Not every elderly underwear model that Leonardo DiCaprio is finished with immediately crumbles into dust. Leo doesn’t have all the Infinity stones (YET). Some go on to live out their dwindling days on earth as productive members of society. Some even find a new lease on love in the arms of a different wealthy man. Nina Agdal, the 26-year-old Danish model who aged out of the DiCaprio Foster Home For Wayward Models at age 25 years and 1 month, has found a new foster parent in 23-year-old Jack Brinkley-Cook. And according to Page Six, Nina’s not shy about speaking on Jack’s qualifications as a foster parent. In an Instagram post, Nina said she probably wouldn’t be dating him if he were broke.
The t-shirt and saltwater taffy shops of the Jersey Shore will be a little quieter and void of third-person self-references this summer, as Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino reported to prison today for trying to hide millions from Uncle Sam. Mike was sentenced back in October to eight months in the slammer after he and his brother, Marc Sorrentino, were found guilty of failing to pay taxes on two businesses they own, and incorrectly reporting $9 million of income. Marc got two years in jail, so count your blessed situation, The Situation! Mike do-si-doed into jail earlier this afternoon, and it looks like he’ll have another famous face to pump iron with in the prison yard.
Sometimes when I go to Target, I want name-brand items, but my pockets always laugh and say, “Not today bitch!”, so I have to settle for the store brand called Market Pantry. Finding out that New Jersey Senator Cory Booker and actress/activist Rosario Dawson have been dating since December makes them the Market Pantry version of Barack and Michelle. But considering the alternative of our current first couple, I’ll take it! Gladly.
The only reason the Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos divorce is any fun at all is because it substitutes as a lottery fantasy. Because trust me, there are probably at least 12 average middle-aged dudes in the process of divorcing their wives in your town or city right now. Pick one; that dude has probably also texted his new girlfriend pictures of his dick using the same phone he FaceTimes his kids on. Nobody gives a shit about that loser. But Jeff is SO RICH that when People reports that his relationship with Lauren Sanchez, his new girlfriend whom he may or may not cheated with, is “stronger than ever” and “they’re madly in love.” I feel a hot nugget of envy well up in my gut. OVER JEFF BEZOS! I pass this dude on the street, every mother-loving day. He’s walking the family labradoodle, wearing a Patagonia fleece vest, and listening to Radiolab on his ear pods. Absolutely NOT interested. But Jeff, Jeff is so rich.
You know, it wasn’t that long ago former first lady Michelle Obama was trying desperately to assist in healthier eating habits for all Americans. That said, I’m sure when she heard the news that Donald Trump served cold, greasy fast food during a White House dinner for the visiting national college football champion Clemson Tigers, it took every security detail around to hold her back from rolling up on him and cursing him out for undoing all of her work.
Looks like Kris Jenner not only buys out her son, Rob Kardashian‘s, failing business, but also looks out for new storylines for him to participate in to make that thick and delicious Keeping Up The Demonic Energies Corrupting Society With The Kardashians-money. And she found one.