An Instagram Influencer Called The Police After Her Account Was Deleted

/ April 12, 2019

An Instagram “influencer” with over 100,000 followers decided that the only rational course of action to be taken after her account was deleted, was to pick up her phone and hit 9-1-1. Someone call Olivia Jade, and let her know we found someone who might be more out of touch than her.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ April 12, 2019

Mr. Magoo, the African grey parrot who hates Frank Sinatra!

The relationship between a parrot and Alexa is a complicated one. Although, the relationship between a parrot and ANYTHING is a complicated one, same goes for that tricky bitch Alexa. Some parrots have embraced sharing their living space with an Alexa, and have even tricked that dum dum robot into being its bitch by ordering deliciousness off of it, etc… Then there’s parrots like Mr. Magoo here, who are thisclose to unleashing a mountain of bird caca all over his human’s Alexa to shut its speaker holes up so it can’t play Frank Sinatra!

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Birthday Sluts

/ April 12, 2019
Beverly Cleary (103)
Saoirse Ronan (25)
Jessie James (31)
Brooklyn Decker (32)
Ilana Glazer (32)
Brendon Urie (32)
Matt McGorry (33)
Brian McFadden (39)
Claire Danes (40)
Jennifer Morrison (40)
Riley Smith (41)
Marley Shelton (45)
Claudia Jordan (46)

Pic: Beverly Cleary

Christina Moore (46)
Shannen Doherty (48)
Retta (49)
Art Alexakis (57)
Magda Szubanski (58)
Vince Gill (62)
Andy Garcia (63)
Pat Travers (65)
Flavio Briatore (69)
David Letterman (72)
Ed O’Neill (73)
Herbie Hancock (79)
David Cassidy (1950-2017)
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Night Crumbs

/ April 11, 2019

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West let Vogue into their house and it looks like a mausoleum, which makes sense and works since they’re dead inside. But what I really noticed is that Kim walks backwards a lot in this video, which means she’s a demon or just had her ass re-inflated and rotated and it wasn’t quite ready for the cameras yet. Or both! – Jezebel

Chris Pine is struttin’ that suburban tennis daddy ass while looking like he just saw something that caused him to bust out a, “Well, I do declare!” – Lainey Gossip

Years of playing crazies has led to Kate McKinnon to playing the crazy craziest of them all in a Hulu series – Just Jared

Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, and Ana Gasteyer are all in a movie that takes place in California wine country, and I’m ready for it, but I can’t help but picture Molly Shannon waiting at San Francisco International Airport for them to pick her ass up! – Pajiba

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Ben Affleck And Lindsay Shookus Broke Up Again

/ April 11, 2019

Pour out that venti Americano with a splash of almond milk from Starbucks (actually don’t, because that mess probably cost you like $45 and there’s no need to waste it on these two), because Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus have left us SHOOKus once again by delivering the sequel to their first break up. They have ended things again. My thoughts and prayers are with the entire coffee industry who are definitely shaking in fear over their future now that coffee’s IT couple has broken up. The shoulder of Juan Valdez’s donkey is probably covered in his tears as he cries on his sidekick over this awful news.

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Jackée Harry Says That She Once Caught Eartha Kitt’s Hands Over A Man

/ April 11, 2019

Twitter is at turns a cesspool of shitty ideas, the fetid corpse of civility, and a piping hot glass of rancid rancor. But every once in a while, it proves its worth to society by allowing us unprecedented freedom of expression. And by “us” I mean Jackée Harry and Jackée Harry only. We don’t need to hear from anybody else at this time. This week, one of those Twitter prompts was making the rounds that asked “what’s your most surreal celebrity encounter”? Leave it to Jackée to blow everybody’s wig to Kingdom Come by revealing that Eartha Kitt once slapped the shit out of her over a man. I tell you, I read that and needed resuscitation. It gave me the vapors and sympathetic diarrhea. Frankly, I am still trembling and just spilled my tincture of dilaudid all over myself.

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