Earlier this week, Angelina Jolie went to Toronto and premiered First The Killed My Father, a film written/directed/produced by the award-winning director of Unbroken. Angelina’s life post-Brad Pitt has sort of been all about the kids, so she gathered them all together, threw them in a pile of fancy-ish kids clothes, and brought them all to the premiere. She repeated that again last night for the NYC premiere.
The dreaded eye puffer test!
If you’ve been following the trials and tribulations of my left eyeball, then you know that over a month ago, the ungrateful piece of stupid trash that is my left retina (I’m wearing an eyepatch right now, so it can’t see what I wrote about it. Tricked that bitch!) tried to do what many boyfriends have done before: leave me! My left retina detached and had to be lasered back on. Since my left retina has stayed attached and hasn’t yet pulled a Joey in that very special episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 by running away, I’m going to ease back into posting my regular dose of foolishness on Dlisted.
There is a chance that my left retina my do the fuck this bounce and detach again after my medical bills start trickling in and I find out how much I owe. I may also need to step away from Dlisted again (and let Allison once again take over brilliantly for me) for more surgeries, like cataract surgery. Apparently some retinal detachment surgeries cause your cataract to go full memaw in wraparound shades. I hear you cackling at my grandpa eyes. Shut up, hand me my heaviest chancleta and bend over, because I’m your abuelita now. And now on to today’s HSOTD, which is eye-related, because you know, I haven’t been up to my eyeballs in enough eye-related shit.
Prince Hot Ginge (33)
Chelsea Kane (29)
Jenna Marbles (31)
Heidi Montag (31)
Ben Schwartz (36)
Jennifer Lawrence and Darren Aronofsky took their first red carpet picture together at the New York City premiere of mother!. Are we sure they’re actually dating? Maybe it’s the dress and the awkward pose, but Jennifer looks like a bride who feels obligated to take a picture with distant cousin Kevin who flew in all the way from Tallahassee – Lainey Gossip
Rooney Mara doesn’t care what other people think. Ok, then she won’t mind me saying her dress resembles a fumigation tent and her hair looks like Mommy from Family Circus after a couch nap – Celebitchy
Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin’s daughter is a model now, and I’m sure her success has nothing to do with being Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin’s daughter – Drunken Stepfather
Josh Flagg from Million Dollar Listing LA got married over the weekend, the theme of which appears to be $12.99 botanical garden souvenir snow globe – Reality Tea
Here’s the leather and mustache-filled U.S. trailer for Tom of Finland – Towleroad
Not only is Margot Robbie bringing Tonya Harding back from the 90s, she’s also bringing back giant shoulder pads – Popoholic
Karrueche Tran’s bra looks like expensive lingerie had a baby with a rack of ribs – The Nip Slip
Personally, I always pictured The Babadook with Billy from Saw – Pajiba
Sarah Jean Underwood is wearing the perfect shirt for when your arms feel bashful and your tits are like “Hi!!! Over here!!!” – Hollywood Tuna
Please enjoy this hypnotic video of a shirtless dude in loose shorts hula-hooping in slow motion – OMG Blog
Bobby Brown is trying to prevent TV from airing that Bobbi Kristina Brown biopic – Jezebel
Scarlett Johansson has finalized her divorced, but it’s not officially final until we find out who gets the Parisian popcorn shop – Just Jared
This is what David Harbour looks like as Hellboy, a name that no longer makes sense because damn, that’s a Hellman – IDLYITW
It’s the 32nd anniversary of The Golden Girls, but honestly, they don’t look a day over 30 – Boy Culture
Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo are going to be parents for the second time – Popsugar
If there’s one thing we know Christian Bale can do, it’s shape-shift for the sake of a part. He basically lived on a nutrition plan of mouthwash and diet pills to drop 65 pounds for his role in The Machinist. And even when he looked like a praying mantis, I’d still hit it. Then he packed on the muscle to give us all a good panty cream when he was Batman. So when he showed up to the Toronto International Film Festival looking a tad paunchy, we knew it was for a juicy part. Sadly, it isn’t Hollywood giving us the Nintendo Kirby’s Dream Land movie we all want and deserve. It’s all part of his transformation into Dick Cheney. Christian sat down with Variety while at TIFF, and he made me green with fucking envy when he spilled his secret to getting into the part: It’s pie!
— Variety (@Variety) September 12, 2017
Who knew all it took was heaps of my mom’s key lime and pecan pies at Thanksgiving to look like our under-the-table president from the Bush years? If Christian was smart, he would say he’s been getting into character for years, and that would explain why he was such a dick on the set of Terminator Salvation since, well, Dick wasn’t exactly known for being a pocketful of sunshine! The Cheney flick doesn’t have a title yet, but we know Amy Adams will play his wife, Lynne Cheney. This sounds all fine and dandy, but Christian is known to go very method. His friends better think twice the next time he asks them to go quail hunting!
Check out the gallery below for Christian and wife Sibi Blazic at TIFF on Tuesday night:
I guess you could say she fergalicious def, fergalicious def, fergalicious def, def-def-def-definitely didn’t want to be married to Josh Duhamel anymore. Or you could say Fergie and Josh have called it quits. Whichever works best for you (for me, it involves singing “Fergalicious“).