Open Post: Hosted By Duchess Kate And Prince William On St. Paddy’s Day

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Yesterday, Vanity Fair spit out a story from royal sources about how Duchess Kate is very displeased with the future King of England, her husband Prince William, for causing clits to throb and assholes to swoon with the sweet moves he laid down at a club in Switzerland. Duchess Kate was also not happy with Prince William tarnishing the legacy of the monarch by touching a stranger chick’s waist. Duchess Kate and Prince William made their first public appearance today since the SCANDAL that caused every one of THE QUEEN’s Corgis to clutch their collars.

Duchess Kate and Prince William worked overtime today and on a damn holiday! They put their smiling and waving skills to work at two events today, starting in London. They celebrated St. Patrick’s Day by meeting with Irish guards and sipping on a breakfast Guinness. That look on Duchess Kate’s face. She’s obviously thinking to herself, “Trick, don’t even sniff that booze, because when the alcohol gets in your system, the hot moves come out and I don’t want to see coochies squirting and cocks jizzing in this place.” That’s obviously what she’s thinking and he knows it.

After their St. Patrick’s Day photo-op, they traveled to Paris for a two-day visit. They started at the Elysee Palace where they met up with French President Francois Hollande. Prince William better prepare himself, because I have a feeling that Duchess Kate is going to get revenge on him by doing a little partying of her own. Duchess Kate is really going to show P. Willy up when she sips on a weak Sloe Gin Fizz before busting out The Running Man and The Rebook to a C + C Music Factory song. And I bet she’ll stay out until 10pm. Show him, D. Kat!

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty

Lena Dunham Wants People To Stop Talking About Her Slimmed-Down Body

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

On Wednesday night, Lena Dunham showed up at the launch of Tracy Anderson’s flagship studio in NYC looking a little lean-a (oh lord, show me the door for that one). She explained to People that working with Tracy is the reason for why she no longer looks as much like she did at the Girls premiere in 2014. She claims it wasn’t about changing her body. It was more about getting healthy and easing the symptoms of endometriosis.

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Henry Cavill Will Play Tom Cruise’s Right-Hand Man In The Next “Mission: Impossible” Movie

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Too many handjob jokes, too little time.

Star of gay rumors Jeremy Renner has done two Mission: Impossible movies with Tom Cruise, and now it’s fellow star of gay rumors Henry Canvill’s turn to hear Tommy snap at him, “Bitch, you better slouch and bend those knees, because these heels can’t grow on their own.” Production on Mission: Impossible 6 was reportedly on hold, because Tommy wanted more points in his back-end (don’t we all, Tommy?) or something. Well, it looks like Tommy’s back-end is going to get those points he wanted, because production is back on and director Christopher McQuarrie is adding to the cast.

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Amanda Seyfried And Her Soon-To-Be Baby Father Eloped

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Amanda Seyfried is going to give birth to another human soon, so I guess she and her man, Thomas Sadoski, figured that they should get the whole “married” thing out of the way before they’re up to their eyeballs in newborn slobber, baby diarrhea, nanny applications and pulled-out hair from listening to those selfish balls of neediness whine over stupid shit like being hungry. Thomas, who is also an actor, was on The Late Late Show last night to promote something I’m too lazy to Google and he declared that he is now Mr. Karen from Mean Girls.

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Tori Spelling And Dean McDermott’s Bank Wants Their Money NOW

March 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Back in December Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott were slapped with a lawsuit from City National Bank over an unpaid loan, and that lawsuit is coming back to haunt The Default Twins pretty hard. City National loaned Tori and Dean $400,000 back in 2012, and only a little more than half was repaid. Tori also allegedly owes over $17,000 in overdrawn funds. The Daily Mail says that City National is tired of waiting around in payback purgaTori, and they’re coming for their money.

City National Bank has reportedly issued a default judgement against Tori and Dean for $188,000. They also want $17,000 to cover their overdrawn account. If the judgement is granted, then the bank can collect. The bank might want to start knocking on Candy Spelling’s checkbook first. Last week, Dean reportedly admitted during his child support showdown with Mary Jo Eustace that he couldn’t pay the $100,000 he owes because he had “fallen on hard times.” Mary Jo must have been feeling kind, because she withdrew her claims for now.

The bank already knows that Tori and Dean don’t have any money, so the bank might try to get repaid in assets they may have. Tori better get on the phone with her psychic and ask for a list of everything of value that should “mysteriously” go missing from her rental home. Or she could always just get The Deaner to put on a smoke and mirrors show the day the bank shows up to collect.

“Welcome to The Deaner’s Repo Depot! Feast your eyes on this box of promotional Chopped Canada t-shirts. Up north, they’re worth at least $20 each, but with the exchange, you’re looking at…aw hell, The Deaner don’t do math good!”

Pic: Splash

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