Lady Gaga Got Herself A New Man

February 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Giving the world one of those sly smiles that says, “I’m fresh off a hot piece’s groin zone,” here comes Lady Gaga with the news that she’s moved on from hot Taylor Kinney. People reports that 30-year-old Gaga has made 48-year-old talent manager Christian Carino the new Gatekeeper and Keymaster of her little monster.

The “Joanne” singer is dating CAA talent agent Christian Carino, a source confirms exclusively to PEOPLE. On Jan. 28, the budding couple were spotted getting affectionate at a Kings of Leon concert, says an onlooker, and were spotting cuddling on the Super Bowl LI field over the weekend.

And here’s a pic of Joaquin Phoenix-looking Christian fucking Gaga’s cheek with his nose during rehearsals for the Super Bowl:

Christian used to date Lauren Cohan (aka Maggie from The Walking Dead) and his clients include Miley Cyrus, Xtina, Baby Boy Bieber, and J.Lo. Despite being extremely fame-adjacent, Christian has been able to maintain a low profile. For example: E! compiled a handy list of Christian’s Fun Factz and they include such gems as “likes music.” So, hats off to him for keeping thing so private.

I learned everything I know about relationships with talent agents by listening to Carrie Fisher‘s Wishful Drinking on tape, so celebrity + agent usually equals messy SCANDAL in my mind. But well, Gaga and Christian make sense. And am I the only one who read “Christian Carino” and had visions of Gaga dressing up as her dude alter ego Jo Calderone to get it on? Oh, it was just me? Okay.

Pic: Wenn.com

Shia LaBeouf’s Anti-Trump Art Project Has Been Shut Down

February 10, 2017 / Posted by:

On Inauguration Day last month, Shia LaBeouf and his partners in HIGH ARTISTRY launched their newest art project, which was supposed to: a) Bring the people together during these gross times and; b) Last for the next four years. Err, well, it brought people together in a “fist to face” sort of way, and they baaaarely missed their goal of lasting until 2021. Shia’s project “He Will Not Divide Us” got divided from the Museum of the Moving Image after not even four weeks.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Pot Sasquatch!

Winter Storm Niko has dropped so much snow on the Northeast that shit looks like the inside of Chris Brown’s nostrils on a Saturday night… and  Sunday morning… and Sunday afternoon… and Sunday night… Allegedly! (Side note: Why couldn’t they have spelled that storm’s name as “Nico.” It’s about time we get some These Days memes.) Jennifer Pagliei of 22News was reporting in Springfield, MA about Niko when in the distance, a leafy, green creature appeared. That thing must not be organic, because if it was, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen’s chef would’ve tackled it, juiced it and served it to his employers.

But that thing that looked like it crawled out from Johnny Depp’s armpits is POT SASQUATCH! Jennifer didn’t notice Khloe Kartrashian’s stoner great uncle at first, since she was doing something called working, but she eventually noticed it and laughed. Pot Sasquatch really is related to Khloe, because look at how it loves the camera.

Pot Sasquatch has been ID’d as the mascot of a local marijuana growing supplies shop. So Pot Sasquatch is actually just a man in a costume and he’s not really covered in the good shit. But still, Pot Sasquatch should watch it, because I have a feeling that Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson are about to take a little hunting trip to Springfield.

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Birthday Sluts

February 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Laura Dern (50)
Chloë Grace Moretz (20)
Makenzie Vega (23)
Karen Fukuhara (25)
Joanne The Scammer (26)
Emma Roberts (26)
Uzo Aduba (36)
Stephanie Beatriz (36)
Holly Willoughby (36)
Elizabeth Banks (43)
Vince Gilligan (50)
Glenn Beck (53)
Alexander Payne (56)
George Stephanopoulos (56)
Jim Cramer (62)
Mark Spitz (67)
Michael Apted (76)
Roberta Flack (78)
Robert Wagner (87)
Leontyne Price (90)

Pic: United Artists

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Night Crumbs

February 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber, his face pubes and his prison tattoos made their grand return to Instagram. It’s actually kind of shocking that the mirror he’s standing in front of didn’t shatter from all of the badassness coming at it – Lainey Gossip

For one short minute, let’s pretend it’s 2009 again and get into these extremely spontaneous pictures of fame whore android Heidi Montag in a bikini – Drunken Stepfather

I see that “Defend Taylor Swift In Every Interview” is still on the list of rules given to every Taylor Swift Squad Member. And on another note, the pictures of Lena Dunham with stage 10 pink eye will never stop haunting my waking moments – Celebitchy

Prepare for more wig-shifting action, because Kim Zolciak and NeNe Leakes may return to Real Housewives of AtlantaReality Tea 

Selena Gomez really made the most out of a checkered tablecloth – The Nip Slip

And in “Yes, yes, I can still fap to this” news, Anderson Cooper did Cher. Not like that – Towleroad

The finale of This Is Us has been pushed back a week because of Jabba the Trump. I’m sensing another major march coming on… – The Superficial

Someone named Tanya Mityushina is here to model your next Sunday mass church ensemble – Hollywood Tuna

The Modeling Industry Is Still Trying To Make Hailey Baldwin Happen: Take 4,583 – Popoholic

SAVE MARTHA! – SOW

Tori Spelling posted a thirsty pregnant bra pic on Instagram before quickly deleting. Tori probably got confused. She really meant to email it to a Life & Style editor to see if they’d buy it for $20 OBO – Starcasm

The blonde one on The Hills (who wasn’t Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Lo Bosworth, Holly Montag, She-Pratt or Kristin Cavawhatever) is knocked up – Just Jared

Okay, but did Scarlett Johansson call the President of All Asians, Margaret Cho, to ask why people are so mad? – Pajiba

I didn’t do a full post on this, because I’m still in denial. Queen Aretha Franklin announced that she’s retiring from performing live this year. If you need me, I’ll be screaming, “NO NO NO NO!“, over the fact that we may never get moments like this again:

aretharetire

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Allison is out tomorrow, so our guest bloggers, Ben and Krista, are filling in. And now I can go back to screaming, crying and punching the air. I blame Patti LaBelle for this!

Pic: Instagram GIF: Elle.com

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