Being trapped in a vehicle and driving Kim Kardashian around sounds like the kind of job that would get real old really fast. You’d be constantly trying to figure out if the annoying vibrating sounds you’re hearing are from the engine or Kim’s drowsy baby voice. Your back seats will have to be replaced every four-to-six trips due to Kim’s ass wearing a giant misshapen groove in them. One of Kim’s Paris drivers won’t have to worry about how they’re going to tell her they can’t take it anymore and need to le quit, because they’re probably going to get le fired first.
The FUN!!!! was completely taken out of shaving in the 2000s when the American Safety Razor Company discontinued Flicker. (Note: That sentence is invalid to you freaky ass shaving fetishists. The fun never ends for you as long as shaving cream and razors exist.) ASRC first put Flicker on shelves in 1971 and refreshed its look sometime in the 1980s, because they felt that what the gross shaving experience was missing were great neon colors and an outrageously-shaped razor!
Rod Stewart (72)
Abbey Clancy (31)
Alex Meraz (32)
Janelle Pierzina from Big Brother (37)
Sarah Shahi (37)
Chris “Daddy Mac” Smith (38)
Cash Warren (38)
Brent Smith (39)
Jemaine Clement (43)
Lyle Menendez (49)
Trini Alvarado (50)
Julie Moran (55)
Evan Handler (56)
Gurinder Chadha (57)
Shawn Colvin (61)
Pat Benatar (64)
James Lapine (68)
George Foreman (68)
William Sanderson (69)
Josh Ryan Evans (1982-2002)
Linda Lovelace (1949-2002)
Frank Sinatra, Jr. (1944-2016)
Sal Mineo (1939-1976)
Don’t you just hate it when you accidentally grab your dress and lift it up to expose your chonies to dozens of photographers at a Golden Globes after-party? Demure swan Emily RideAJetSki feels your pain – IDLYITW
Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn presented at the Golden Globes together and I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would. But I am still screaming for the firing of every GGs producer for failing to do a Death Becomes Her reunion. I mean, both Goldie and Meryl Streep were there! Idiots! – Lainey Gossip
“And now, do you wanna see the Southern Light?” is what Prince Hot Ginge probably said to Meghan Markle while motioning to his luminous ginger crotch torch – Celebitchy
Theresa Giudice threw her daughter a sweet 16 party that was sponsored by absolutely anybody who offered – Reality Tea
Meet Tove Lo’s nipples, if you haven’t already – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
I’m sure we’ve all met Heidi Klum’s nipples, but meet ’em again if you want – (NSFW) The Nip Slip
John Travolta wore a Hydra pin and that’s fascinating, but my eyes are more focused on stunning new autumn sunrise-colored wig – The Superficial
And here comes another random feud courtesy of Billy Eichner and Meghan McCain – Towleroad
Amber Heard’s dress looks like it’s covered with bedazzled worms – Popoholic
My mouth wants to go to there – Pajiba
Still sexier and more fashion-forward than anything Kanye West has designed – OMG Blog
Ariel Winter got herself a few more Instagram THOT points – Hollywood Tuna
Excuse me while I run off to Amazon to pre-order the Director’s Cut of Nocturnal Animals – Just Jared
The Twin Peaks revival finally got a premiere date – Popsugar
Ugh, David Blaine… – Jezebel
I hope you built up your immune system this weekend by eating plenty of vitamin c (mimosas) and vegetables (Bloody Marys) and exercising (fapping while balancing your laptop on your stomach), because the Hot Slut of the Year showdown extravaganza begins now!
There will be a total of four rounds. The winner of the first three rounds will go onto the final round, which will determine Dlisted’s reigning queen of the year! In the first round we have the winning Hot Slut of the Months from January, February, March and April. Since most of our memories of those days (aka a much more innocent time) have been eaten up by the heinous shit that happened later in the year, you’ll need a refresher. Here’s the 4 battling it out for a spot in the HSOTY final showdown:
January – Ludivine, the dog who became an overnight sports star and made people say, “Usain Bolt, who?!“, when she accidentally entered a half-marathon and won 7th place. Ludivine also became my #1 enemy when she beat Joan Collins for the title of Hot Slut of January.
February – Flossie Dickey, the grumpy angel who became a hero to all of us aspiring curmudgeons when was fresh out of fucks to give during a local news interview on her 110th birthday. Flossie only told the local news reporter that she loves long naps and whiskey, straight up. 2016 took all the greats away from us and that includes Flossie Dickey who died in November. She’s now in heaven where she’s sipping whiskey while trying to ignore the annoying angels.
March – Birdie Sanders, the spotlight-stealing fame whore bird who turned Bernie Sanders into a regular fucking Snow White when it crashed one of his rallies. That bird was one of the few positive bright spots in the endless shit show election, and trick probably flew off to Canada the day after election night.
April – Margaret Miles, the two-night Jeopardy! champion who had every hipster’s dream haircut and whose idea of a funky good time is knitting and petting cats.
The winner of round one will be announced on Thursday. Unless you have to decide whether to have In-N-Out or Rubio’s for dinner (go with In-N-Out), this will be the most important decision you’ll make today!
…and so am I, obviously.
It’s been over a week since Mariah Carey’s gigantic shit show hit Times Square and instead of letting the people forget about it, she and her manager Stella Bulochnikov keep bringing it up over and over again. I had no idea that Mimi was the type who after she takes a colossal shit in her toilet, texts you a picture of it and then brings it up again a week later over drinks…and again a week after that over dinner.