Drug-resistant yeast infection Robin Thicke is currently in the middle of some legal shit with Marvin Gaye’s family because they claim he and dick-hatted singing rat Pharrell ripped off Marvin’s song “Got To Give It Up” for 2013’s douche anthem “Blurred Lines”. Robin and Pharrell gave their deposition way back in April, but they were kept sealed until this morning, when they were brought out in a Los Angeles court. According to The Hollywood Reporter (via Radar), it all began when lawyers for Marvin’s family brought up a quote Alan’s sleazy son gave to GQ last year where he pretty much admits that “Blurred Lines” is the cheap Chinatown knock-off of Marvin’s “Got To Give It Up”:

“Pharrell and I were in the studio and I told him that one of my favorite songs of all time was Marvin Gaye’s ‘Got to Give It Up.’ I was like, ‘Damn, we should make something like that, something with that groove.’ Then he started playing a little something and we literally wrote the song in about a half hour and recorded it.”

When lawyers remind Robin that he said this shit, Robin claims he only said what he said because he was jealous that Pharrell was going to get all the credit for the massive success of “Blurred Lines”, so he exaggerated how much involvement he actually had in the making of it. Which, according to Robin, was zero involvement, because was a Lindsay Lohan-level of coherent when they were in the studio making it.

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Oh, it’s also other people’s birthday too, but really, who cares about them (sorry, Tom Hardy).

Chelsea Kane (26)
Poppy Delavingne (28)
Jenna Marbles (28)
Heidi Montag (28)
Dave Annable (35)
Sophie Dahl (37)
Tom Hardy (37)
Queen Letizia of Spain (42)
Josh Charles (43)
Dina “White Oprah” Lohan (52)
Dan Marino (53)
Lisa Vanderpump (54)
Tommy Lee Jones (68)
Oliver Stone (68)
Jessye Norman (69)

Lena Dunham (seen here serving up some flawless Canary Yellow drunk at the Rainbow Land prom realness) recently admitted to O Magazine (via Page Six) that just like you and I, she’s totally obsessed with reading online celebrity gossip and loves knowing who’s fucking who and who’s a coked-up life mess and who showed up to the Emmy Awards looking like an expensive Sweet 16 cake melting in slow motion. Except unlike you and I (mostly me, since the part of my brain that dispenses fucks broke down a long time ago) she sort of feels guilty about contributing to a culture that drags out-of-touch $900 sweater-hustling snobs and stupid spoiled fame whores for being out-of-touch $900 sweater-hustling snobs and stupid spoiled fame whores:

“I know that by reading them I’m supporting an industry that hurts people who are making art and putting themselves on the line. Still, all I want to know is who is breaking up with whom and who might be pregnant.”

I sort of agree with Lena. It must be so hard for an ~artiste~ like Goopy Paltrow to create something as important and inspiring as a tutorial on how to make a bed without being afraid that uncultured dum-dum haters online won’t “get it” and tear it to shreds. Or Taylor Swift, who just wants to write sincere heartfelt songs about cunty back-stabbing mean girls without people online picking her apart for being a dramatic rumor-spreading bitch-in-butterscotch clothing. Or Kim Kardashian, who just wants to be a no-talent narcoleptic-faced fame-humping failed porn star hooker without assholes like me calling her out online for being a useless piece of trash. How rude!

I know Lena Dunham thinks it’s shitty to throw online shade at celebrities, but really, I bet if I asked her to name the last 3 pieces of “art” a gossip staple like Lindsay Lohan has made, she’d be like “Uh…well…okay, you got me there.“

Is it springtime in Florida, because all of the graceful flowers are in full bloom.

On the left is 50-year-old Karen Marie Dilworth, a Michigan native now living in Florida, whose sticky hands were put into handcuffs after her neighbors accused her of masturbating on top of a motorcycle in front of everyone including a 13-year-old boy. On the right is 27-year-old Renata Congleton whose drunk hands were put into handcuffs after she tried to pick up her kid from school while completely plastered. I know, my title should’ve been: Just Another Month In This Country’s Greatest State!

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Lane Bass proposed to his fiancé again, because I guess one tacky Zales ring isn’t enough – Towleroad

Chris Martin, Goopy Paltrow and their kids spent the Labor Day weekend together and they look absolutely happy-as-all-shit while doing so. They probably look so miserable because Goopy made them all go on a purified dolphin urine and organic mustard seed cleanse to “start the fall off right” – Lainey Gossip

Bentobox Cucumberpatch is giving you Ogilvie home perm – Celebitchy

Thank God the thieves didn’t steal the priceless jewel tinsel that Adrienne Maloof weaves into her weave – Reality Tea

Lindsay Lohan has to pay the truck driver she plowed into a few years ago and the joke’s going to be on the truck driver when his big settlement payment comes in the mail and it’s nothing but Camel Cash and ginge pubes – WWTDD

Vanessa Hudgens in Flaunt Magazine – Drunken Stepfather

Justin Bieber dressed like a hillbilly grandma who just came into some money – The Superficial

The Bargain Booze version of Katie Price brings elegance to the football field – Hollywood Tuna

Looking like the laziest Tegan and Sara roadie: Kristen Stewart still is – Popoholic

If you play Buddyman on your phone in front of THE QUEEN, you’ll never play Buddyman on your phone again, because it’ll be hard to do so when you’ve got no head – Jezebel

CNN thinks 4Chan is an Asian computer engineer major, basically – Gawker

Well okay, here’s Cuba Gooding Jr.’s oiled up ass crack – ICYDK

This video of a dog loving water is a terrifying horror movie to every cat – The Berry

So which one was the bride: Ashlee or Jessica Simpson? – Popsugar

Joan Rivers is still on life support, so says Melissa Rivers – HuffPo

People Magazine is really getting their $$$$ worth – Just Jared

Michael Sam is gonna be a Cowboy, maybe – Boy Culture

The ginger kid from Shameless has an ass and this is what it looks like – OMG Blog

Do yourself a favor and get into these clips from Lifetime’s Brittany Murphy biopic. This shit is so low-budget that I think it might be a prank.  I was waiting for Jimmy Kimmel, no scratch that – Seth Meyers to walk out. This is Lifetime’s attempt to grab ahold of that Sharknado-type viral success, right? No one can act, that girl looks not a thing like the much-missed Murphy, and holy shite, THAT WIG ON “ALICIA SILVERSTONE.” Did someone from The Craft cast a curse on that girl? What in hell does she have going on under there that required that on her head? I think it’s still attached to whatever animal died for it. And that animal has peed many times and it’s dried. They couldn’t afford an actual blonde? Did they spent too much (a Tan-O-Rama Groupon)) hiring the girl in the Mayam Bialik chapeau? Maybe they put the money aside in case Brittany’s trashbag dad actually sues and (jn a surreal moment) wins? Continue reading