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There’s an unverified report that Donald Trump hired Russian hookers to perform a golden shower show for him on the bed that President Obama and Michelle Obama slept on when they visited Moscow. Two things: 1. That would explain why his hair is a perfect shade of “first of the day piss.” And 2. R. Kelly and Kim Kartrashian are totally getting jobs in the
White Yellow House – Towleroad
The rumors of Amal Clooney being pregnant are probably true. I’m guessing that she’s knocked up with quadruplets. That’s how many horsemen there are, right? – Lainey Gossip
The BAFTA nominations are out – Celebitchy
Sheree Whitfield should just sell Chateau Sheree already and move into something she can afford like Studio Apartment Sheree – Reality Tea
Here’s Leonardo DiCaprio in 30 years – Drunken Stepfather
Okay, but when is Jenna Dewan-Tatum going to post a picture on Instagram of a naked Channing Tatum? – The Superficial
Amanda Seyfried looks like she’s doing an impersonation of a Russian hooker who was just asked by Trump to piss on that bed – Hollywood Tuna
Sorry, Emma Stone, but Vivian Ward wore it better – Popoholic
Drake is totally going to wallpaper his bedroom with these pictures – The Nip Slip
The Kartrashians got robbed again – Just Jared
Travis Tritt is a regular Marky Mark – Pajiba
Neither do I, Elle Fanning, neither do I – IDLYITW
Salma Hayek and Penny Cruz went SANS FARDS – SOW
“Why did the other brother end up visiting us?!” is what that lady is thinking to herself – Popsugar
Pic: Bored Panda
We should’ve known in January 2016 that the year was going to be a real disaster when it was announced that month that Joseph Fiennes was playing Michael Jackson in a British TV production. That bit of fuckery was foreshadowing and we should’ve saged the rest of the calendar when we had the chance.
My brain protected my soul by forgetting that news, but I was reminded today when UK’s Sky Arts shat up the terrifying first trailer for Urban Myths. Urban Myths features stories from the past that may not be true and it includes the magical one about how Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Jackson and Marlon Brando drove from NYC to Ohio in a rental car after the 9/11 attacks. In Urban Myths, Stockard Channing plays Liz and Brian Cox plays Brando. This train wreck also features a story about Hitler (played by Iwan Rheon) and his friend (played by Rupert Grint). Grab a jumbo-sized vat of holy water and press play:
Those prosthetics look like expired homemade playdough and the guy who plays the cop deserves a million awards for this. Because he was able to say the line, “Michael?“, instead of running for the nearest church after taking in the sight of what looks like a deranged Team America puppet of Criss Angel that was sculpted from an old vanilla candle. This is obviously satire, because there’s no way that cop would look at that nose and say, “Michael?” That nose is way too big. Shameful.
If you’re ever looking for a drinking game to play by yourself, just turn on HGTV and do a shot every time one of the designers says, “I’m thinking that we should do the lower kitchen cabinets in navy….” You’ll be three navy sheets to the wind in no damn time.
Last month, we all learned that the Flip or Flop couple’s travertine kingdom of love had crumbled into a billion pieces months ago and that they were pretending like everything’s okay in front of the cameras. Since then, those of us who care learned that Christina El Moussa is dating her friend and contractor Gary Anderson and Tarek El Moussa wet humped on the nanny for a minute. It seems like the two house flipping Orange County mannequins are done forever and that their marriage has been declared a tear down, because Tarek has filed for divorce.
If this picture was representative of Vivica A. Fox’s life, you could say she’s waving goodbye to her business partner along with all the gays she wanted to deny lap dances to.
Last week, Vivica A. Fox got in a bit of trouble while promoting Vivica’s Black Magic, the Lifetime reality show documenting the launch of her male stripper review in Las Vegas. Vivica was asked if gay guys could get a lap dance too and she replied, “Aw, hell no!” Vivica claimed her club was for the ladies. Vivica took more shit online for that “hell no” than she has taken needles to the face, and she eventually tried to backpedal.
Surprisingly, the biggest tits at last night’s Live By Night premiere in Hollywood weren’t Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Ben and Matt lost that tile when Christina Milian sashayed onto the carpet in a dress that went from dull to demure with help from a photographer’s flash.
I always thought that a stylist was supposed to take their client’s picture with a flash to make sure everything looks right on camera. Maybe Christina’s stylist didn’t do that or maybe they did and she didn’t care if everyone saw her nipple knobs and Spanx. Since I am a connoisseur of refined sophistication, I like Christina Milian’s look better when it’s caught in a camera’s flash. On its own, that dress is sequined Ambien, but add some flash and it makes her torso look like an exquisite bronze bust sold at The Museum Company. (Side note: Today was a good day because it’s the day I learned that The Museum Company is still around.)
And whoever made that dress should also make men’s jeggings in the same material and send a pair to Prince Hot Ginge, Jon Hamm, Idris Elba, etc…