The pink dick from The Great British Bake Off!
The newest season of The Great British Bake Off (not to be confused by my dream show The Great British Jack Off starring Idris Elba and Henry Cavill) has barely started but they’ve already served up the piping hot goods. The first episode gave us Karen Wright, an icon to messes who love to stand back with a bag of crisps while watching the world burn. Also in that episode we got a cartoon bundle of baby that sort of kind of looked like a fat dick to anyone who looks at everything through dick-shaped glasses.
Foxy Brown (40)
Lil Xan (22)
Max George (39)
Lauren Lapkus (33)
Pippa Middleton (35)
Kerry Katona (38)
Cisco Adler (40)
Naomie Harris (42)
Nina Persson (44)
Justin Whalin (44)
Idris Elba (46)
Justina Machado (46)
Anika Noni Rose (46)
Trina McGee (49)
CeCe Peniston (49)
Macy Gray (51)
Chad Coleman (52)
Rosie Perez (54)
Chris Christie (56)
Elizabeth Vargas (56)
Jeff Foxworthy (60)
Carly Fiorina (64)
Jane Curtin (71)
Swoosie Kurtz (74)
Roger Waters of Pink Floyd (75)
Jo Anne Worley (81)
Dolores O’Riordan (1971-2018)
The full trailer for American Horror Story: Apocalypse is out, and the true star of the entire series, Joan Collins, is in it for approximately three milliseconds. I was going to say that if you blink, you’ll miss her, but that’s physically impossible, because your eyelids will refuse to shut if they even sense Alexis Carrington nearby. That’s a proven fact! FX probably hid her in the trailer because they didn’t want to go bankrupt from the mountains of lawsuits from people who suffered heart attacks and the faints from being exposed to her glamour. That does make sense from a business standpoint – Just Jared
Henry Cavill was at the Venice Film Festival serving throbbing formal beefiness – Lainey Gossip
The new Halloween trailer is fine, but it really made me wish Debbie Reynolds was alive to reprise her role as Aggie. Oh wait, that’s Halloweentown – Pajiba
“This cost over $150k and you’re only going to offer me $4k for it, cheap fuck!” – LaLa Kent to the pawn store owner she’s trying to sell her ring to after her marriage goes boom – Reality Tea
When Kevin Spacey was fired from House of Cards after several sexual assault allegations came out against him, we weren’t exactly sure what would happen to Frank Underwood. I mean, if Melania Trump has taught us anything, it’s that you can have a first spouse technically be present without seeing them for weeks on end. Alas, the latest trailer dropped and, well, they didn’t go that route (I guess a SPOILER ALERT after the jump).
We’ve got four blurry legends before us, but only one can take August’s Hot (Blurry) Slut of the Month crown!
Will the animal kingdom continue to rule the HSOTM throne or will a human finally break their reign (SPOILER ALERT: Probably not)? For August’s HSOTM battle royale, we’ve got two animals who both should run for political office and we’ve got two humans who should travel with a yellow slippery floor sign because they just ooze potent talent.
As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth is a wild card picked by me. Your choices are:
Peacemaker Dog, the dog who should be the head of the United Nations and should win several Nobel Peace Prizes for stopping a pussy fight before it started.
Jessie, the feather-covered pile of charm who told a firefighter trying to save her to fuck off before flying away. Bitch is the anti-damsel in distress and can save herself, thankyouvermuch!
The Padres Game Dance Machine, the lighting bolt of moves in coochie cutters who caused a teen boy (her son?) to fill up to the top with embarrassment at a Padres game.
Mary Halsey, Missy Elliott’s funky white sister who put her thing down, flipped it, and reversed it at a BBQ!
Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced next Wednesday!
It’s been over two years since we found out that Brie Larson would be doing what many have done before her by turning their Oscar around and whispering “You don’t need to see this” as they signed a contract for a big-budget superhero movie. Brie is playing Captain Marvel in her own movie. Earlier this year we saw the first shots of Brie in her Captain Marvel costume, and now here’s the latest version of Brie’s Captain Marvel, thanks to Entertainment Weekly.