Helena Bonham Carter Moves From Hogwarts To The Palace

January 5, 2018 / Posted by:

The best thing that ever happened (in my opinion) to THE QUEEN & Co. is The Crown, as it showed all of us commoners that those royals are just as fucked in the head as the rest of us. While Claire Foy may have dominated awards season with her portrayal of QE2 as the ultimate cock block of a big sister, Vanessa Kirby was robbed in her tackling the Buckingham Palace booze bag that is the queen’s little sis Princess Margaret.

Since the producers of the show are insistent on shaking up the cast every two seasons to accurately portray aging, Vanessa won’t be around next season to light up, toss back a G&T, and deliver a catty comment in the direction of the throne. But have no fear: she’s getting replaced with an equally legendary wack-a-doodle doo: Helena Bonnham Carter! Continue reading

Justin Timberlake Channeled Steve Jobs In His Video For “Filthy”

January 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Man of The Woods Justin Timberlake hasn’t really done much to prove his countrified bona fides with his newest single Filthy. He teased a new, more authentic JT with his Welcome to Marlboro Country album promo but maybe what he was actually going for was more Westworld than The Revenant because now Justin’s proxy is a robot. A robot that’s hung like a Ken doll (so, anatomically correct) and has Robin Williams’ face.

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Alex Trebek Is Taking Some Time Off To Recover From Brain Surgery

January 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Jeopardy! will (sadly) be without their smarmy grandpa host for a while, as Alex Trebek is recovering from some major brain surgery. Please lord please tell me the doctor who tinkered with his brain didn’t touch the part responsible for roasting contestants. Nobody is watching Jeopardy! for the Daily Double.

Alex dropped a video yesterday, explaining that about two months ago, he fell and suffered a subdural hematoma (in basic terms, he got blood clots on his brain). He was taken to the hospital on December 16th, where he went in for surgery to fix the damage of that subdural hematoma. Two days later, he went home to recover. Alex is doing fine, but he still has to take it easy.

Here’s Alex talking about his medical scare in what I assume is his living room. The answer: TINY CERAMIC PANDAS. The question: what is my favorite element of that living room?

Variety says that Alex will be on medical leave from Jeopardy! for a few more weeks. He’s scheduled to return mid-January. Jeopardy! producer Sony Pictures TV tells Variety that Alex is expected to make a full recovery. Jeopardy! tapes long in advance, so there won’t be any major schedule upsets. The only change will be that the annual College Championship episodes will air in April instead of March.

Alex shouldn’t rush himself. If he doesn’t feel like coming back just yet, I’m sure Jeopardy! could find another grey-haired man in his late-70s with hosting experience. Is Maury Povich available for some evening work? I would definitely watch Maury reveal the answer to Final Jeopardy as the winning contestant busted out a victory dance to the Jeopardy! theme.

Pic: YouTube

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Goop’s Latest Dubious Endorsement: A $135 At-Home Coffee Enema Kit

January 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Every thinking person knows that the best way to start off the year is by squirting a quart of coffee up your anus. Good morning! That’s the Goop way and it’s the right way. Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop sent out its Beauty and Wellness Detox Guide and, according to The Huffington Post, it features a do-it-yourself coffee enema product. It’s called the, I kid you not, Implant O’Rama and is a steal at only $135 USD. Which is indeed a bargain considering she’s also hawking a $4,000 personal Sauna and a 1.7oz jar (about 3 tablespoons) of exfoliating facial mask that you are supposed to use three times a week but that Goop assuresGP uses daily” for $125.

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Danny Masterson Has Been Dropped By His Talent Agency

January 5, 2018 / Posted by:

It seemed to happen at a much slower pace than some other alleged creeps, but more people are cutting ties with alleged rapist Danny Masterson. In December, Netflix announced there would be one less douche on the range because Danny had been written off The Ranch. And then it was like, okay, so where is Danny going to work now? Well, he’s going to have a little trouble with that. The Huffington Post says United Talent Agency has dropped Danny as a client after 20 years.

UTA commented on their decision by simply telling HuffPo: “UTA no longer represents Danny Masterson.” A source familiar with Danny’s relationship with UTA tells HuffPo that the decision to drop Danny was made a while ago and it probably has to do with him currently being under investigation after four women came forward saying he raped them.

Danny signed with UTA around the same time he booked That ’70 Show. Before that he was playing Alicia Witt’s boyfriend on Cybill and the boyfriend in Beethoven’s 2nd. Normally I would say he could knock on his old agency’s door and try to get those boyfriend roles again. But with his current alleged reputation, I’m not sure anyone is going to want to cast him as someone who takes women out on dates. It seems like the only person who hasn’t dropped Danny is Scientology. Don’t worry Danny, I’m sure they still love you very much….just as long as your checks don’t start bouncing.

Pic: Wenn.com

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