The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For April 14th!

April 17, 2017 / Posted by:

My pick and upvote winner:

Our Father
Who art in bottles
Dissolved be thy teeth
Thy cavities come
Thy caffeine be done
In Walmart as it is in Wawa
Give us this day our daily beverage
And forgive us our arteries
As we forgive those who increase our risk of diabetes
And lead us not into protest lines
But deliver us from Kendall Jenner
For thine is the pop
And the soda
And the fizzy forever and ever

Amen! – SANS_FARDS

Pic: MyFox5Atlanta

Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Putter, the ice cream squirrel of Holden Beach, North Carolina!

Taco Squirrel just stowawayed on a Peter Pan Bus headed from NYC to North Carolina after learning that there’s a magical place in NC where the humans give squirrels tiny squirrel-sized ice cream cones. Scott and Pam Martin, the owners of Fantasy Isle ice cream shop and mini golf course, tell AP that they adopted an accidental mascot in Putter the squirrel after that fluffy thief got used to the humans and one day snatched a cone from a lady.

Putter has become the star of Fantasy Isle and she regularly runs around the mini golf course and Scott says she “actually plays golf with the kids.” Um, I’m going to assume that Scott is on the right kind of hallucinogenics until I see video of Putter using a teeny tiny golf club to putt a teeny tiny golf ball, and yes, I truly want to see this.

Scott and Pam wanted Putter to stop Lindsay Lohan-ing from their customers, so they feed her a tiny sugar-free vanilla ice cream cone twice a day. They also ask customers to not feed her. Living the life: Putter is!

And I may or may not be thinking about renting a squirrel costume and boarding a flight to North Carolina so that I can spend my days running around a miniature golf course between eating a free vanilla ice cream cone.

Pic: YouTube

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Birthday Sluts

April 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Liz Phair (50)
Rooney Mara (32)
Luke Mitchell (32)
Alaina Huffman (37)
Monet Mazur (41)
Victoria Beckham (43)
Jennifer Garner (45)
Claire Sweeney (46)
Redman (47)
Tami Roman (47)
Kimberly Elise (50)
Henry Ian Cusick (50)
William Mapother (52)
Maynard James Keenan (53)
Lela Rochon (53)
Sean Bean (58)
Nick Hornby (60)
Olivia Hussey (66)
L. Scott Caldwell (67)
David Bradley (75)
Roddy Piper (1954-2015)

Pic: Pinterest

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Happy Easter From Phoebe Price’s Nalgas!

April 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Because we here at Dlisted take the 2000-ish anniversary of the reboot of Jesus very seriously, we’re taking the day off to go to Catholic mass (read: find a liquor store that’s open because my stupid ass just realized that I’m mostly out of the nectar of the gods) and pray to our lord and savior (read: pray to God to have pity on me while I’m bent over a toilet and throwing up a vomit stream of rum and Snickers eggs).

So I leave you with these pictures of Dlisted’s lord and savior, Phoebe Price, demurely bending over as her dog Henry thinks, “For real, why me?“, during an Easter-themed photo shoot on the ho stroll. No holiday is complete until we’ve all seen pictures of PP serving up a double dose of freckled chicken paillard while gorgeously dressed for the season. I am raising several glasses to Jesus this afternoon, because if he never rose from the dead, the world would’ve missed out on these pictures of Chicken Cutlets bringing Easter glamour and beauty to the stroll. And in nearly every picture, PP’s adorable sidekick Henry Price is thinking to himself, “I really do blame you for this, Jesus.

Pics: Wenn.com

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Baby Sunny from The Easter Bunny Is Comin’ To Town!

Rankin/Bass Productions is probably best known for bringing to life legendary stop motion Christmas characters like Hermey, Clarice, Heat Miser, Snow Miser and ginger Santa Claus, but they also made Easter specials including The Easter Bunny Is Comin’ To Town, which told the 100% true story of the Easter Bunny and Easter Eggs. Forget going to Easter Sunday mass. Everyone should watch The Easter Bunny Is Comin’ To Town to learn the real reason for why we celebrate Easter.

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Birthday Sluts

April 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (70)
Anya Taylor-Joy (21)
Chance The Rapper (24)
Lily Loveless (27)
Lorraine Nicholson (27)
Claire Foy (33)
Gina Carano (35)
Fredrik Ljungberg (40)
Alek Wek (40)
Lukas Haas (41)
Kelli O’Hara (41)
Sean Maher (42)
Karl Yune (42)
Akon (44)
Dr. Miami (45)
Max Beesley (46)
Peter Billingsley (46)
Vickie Guerrero (49)
Jon Cryer (52)
Martin Lawrence (52)
Ellen Barkin (63)
Billy West (65)
Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI (90)
Selena (1971-1995)
Henry Mancini (1924-1994)
Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

Pic: NBA

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