Wino’s New Blake

/ February 12, 2008

Amy Wino has a new Blake in her life. Wino’s pal, Kelly Osbourne, introduced her to American photographer Blake Wood. Blake II doesn’t drink, doesn’t drug and is a vegetarian. He’s nothing like Blaaaake. The two have been spending a lot of time together while her other Blaaaaake is incarcerated.

A source told The Sun, “They’re staying in the hotel together and they might all move into Osbourne’s place when Amy finishes her recovery. He has met Amy’s family and they all really like him.

By the looks of Blake II, they can also share hair products. If Blake II wants to stay drug-free he better keep his lips off of Wino. Kissing her is like the equivalent of smoking crack.

I can’t wait till Blaaake finds out. He should just do himself a favor and stay in the slammer. If he ever gets out, he’s going to kill that Blake II character and he’ll only end up back in prison. Just save us all the trouble and stay there. Nobodys fucks with Blaake’s wallet aka Wino.

Image: Pacific Coast News

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Reese Doesn’t Know The Meaning

/ February 12, 2008

Reese Witherspoon is out whoring her new movie “Penelope” about a pig-faced bitch who goes through life being an outcast. No, it’s not about Posh. Christina Ricci plays Penelope. Anyway, Reese said that she wishes her kids will be bullied and teased in school, because she thinks it’s important. She said she was teased for being short and for wearing coke bottle glasses.

She said, “Those are sort of formative experiences. I wouldn’t want my children to miss out on any of that teasing and bullying. Don’t you think it kind of makes you who you are — when you don’t make the soccer team?”

She also doesn’t think kids should be overpraised, “That’s the thing that drives me crazy about today: Everybody wins the award, everybody’s the MVP? No! They’re not, OK? I distinctly recall the two weeks of crying because I didn’t make the volleyball team. But it made me interesting, you know?” Everybody does win awards and Reese is proof of that. I mean, she won an Oscar for talking low and dying her hair brown.

Reese has no idea what real teasing is. I’ll show her what real teasing is. Real teasing rips you a part and turns you into either a bitch with a cause or a total wallflower. That’s how I learned how to be such a bitter bitch and how to run fast. I would get teased daily for being such a beautiful fairy princess, so I would tell them to “shut the fuck up” and then I would run my ass out of there. That shit is not fun.

I doubt Reese’s kids will be bullied or teased. I’ve seen them and they look pretty perfect to me. They are the ones that will probably be the bullies. Well, unless they tell their classmates their mommy is dating Jake Gyllenhaal. The kids will yell, “Ahahaha! Your mommy is dating a fairy princess!

Source: PageSix.com

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Brit Brit Teaches Children

/ February 12, 2008

Brit Brit taught a bunch of kids at a dance class at Millennium Studios yesterday so says UsWeekly. Brit Brit wore an outfit similar to this one and the kids immediately ran from the room from the putrid stench. Awww, no they didn’t. They stayed and Brit Brit played Madonna songs while teaching them a little routine.

A source said, “She worked out this great little routine for them, they were dancing all over the place, she had them dancing in a circle like a choo-choo train. The kids loved it- they are having a ball right now. And Britney- she’s just drinking it up. She’s totally enjoying herself. It’s an amazing class- she and the kids are certainly enjoying the process.” Brit loved it so much that she may make a regular thing out of it.

She also taught the kids how to lip-synch, strip on stage, grind up pills and she told them the best gas station restrooms to visit. No, I’m ruining a sweet story. Those kids were probably confused by her British accent though, but I’m sure they loved it, because that’s how Mary Poppins talks. Brit is more like Mary POOPins!

Wenn

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Birthday Sluts

/ February 12, 2008

Christina Ricci (28)
Darren Aronofsky (39)
Josh Brolin (40)
Chynna Phillips (40)
Ed Lover (45)
John Michael Higgins (45)
Arsenio Hall (54)
Joanna Kerns (55)
Maud Adams (63)
Judy Blume (70)

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