I Heart Suri

/ March 12, 2007

Suri Cruise is as real as a chia pet, but I still love her. Now that her human parts have been completely built, the TomKat is showing her around in full force. They went to see one of those kid’s sporting events this weekend. Tom thinks that carrying a basketball makes him look more butch, NOT.

Visit Popsugar to see a caged Suri!

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MAMA JE’E!!!

/ March 12, 2007

Is there a team of writers working this Anna Nicole Smith trash?! I mean, seriously. Did the Desperate Housewives writers get up and leave and are instead working on the ANS saga? Is that why the show sucks now and the ANS thing is full of twists and turns?

Anyway, this little boy’s daddy claims his momma is ANS. Yup.

The Phoenix News reports:

He looks up wide-eyed to his father, Johnny Soto, seated on a couch behind him. “Je’e?” the boy asks plaintively in his native tongue. Je’e means “Mother” in O’odham.

“Yes, mo’okwad,” the child’s dad replies sadly, using his pet name for the boy, meaning “tadpole.” Johnny Soto then whispers something quick in O’odham, and Marshall turns back to the television, tears filling his blue-black eyes.

“I want mama je’e,” he cries, as the news channel shows a mahogany coffin draped in pink, rhinestone-encrusted satin being removed from the hearse by pallbearers. “Mama je’e, is she in the box?”

“Mama je’e went to heaven, mo’okwad,” Soto gently informs his son. “Mama je’e watches us from the sky. Like Peanut,” he says, referring to a family dog attacked and eaten by a pack of coyotes months back.

“Peanut went bye-bye,” the 5-year-old mutters, sniffling.

You have to read the entire article, because it’s like a cheap novel. I mean…WTF?! MAMA JE’E!?! I am speechless.

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Rose Morat is So Hot

/ March 12, 2007

Rose Morat, is a 101-year-old New Yorker that was punched several times in the face and mugged on her way to church yesterday afternoon. The attack was caught on videotape by her apartment building surveillance camera. Rose who uses a walker to get around was stunned when the man punched her in the face and then grabbed her purse. When Rose tried to get her purse away from him, he punched her again. He got away with a whopping $33.

Rose said that if he was younger, he wouldn’t have a chance. “Oh I’d a killed him (if you were younger?) I’m sure I woulda killed him!”

The man later attacked another elderly woman in her apartment building.

Rose is so hot. She should’ve beat his ass with her walker. Seriously, who hits an old woman like that? He didn’t have to hit her ass to get the dough.

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Lies, Right?

/ March 12, 2007

Britney Spears has reportedly revealed to doctors at Promises in Malibu that she’s battled bulimia since she was 16. Doctors have been examining her lifestyle and Britney was forced to spill her secret.

An inside source said, “Her first week in detox was real hell. She was in a total mess but slowly she’s pulling through. For the first few days, she’d take her tablets, then go off and eat breakfast or lunch. She was throwing the whole lot up, so, naturally, her medications weren’t working. Now the medical experts know why, her progress should pick up a little speed.”

Bulimia isn’t working for your sweetheart, try anorexia. JOKING! Don’t bother with the e-mails.
I don’t buy the story, because I think she was puking due to excessive booze use…not bulimia. Who knows though. Bitch is screwed up.

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