing homosexual, and I am gay, since at least the age of 24 or 25. I didn’t need a psychiatrist or psychologist. I just decided this was something that is normal for me, comfortable. My mother always used to tell me, she’d be 102 years old now if she was still living, ‘God don’t make no junk.’ It was just something that seemed natural and as many of us in the gay community say, ‘Don’t fight the feeling.’ Well, I’ve never fought the feeling and I’ve had great friendships, relationships. Hundreds of people know I’m gay. I just never made an official declaration. I never felt I had to wear a billboard on my forehead. But I’m gay. Get over it. I love it. It’s a great life.”
Jim Ferlo spit out some “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!” shit AND he quoted REO Speedwagon. That is how it’s done.
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Douche extraordinaire John Mayer wore this gardening grandma mess at a show in Chicago. To quote Amber from Clueless, “She could be a farmer in those clothes.” – Lainey Gossip
Miss America once hazed sorority pledges by making them craft all night. Taylor Swift just announced that she’s going to stop trying to be a pop star and pledge to that sorority, because that sounds like the type of hazing she can get into – Celebitchy
Cara Delawhatever is wet, naked, sandy and covered in jewels. She’s like that all the time since she’s always on vacation, but this time she did it for work - Drunken Stepfather
A radio host in Phoenix didn’t appreciate Falkor Rimes yodeling into his ear during a David Gray show – Reality Tea
Ariana Grande Latte: The Menopause Years – The Superficial
Tom Brady Facebook’d his resume for some reason – WWTDD
Ariana Grande’s face says “latte with extra milk” and her stomach says “caramel mocha” – Hollywood Tuna
FYI: Those naked pictures of a dude that obviously isn’t Liam Payne aren’t of Liam Payne – Towleroad
They tell me this is supposed to be Zoe Kravitz, but I keep looking around for little Olivia trailing behind her ass, because that is obviously Denise Huxtable and nobody can tell me otherwise – ICYDK
But did the fake three-tittied Florida flower get her three-tittied breastplate at Boobs4Queens.com? – Jezebel
MiserAlba being miserable while wearing the glasses I bought at the swap meet in the 5th grade – Popoholic
Behold, a list of my new favorite bands. I so want to be president of the Anal Cunt fan club – OMG Blog
Joseph Gordon-Levitt should have a talk with that All About That Bass trick – Pajiba
Hot pieces in cum goggles! – The Berry
And here’s some more pictures that will fuel the tears of the #ROBSTENISUNBROKEN fangirls – Popsugar
Sarah Hyland got a restraining order against the crazy ex-boyfriend who allegedly choked her and threatened to kill her – HuffPo
Baby: Mila Kunis still has one in her body - Just Jared
Jessica Simpson’s piece split his pants on his wedding day – SOW
This wealthy and famous actor/director/etc. is privately talking about how happy he is that he is going to be a father for the first time. However, the situation is not exactly what it appears to be!
It is true that his girlfriend is pregnant. It is also true that she is carrying his baby. However, it would be more accurate to call her his “girlfriend.” She conceived using his sperm, but they did not have sex. She is basically a combination of beard and surrogate… and is being paid very handsomely to fulfill both roles!
Given how rich, famous and powerful he is, it would be a real coup for the gay community for him to come out. However, a painful childhood causes him to be very secretive about his personal life. For better or worse, do not expect him to come out anytime soon. (Blind Gossip)
This item has 20/20 vision. It’s the opposite of blind. Tyler Perry? A few blogs have said that Tyler Perry supposedly announced that he’s going to be a father at his huge, fancy 45th birthday party over the weekend. Media TakeOut (so swallow this with several grains of salt) says that Tyler didn’t only come out as a future father at his birthday party, he also came flying out of the closet and told all his friends that he’s gay. Whatever the case may be and if this is true, then congratulations to that baby. Yes, that baby will have to suffer a bit by sitting through its daddy’s movies, but it’ll also have OPRAH as an auntie/godmother. And yes, that baby will have to learn how to sleep with its eyes open while Tia Oprah gives one of her life lectures full of sanctimonious words of wisdom, but she’ll probably take it shopping for pony farms and small countries afterward.
No, I didn’t screw up and accidentally upload an outtake from Lindsay Lohan’s blasphemous Marilyn Monroe photo shoot for New York Magazine. John Malkovich looks a zillion times fresher than LiLo and he has more sexiness in his freshly painted exquisite Sharpie brow than she will ever have. Somewhere up in heaven, Marilyn Monroe knocked on Bert Stern’s door and asked him if they can do over her last sitting because she can’t let John Malkovich show her up like this.
Inspired by Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich from Being John Malkovich, photographer Sandro Miller decided to recreate some of history’s most iconic photographs using national treasure John Malkovich. John Malkovich becomes Marilyn Monroe, Alfred Hitchcock, Andy Warhol, John Lennon, Muhammad Ali, Gaultier, Einstein, Jack Nicholson, the Migrant Mother and many more. John Malkovich also stars as twins that are more creepier than The Shining Twins and the Trollsens. That’s saying a lot. Sandro says that he chose 35 works that have inspired him as a photographer and asked John Malkovich to help him recreate them:
“John is the most brilliant, prolific person I know. His genius is unparalleled. I can suggest a mood or an idea and within moments, he literally morphs into the character right in front of my eyes. He is so trusting of my work and our process… I’m truly blessed to have him as my friend and collaborator.”
The Hollywood Reporter says that all the Malkovich-ized photos that Sandro Miller created will show at the Catherine Edelman Gallery in Chicago from November 7, 2014 to January 15, 2015. Click here to see more of them.
If you’re asking yourself, FOR WHY?!!!! The answer is, because if there’s one thing this world is thirsty for, it’s more John Malkovich! And yes, someone will find a way to fap to that picture above and I don’t judge them at all.
Pics: Sandro Miller
It appears Aaron Carter still has one working braincell in that peroxide-fried Ed Hardy hedgehog head of his (“Damn! I thought I got them all?” – crystal meth). After trying desperately to woo his ex-girlfriend Hilary Duff back into his life on Twitter since January, Aaron Carter has finally taken the hint that Lizzie McGuire wants nothing to do with him or his busted Faces of Florida ass. The Ghost of Justin Bieber Future told Wenn (via E!) that after much thought (read: after Mike Comrie showed up at his studio in the valley with a couple NHL enforcers), he’s decided to cool it with the AXE-Scented Social Media Romeo shit:
“If I’m too open about how I feel then people wanna nag and pick and poke at me. I don’t know Hilary, either. She don’t know me and I don’t know her. I just need to shut up now about it. I think it’s time. She’s got a kid and she’s married and I’m not trying to be that dude. That’s not my intention. Hilary will always hold a very special place in my heart.”
Poor Aaron; he threw Hilary a love party every day for almost a whole year, but she never wanted to come get it. Na na na na, na na na na.
But just because it didn’t work out with Hilary doesn’t mean Nick Jr. should stop trying to pursue all his old girlfriends. For instance, I’m sure Lindsay Lohan would love to rekindle the spray tan-dipped romance they had so many years ago! It has the makings of a classic Hollywood love story! After more than a decade apart, two former tweener messes reunite after flirting online (“Hey sexy, I bored – wan 2 fuck?“) to rub their rash-covered parts on each other in a dirty hotel room and snort anything they can crush up and fit through a straw. Then they’ll hit a rough patch when Aaron catches the Apricot Ashtray trying to steal $20 from his wallet while he’s taking a shit. So romantic! It’s just like The Notebook!
As expected, HBO announced that Colin Farrell, the dirty piece we’d all hit even though his man chowder is probably the consistency of chunky nose snot, will play a detective in the second season of True Detective. HBO also made the entire Internet do the slow wall slide of NOOOOOOOO by announcing that Vince Vaughn and his fried puffed potato face will also star. Vince Vaughn is a perfect casting decision, because the answers to all of life’s greatest mysteries cling to the hairy branches of the weeping willow hanging out of his nose.
Deadline says that HBO also announced that Justin Lin (he directed a few of those Fast & Furious movies) will direct the first 2 episodes which start shooting in L.A. this fall. HBO also queefed up this riveting and highly detailed plot synopsis:
“Three police officers and a career criminal must navigate a web of conspiracy in the aftermath of a murder.”
Colin will play, Ray Velcoro, one of the three cops who’s torn between a corrupt police department and the mobster who owns his ass. Vince Vaughn will play career criminal, Frank Semyon (I’m going to pronounce that SEMEN, FYI), who’s afraid of losing his empire when his move into legitimate business is ruined by the murder of a business partner. Deadline says that Taylor Kitsch is pretty much set for one of the other cop roles and the other cop role, a chick, is still being cast.
Last Thursday, Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel (WHY?!!!!), Abigail Spencer, Malin Akerman, Oona Chaplin, Jaimie Alexander and Brit Marling all read for the female lead in front of series creator Nic Pizzolatto. Keira Knightley is also being considered for a role, apparently.
The first season of True Detective starred Woody the Bartender from Cheers and the star of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and everyone had their tongues stuck to that show’s b-hole, so maybe Vince Vaughn will surprise everyone! Just to be safe, the director should make Vince Vaughn shoot every scene while eating an ice cream, because Vince Vaughn sucking off an ice cream is non-stop entertainment.
And judging by the casting so far, I’m guessing that True Detective season 3 will star Kevin James, Hooch from Turner & Hooch and legendary crime solvers Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. I wish.
I should’ve warned you in my headline and I hope it’s not too late, but do not stare directly at the maniacal double twinkle in Paula Deen’s eyes or your soul will emulsify and spend the rest of eternity stuck in her arteries.
After Paula Deen’s Kingdom of Butter crumbled, melted and dripped down into the gutter last year when all that racist stuff she did and said came out, she took her Country Crock tears to Today and delivered a melodramatic, theatrical performance where she cried as though she was auditioning for a novella and painted herself as the martyr of all martyrs. I expected Paula to stick herself to a cross made of mantequilla and sing “The Crucifixion” from Jesus Christ Superstar. Well, the second leg (or is it the third?) of Paula’s national apology tour started up again this morning on Today.
I don’t know who I feel more sorry for in this picture: Tony Bennett, who looks so confused as to why he’s being escorted around by a low-budget Cher, or that security guard who is doing everything in his power not to look at Lady Gaag’s busted titty shields. Nope, never mind – the person I feel most sorry for is the one made out of embroidery thread on the cross-stitch being handed to Gaag. That poor stitched person! You’re either going to end up hanging on a wall in Gaag’s house or being turned into a janky-ass art thong. I pray 4 u, cross-stitch.
Now, I’m not sure if the jazz album Lady Gaag and Tony Bennett made together, Cheek to Cheek, has a theme, but if this picture of the two of them leaving a concert in Belgium on Monday night is any indication, I’d guess that the theme is either “A older gentleman makes the mistake of ordering a hooker from the back of a weekly newspaper he found at the bus station” or “The lady is a tramp…literally“, because Lady Gaag looks like a damn discount call girl MESS!
Okay, sure – she’s at least upgraded her wig to something that doesn’t look like it was fished from the bottom of a trash can at the mall, and yes her makeup is on point (real talk), but what even is that dress??? I don’t even think what she’s wearing can technically be called a dress; it looks more like an organza table runner ripped from Aunt Sandy’s You Can’t Spell Funeral Without F-U-N! tablescape held up with two rubber bands. No to mention the only thing worse than flashing a titty is flashing a set of flying saucer-sized nipple covers. They’re literally the same size as the stickers I used to get at the dentist for having zero cavities.
But I can’t hate on that Mom Thong (“Mom Thongs – Thongs For Moms”) she’s wearing. Everything feels just a little bit classier when a pair of Sears satin-style no-line tummy-tamers make an appearance.