Big Brother is one of my favorite shows of all time mainly because it starts with the contestants being all lovey-dovey and welcoming for about five minutes before they start plotting to destroy each other. And do you know what makes that type of premise even better? Famous-ish fame whores. Because they’re crazy as cat shit and I’m here for it. Now, with the potential cast of the second season of Celebrity Big Brother U.S. being leaked via Twitter, all I can do is hope this list is real, because if it is, the new season is going to be a train wreck.

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In “FUCK! I Wish I Was MacKenzie Bezos” news, TMZ is reporting that Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos and his wife MacKenzie are getting divorced after 25 years of marriage. The two met in the early 90s after Jeff interviewed MacKenzie for a job, and were married 6 months later. In a true rags to riches story (or more like riches to richer to RICHEST), the two quit working on Wall Street and Jeff started an online bookstore in his garage which would later become the cursed site that people max their credit cards on from buying stupid shit while drunk.

The couple had been in a “trial separation” for a while and then decided to really say, “Alexa, we want a divorce.” Jeff is assuring us all that this is as amicable a divorce as a divorce can be but like, if Mandy Moore can’t get out of a divorce without a bit of drama, I seriously doubt that the richest man in the world will.

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Lindsay Lohan is putting in work (this is the most work she’s done in centuries!) when it comes to shilling her new reality show; she’s really out here trying to make those sweet MTV dollars. Next stop on Lindsay’s promo tour for her 99 Cent Store Vanderpump Rules knock-off, which premiered last night, was a visit to Entertainment Tonight where she explained her dramatically stupid and randomly appearing European-meets-Middle-East-esque accent.

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You may be looking at that screen shot like, “Motherfuck, Bethenny, we know you hate fish, but do you need to prove to us that chicken is better by bathing in it?!” But that’s not Bethenny Frankel. It’s also not a screen shot from Jenni Pulos’ foray into messy food fetish porn. That delicate blossom, who is keeping really calm even as mutated polyester spiders attack her eyelids, is woman who went viral last year, and is now trying to extend her 15 seconds to another 15 seconds with a music video that will terrorize your eyes and ears and make you scream, “Okay, okay, I’ll eat a soda-dipped chicken fanger if you just stop. MERCY! MERCY!”

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They tell me that’s supposed to be a 30-year-old Rupert Grint from Harry Potter with a ginger stache in a new show for Amazon Prime, but lord, he looks like a middle-aged accountant who leaves his dress socks on during sex times, got Christine “Rojo Caliente” Marinoni in Popsugar’s Twinning app, and squirts off-brand toothpaste in his mouth when he wants to freshen up (because mints are too expensive). What I’m saying is that I never thought I’d get the tingles like this for Rupert Fucking Grint! – Pajiba

Here’s an update on the love lives of Canadian dudes (Ryan Gosling and Joshua Jackson), but where’s the update on the love life of the biggest hot piece of Canada Chad Kroeger? – Lainey Gossip

Penelope Cruz looks like the stand-in for Mariah Carey’s debut album cover shoot – Drunken Stepfather

What a world we live in when Lifetime may play in part in finally bringing down R. Kelly – Jezebel

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