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Patrick Swayze (1952-2009)
Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield might be on again after they were seen in London holding hands while “sneaking out the back door” after his performances of Angels in America. I won’t believe it until some British source reports seeing her “clutch his crumpet” – Lainey Gossip
Can someone arrange to get a case of water to Katharine McPhee? She’s obviously very thirsty – Drunken Stepfather
Halsey in Playboy looks like an aspiring American Apparel model who didn’t get the message that they went out of business – The Nip Slip
Mariska Hargitay’s Joyful Heart foundation will be receiving an “extremely generous” donation from her number one superfan Taylor Swift – Celebitchy
Two Real Housewives of Dallas are feuding over a blog post – Reality Tea
Tyler the Creator says he had a boyfriend at 15. “BRAG” hissed dorky, boyfriend-less 15-year-old me who used to hang out at the library after school – Towleroad
Kate Upton used a furry muff to cover her titties – Hollywood Tuna
Fill in the blank: Emily Ratajkowski is in a _____. Did you guess bikini? Of course you did – Popoholic
The release of Alicia Vikander’s Tulip Fever has been delayed yet again, and it’s not so a team of writers could think up a better name than Tulip Fever – Pajiba
Cher continues to redefine the word “legendary” by recording an intergalactic autotuned trap beat banger for a cartoon kids show – OMG Blog
Kim Kardashian is reportedly pressuring Khloe Kardashian to increase her earning potential…I mean, have a baby – Starcasm
Amy Schumer made an appearance on Judge Judy. It wasn’t because someone finally took her to court for allegedly thieving jokes – Boy Culture
Ariel Winter announced she had started filming the 9th season of Modern Family in literally the most Ariel Winter way – IDLYITW
Here’s Jeff Garlin in his underwear, and to borrow from Larry David, it’s pretty pretty pretty good? – SOW
Leonardo DiCaprio is on vacation with a blonde and the surprise twist is that it’s not a 22-year-old panty model (it’s Kate Winslet) – Popsugar
The only reason I can come up with for why Nick Jonas is wearing that hideous beige pleather snakeskin-print jacket is that he lost a very high-stakes bet – Just Jared
I’m pretty clueless about Game of Thrones (that’s not an invitation to leak more information, hackers). But I’m aware of the direwolf cuteness on Game of Thrones. The direwolves on Game of Thrones, like Arya Stark’s Nymeria, are obviously played by huskies and not actual wolves. According to Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones has the same effect as 101 Dalmatians did in 1997; people are still getting pupnotized by the cuteness they seen on screen. But before you seek out a husky to recreate Game of Thrones at home, Peter is here to politely ask that you think twice about that.
It’s hard to believe that it was just last month when Rob Kardashian exposed the hell outta his baby mama Blac Chyna in their explosive breakup. Well, Chyna was unfazed and quickly moved on to some discount Chris Brown looking mutha fucka named Mechie. And no, I don’t know who or what a Mechie is either. But apparently it doesn’t matter anymore, because the Kardashian-adjacent hot mess known as Blac Chyna has laced up her Lucite heels and tipped on out of that lengthy month-and-a-half relationship due to Mechie’s alleged infidelity. Perhaps Chyna should change her name to Karma because HAHAHAHA!!!!
Aaron Rodgers’ handlers forgot to hit autopay on Olivia Munn’s beard contract, so those two broke up after three years of “dating” back in April. Now Aaron has been spotted out and about with a new lady love who plays with balls just like him! E! News reports Harvard soccer player Marie Margolius was seen in a booth together at a restaurant in NYC with Aaron. Ooooo, you know what that means. Shared booths are the way PR teams let you know celebs are in heat these days!
Sources say nobody recognized Aaron, and I say that’s because he’s only recognized a few blocks over in Hell’s Kitchen at Tight End Tallywhackers. That’s not a real bar. But it should be. The same source adds they had a great time together over a full meal and drinks. No shit, Sherlock. After three years of Japanese potatoes being the only item on the menu, I’d have my boning face on at the sight of a burger and a full cocktail menu.
Aaron has been looking far and wide for his next piece. He was previously seen looking flirty with Baywatch actress/ex-member of Leonardo DiCaprio’s blonde menagerie Kelly Rohrbach. The Pussy Posse doesn’t seem like the type to dabble with beards apart from when they all tried to grow them after Master Leo grew out his Moses scruff. Either way, Us Weekly says Olivia just “doesn’t care” what Aaron does. She has bigger girlfriend contracts to sign and Midwestern mommies to piss off! So NYAH!
Madonna turned 59 yesterday and she celebrated by posting a feisty video of herself and her wobbly boobies singing “B-Day Song” off her MDNA album. She forgot the lyrics, though. There is an opportunity here to make some sort of ageist joke about how she’s approaching senior citizenhood, so it makes sense that she’s forgetting lyrics now. But I won’t make it, goddamnit! I’m going to be 59 someday. So are you! Birthdays are stupid and Madge proves that we can keep rockin’ forever. As long as we have the correct Instagram filters because her face is as smooth as porcelain. It actually might be porcelain. She’s a billionaire, she can afford all the latest. Like that Willy Wonka as a My Little Pony jockey outfit she’s wearing.
And she doesn’t have to worry about people giving her the business for forgetting the lyrics to that song. Because I’m pretty sure people don’t remember that song or that that MDNA record.