Jamie Foxx’s Penis-Slapping Case Has Been Closed

July 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Closed, just like the position Jamie Foxx’s fly should remain around strangers at parties if he want to avoid another situation like the one he found himself involved in last month. Jamie had been accused by a woman of slapping her in the face with his penis at a party back in 2002 after she refused to give him oral sex. The case was past Nevada’s 3-year statute of limitations, but police still decided to open an investigation. TMZ says that the Las Vegas Police Department have concluded their investigation, and Jamie isn’t going to face charges.

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Kylie Jenner Says She’s Removed All Of The Filler From Her Lips 

July 9, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s Monday, so you know the Kardashian Klan are in the news for some stupid crap. And I’m the one here to tell you it. You’re welcome and I’m sorry. 20-year-old Kylie Jenner claimed in an Instagram comment that she’s a natural beauty now that she’s have all of her filler somehow removed. Take that, Keke Palmer! Continue reading

Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Pocket Locker!

This is a depressing and tragic post for a Monday morning, and if Dlisted’s budget wasn’t worth a used-during-ass-sex condom and a broken Juicero, I’d send all of you a Xanax via drone. Prepare to be filled to the top with the sads over this sentence: girls today use iPhones or Androids or whatever to keep track of shit instead of a Pocket Locker. I know, what has become of this world?

For a minute in the 1990s, Sharp sold a Palm Pilot-like thing that was marketed toward girls and it was an organizer that kept track of birthdays, telephone numbers, important appointments (don’t laugh, bitch, every appointment to a tween is important) and their inner most secrets. This is how Sharp described that too-technologically-advanced-for-the-90s life saver:

You can’t control your hair and certainly can’t control your parental units. But you can control your life – with Pocket Locker! The new electronic Teen Organizer from Sharp. If you’ve got a life, get this!

I never got that, because I don’t have a life now and I certainly didn’t have a life then.

How sad! I mean, nowadays teen girls are running around with uncontrollable hair looking a mess and it’s all because they don’t have a Pocket Locker. Sharp, please bring the Pocket Locker back, so that teen girls can get their hair in check again. Follicles are depending on it!

Pic: Mom.me

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Birthday Sluts 

July 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Tom Hanks (62)
Douglas Booth (26)
Mitchel Musso (27)
Rebecca Sugar (31)
Kiely Williams (32)
Christina El Moussa (35)
Morgana Mcnelis (35)
Ashly Costa (36)
Toby Kebbell (36)
Fred Savage (42)
Jack White (43)
Enrique Murciano (45)
Courtney Love (54)
Jordan Belfort (56)
Kevin Nash (59)
Marc Almond (61)
Kelly McGillis (61)
Jimmy Smits (63)
Kevin O’Leary (64)
Debbie Sledge (64)
John Tesh (66)
Chris Cooper (67)
Nigel Lythgoe (69)
O.J. Simpson (71)
Richard Roundtree (76)
Brian Dennehy (80)
Ed Ames (91)
Barbara Cartland (1901-2000)

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: Hosted By A Greedy Chipmunk Stuffing Nut After Nut Into His Mouth

July 8, 2018 / Posted by:

File that headline under: A Title Found In The Animal Kingdom’s Version Of PornHub.

A human in the town of Aurora in Ontario, Canada took a video of a wild chipmunk they named Van Gogh (because of his notched ear), but they maybe should’ve named him Michelle Duggar since he can’t get enough of taking raw nut after raw nut. The chipmunk knows that the human will give him as many peanuts as he can handle, so for the past two summers, he’s shown up to store as much food as possible for the winter. The human gladly gives VG a quick pet and then feeds him as many peanuts he can stuff into his cheeks before he runs off to his burrow. If the human is still outside, he’ll come back for another fill-up. Here’s the video that is will stuff your brain with brand new information by showing you that chipmunks go nuts for nuts!

I was going to say that VG must be very popular with the other chipmunks, but the other chipmunks are probably like, “Bitch, please, we can all do that.” But I am going to say that VG should be pissed this video got out and is making the rounds. Because now instead of his cheeks getting filled with peanuts, they’re going to be filled with hot air as he gets pissed while waiting in line behind the dozens of chipmunks who have now discovered the Endless Peanut Wonderland of Aurora.

Pic: YouTube

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Beyoncé And Jay-Z Are Now A Tour In The Louvre

July 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Does the Louvre really need the ticket sales that badly? Isn’t it the place tourists in France automatically flock to after visiting that tower thingy? Vulture tells us that, since setting their latest video “APESHIT” in the famed home of the Mona Lisa, the Louvre now has a tour inspired by the Carters bringing high art to the sullied masses. As if the Mona Lisa didn’t have enough to contend with what with tourists always complaining about how small she is in person.

In the video, Bey and Jay pose sullenly in front of various pieces of art while their dancers do each other’s hair, experience what looks like collective full body dry heaves, and undulate in front of the velvet ropes. It’s like art squared! And now YOU can experience the experiencing that the Carters experienced in what is probably the world’s most famous art museum.

The Parisian museum reportedly now has a 90-minute guided tour taking you through 17 pieces of art depicted in the recent Beyoncé and Jay-Z video, which dropped on June 16.

If you don’t have the money to drop on an overpriced pastel and tickets to Gay Paree, Vulture was cool enough to put together a guide identifying all of the paintings that the Most Important People In The World further enriched by posing in front of them.

This is going to enrage a lot of people who want to go on this tour. They’re going to expect the entire museum to clear out, and all of the Louvre staff to turn their backs and refrain from looking at and speaking to them. Please be forewarned that the privilege here is to be able to stand where they stood, you don’t get to be them. What are you – insane?

Pic: YouTube

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