Last month we found out that Russell Brand, Hollywood’s favorite British person from the years 2008 to 2011, knocked up his on-again/off-again girlfriend of many years and non-famous person Laura Gallacher. Now he’s decided to make it legal with her. The Sun (via Page Six) says that Russell recently decided to make Laura his second wife and shared the news with their friends during a “hippie style” party at their house this weekend. I have no idea what “hippie style” means, but I’m hoping it involved Russell introducing Laura to guests as his “groovy soon-to-be old lady.”
As for why Russell, a famous person, didn’t announce his engagement in a famous people way, like Instagramming a picture of the ring hanging off the tip of Laura’s pregnancy test seconds after it happened with the caption: “She said yes! Thanks to @ClearBlue and @CustomBling for making this moment so special!” A source says Russell wanted to keep all the news about his baby and wedding hush-hush, and it’s all Katy Perry’s fault. The source claims that his “very public” (and later very messy) 14-month marriage to Katy Perry has caused him to become a more private person. His quiet at-home wedding announcement last weekend was more in line with his and Laura’s current life as “homebodies.”
The source adds that Russell decided to get married to Laura because he wanted to “do the right thing” after knocking her up. Laura was reportedly “delighted” to be asked. Laura says that now, but just wait until the first time her husband throws up a truly unflattering picture of her with no makeup on. Then we’ll see how “delighted” she is to be Mrs. Russell Brand.
Pull out your list of people who have had enough of Chris Brown’s bullshit and handed in their resignation papers. It’s time to add another name. Last week we learned that Chris’ manager of four years, Mike G, stopped working with Chris back in May after he allegedly received a “drug-fueled” beating from Chris Brown. Yesterday we learned that around the same time, a tour manager named Nancy Ghosh quit after he allegedly cornered her on his tour bus and unleashed a “threatening, drug-fueled tirade.” Now TMZ is saying that Chris Brown’s publicist has followed Mike G and Nancy out the door. And surprise, surprise, there was drama.
Mabel Jackson of Suffolk, England who claims that the key to her becoming a member of The Supreme Memaw Club (aka The Centurion Club) sits in a bottle of Beefeater.
When Hot Slut of February Flossie Dickey let her love of whiskey be known and former HSOTDs Agnes Fenton and Pauline Spangola both said that the secret to living a long life is boooooze, Mabel Jackson raised a “World’s Drunkest Grandma” mug and drank to that. Because Mabel Jackson tells the Suffolk Gazette (via Cosmopolitan) that she made it all the way to 100 years old thanks to the 6 gin and tonics she puts in her stomach on the daily.
Mel Brooks (90)
Lacey Schwimmer (28)
Kellie Pickler (30)
Tamara Ecclestone (32)
Felicia Day (37)
Rob Dyrdek (42)
Alessandro Nivola (44)
Elon Musk (45)
Aileen Quinn (45)
Steve Burton (46)
Mike White (46)
Tichina Arnold (47)
Gil Bellows (49)
John Cusack (50)
Mary Stuart Masterson (50)
Jessica Hecht (51)
John Elway (56)
Michael Jacobs (61)
Kathy Bates (68)
Robert Pattinson showed up looking like this to the Dior show. Instead of laughing at his jacked-up bangs, I’m going to praise him for bravely going out in public after losing a bet that involved him letting his drunk friend cut his hair like 90s George Clooney with baby scissors – Lainey Gossip
We get it, Chris Martin, you wanna do RiRi – Celebitchy
It came from the sea…… – Drunken Stepfather
Now that it seems like CoCo has sadly retired as the Queen of Camel Toes, somebody needs to take her place and it looks like Erika Jayne has thrown her camel toe into the running – Reality Tea
Ariel Winter and her boyfriend broke up – The Superficial
Survivor is $25,000 richer (well, $1.50 richer after lawyer fees) thanks to Mike Huckabee using “Eye of the Tiger” without permission at a Kim Davis rally – Towleroad
As expected, Abby Lee Miller declared that she’s guilty of bankruptcy fraud in court today – Jezebel
Two minutes after these pictures were taken, Brit Brit Spears walked by, mistook Natasha Poly for a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto and swallowed her up – The Nip Slip
For why does Natalie Portman have Wonka Runts on her loafers? – Popoholic
Olivia Munn looks so calm and relaxed like she just finally pooted out a stubborn fart – Hollywood Tuna
This is what Judd Apatow’s soft peen looks like – (NSFW) OMG Blog
You know, now that Jamie Lynn Spears mentions it, “I Found Out I Was Knocked Up In A Gas Station Bathroom” sounds like the name of a country song by a Spears sister – HuffPo
Lamar Odom is reportedly still partying and boozing – Starcasm
Jay Leno lived to tell the tale of being in a car as it flipped – SOW
Ben Affleck’s chichis are looking as luscious as ever – Just Jared
I thought that was Dorinda Medley next to the Dalai Lama and he probably did too. Please nobody break his heart by telling him that he shook hands with a much less famous trick – Popsugar
Note: The CAPTION THIS Contest’s lazy ass has called in sick today. It’ll be back tomorrow.
Because of the whole “writing about wooing her little sister like a sexual predator, etc...” thing, you’d think that Lena Dunham would appreciate someone selling disturbing shit as entertainment, but nope! The Taylor Swift squad member watched Kanye West’s creepy naked wax figure sleep study video for “Famous,” and she too wanted to scream for a priest to exorcise the memory of watching it out of her brain. Lena said in a Facebook post that it’s “one of the most disturbing artistic effort in recent memory,” and when Lena Dunham is grossed out by some shit….
I am all for ToTay’s shameless world PR tour as long as they keep bringing that hot piece bodyguard (at least I think that’s a bodyguard) with them…
It’s been a little less than two weeks since
the start date of Taylor and Tom’s contract Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s authentic love grew on a rock in Rhode Island and since then, they have moved faster than two U-Haul lesbians on speed. They went from Rhode Island to NYC to Nashville where Tom dad danced at a Selena Gomez concert and met Tay Tay’s parents. From Nashville, they took their “We’re Really, Really In Love” tour international when they visited Tom’s mom in England and Taylor’s stylist did her up in “old-fashioned English country girl” drag for a completely and private walk with his family and a dozen or so paparazzi on Covehithe Beach (see: the spontaneous and organic pictures below). And now they’re in Italy…. To Rome with UGH!
Taylor and Tom strolled through the Colosseum in Rome today, and she must’ve graciously let the paparazzi have the day off, because it was her fans who took pictures of them and posted that mess on Twitter and Instagram. They probably ended their day at a studio where they practiced riding a Vespa for their Roman Holiday-themed photo shoot for the paps tomorrow.
So, since they’ve met each other’s parents and are in Europe now, I fully expect them to elope in an extremely private ceremony in front of the Eiffel Tower at 11 in the morning on Wednesday. Their honeymoon in Bora Bora will be live-streamed on the Jumbotron in Times Square on Friday and they’ll show off the Baby Alive doll they adopted together outside of St. Mary’s Hospital in London on Sunday. They’ll be divorced a week from today and Tay Tay will get custody of their Baby Alive doll.
But seriously, ToTay is looking so damn fake that it almost defeats the purpose of a PR relationship. Maybe this is one big performance art piece and Taylor’s artistic commentary on how her relationships are perceived by the media. Naw, I’m giving her ass too much credit.
If I were Chris Brown and just found out I was in trouble with Suge Knight, I’d be making the same “You in danger, self” look too. Because if there’s ever been a person you don’t want to piss off, it’s Suge Knight.
Page Six says that Suge Knight has filed a lawsuit against Chris Brown and nightclub 1OAK regarding Brown’s disastrous pre-MTV VMAs party at 1OAK back in 2014. The messiness started when someone tried to take out Chris Brown and ended up shooting Suge Knight seven times instead. Three others were shot and one ended up in critical condition. Two years later, and Suge is allegedly still feeling the aftermath of that shooting. According to the lawsuit, Suge claims to have ongoing complications, including a blood clot, from being shot in his chest, arm, and abdomen at Chris’ party. Um, are we sure that blood clot is from a bullet that was shot during Chris Brown’s party and not one of the millions of other times Suge Knight has been shot?
Ever since I watched a drunk chick artfully barf into a champagne flute during the brunch buffet at The Mirage, I’ve known that one of my favorite cities Las Vegas is the country’s epicenter of pure class. So the demure butterfly we all know as Mimi chose the perfect ensemble to wear during a night out in the class capital of America.
Mimi did herself up like the day-shift headliner of a truck stop strip club on the outskirts of Laughlin, NV to make her DJ debut at 1OAK. The thought of Mimi DJ’ing made me laugh, because I pictured her lounging on a velvet settee in front of a laptop and making her minion push the buttons for her as she sipped on pink champagne. But DJ Hello Titties actually stood up and wore headphones and everything! DJ Wonky McValtrex, who?!
But back to that stunning outfit… Jazz dancer tights + fishnets + garter belts = CLASSY OVERLOAD. Mimi outdid herself in the elegance department. She looks like the Cowardly Lion in Vanity cosplay and that is the look of all looks. And Mimi brought a double dose of glamour to 1OAK on Saturday night, because that manager everyone hates escorted her while looking like a Pussycat Doll who was fired from the group due to Nicole Scherzinger’s jealousy!
It was only a matter of time before someone asked Winona Ryder to spill out her thoughts about Amber Heard accusing Johnny Depp of abuse. Johnny Depp’s first wife Lori Ann Allison and Sherilyn Fenn both took a spot on Team Scarves. Vanessa Paradis also defended Johnny hard by saying that he never got violent with her and the allegations are “outrageous.” Winona was talking to Time about her new Netflix show Stranger Things when she asked about her ex’s alleged lady beating ways. Winona’s publicist either was not there or was taking a piss break, because they probably would’ve tackled her and put their hands over her mouth as soon as Johnny’s name was brought up.