In Greek mythology there’s a story about how Artemis, the goddess of wild animals, protested against wool by sticking her silicone bag chichis out while dressed up like a day-shift hooker Little Bo Beep. So when I saw these pictures of Courtney Stodden doing just that on Hollywood Blvd. yesterday, I knew that she is the Artemis of our time!
Seen above looking like she’s trying to piss but is too fucked up on Xanax to make a tinkle, the Porn Iguana protested for PETA by posing in front of the paps while wearing a Little Ho Peep costume. Courtney said at the photo-op that everyone needs to stop buying wool, because many sheep are abused during shearling.
“Every wool sweater or scarf means a lifetime of suffering for a beautiful, gentle sheep. My friends at PETA and I urge everyone to leave wool on the rack this winter!”
I feel like the Porn Iguana has worn wool before… If she has, I’m sure it’s because a sheep shaved the wool off of its own body and gave it to her. It wanted its wool to touch the body of a saint and natural goddess!
Next to cold water, Instagram has just become a huge enemy to us lovers of hard dicks. The Game is the current reigning Shakespeare of Instagram peen print pictures, because he regularly graces eyeballs with romantic hashtag sonnets along with exquisite portraits of his Hickory Farms summer sausage boner. But now the same evil demons who put an end to #EggplantFriday and repeatedly yanked down Chelsea Handler’s nipples want to erase The Game’s poetic hashtags and dick prints from their site.
TMZ says that the pictures of The Game’s dick have been flagged so many times that Instagram wants him to take them down. The pictures are still up as of right now. The Game claims that Instagram hasn’t sent him a takedown notice yet, but if they do, he’s taking his eggplant show to Snapchat where they let hard peens run wild.
@tmz_tv calls me to give me the scoop……. Shit been up for a month, now y'all threatening niggas lol #KanyeShrug #YouAPhoneAppButYouStillLikeTheSausage 😂😂😂😂😂😂 #ProbablyLilWeeWeeNiggasReportingIt #YoDaddyJustWasntPackinSoGeneticallyYourLifeFuckedUp #MyDaddyWasADragonSlayerOutHereAndItGotPassedDownToMe #MyGrandaddyWasASeaMonsterKiller #ItRunsInTheFamily #TaylorMeatPackingCompany #MEATPRINTPAPI has spoken….. Now back to this Daddy thing I'm doing over here…. #HatersGoneHatePotatosGonePotate lmaoooo…. So if my account mysteriously disappear, IG hatin on a player & I'll be on snap chat for the duration: "blackb0yfly" & if they do delete it…. All my women fans, post it in the name of my Instagram memory #LongLiveTheDingALingKing #UnBothered
This is a dick injustice! If Instagram bans The Game’s dick print, he’ll probably post more close-up pictures of his busted face tattoo and who wants that?! Every dude needs to form a Million Peens March on Instagram to protest against this wrongdoing!
(But if Instagram feels like they should take the pics down because those decorative towels are too ugly for eyes, then I’m all for that.)
Since Goopy Paltrow is the real White Oprah (sorry, Dina Lohan, but you’re more like the Trashy Robin Byrd), she steam queefed out one of her own Favorite Things list called The Ridiculous (But Awesome) Gifts list. Nearly everything on the list is ridiculous. She got that part right. The list is supposed to come off as tongue-in-cheek, but you know Goopy buys this shit for real.
Open Post is going up sooner than usual today, because I know that many of you are leaving your job early to spend hours preparing for Skanksgiving dinner tomorrow. And by “spend hours preparing” I mean that you’re going to buy a can of jellied cranberries, a box of instant mashed potatoes and a pre-made turkey at the grocery store before going home to make a fresh loaf of coochie yeast sourdough and watch porn while getting drunk.
So here’s a little known indie artist named Adele doing an unknown song called “Herro” with The Roots and Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show last night. SPOILER ALERT: That thing she’s holding up to her ear isn’t a big slice of green apple. It’s a flip phone. That little fact really disappointed me.
But let’s be honest, I already posted the trailer for the REAL Captain America: Civil War in today’s Hot Slut of the Day post. The King of Black Friday Jarvis Johnson is the real Captain America and this country’s real Civil War is the Black Friday battle. But anyway, Chris Evans and giant bag of money with a goatee Robert Downey Jr. were on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to make nerds shoot chunky cum loads of excitement by presenting the trailer for that Civil War movie. If you’ve got a nerd in your life and they’re hosting Thanksgiving this year, you better sniff the gravy before pouring it on your mashed potatoes, because who knows what they shot in there while watching this:
I saw explosions, I saw Chris Evans’ huge arms looking like pantyhose stuffed with melons, I saw the Black Panther looking a little wonky-eyed (he may be part Siamese Cat) and I saw ScarJo saying something along the lines of, “Do you really want to do this?” A lot of times in action and superhero movies, there’s a trick saying, “Do you really want to do this?” to the main hero. Stupid ass! Of course they want to do this! If they don’t, there will be no movie, which means there will be no money, which means you’ll have to fly commercial with the peasants, because you won’t be able to afford a private jet. Don’t ask that shit!
But what I mostly saw while watching that trailer is a team of workers building a 50,000 square foot addition next to RDJ’s money vault, because he’s going to need a whole lot more room to store all the cash he’s going to make from this.
Since he did have a pot to piss in, She married Him. – nightflyer001
Flasher in the pan. – Loser of Wellington
Jarvis Johnson, the Black Friday King of Avondale, Arizona!
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the day us ‘Mericans lay on our asses all day and build up our strength by stuffing our eating holes with delicious things so that we’ll be 100% ready to elbow a trick in the throat and kick a bitch in the kneecaps while battling it out in a Walmart for a $10 off waffle maker on the holiday that really matters: Black Friday!
On the news here, they’ve been showing wrecks who got in line at Best Buy a week ago and I rolled my eyes at those STUNT QUEENs since they obviously don’t care about the beloved Black Friday holiday. They’re just doing that to get on TV. Jarvis Johnson is probably waiting in line early for the same reason, but at least he’s going all out. Show up and show out is his motto.
Jarvis started waiting in line at Best Buy on Sunday and his set-up is more luxurious and better insulated than some NYC apartments I’ve been in and lived in. Jarvis gave Fox 10 (via HuffPo) a tour of his opulent Black Friday pied-à-terre in front of a Best Buy and it comes complete with a bed, a TV, a heater, a microwave and a fridge. Jarvis also has a sidekick, a kid named Eduardo, who randomly pops up during the tour.
Jarvis said, “the early bird gets the worm,” twice and when it came to Black Friday, I always thought the early bird gets punched in the face by a stronger and meaner ho who shows up at the last minute and shanks anybody in their way. But Jarvis is the expert, so I’m not going to disagree. And I hope that mess of an interview leads to Jarvis and his sidekick Eduardo geting their own show on HGTV.
Joel Kinnaman (36)
Rye Rye (25)
Katie Cassidy (30)
Haley Webb (30)
Gaspard Ulliel (31)
Joey Chestnut (32)
Barbara & Jenna Bush (34)
Jerry Ferrara (36)
Christina Applegate (44)
Jill & Jacqueline Hennessey (47)
Billy Burke (49)
Tim Armstrong (50)
Dougray Scott (50)
Sonja Morgan (52)
Amy Grant (55)
Bruno Tonioli (60)
Charlaine Harris (64)
John Larroquette (68)
Ben Stein (71)
Pic: NY Times
It’s a sad and shitty day for All My Children fans and all of us 80s kids who watched it while home sick from school. The Wilton Bulletin reports that David Canary, who played good and evil twins Stuart and Adam Chandler on AMC, died from natural causes on November 16th in Wilton, Connecticut. He was 77.
David Canary grew up in Massillon, Ohio, where he played high school football and got a scholarship to the University of Cincinnati. After getting his degree in music, he turned down an offer to play for the Denver Bronco because he wanted to go to New York City to act. David did theater in NYC and around the country before he was drafted into the army. When he get out of the army, he got a recurring role in Peyton Place and later played Candy on Bonanza.
Before he got the role that made him a daytime legend, he was in the soap operas Search For Tomorrow, The Doctors and Another World. On New Year’s Eve in 1983, he made his debut as the ruthless ass Adam Chandler. A year after that, he started playing Adam’s sweet and naive brother Stuart. He played Adam and Stuart Chandler on AMC (and sometimes on my soap One Life to Live) until 2010 when he retired from acting full-time. After retiring, he continued to act a little bit and he went back to All My Children for the show’s finale in 2011. He was nominated 16 times for a Daytime Emmy and won 5 times.
David was married to Maureen Canary for 33 years and they had a son Christopher and a daughter Kathryn.
As soon as I heard the news about Adam Chandler’s death earlier today, I kept refreshing Susan Lucci’s Twitter over and over again for her words about this sadness. Erica Kane was married to Adam Chandler in the early 80s. They broke up, but in the 90s, Adam blackmailed Erica into renewing their vows after telling her that their marriage never legally ended. You know, it happens. La Lucci finally said these words about David Canary:
I just learned the news that the wonderful David Canary has passed away–I saw it posted on Kelly Ripa”s site. My deepest and heartfelt sympathy to his wife Mo and his children, Christopher and Katie. Rest in peace, David–you warm and generous, talented and fabulous man, actor and friend! I am so grateful to have known you–and to have had the privilege of sharing the AMC stage with you! I will never forget you.
Rest in peace, Adam and Stuart Chandler.
Gigi Hadid has gone from Cody Simpson to Joe Jonas and now she’s on Zayn Malik. Gigi’s PR whores deserve a bonus for working this hard around the holidays and I deserve your damn pity, because I was able to type all those names correctly without Googling. This is my life… – Lainey Gossip
Radar claims they’ve seen clips from a sex tape where Charlie Sheen sucks some dick between smoking crack. Eh, that’s really nothing, because which one of us hasn’t sucked a dick in front of a camera for some crack? – The Superficial
I’m really disappointed in Maxim for not making that picture extra elegant by Photoshopping a stream of water shooting out of Alessandra Ambrosio’s b-hole – Drunken Stepfather
In these pictures, Richard Gere’s 32-year-old piece is acting like me after I tried Ecstasy for the first time. All vulnerable and confused. I just want to throw orange juice at her – Celebitchy
Mike Shouhed and Jessica Parido from Shahs of Sunset are getting a divorce after 8 months of marriage and I’m prolapsing out of shock, because I can’t believe they lasted as long as 8 months – Reality Tea
Here’s Megan Fox on the set of New Girl. I don’t know if she’s trying to act or if she just really has to take a piss – IDLYITW
Joseph Gordon-Levitt kissed on James Corden hard and I think James Corden may have needed to change his chonies afterward – Towleroad
Ashley Benson looks like she’s thinking to herself, “double stick tape, don’t let me down,” over and over again – Popoholic
Screw Adele, a real legendary nightingale has a new album out too – OMG Blog
Salma Hayek’s husband is a billionaire, so I don’t know why she’s wearing a Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke dress that was rented from a discount costume shop – Hollywood Tuna
A Tremors TV show is happening – Pajiba
A judge declared that Sherri Shepherd has to continue to pay child support for the child she wants nothing to do with – Jezebel
The first promo for FOX’s Grease Live! is out. My only question besides “WHY?” is about Carly Rae Jepsen. Is she playing Frenchie or Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink? – SOW
Gwen Stefani needs to drink everything in that Starbucks cup since she’s obviously thirstier than thirsty – Popsugar
John Stamos got 3 years probation for his DUI – Just Jared
Chris Colfer is in the AbFab movie – Boy Culture