Yesterday, Leslie Jones reminded us that the internet is full of trolls by retweeting a ton of racist garbage that was thrown her way. Just like Leslie, I also didn’t understand why the trolls were getting a throbbing hate erection from tweeting racist shit at Leslie. Were they all part-time magicians who were super pissed off that Ghostbusters beat Now You See Me 2 at the box office last weekend? Or maybe they were just racist trolls who wanted to troll. Probably the second one.
Leslie eventually got sick of shoveling the racism and quit Twitter. Many came to her defense and got the hashtag #LoveForLeslieJ trending. Chrissy Teigen tweeted at Twitter and asked how long it was going to take for them to clean up the trolls. If Taylor Swift can get Instagram to delete all the snake emojis from her comments, you’d think Twitter would move just as fast to shut down all of Leslie’s trolls. Well, according to Twitter, they’re working on it.
AP says that Twitter chief executive Jack Dorsey reached out to Leslie last night on Twitter. A Twitter spokesperson also released this statement.
This type of abusive behavior is not permitted on Twitter, and we’ve taken action on many of the accounts reported to us by both Leslie and others. We rely on people to report this type of behavior to us but we are continuing to invest heavily in improving our tools and enforcement systems to prevent this kind of abuse. We realize we still have a lot of work in front of us before Twitter is where it should be on how we handle these issues.
If only there was a way Twitter could send a copy of a troll’s racist tweets to their mom. I’m pretty sure that getting an angry call from their mother asking “Is this what you do all night in the basement?? Send rude, racist messages to famous people?? Get your ass up here RIGHT NOW” would scare a lot of trolls straight.
I almost called this squirrel kitten a “squirrtten,” but this is a family post, which is why I also won’t make a “squirrel rubbing on pussy” joke.
After posting about horrific crap like Bill Cosby, Roger Ailes and the Kartrashians, we need a Hazmat-grade palate cleanser, and since a video of Idris Elba playing patty cake with a puppy friend doesn’t exist yet, we have to settle for the next best thing: this viral video of an imposter trying to be slick by passing itself off as a kitten.
Bethe Gettle of Pine Grove, PA brought another “squirrel who thinks it’s cat” story into our lives by sending a special video to her local news station WGAL. Bethe says that for the past week, a squirrel has been cuddling up to a litter of kittens in her friend’s backyard. This squirrel’s kitten disguise sucks (like bitch didn’t even try), but at least it has the act down. It is relaxing just like a kitten, while thinking to itself, “I’ve got these dumbasses fooled.”
Bethe added this note on FB:
“Giving everyone a positive story from backyard USA was exactly the goal when I shared this video. Yes typically speaking, a squirrel would usually be dinner for the cat. In this rare case, the squirrel isn’t dinner.”
Why did Bethe have to put that dark-sided thought into my brain? My brain was almost cleansed after watching that bit of love, and now I’m picturing the mom cat eating the squirrel and mouth feeding her leftovers to her pussy chirrun. No, no, that’s not going to happen. That squirrel will be raised a cat and will be adopted by a loving family who will pimp it out on Instagram and force it to star in a shitty Lifetime Christmas movie. In other words, that squitten is going to have a real happy ending!
Not long after former Fox & Friends co-host Gretchen Carlson filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against the now-former Fox News chairman Roger Ailes earlier this month, people started to filter into two groups. There was the group of women who came forward with their own sexual harassment allegations against ol’ raw hamburger crotch. And there was the group that included current Fox News employees – like Greta Van Susteren and Elisabeth Hasselbeck – who were positively shocked that anyone would ever accuse Roger Ailes of doing such grossness.
Around that time, I couldn’t help but wonder what group Fox News’ Megyn Kelly might join. According to New York magazine, Megyn has a side, and it’s not Team Roger. New York says that two sources, who were briefed on 21st Century Fox’s probe of Roger Ailes (“Huh – usually I’m the one doing the probing” thought Roger), claim that Megyn Kelly has recently told investigators about her experience with him. Not shockingly, she accuses him of sexual harassment.
Somewhere in Bill Cosby’s mansion, one of his assistants is writing the word “roofie” in Braille on his entire stash of ludes, because he reportedly can’t see shit anymore. Not only that, but Bill Cosby’s Pennsylvania mansion has become his prison and his only friends are the lawyers who are being paid to spend time with him. I’ll wait here as you strain your face while trying to squirt out one tear of sympathy for him…… Not happening? Yeah, didn’t think so. Moving on….
Bill Cosby has been figuratively blind for decades, but Page Six says that he’s totally blind now. One of Cosby’s lawyers (aka a paid friend) played that “Woe Is The Pudding Pop Don” card earlier this year when they said that prosecutors have chosen to go after a poor, little old blind man. Cosby has an eye condition call “keratoconus” that has caused him to go 100% blind in both eyes. The source spit this out:
“His alleged victims may take some solace in the fact that he’s in his own personal hell. He has been suffering from a degenerative eye disease and is completely blind . . . All his Hollywood friends have turned their backs on him. He is confined to his house in Pennsylvania, and the only person on his side is his wife, Camille, who is masterminding his defense. His only friends are the small army of lawyers on his payroll.”
Now, I’m not one to say that so-and-so’s personal hell is more of a personal hell than so-and-so’s personal hell, but I’m sure that the women Cosby allegedly drugged and raped are living in hell’s personal hell.
Cosby is expected to go to trial sometime this year, so Page Six’s story may be his lawyers’ way of starting their defense early by letting prospective jurors know that he’s been through enough. I mean, the man can’t even continue to pursue his favorite hobby of mixology anymore!
Four years ago, Macaulay Culkin prompted stage parents with morals everywhere to step back and rethink their decision to push their kids into show business when he was photographed walking around New York looking like a humanoid crack rock. The National Enquirer claimed they knew the reason for why Macaulay looked like someone who would volunteer to help Harry and Marv rob houses just for the medicine cabinet access, and it was DRUGS! Specifically, that he was addicted to heroin. They claimed Macaulay was in a really bad place after his break-up with Mila Kunis, and he was spending $6,000 a month on heroin and pills.
Despite the fact that he was once arrested for possession of weed and pills, Macaulay denies the Enquirer’s drug shopping spree rumors. Macaulay tells The Guardian that he never spent his residual checks from The Pagemaster and Wish Kid on the hardest of drugs. He also slapped at the Enquirer for pretending to care about why he looked so tore up.
“Were people right to be worried? Not necessarily. Of course, when silly stuff is going on – but no, I was not pounding six grand of heroin every month or whatever. The thing that bugged me was tabloids wrapping it all in this weird guise of concern. No, you’re trying to shift papers. Is there a story there he might want to tell one day, on his own terms? Perhaps.”
Macaulay also talks about what he’s been doing lately (that pizza band, nothing). And he would have talked about his friendship with Michael Jackson, but The Guardian says his lawyers wouldn’t let him.
So Kevin McCallister doesn’t outright deny that he was chasing the cheese pizza back in 2012 when those pictures were taken; he only says he wasn’t spending $6k a month. “Perhaps” that will be one of the things he elaborates on if he ends up fulfilling his former child star-turned-mess destiny by writing a tell-all. “Listen, people said I was spending 6 grand on drugs, but honestly, it was more like 2, 2 and a half, tops.” Or maybe he was buying drugs, but not for himself. After all, he was living with walking needle Pete Doherty around that time, and Pete definitely seems like the type who would prefer rent be paid in drugs rather than money. You know, just to save him a trip outside.
Someone put a ring on Pippa Middleton’s hitchin’ finger, and thankfully, that someone was not Prince Hot Ginge. That means that the tabloids can go ahead and remove their “Pippa Middleton and Prince Hot Ginge Are Boning” stories from the file full of crap they pull out on a slow news week. Watch, The Sun will put out a cover story about how PHG spends his lonely nights caressing a bowl of cold porridge because he misses the bland touch of that British bland Pippa Middleton.
Pippa Middleton, best known for being Duchess Kate’s sister and owning the ass that took over the royal wedding in 2011, has gotten engaged to her rich British banker type piece of a year James Matthews. The Daily Mail says that this past weekend in the Lake District, 40-year-old James proposed to 32-year-old Pippa Middleton and of course, she said yes. Pippa and James confirmed their engagement news to the BBC and say that they’re going to get married next year. The Middleton family and Duchess Kate and Prince William also put out statements, and PHG would’ve put out a statement too but he was busy caressing a bowl of cold porridge while thinking about the bland that got away.
Because Pippa is a caring soul who wants to give the tabloids a perfect picture to use for her engagement news, she did the subtle “Oh, I’m just holding my purse and not-at-all flashing my giant diamond engagement ring” pose while leaving her apartment this morning:
James Matthews’ brother is alleged cokehead and reality shit show trick Spencer Matthews from Made in Chelsea. If the Middleton family lets Spencer Matthews go to Pippa and James’ fancy society wedding, they better tell THE QUEEN to leave her Corgis at home. Because I don’t want to read in The Mirror about how one of THE QUEEN’s Corgis overdosed while doing lines with Spencer in the bathroom during the reception. And I’m sure Kunty Karl has already offered to design Pippa’s dress and I’m sure his design is an ass-less white burka.
Here’s pictures from Pippa’s showing of the engagement ring ceremony, as well as pictures of her at a charity event yesterday.