The 2017 Tonys had only one job to do and that was to give us Bette Midler yodeling out a song from Hello Dolly! That didn’t happen. Thirty five layers of NOT AMUSED swept across my face when I realized that the rumors about Bette not performing at the Tonys were true. The phones at CBS’ offices probably exploded from mad bitches demanding a damn refund of their time when the performance from Hello Dolly! turned out to be Niles Crane singing a boring song in front of a boring curtain. But Bette Midler kind of made up for it when she shut down the orchestra who dared try to play her away from the mic.
TMZ, People, and the New York Daily News are all reporting that Nick Gordon, the humanoid cockroach who was found legally responsible for the death of Bobbi Kristina Brown, was arrested for domestic battery and kidnapping/false imprisonment of an adult on Sunday afternoon in Sanford, Florida.
During an interview with The Hollywood Reporter a few years ago, Kevin Spacey made it sound like he’s never going to officially come out about how his tongue gets the tingles for twink ass. But while hosting the Tonys last night, Kevin made jokes about being a permanent resident of the glass closet. I guess Kevin Spacey farting out gay jokes while dressed in Norma Desmond drag (which looked more like low-budget Walter Mercado drag) at the Tonys is the closest he’ll ever get to waving goodbye at fellow polyester wig master John Travolta as he strolls out of the closet.
The unthinkable has happened today: Lindsay Lohan got an acting job in something that people might actually see. According to Variety, Lindsay has joined the second season of the British comedy series Sick Note. The show, whose first season premieres on Sky in the fall, stars Rupert Grint as an insurance rep who is misdiagnosed with a terminal illness and decides to hide the misdiagnosis from everyone.
Bachelor in Paradise is a great show that gives viewers what they don’t get nearly enough of on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette: drunken antics, messy fights, and sloppy hook-ups between a cast of fame whores competing for cash. But things got a different kind of messy after some on-set sexual abuse allegations were made by a producer against a cast member.
Aretha Franklin Way!
There’s a street in Detroit called Shady Lane, and I’m sure many Detroiters thought that street was named after Queen Aretha Franklin. It’s not (I think), but Aretha finally got her own street in her homeland of Detroit last week. Aretha is getting ready to hang up her performin’ wig, and over the weekend, she wailed out music notes during a show, which may have been her last in Detroit, to honor her. To promote the show and to honor the pride of Michigan even more (cut to the Wayne County treasurer’s office throwing a side-eye at “pride of Michigan”), the City of Detroit held a ceremony where they officially named a street after her.
WDIV says that a part of Madison, starting at Brush Street in front of the Detroit City Music Hall for the Performing Arts, has been named Aretha Franklin Way. Aretha got teary as the crowd hailed her during her street name ceremony.
I looked at that part of Madison on Google Street View, and I really hope the city plans to plant a bunch of giant trees along Aretha Franklin Way, because it’s not nearly shady enough. And I bet that right now, Dionne Warwick and Patti LaBelle are fighting over who will get to sit on the other one’s shoulders as they spray paint “Hateretha Way” on that street sign in the middle of the night.