Oh shit! Tommy Girl better bring the big guns out. He may have to pick up the green phone and place a call to Xenu. You see, Katie Holmes has reportedly stormed out of a Scientology crisis meeting, because she’s had enough. Kate left the meeting, because she was stressed out over the Scientology videos of Tom that leaked and she’s pissed at him for forcing her to make that “Mad Money” crap instead of “The Dark Knight.”

Woman’s Day reports that Katie is feeling the heat over all the Scientology backlash.

If any of this is true, expect Katie to take a long break from Hollywood. She will mysteriously disappear. She will show up a few months later with that same robotic smile and probably a new creepy hairdo. She needs a tune up and that could take a while. Poor Tom. It sucks when your electronics start to break down. It’s like when your toaster gets wonky. You have to smack it a few times to get it back in check.

VIA Celebitchy

Paula Abdul won’t be performing live at the Super Bowl on Sunday. Paula is still expected to perform her new shitty single, but it’s going to be pre-taped. OK! Magazine reports that Paula’s segment was already taped on January 27th in front of a studio audience. Producers are saying that the last-minute decision to add Paula is the reason why she won’t perform live.

However, OK! reports that it’s actually nerves. A source said, “She is fragile emotionally and too much of a perfectionist to handle a live show.” All the more reason to have her perform live! A live Paula Abdul meltdown would be so much hotter than Janet Jackson’s nip slip.

Did you see American Idol last night? Bitch looked like she was drunk the whole time. The Super Bowl needs her. Actually, screw the performance and make her a sportscaster for the night. Give her some vicodin soda with a couple of rubbing alcohol chasers and make her comment on the game.