Judge Judy Will Finally Be Honored With A Lifetime Achievement Emmy

/ March 13, 2019

Judge Judy Sheindlin has been living her best life for quite some time. Being the highest paid television host is a great gig and who could complain about making millions of dollars for yelling at idiots? I would do that for free! One thing has seemed to be missing: a true act of recognition for the meanest white woman in a Laura Bush hair cut who you also want to be friends with. But Judith will be ignored no longer! As it is being reported that Judge Judy will receive a Lifetime Achievement Award a this year’s Daytime Emmys.

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Felicity Huffman Is Out On $250,000 Bail, And Lori Loughlin Will Turn Herself In Today (UPDATE)

/ March 13, 2019

Previously on Desperate Rich Caucasians: actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin were indicted in the biggest controversy to hit rich folk since Goop’s vaginal eggs were exposed. Operation Varsity Blues (I see there’s a homosexual in the FBI operation-naming department) exposed all the rich people of America who bribed their way into universities… well, the ones who bribe-bribed their way into universities, the ones who “donated” libraries or gyms or high-tech buildings so their under-performing child could attend Yale are still cool. It’s become the celebrity-gossip gift that keeps on giving, as we are now hearing all about the dramatic arrest of Felicity Huffman.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ March 13, 2019

The Where’s The Beef? board game from the 80s!

Long before the coochie of Shia LaBeouf’s piece of the moment asked, “Where’s the beef?“, when he’d stick it all the way in, it was a catchphrase that took over the 1980s. Anyone who didn’t fall asleep during American history class knows that “Where’s the Beef?” was first spit out by actress Clara Peller in a Wendy’s commercial in 1984. The line was subtle skinny-shaming shade directed at Wendy’s rivals like McDonald’s for serving sad slabs of scrawny burger meat. I always thought the campaign ran for decades, but it only lasted until 1985, and Clara moved on to get coins from Prego where she starred in a commercial that featured her saying, “I found it. I really found it.” She died in 1987.

“Where’s the beef?” took over the mid-80s, and there were t-shirts, mugs, and an extra small condom line (I made that up, sadly). And because everything big in the 80s became a board game, it was a board game.

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Birthday Sluts

/ March 13, 2019
Common (47)
Kaya Scodelario (27)
Tristan Thompson (28)
Joshua Allen (30)
Emile Hirsch (34)
Natalie Albino (35)
Nicole Albino (35)
Noel Fisher (35)
Toccara Jones (38)
Molly Stanton (39)
Danny Masterson (43)

Pic: Crown International Pictures

David Draiman (46)
Leigh-Allyn Baker (47)
Annabeth Gish (48)
Corey Miller (52)
Adam Clayton (59)
Kathy Hilton (60)
Dana Delany (64)
William H.Macy (69)
Neil Sedaka (80)
Peaches Geldof (1989-2014)
Glenne Headly (1955-2017)
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Night Crumbs

/ March 12, 2019

Disney has put out the trailer for their latest money grab: the live-action Aladdin. It still looks like a mess, and while watching it, I’m wondering why Aladdin used one of his wishes on auto-tuning the shit out of his and Princess Jasmine’s voices and instead didn’t ask the Fresh Genie of Agrabah to make his city not look like it was made using leftover set pieces from a Once Upon a Time episode – Lainey Gossip

“I’m sorry, Michael, I’m going to have to declare you legally blind” – my ophthalmologist after I tell him I mistook Kelly Brook for Gloria EstefanPopoholic

I am only for a sequel to Bohemian Rhapsody if it’s about Zombie Freddie Mercury getting revenge on the makers of that shit – Pajiba

Oh, it’s just someone named Carla Howe’s suffocating nipple trying to get some oxygen – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

If you’ve ever had a weird wet dream fantasy of Uncle Jesse’s face resting on Nick Jonas‘ crotch, that gay-baiter Nick has fulfilled that dream – SOW

Jussie Smollett didn’t have to show up to court today, but he did anyway to show how confident of his innocence he is – Towleroad

Kate Beckinsale will apparently dump Pete Davidson if he starts to spiral down. Um, has she seen that unicorn tattoo? – Celebitchy

Pic: Disney

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William H. Macy’s Choice Of Words May Have Kept Him From Getting Charged Unlike Felicity Huffman

/ March 12, 2019

Getting into college sucks, and we all know nothing blows more than having to wake up at sunrise on a Saturday to go take the SAT at a random high school with a proctor who DGAF apart from you taking 5 extra seconds to bubble in an answer. Well, Felicity HuffmanLori Loughlin and other rich parents have been accused of bypassing that part of the equation and using their money to get their kids into college. Felicity, Lori, and Lori’s husband Mossimo were all charged with conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest services fraud. Felicity was arrested, and Lori is in the process of turning herself in.

Many have been wondering why Felicity got arrested when her husband William H. Macy seems to have been aware of what was going on and was in on some of the conversations. Alas, it sounds like those two not wanting to go the cheating route with daughter number two may have saved his ass.

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