Birthday Sluts

/ March 13, 2019
Common (47)
Kaya Scodelario (27)
Tristan Thompson (28)
Joshua Allen (30)
Emile Hirsch (34)
Natalie Albino (35)
Nicole Albino (35)
Noel Fisher (35)
Toccara Jones (38)
Molly Stanton (39)
Danny Masterson (43)

Pic: Crown International Pictures

David Draiman (46)
Leigh-Allyn Baker (47)
Annabeth Gish (48)
Corey Miller (52)
Adam Clayton (59)
Kathy Hilton (60)
Dana Delany (64)
William H.Macy (69)
Neil Sedaka (80)
Peaches Geldof (1989-2014)
Glenne Headly (1955-2017)
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Night Crumbs

/ March 12, 2019

Disney has put out the trailer for their latest money grab: the live-action Aladdin. It still looks like a mess, and while watching it, I’m wondering why Aladdin used one of his wishes on auto-tuning the shit out of his and Princess Jasmine’s voices and instead didn’t ask the Fresh Genie of Agrabah to make his city not look like it was made using leftover set pieces from a Once Upon a Time episode – Lainey Gossip

“I’m sorry, Michael, I’m going to have to declare you legally blind” – my ophthalmologist after I tell him I mistook Kelly Brook for Gloria EstefanPopoholic

I am only for a sequel to Bohemian Rhapsody if it’s about Zombie Freddie Mercury getting revenge on the makers of that shit – Pajiba

Oh, it’s just someone named Carla Howe’s suffocating nipple trying to get some oxygen – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

If you’ve ever had a weird wet dream fantasy of Uncle Jesse’s face resting on Nick Jonas‘ crotch, that gay-baiter Nick has fulfilled that dream – SOW

Jussie Smollett didn’t have to show up to court today, but he did anyway to show how confident of his innocence he is – Towleroad

Kate Beckinsale will apparently dump Pete Davidson if he starts to spiral down. Um, has she seen that unicorn tattoo? – Celebitchy

Pic: Disney

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William H. Macy’s Choice Of Words May Have Kept Him From Getting Charged Unlike Felicity Huffman

/ March 12, 2019

Getting into college sucks, and we all know nothing blows more than having to wake up at sunrise on a Saturday to go take the SAT at a random high school with a proctor who DGAF apart from you taking 5 extra seconds to bubble in an answer. Well, Felicity HuffmanLori Loughlin and other rich parents have been accused of bypassing that part of the equation and using their money to get their kids into college. Felicity, Lori, and Lori’s husband Mossimo were all charged with conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest services fraud. Felicity was arrested, and Lori is in the process of turning herself in.

Many have been wondering why Felicity got arrested when her husband William H. Macy seems to have been aware of what was going on and was in on some of the conversations. Alas, it sounds like those two not wanting to go the cheating route with daughter number two may have saved his ass.

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Conor McGregor Was Arrested For Beating Up Somebody’s Phone

/ March 12, 2019

I think the constant kicks and punches to the head have turned Conor McGregor’s remaining brain cells into mush. While he was leaving a nightclub in Miami recently, a fan ran up on him and tried to take his picture. That’s when Conor performed his own version of the Hulk Smash by grabbing the phone and slamming it to the ground. And though most disturbed celebs would have ended it right there, not Conor. He had a few more UFC moves ready to unleash on the helpless device.

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Bubbles Is Broke But Alive And Living At A Florida Ape Sanctuary

/ March 12, 2019

If you thought Michael Jackson’s pet chimp Bubbles was up in heaven sucking on Whitney Houston’s toes and getting psychoanalyzed by Freud to deal with the shit he saw on earth, you’re wrong! Bubbles is alive and well, listening to flute music, playing with his chimp friends and occasionally painting at a Florida sanctuary called The Center for Great Apes. Sounds like heaven on earth, but none of it is thanks to Michael who left Bubbles a penniless pauper when he died. According to The Daily Mail, Bubbles, who is now 34 years old, hasn’t lived with MJ since he was shipped off to live with his trainer in 1988. Bubbles never even lived at Neverland!

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The Insane-Sounding Britney Spears Musical Will Premiere In Chicago Before Heading To Broadway

/ March 12, 2019

The show must go on – even if it means replacing the Gloved One with Our Lady of Cheetos. Ever since Leaving Neverland came out, radio stations and many ears have been thinking twice before playing Thriller or any other Michael Jackson album. The documentary details long-time sexual abuse allegations against MJ that were pretty horrific, so it seems now isn’t the best time to ask people to shell out Benjis on TicketMaster to hear old King of Pop hits. Chicago, you’re in luck! You get Britney Spears instead!

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