Slim Fast heard that Eminem is all sorts of chunk, so they are offering him their services. OK! Magazine reports that the company is reaching out to Em. It was reported that he was weighed over 200lbs and it was affecting his health.

A spokeswhore for Slim Fast said, “Slim-Fast is a program that can really work for someone like Eminem; it’s a doable and flexible approach. Slim-fast would love to offer Eminem product and assistance to help him become a potential S-F success story.”

They would put Em on a 1900 calorie a day plan including 3 Slim Fast shakes a day.

I heard Slim Fast don’t work for shit. I was trying to gain weight once and my nutritionist told me that some people use Slim Fast to put weight on not to take it off. Slim Fast shakes only taste good with a scoop of ice cream and some hot fudge sauce drizzled on that shit.

What Em needs is to lay off the blunts.

Dreamboat Doherty is currently training for the London Marathon. He’s serious about it. The problem is his t-shirts keep chaffing his nipples during training leaving them sore. Petey has solved the problem by wearing his girlfriend’s titty holders. I can’t even say his girlfriend’s name. I’m disgusted by her. The hussy!

A source said, “He’s doing so well. He’s really serious about kicking drugs and this is really testing his will power and giving him a goal. All that is putting him off are his amazingly sore nipples, but Portia’s underwear is really helping.”

“Pete is showing the same devotion to marathon now as he did do to drugs. It’s a much healthier obsession than heroin.” Um…no it isn’t. Running sucks!

You know what the best cure for sore nipples is? A little flick of the tongue and brush of the butthole. His girlfriend ain’t shit! She should be tending to those nipples like she’s Florence Nightingale and his nipples have leprosy. Don’t give him a bra! Give him a little pussy juice on the nip. Some people.

I bet you Dreamboat wears that bra anyway. He’s kinky like that. Hahaha! Dreamboat’s got sore nips. Cracknips!

Source

Seeing all these hilarious pictures Clay Gayken in Spermalot on Broadway makes me almost want to see it live. I won’t do that, because it will be dangerous. His extreme homoness and my extreme homoness will collide possibly blowing up the theater into a million gay pieces.

He looks so proud. Clay finally gets to choke the chicken in public. His life-long dream. Stand proud homegirl. Clay starts performances tomorrow.

Source: Towleroad

Osama Lutfi spoke to Ryan Seacrest on 102.7 KISS-FM this morning to dispel all the rumors about Brit Brit. Oh and by “dispel” I mean lie about them. Ryan kept asking to speak to Brit, so Osama went into her room. That’s when we hear her scream, “Get out, I’m naked, get out!” She tells Osama she’s going to take a shower. She goes on to say, “I stink, ’cause I’m a human being. Shut the door, I’m nasty!” Osama also introduces a dude named Chad. Chad is somehow involved in Britney’s life, but he “doesn’t really know how.” Resident drug dealer I’m guessing.

Osama told Ryan that Brit is not pregnant and not getting married. He seemed hesitant though.

That Brit is such a joker! Like she was really taking a shower. Keep the jokes coming Brit. She stinks, because she’s a ball of grease not because she’s human. Nice try.

Click here to listen to the interview if you care

Image: Pacific Coast News

It’s the final round! Michael Cera easily won round 3 by over 1,000 votes. He has joined Phoebe Price and Beth Ditto in the final round. This is to determine the winner of the most coveted title in the history of the universe. Choose wisely, because this person must maintain hot slutiness through the rest of 2008. 2006’s Hot Slut of the Year, Harvey Price, will hand down his crown on Tuesday. He has served it well.

Voting is to the right and will stop on Sunday night and the final winner will be announced Tuesday. Vote wisely skanks! This is not an impulse vote. This is important. This is more important than the fucking Presidential election!