Danny Noriega Is On The Wrong Show

/ March 5, 2008

There’s only word to describe Danny Noriega’s performance on American Idol last night. The word is fierce! I hate that fucking homo word more than I hate my anal warts, but that’s the only word that went through my head while watching him shake his power bottom ass. Fierce is the perfect gay word for him.

I also felt that Danny is on the wrong show. He shouldn’t be on American Idol. He should be on The Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious. Danny put the licious in Girlicious last night with his performance of “Tainted Love.”

Homegirl struts the stage like a 4am hooker looking for her last trick. I don’t even know what to say about his purple streaks. You know he did that shit with Dior hair mascara. I mean, even Paula Abdul’s drunk ass thought they were too much. That’s not a good sign.

Speaking of gayness. Last night was the gayest show of all time. Chikezie sang “All The (Wo)Man That I Need,” Luke Whateverhislastname sang “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” and David “The Stripper” Hernandez sang “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.” GAY, GAY, GAY!

Lastly, Randy Jackson needs to be FIRED! He doesn’t know shit. After Michael Johns’ performed SIMPLE MINDS’Don’t You Forget About Me,” Randy said, “It was like the Aussie goes home for 80s week. I love that. That was so you. I mean you kind of remind me of Michael Hutchence.” That’s nice and everything, but Michael Hutchence was in INXS not SIMPLE MINDS. DAWG!

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Cruz Steals The Show

/ March 5, 2008

It was Brooklyn Beckham’s 9th Birthday yesterday and the Beckham clan celebrated by throwing him a party at the Pink Taco. The Pink Taco is not a strip club in Texas, but it sounds like it. Cruz Beckham stole the show by wearing a Batman costume. Posh even color coordinated with him. I wonder what her Batman villian name was? Poison Piggy?

Eva LongWHORIA later showed up to Brooklyn’s party. What the hell did he do to deserve that?! He was probably hoping for Tony Parker and instead he got Tony’s worse half.

David Beckham couldn’t make it, because he was having an affair working overseas.

Do any of these celebrity kids have friends that are kids? It looks like Brooklyn’s party was filled with his brothers, his mom, the bodyguards and Eva’s stupid ass.

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Brit Brit Should Switch Careers

/ March 5, 2008

Brit Brit was back at Millennium Dance Studios last night where she once again taught dance class to a class of 15 kids. Brit’s pupils are singing her praises and can’t wait to be taught by the Frapp one each week.

One 5-year-old told People, “Today, first we were dancing slow, and then faster and faster … Then we did the fish-move and lots of other fun things.” She added, “Then she taught us how to work the pole and she even taught us how to snort dried up Frapp. She said it works faster that way.” Ok, the little girl didn’t say that.

Her mother added, “Elissa won’t stop dancing now, that’s all she wants to do. Britney has really inspired her.”

Brit has become almost a regular teacher at Millennium.

Here’s Brit arrive at the dance studio last night. No bra and still wearing the boots, but at least her chocha is covered up.

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The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For March 4th!!!

/ March 5, 2008

Rachel Zoe’s cat “Chupacatra” takes first place in the Kitty ‘N Me lookalike contest. – CrazySecretRecipe

Runners-up:

Finally free from botox sedation, Nicole Kidman’s forehead makes a break for it. – DingDongDaisyDoodle

Suspiciously, after Sam Lutfi started spending time with Garfield he shaved his head, fired his stylist, and started acting high as a kite 24/7. – Madam S

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Birthday Sluts

/ March 5, 2008

Teena Marie (52)
Jake Lloyd (19)
Kimberly McCullough (30)
Jolene Blalock (33)
Niki Taylor (33)
Eva Mendes (34)
Kevin Connolly (34)
Andy Gibb (50)
Adriana Barraza (52)
Penn Jillette (53)

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