Since it’s a slow Saturday, I thought I would once again praise the hotness that is Jennifer Tilly. This woman is going to be 50 this year! I think she’s bathing in virgin blood or something, because she looks so hot. There’s so much plastic ugliness in the world that it’s nice to see a bitch not afraid of getting old. Oh don’t get me wrong, I think she’s had a little work, because that’s a Hollywood requirement. Actually, she looks like she just had a lift, but I could be wrong. Don’t go overboard Tilly!

I also wished this bitch worked more. I miss hearing her husky cartoon voice.

Here’s Tilly with her boyfriend at NBC’s Porker (typo, but I’m keeping it) Championship in Las Vegas on Thursday night.

This is one of the dumbest and funniest stories I’ve read in a long time and I read a lot of dumb ass shit. I mean, I consider Jackie Collins a literary genius. Anyway, here’s the story courtesy of UsWeekly:

The day before Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finalized their adoption of 4-year-old son Pax, Angelina spent the afternoon with son Maddox, Us Weekly reports in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

After treating him to a matinée of The Spiderwick Chronicles at Hollywood’s ArcLight theater, they hit the gift shop.

Six-year-old Maddox picked out a pack of gum labeled “I [Heart] My Penis.”

“[Angelina] laughed and bought it,” a witness told Us.

Thank you UsWeekly for making me feel very uncomfortable. I doubt Angelina bought the “I Heart Penis” gum for Maddox, she bought it for Brad to remind him he still has a dick. Because being with her, you kind of forget that shit. That was very considerate of her.

Prince Harry returned to England this morning after news of him in Afghanistan was leaked by some fun killer here in the US. Hot Ginge’s daddy, Prince Charles, spoke to the media for a bit. He said, “As you can imagine it’s obviously a great relief as far as I’m concerned to see him home in one piece. I’ve been incredibly proud of Harry and I promise you … equally proud of all the dedicated service given by all our armed forces.”

A witness said that Hot Ginge looked “shattered” to be back. He wasn’t shattered, he was just stoned. I bet they have some good shit over there. Before leaving Hot Ginge spoke to that slut Chelsey Davy. A source told UsWeekly, “It was one of the happiest and emotional moments of her life. She was in a state of ecstasy and tears.”

Hot Ginge also told the press before leaving Afghanistan that he wasn’t looking forward to coming back home. He said, “I don’t want to sit around in Windsor. But I generally don’t like England that much and, you know, it’s nice to be away from all the press and the papers and all the general shite they write.” Shite? Yeah, he’s a total stoner.

Hot Ginge isn’t the only royal going out into battle. Prince Willy will most likely be next. He plans to serve on the front lines on a Royal Navy ship very soon.

Hugh Hefner needs to retire already if this little rumor is true. Hef reportedly wants Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen to show off their no-tits and no-ass in Playboy. He asked them 3 years ago, but they turned it down. He has once again invited them to pose for the magazine just in time for their 22nd Birthday.

A source said, “Hugh thinks the twins are every young man’s fantasy. But it might not be that easy getting them agree to pose for Playboy. They’re all about high-end fashion these days. They want to do Vogue.”

If the Olsen twins are your fantasy, you need to have a little conversation with Chris Hansen and Dateline. I know they are of legal age, but you know they have the bodies of 8-year-old boys. 8-year-old troll boys! At least Playboy would save money in waxing costs, because those girls are probably as smooth as the day they were born. GROSS. I need to stop imaging these two naked. It’s illegal.

Sinitta – 80s pop star and Simon Cowell’s former girlfriend

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