Britney Spears has been getting some suspicious items in the mail and no they aren’t love letters from Chester the Cheetah. E! News reports that she’s been getting packages and letters with threatening language and weird gibberish. Gibberish? Is she sending that shit to herself? Some of the letters also mentioned Israel and the Middle East.

Brit’s camp is apparently going to hand over the packages and letters to the FBI. The LAPD said that no former investigation has been launched, but they “have been looking at allegations that have cropped up in the past couple of months.”

A source said, “A lot of it was disturbing stalker kind of stuff. But to be safe her security team is turning it all over to the police and FBI.”

Cough up! I know one of you have been sending Brit crazy shit. You just want to wind her up again, so she’ll go on another crazy rampage for your entertainment. I know how you are!

It was totally Sam. Sam and London. They are in cahoots!

Can somebody please show me at least one normal looking Jackson spawn? One?! What the hell does Rebbie Jackson look like now? Show me her, because she would never let me down. Look at Jermain Jackson. I just can’t. He looks like a roasted chicken (I’m talking about chicken a lot today, because I’m hungries) with a Max Headroom wig.

Here’s Jermaine making grown men cry at the opening of Eva LongWHORIA’s restaurant, Besos, last night. Yes, Eva has her own joint. Bitch thinks she’s JLo.

Speaking of Rebbie, if you’re bored click here to see her “Centipede” video. One of the hottest videos ever made. She’s due for a comeback.

I don’t believe my eyes! For once Jenna Jameson does not look like a greasy ass chicken bone. She actualy looks…gulp…..decent. I still want to attack with a hundred blotting papers, because she’s cleaned up.

Here’s Jenna and Baby Huey at the premiere of “Sleepwalking” last night. Baby Huey alway has this “duh” look on his face. If I ever run into his ass, I’m going to yell “What’s two plus two?” His dumbass head would spontaneously combust.

Mario Lopez took his friend, Eva LongWHORIA, out to lunch yesterday and presented her with a Cartier necklace for her 55th Birthday. That bitch isn’t worth it! I hope Mario pulled a fast one on her and bought that necklace at Claire’s, but put it in a Cartier box. She wouldn’t know the difference.

I also can’t stand Eva’s laugh. I can hear it through the pictures. It sounds like one of those cackling witch dolls. I bet she snorts out mocos when she cackles.

She’s just doing this shit in public, because she wants Tony to get jealous. Methinks he’s too busy screwing other hos!

Smell that? It’s like a mixture of desperation, sugar-free sticky toffee pudding and a detroit oil change. It’s just Madonna opening up her legs again. 49-year-old Madge brought out the vadge again for Interview Magazine. I read some of the highlights, but it’s only funny if you read it in a controlled fake British accent.

On working with Justin Timberlake: “I really enjoy writing with Justin…We had psychoanalytic sessions whenever we wrote songs first. We’d sit down and we’d start talking about situations. And then we’d start talking about issues or problems or relationships with people. That was the only way, because you know, writing together with somebody is very intimate…that was fun, because he’s open and he’s got talent. He’s a songwriter. I haven’t worked with a lot of songwriters where I’m instantly connected and start riffing and playing with the rhythm of the words. He’s as interested in the rhythm of the words as the meaning of the words.”

On adopting her son David: “He wouldn’t have lived if I hadn’t taken him. It’s not even a possibility.”

On gaining perspective: “We live very comfortable lives, and unfortunately, we have to have our noses rubbed in other people’s pain and suffering to realize how much we have and how much we have to be grateful for.”

On bringing daughter Lourdes with her to Malawi: “She spent several weeks working in the orphanages, particularly one with newborn children, and most of them were HIV-positive. She so came into her own and was so responsible and stayed for eight hours every day and worked tirelessly. I thought, why am I babying her so much? She’s capable of so much more. We don’t let kids do anything. We think, Oh, they’re kids — they can’t take care of other kids; they can’t do this; they can’t do that. And after you go to Africa, you drop all that silliness.”

On freedom: “Freedom is a funny word because when we think we’re free, we’re not really. I think freedom is quite illusory….When I stop thinking about myself all the time and put other people before me on a regular basis, that’s real freedom. When I can love unconditionally…then that’s real freedom. So it’s something to strive for, but I’m not free.”

What did she say? I think I fell asleep and almost drowned in her pretentiousness. I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again….bring back fun Madonna! The old Madonna would not use words like illusory and psychoanalytic! Pff! The old Madonna would instead demonstrate her oral skills on a water bottle. I miss that Madonna.

Source: PageSix.com

John and the paps sitting in a tree d-o-u-c-h-i-n-g! That’s too many letters, but you get the gist. The paps gave John Mayer a little pressie outside of Hyde Lounge last night. They gave him some Tinactin for itching. John has joked to the paps before that he has severe jock itch. John loves him some paparazzi. They should get married, move to the suburbs and raise kids. They want to do each other bad.

In other Mayer news, The Sun reports that John blogged about an ex-girlfriend and they think it’s Jessica Simpson. I checked his blog and I didn’t see any of this shit, but I’ll take The Sun’s word for it. You know, because they would never tell a lie. John blogged about some song lyrics he wrotes while waiting for a flight. He said to not read too far into it.

“Dear Ex Lover,

“Perhaps you didn’t understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I’ll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore.

I don’t know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I’m done trying.

“I hope this is enough closure for you.

“Goodbye.

“P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me.”

Chestica! Stop calling John. You have a new fake romance now. I’m going to tell Papa Joe on you and he’s going to bend you over and give you a few slaps. Your pain is his pleasure.