Birthday Sluts

January 6, 2017 / Posted by:

Tiffany Pollard aka New York (35)
Courtney Eaton (21)
Nicky Romero (28)
Irina Shayk (31)
Alex Turner (31)
Hilaria Thomas (33)
Kate McKinnon (33)
Eric Trump (33)
Eddie Redmayne (35)
Rinko Kikuchi (36)
Mike Jones (36)
Genevieve O’Reilly (40)
Danny Pintauro (41)
Gabrielle Reece (47)
Julie Chen (47)
Ree Drummond the Pioneer Woman (48)
Norman Reedus (48)
John Singleton (49)
Jesse Dylan (51)
Howie Long (57)
Nigella Lawson (57)
Rowan Atkinson (62)
Malcolm Young (64)
Syd Barrett (1946-2006)
Bonnie Franklin (1944-2013)



Night Crumbs

January 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart got food with her girlfriend-of-the-moment whose name I’m not going to bother memorizing because she’ll have a new piece next week. It seems like KStew is on a mission to coochie bump with every famous and semi-famous lesbian in the land. I’m all for it, but KStew better keep her cooch away from Rojo Caliente’s happy home!  – Lainey Gossip

Meghan Markle’s family members are talking to the press again – Celebitchy

Um, is she sleeping with her eyes open or is that called modeling?” is what that young Billy Idol is thinking to himself while posing with Kendall JennerDrunken Stepfather

Melissa Gorga’s former business partner wants everyone to know that she’s the one who dumped a trick – Reality Tea

If the Green Lantern was an extremely elegant bikini, he’d be the one that Joanna Krupa is wearing – The Nip Slip

A blood tear must’ve trickled down Pimp Mama Kris’ face after seeing Blac Chyna’s scamming ways on Instagram. She can finally be proud of her future grifter-in-law! – The Superficial

Some call these “spontaneous pap pictures” of Jessica Alba in Hawaii, I call them an Honest Company photo-op – Popoholic

Pharrell Williams and Ellen DeGeneres said words about Kim Burrell’s homophobic sermon – Towleroad

And yet, this raccoon is probably better at math than I am – OMG Blog

Because we need more shows about zombies, Drew Barrymore is doing a show about zombies – Pajiba


Lamar Odom is out of rehab – Just Jared

Jake Gyllenhaal took his beefy fur tits for another dip in St. Barts – Popsugar



THE QUEEN Almost Got Shot At By A Guard!

January 5, 2017 / Posted by:

None of the guards above are the one who almost shot Queen Elizabeth II. If you want to see a current picture of the bastard who almost shot THE QUEEN, here you go:


No, like THE QUEEN would really let that motherfucker be buried in a cemetery with a tombstone and everything. No, surprisingly, he’s still alive and was able to tell the story of the time he nearly took THE QUEEN out and put the crown on Prince Charles’ head.

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“Kissy-Kissy Time” Is Nicole Kidman And Keith Urban’s Code For Sex

January 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Before Nicole Kidman gets busy with her husband Keith Urban, there’s a couple pesky things she needs to take care of first. One, she’s got to check that Keith isn’t in the middle of a flat iron touch-up (you don’t want the friction from a pillow to put a kink in those sexy straight layers). And two, she’s got to make sure her kids don’t bust in on them and destroy their little eyes with the lifetime-scarring sight of mommy naked wrestling daddy.

Nicole admitted during an interview with The Moms at a screening for Lion in New York City last night that when it’s time to do the nasty, she and Keith tell their daughters – 8-year-old Sunday Rose and 6-year-old Faith Margaret – that they need “kissy-kissy time.” Kissy-kissy time sounds like a post-Botox facial exercise given to a patient to verify that they still have feeling in their lip muscles. But to Nicole and Keith, it means uninterrupted alone time. The introduction of kissy-kissy time happens at the 0:15 mark.

I have a feeling they’ll be forced to think of a new name for kissy-kissy time when their kids get wise to what they’re actually doing, and respond with “Ok Mom and Dad, we’ll just be over here having barfy-barfy time.

But I like the sound of kissy-kissy time. It’s so whimsical and sweet. And really, kids don’t need to be exposed to the brutal honesty of the situation. They’ll learn when they’re older that it’s not always kissy-kissy time. Sometimes you get happy-screamy time, sweaty-stinky time, or if you’re really unlucky, burny-itchy time.

Here’s more of Nicole wearing some couture by the House of Bathtub Drain Chains at last night’s Lion screening in NYC.



Open Post: Hosted By The Plushie Coyote Who Trolled Mimi

January 5, 2017 / Posted by:

The Indiana Pacers already tugged at Mariah Carey’s Spanx by making fun of her magnificent New Year’s Eve performance, and last night the San Antonio Spurs got in on the trolling fun. Coyotes are already sworn enemies of the lambs, but now they really are after one of them went for the Queen of the Lambs.

The Spurs’ mascot, The Coyote, tried to recreate Mimi’s act of messiness during halftime on Tuesday night, but failed. First of all, that ensemble is all wrong, dahling! There’s no sequins and not one rhinestone on that leotard! And Mimi would rather clean JLo’s ass with her butterfly tongue than wear that dreadful Forever 21 faux fur jacket thing. Second of all, that leotard is not tight enough. It should be making The Coyote’s pussy choke so hard that a person in the audience runs up to perform the Heimlich on it. Third of all, The Coyote didn’t even include one of the breakout stars of Mimi’s performance: the faulty earpiece! Nothing’s better than the real thing, I guess.

I was going to say that I bet that demon child Ariana Grande Latte is in that costume, but she’s not. The Coyote is way too tall and has way too much dancing talent to be Ariana Grande.


Soulja Boy’s Feud With Chris Brown Continues, And Now Floyd Mayweather Is Involved

January 5, 2017 / Posted by:

So much for that emotional apology. 24 hours ago, Soulja Boy claimed that he was going to be the one to end the stupid drama he started earlier this week after he liked a photo posted by Chris Brown’s ex Karrueche Tran on Instagram. Soulja Boy said he wanted to stop acting like a dumbass because his mama, who is in the hospital, wasn’t proud of his recent behavior. Soulja Boy’s mama might want to take an extended lap in the therapy pool this afternoon, because her son is acting like an idiot again. Soulja Boy still wants to fight Chris Brown.

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