It was a Scientology/Kabbalah showdown at Maddona’s Malawi event last night. What the hell do Tom and Madonna talk about? They probably just both talk about themselves at once, really fast for like 10-minutes and then they walk away not even knowing who they just talked to. She babbles about Kabbalah and chanting and he babbles on about crazy pills and the Abercrombie catalog. Battle of the crazed egos.

Katie Holmes just stands in the corner with a blank smile. Like every computer she goes to sleep after a few minutes, so Tom has to go over and kick her to wake her up. I wonder what her screensaver is? It’s probably David Beckham’s Emporio Armani underwear ad. Tom likes to see that as much as he can.

Splash, Wireimage