Future Fug Bride Alert!

/ January 18, 2007

Sources say that Fergie is engaged to her hot boyfriend, Josh Duhamel, and is trying very hard to hide her ring. Apparently, Fergie puts her hand into a purse when she’s out and about so paparazzi and others can’t see her engagement ring. Fergie showed off the ring at a recent party, but has kept it hidden since.

A friend of the couple said, “They don’t want to announce the engagement until they set a wedding date, but Fergie can’t wait to marry Josh.”

Reps for the couple have denied this situation.

Um, why doesn’t she just take off the ring when she’s out? What a tard. Here’s Fergie and Josh working out together in L.A. the other day. He must have the worst eyesight ever! How is he hitting that ugg-face? Furthmore, what the hell is on Josh’s jacket in picture 3?! Did she piss on him?

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Posh Turns Tom Down

/ January 18, 2007

Tom Cruise is trying to get his boyfriend, David Beckham, to join his Scientology cult. Now that David and Posh are headed to Los Angeles, Tom is trying desperately to land the couple on his crazy-cult roster. David has admitted that the two are great friends and Tom even convinced him to play for L.A. David has to answer to a higher power though, Posh. She has nixed the idea of joining the cult, because she doesn’t want to part with her husband’s hard-earned cash.

Scientology requires members to make large cash donations upon joining and to give a percentage of their income each year.

A source said, “Tom spoke to David for hours about Scientology. He feels it could help to lift him out of the blues over his football career. But Victoria is having none of it. She can’t see the point of joining something like that where you have to donate money.”

If you can’t wear it, Posh doesn’t want to buy it! Seriously, do you blame her ass? I’d rather have a hot pair of shoes than join that mess. Besides Posh is too busy shopping to attend meetings with aliens.

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Ariel Evicts Belle From Her Own Home!

/ January 18, 2007

Disney’s Beauty and the Beast on Broadway will close on July 29, 2007 after 13 years on Broadway. The show would have played 5,464 performances. Beauty and the Beast was the first full-fledged Broadway musical for Disney when it opened in 1994. Disney has since opened The Lion King, Aida (now closed), Tarzan and Mary Poppins.

Beauty is leaving to make way for another Disney schmaltzfest, The Little Mermaid. The underwater tale about a mermaid willing to give up her damn fins in order to eff a human will try out in Denver this Summer before coming to Broadway this November.

My flame level is now through the roof for writing this. Actually it was already through the roof, but now it’s touching the hand of Jesus.

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Methface Hartnett & Slimy Miller Make Beautiful Music

/ January 18, 2007

Josh Hartnett has barely let Scarlett Johansson’s vagina juice dry on his peen and he’s already hooking up with Sienna Miller. The two were spotted “canoodling” at the Chateau Marmont on Tuesday night in Hollyweird. Witnesses say that the two were very touchy feely in front of everyone.

Slimy’s spokesrep denies they are dating and insists they are just friends. “Just friends” in Hollyweird means that she hasn’t swallowed his load yet.

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Um…Maybe Cause You’re a Douche?

/ January 18, 2007

Ryan Gaycrest and Angie kiss and make up

Ryan Seacrest has no idea why Angelina Jolie sort of refused to talk to him while he was interviewing Brad Pitt. Ryan asked Angie a few questions on the Golden Globes red carpet and she kind of gave him the brush off.

Ryan went off on his radio show, “I asked her four questions and she didn’t even answer me. I literally stood there and tried to ask a couple of questions. At one point I just kind of let the E! microphone sit in front of her for a second to see if she was going to acknowledge it, and she clearly wanted nothing to do with me or my question or my answer or any of it.”

Ryan’s co-host defended Angelina by saying that she has said in the past that she doesn’t really enjoy those type of events. To which Ryan responded, “Well then don’t go. Don’t go. Don’t go support your man. Don’t go.”

It’s not like it was that bad! She did acknowledge him, she was just giving Brad his time. I think Angelina didn’t want to make it about “her” or about “them” and wanted to make it about Brad and his work in the film. She warmed up towards the end and many thought she looked sour, but I think she was probably just trying to take the backseat.

Click here to watch what Ryan Gaycrest is moaning about!

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Blame It On Paris

/ January 18, 2007

High-Society Austrians are a little miffed that piece of trash, Paris Hilton, is attending the glamorous Vienna Opera Ball. The ball is known as the opening of the social season. What’s even more queer is that Britney Spears was also on the list as Paris Hilton’s guest, but since they had a falling out she’s no longer invited. Paris is a guest of Richard Lugner, known for inviting trashy celebrities in order to modernize the event. It is rumored that Paris is getting a hefty $1 million to attend.

When asked why Britney would not be attending, Richard’s wife said, “They unfortunately do not get along anymore.”

Who cares about Britney, but why are idiots paying Paris to attend their events?! I mean stupid ho isn’t even worth $1 let alone $1 million! I mean wouldn’t you just hate yourself if you paid that much dough for used-up pussy? Not only that, but who knows what kind of diseases she’ll bring to your country! People are DUMB!

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