Crowds didn’t exactly swamp the movie theater this weekend to spend three hours with Harrison Ford and Ryan Gosling in Blade Runner 2049 — even if Harrison really did punch precious pony Ryan! Continue reading
Last week, it looked like corpse litigant James Woods saved money on a publicist by having his realtor announce his retirement from the acting game when his glass houses in Rhode Island went on the market. Well, there’s probably one Century 21 yellow-blazered real estate drone looking for a new listing right now due to a firing. James isn’t going anywhere (except maybe Dateline: To Catch A Predator if he’s continuing to allegedly mack on 16-year-olds). Continue reading
This is Blue the border collie. Some may think she’s a real dum dum for mistaking the fucking moon for her playing ball, but others, like me, think she’s a real genius for noticing the moon at all. My dog doesn’t notice shit unless it’s made of bacon or is in his food bowl or on his asshole. Me too, actually.
Blue’s human Jessica posted this video of her barking at the moon after her other human pretended to throw her white ball. Blue went looking everywhere for her white ball, and when she looked up into the massive blueness above her, she spotted the moon and thought it was her stuck ball. I can’t laugh at Blue’s ass, because the moon is pretty much a ball, and also, I may or may not have mistaken recessed lighting for actual stars during an acid trip. And you know some Hollywood executive is going to watch this clip and get ideas. We’re totally getting an Air Bud movie where Air Bud travels to space after mistaking the moon for his ball.
Or maybe Blue didn’t think that was a stuck ball at all. Maybe she knows it’s a different land, and because the state of this planet is currently at “flaming Porta-Potty,” she wants to go to there. So the next time NASA launches a rocket to the moon and you get the idea to sneak aboard to escape the madness that is this planet, you may find that Blue already took your stowaway spot.
Is there anything Angelina Jolie can’t do? Act, direct, produce, wrangle a half-dozen children, think of the name “Brad Pitt” without mentally summoning the anger of 1000 Hells.. And now we know she has the power to act as the sexy bait to lure in a warlord.
By now, everybody has probably heard about the peaches and twink cream scene in the gay love story Call Me By Your Name. But since hearing about a peach fucking scene never gets old, I’ll give you the peach cream details again. In the novel by André Aciman, Elio the American twink fucks a peach while thinking about sexing on Oliver the American graduate student. Oliver walks into Elio’s room a little later, finds the peach and eats it. Oliver is so that bitch who permanently stays next to the peaches and brie plate at a brunch party.
The peach scene made it into the movie version of Call Me By Your Name, but director Luca Guadagnino was going back and forth on whether or not they should shoot it. Luca decided to go for it after finding out first-hand (or first-peen in this case) that ass fucking the peach guts out of a peach is possible.
The trailer for the eleventh season of FOX’s The X-Files is out. The series, whose initial run ended in 2002, returned in 2016 with six new episodes that proved to be a hit. Speaking as an X-Phile, they were pretty good to me (except for whatever Joel McHale was doing)!