Robert Pattinson Now Says That He Wasn’t Asked To Give A Dog A Handie

August 5, 2017 / Posted by:

That suit makes him look like he gave someone a handie. Robert Pattinson says that he was kidding when he told Jimmy Kimmel that he refused to jerk off a pooch on the set of Good Time. Well, that’s good to know. Because, unless you’re an animal breeder or a veterinarian, you should let the dogs ruin their own eyesight, if you get what I’m sayin’. (Do dogs do that? Someone risk an alarming browser history and look it up.) I’m not sure what kind of dark web bullshit your movie is when you’re asking the actors to jerk off dogs, but it sure doesn’t sound like the sort of movie you’re going to see Meryl Streep in.

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A Now Hatless Caitlyn Jenner Claims She Hates Trump

August 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Since 2016’s “Well, It Was Nice While It Lasted“- themed election, celebrity transgender woman and automotive death dealer, Caitlyn Jenner, has received side-eyes for being a Trump apologist. The side-eyes have now become a “is this bitch for real?” full-on glare. Caitlyn was recently spotted wearing one of those “Make America Great Againasshole-identifier ballcaps. President Donald Trump recently announced his intention to ban transgendered people from serving in the US military. Hence, it’s good that Caitlyn was wearing her asshole-identifier, so there was no mistake.

Caitlyn defended herself to TMZ and told this loooonnggg, convoluted, bullshit-scented story about why she wore the hat and how she actually despises Trump. She’s blaming golf lust, Starbucks, and her purse. Be careful not to break a nail while furiously pressing the button marked “damage control,” lady. Continue reading

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Legally Speaking, Usher’s Alleged Herpes Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

August 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Anyone who’s got something fiery in their pants, and I mean in the non-sexy way, should probably clue their prospective sex partner in on it. It’s thoughtful, shows that you’re an upright individual concerned with the health and safety of others, and should spare you any future legal action. This especially holds true if you’re a rich, horny celebrity.

Take Usher and his alleged Herpes Simplex 2 diagnosis, for example. He’s probably going to have to start direct depositing a portion of his paycheck to a “Herpes Pay-Off” account. There is already a woman suing him for $20 million for allegedly giving her the herp. Now, three more people are supposedly filing a lawsuit of their own. And in not that salacious news, one of them is a man! They’re calling him “John Doe” which is nicer than just coming out and calling him “Justin Bieber.” I kid!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Diesel Minnie™!

Finally, an Instagram model who deserves all of the shine and followers he’s getting. Diesel Minnie is very well-respected Instagram THOT (That Hound Over There) who is considered a “canine influencer” (cut to my dog rolling his eyes at that the same way I roll my eyes at “social media influencer”) and is the face of a luxurious line of fancy shit for dogs called World of Angus. In a video that’s been making the rounds, Diesel Minnie, which sounds like the name of a roller derby star, showed his forty five thousand followers how he relaxes his shredded nerves in a lavish dog spa (aka the guest bathroom sink) after a long of day of napping, barking, sniffing asses, barking, napping, barking, modeling, barking and napping and barking some more. He’s a Yorkie, barking is their oxygen.

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Birthday Sluts

August 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Jocelyn Wildenstein (77)
Dawn Richard (34)
Vanessa Simmons (34)
Lolo Jones (35)
Juan Pablo Galavis (36)
Jesse Williams (36)
Reza Farahan (44)
Terri Clark (49)
Funkmaster Flex (50)
James Gunn (51)
Jonathan Silverman (51)
Elvis Duran (53)
Mark Strong (54)
Patrick Ewing (55)
Janet McTeer (56)
Tawny Kitaen (56)
Pat Smear (58)
Maureen McCormick (61)
Louis Walsh (65)
Erika Slezak (71)
Loni Anderson (72)
Pete Burns (1959-2016)
Neil Armstrong (1930-2012)
John Huston (1906-1987)

Pic: Wenn.com

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Night Crumbs

August 4, 2017 / Posted by:

Kevin Hart and his pregnant wife Eniko Parrish showed up to the LA launch of his mobile comedy streaming service, Laugh Out Loud. I wonder if Eniko is smiling like that because she made him wear one of those little child leashes under his suit? You know, to prevent him from accidentally wandering off into the backseat of a car with anyone – Lainey Gossip

Katie Price walking around in furry slippers is my favorite Katie Price – Drunken Stepfather

Jenny Slate has moved on from talking about Chris Evans, to talking about talking about Chris Evans – Celebitchy

Basically what I’m getting from this is that none of Luann D’Agostino’s fellow RHONY cast members were that shocked her marriage bit the dust – Reality Tea

Selena Gomez is giving the body language and wardrobe of a bored housewife paired with the face of a bored chipmunk – Hollywood Tuna

The time machine from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me was real, and Heather Graham stole it (that’s the only way I can explain how she appears to be aging backwards) – Popoholic

Take your pick: a half-naked and shredded Ryan Reynolds or a half-naked and shredded Josh BrolinTowleroad

The current most-watched video on YouTube has nothing to do with cats, puppies, or anyone getting hit in the nuts. What a disgrace to the medium! – Just Jared

If this American Horror Story theory is true, then I expect a season to be set entirely in the lesser-known 10th circle of Hell: a busy Walmart on a Saturday afternoon – Popsugar

All these horrible reviews of Kidnap are doing nothing but making me want to see this glorious disaster – Pajiba

Here’s Rita Ora using her arm as a makeshift bikini top – The Nip Slip

The penis of a YouTube “star” has allegedly hit the internet – (NSFW) OMG Blog

The trailer for Kevyn Aucoin: Beauty & The Beast In Me is here – Jezebel

Dannii Minogue is officially the best female rapper from Australia, and she can thank Iggy Azalea for setting the bar so low – Boy Culture

RIP to Drew Barrymore’s forest of eyebrows, we hardly knew ye – SOW

Pic: Wenn.com

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