In the real world, when adults see that one of their exes has started dating someone new, they might whisper, “Yeah, good luck with that,” to themselves before continuing to scroll through Instagram. Or they might just shrug, because who even cares. But since Justin Bieber hasn’t matured past middle school, he reacted to the news that his ex is getting railed by someone new a little differently. Shortly after Justin found out that his ex Selena Gomez was getting with The Weeknd, Justin puffed out his little chest and told paps that The Weeknd’s music was “wack.” Almost a month later, Justin is acting like a douchebag spurned again.
We already knew that Justin Bieber had no intention of going to the Grammys on Sunday night. But what did he do instead? He trolled The Weeknd on Instagram Live. Mashable says that it happened while driving around with a friend on Sunday night. Justin’s friend asks him what his favorite song is right now. That little shit-starter jokes that it’s Starboy, then laughs extra hard about it.
I wonder how long it took for Justin and his friend to come up with that sick burn? I bet they spent most of their time trying to decide between that, or having Justin’s friend ask him what part of the week he likes the best. “And then I’ll say the weekend! And then we’ll laugh! Oh my god, we’re so savage.”
Justin really thinks he’s really ripped a hot one there, but the joke’s on him. Starboy totally seems like the song Justin Bieber would play on repeat while watching himself flex his abs in a full-length mirror.
While walking the Grammys red carpet on Sunday night, Katy Perry made two thinly veiled head-shaving joke and Britney Spears fans on Twitter weren’t here for it. They dragged her like a Wahl hair clipper across a scalp. Brit Brit, usually blissfully docile but possibly acting off of the effects of an extra shot of syrup in her Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino, decided to respond yesterday with a slap of her own. Britney shared the same picture on Instagram and Twitter and a caption that appears to be the Bible’s version of shade.
Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart ❤️ Luke 6:45 pic.twitter.com/L7YPi3Iirl
— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) February 13, 2017
The full verse is a lot harsher than what Brit Brit tweeted:
“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
This feud between Katy Perry and Britney Spears shouldn’t be happening. For one, because they’re sort of on the same team (aka Team I Don’t Know That Snake). Second, because they both received paychecks for the Smurfs movie. That’s the kind of embarrassing shit you should be bonding over well into your 80s.
The Care Bears’ Valentine’s 1-900 Number!
During the golden era of the 1-900 number, there weren’t only numbers for dudes who wanted to spend $2.99 a minute (or 5 cents a stroke, depending on how fast the dude stroked it) on fapping while phone fucking with a barely legal Swedish Playboy model named Kitten (read: a middle-aged mom from Montana named Barbara who also ran a dog boarding business in her house). There were also 1-900 numbers for EVERYTHING. If you had money to waste in the 80s and early 90s, and didn’t want to dirty the air up with fumes from burning it, you could just waste it by calling a 1-900 number.
Simon Pegg (47)
Allie Grant (23)
Shane Harper (24)
Freddie Highmore (25)
Brett Dier (27)
Jake Weary (27)
Tiffany Thornton (31)
Havana Brown (32)
Matt Barr (33)
The Fat Jew (35)
Erin Torpey (36)
Danai Gurira (39)
Rie Rasmussen (41)
Big Smo (41)
Rob Thomas (45)
Jules Asner (49)
Meg Tilly (57)
Renee Fleming (58)
James Eckhouse (62)
Pat O’Brien (69)
Alan Parker (73)
Michael Bloomberg (75)
Phyllis McGuire (86)
Hugh Downs (96)
Florence Henderson (1934-2016)
Bachelor Spoiler Alert! After 15 long years, ABC has fucking finally cast a black person as a lead in one of their Bachelor shows. Rachel Lindsay, who is still on the current The Bachelor, will be The Bachelorette and will get to watch drunk douchebags humiliate themselves for a rose. I’m not sure, but I am pretty sure this means that racism is finally over! Thank you, ABC! – Jezebel
Surprisingly, many performers and winners at the Grammys either kept it politics-free or were subtle about it. But not A Tribe Called Quest. They gave no fucks and let it all out – Lainey Gossip
Mischa Barton crashed a U-Haul carrying all of her stuff. I’m getting shades of Amanda Bynes… – Drunken Stepfather
Meryl Streep finally says words about Jabba the Trump calling her “overrated” – Celebitchy
The internet tells me that a couple in Dubai may hold the record for the shortest marriage. They were only married for a few seconds before the dude went to court to get a divorce. Well, sorry, couple in Dubai, Teen Mom Jenelle will probably beat your record since she just got engaged to her piece of the moment – Reality Tea
Please tell me that poor, tortured dog pissed in the water – The Superficial
Todd Chrisley, who has made many Gaydars explode, says that he isn’t into dick – Towleroad
Whoever is behind Lady Gaga’s current “rock chick” costume must be styling Lucy Hale on the side – Popoholic
Heather Locklear’s daughter is still trying to be a model. Well, I guess if Hailey Baldwin can do it… – Hollywood Tuna
This temporarily cured my hangover: Alan Alda doing a cartwheel – SOW
Panty Creamer of the Day: A tattooed and topless Jason Momoa – Just Jared
Derek Jeter is going to be somebody’s father – Popsugar
Tom Cruise’s mother, Mary Lee South, died last week at the age of 80 – HuffPo
And Al Jarreau died yesterday in Los Angeles at the age of 76. Al Jarreau was a jazz legend, and to us 80s children, he was also the velvety voice who crooned out the theme song to Moonlighting.
Nick Cannon has been the host of your memaw’s favorite TV program, America’s Got Talent, for the past 8 season, but in a long ass Facebook post, he says that he’s done with introducing tight rope-walking Chihuahuas and singing children. Nick says he’s not going to let NBC censor the jokes that come out of his mouth.
In his Showtime comedy special, Stand Up, Don’t Shoot, Nick tells a joke about how he feels like he lost his black card once he started hosting AGT. The executives at NBC didn’t like that joke and felt like he was hurting their brand. Let’s just say that if Nick told that joke on AGT and the head bitches at NBC were the judges, they would’ve hit him with Xes left and right. Nick says that he refuses to let NBC tell him what to do, so he’s gladly giving up that easy check and leaving.