If you’re ever looking for a drinking game to play by yourself, just turn on HGTV and do a shot every time one of the designers says, “I’m thinking that we should do the lower kitchen cabinets in navy….” You’ll be three navy sheets to the wind in no damn time.
Last month, we all learned that the Flip or Flop couple’s travertine kingdom of love had crumbled into a billion pieces months ago and that they were pretending like everything’s okay in front of the cameras. Since then, those of us who care learned that Christina El Moussa is dating her friend and contractor Gary Anderson and Tarek El Moussa wet humped on the nanny for a minute. It seems like the two house flipping Orange County mannequins are done forever and that their marriage has been declared a tear down, because Tarek has filed for divorce.
If this picture was representative of Vivica A. Fox’s life, you could say she’s waving goodbye to her business partner along with all the gays she wanted to deny lap dances to.
Last week, Vivica A. Fox got in a bit of trouble while promoting Vivica’s Black Magic, the Lifetime reality show documenting the launch of her male stripper review in Las Vegas. Vivica was asked if gay guys could get a lap dance too and she replied, “Aw, hell no!” Vivica claimed her club was for the ladies. Vivica took more shit online for that “hell no” than she has taken needles to the face, and she eventually tried to backpedal.
Surprisingly, the biggest tits at last night’s Live By Night premiere in Hollywood weren’t Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Ben and Matt lost that tile when Christina Milian sashayed onto the carpet in a dress that went from dull to demure with help from a photographer’s flash.
I always thought that a stylist was supposed to take their client’s picture with a flash to make sure everything looks right on camera. Maybe Christina’s stylist didn’t do that or maybe they did and she didn’t care if everyone saw her nipple knobs and Spanx. Since I am a connoisseur of refined sophistication, I like Christina Milian’s look better when it’s caught in a camera’s flash. On its own, that dress is sequined Ambien, but add some flash and it makes her torso look like an exquisite bronze bust sold at The Museum Company. (Side note: Today was a good day because it’s the day I learned that The Museum Company is still around.)
And whoever made that dress should also make men’s jeggings in the same material and send a pair to Prince Hot Ginge, Jon Hamm, Idris Elba, etc…
And it’s not because Sylvester Stallone was seated across from him and had to look at his janky beard and matching stringy hair situation all night. It’s actually the opposite of that. Sylvester Stallone wanted to sit at same table as Casey Affleck at the Golden Globe awards. In fact, he and his wife Jennifer Flavin were supposed to be seated at a table that included Casey and Matt Damon. But People says that when they went to sit down during the opening number, they noticed there was only one open chair and the story took a dramatic turn.
No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.
Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.
After winning the award for Best Performance By An Actor in a Miniseries or Television Film at the Golden Globes on Sunday night, Tom Hiddleston triggered several thousand gag reflexes with his humble-braggy acceptance speech. Tom talked about going to South Sudan with UNICEF and how people from Doctors Without Borders told him they binge watched The Night Manager. Tom patted himself on the back for providing “some relief and entertainment” to them. A lot of people online (and in the GGs audience) weren’t exactly feeling his “Congratulations, me!” speech. TMZ brought up the speech hate to Tom as he was leaving a GG afterparty, and Tom sort of shrugged it off.
But clearly Tom had been thinking about it, and it must have been bothering him. Because yesterday he hopped on Facebook to apologize.
That answers a question I’ve had since the summer. When Tom was frolicking on the beach with Taylor Swift in an I Heart TS tank top, I thought to myself “Isn’t he at all nervous that this much obvious PR whoring might not be good for his career?” He clearly wasn’t! Based on the reason for his apology, it sounds like if he was actually nervous, his tank top would have said I Heart TH instead.