Morning Wood

/ March 14, 2008

SUCKER! Some dude from the UK paid $40,100 to meet ScarJo. Well, with the exchange rate he probably only paid £5 – ICYDK

Access Hollywood still cares about Adnan GhalibMollygood

Moko the dolphin is a hot slut – SAYOR

Charlize Theron is boring – Celebitchy

I’m starting to believe Jakey G and Reese are a real couple..Ugh – I’m Not Obsessed

Neverland is going nowhere – OMG!

Brit’s tattoo is gone or maybe her broke weave is just covering it up – Derek Hail

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Steve-O Acting Crazy (Crazier Than Usual)

/ March 14, 2008

Thanks to YouTube and digital video cameras, any crackhead can post videos of them acting cokey. This video of Steve-O got posted up to his YouTube account yesterday. Steve-O is currently in the crazy house after he reportedly threatened to off himself. The video was taken shortly after he was released from jail a little while ago. I didn’t get through the whole video, because it felt like I was falling through a k-hole. I usually save my ketamine binges for after noon.

Hopefully, he’ll get off the coke and spend his drug money on fixing up that apartment. Sorry, I’m a total design homo. I had a hard time paying attention to him, because I was too busy thinking of ways I could fix up his crib.

Source: ONTD

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HoHan Has Finally Found Her Calling

/ March 14, 2008

Life&Style claims HoHan is planning to put out her own line of leggings. HoHan has become known for wearing leggings all day and all night. I was beginning to think that they were permanently attached to her skin like that toilet lady.

At a party in NYC on March 6th, HoHan told the magazine, “I’m doing my own leggings line! But it’s a secret. It will be a while before it comes out, but I’m going to do it. I love leggings. They’ll have designs. Some of them will have prints and some will have patterns.” It’s not a secret anymore, you spermbrain.

I think this is a brilliant idea! She should take it to the next level though. HoHan loves the leggings, but she’s also a big whorebag. Why not combine the two? I’m thinking leggings with a hidden zipper on the crotch for easy access. I’m also thinking leggings with a built in condom, so the dick just have to slip it in. You don’t even have to take off your leggings.

And why stop at leggings? She can put out a line of HoHan fake tanning jizz for that perfect dirty whore look. She should also put out a line of morning after pills called “I Know Who Killed My Fetus.”

This is the step in the right direction, HoHan.

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But Is She Having Twins?

/ March 14, 2008

Minnie Driver told Jay Leno last night that she’s knocked up with her first baby. Jay had asked the 38-year-old if she had put on some weight and Minnie responded with, “Are you calling me fat?” Oh no, let’s not get into that. We already have one Lisa Marie Presley. Jay finally asked her if she was pregnant and she said, “Yes, I am.” Rehearsed! Minnie said she’s doing well, but is having morning, noon and night sickness.

Minnie didn’t say who the father is. A Dlisted birdie told me she hasn’t even told him yet. Yeah, I’m not sure if I believe that. Minnie is sort of boring and boring people tell the truth most of the time.

She needs to give up Hollywood if she isn’t having twins. Having singular babies is so over. You have to go big or go home.

Minnie was on Leno to promote “The Riches” on FX. I wanted so much to have a hot, passionate affair with that show, but it never tickled my prostate. You can’t win them all.

Source

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Dirty Talk

/ March 14, 2008

Private detective, Anthony Pellicano, is currently facing charges for unlawful wiretapping and racketeering. The Huffington Post got a hold of a 31-minute conversation between Anthony and his client Chris Rock in 2001. The call is about a woman named Monica Zsibrita. Monica claimed Chris Rock raped her and was the father of her baby. Rape charges were never filed and it was proven that Chris was not her baby daddy. Chris admitted to taking Monica to a few events and sleeping with her while he was separated from his wife. In the recording Anthony said he’s gotten a hold of the police report (something he shouldn’t have) and reads from it to Chris.

HuffPo has the entire 31-minute conversation if you want to listen to it, but here are some highlights. I love it when Chris talks dirty to me:

Rock: “I know the night we went to the Ivy she had on white pants. I only noticed cause my wife’s real classy and subdued and I’m out with a girl with big tits and white pants. It’s just, I know people were like, ‘heeey’.”

Pellicano (reading from report): “He tried to pull out and ejaculated on her thighs. She immediately got up and went to the bathroom where she cleaned up with a Kleenex. She put the Kleenex in her pocket.”
Rock: I’ve been so set up…
Pellicano: Did you come on her thighs?…
Rock: I had a rubber on. I probably took it off right when I was getting ready to come. I probably came on her ass.

Pellicano: We’re going to get her one way or the other… Does your old lady know what’s going on?
Rock: No. She thinks it’s over, put it that way. She knows of it.

Rock: Rape is just fucking, buzz, you know?… Once your accused of rape, you’re just FUCKED, you know?
Pellicano: That’s why i want to blacken this girl up, totally. I want to make her out to be a lying, scumbag, manipulative cocksucker… Stupid bitch
Rock: I’m fucked. I’m better getting caught with needles in my arm. WAY better. Needles, with pictures, there’s Chris Rock shooting heroin. Much better blow to the career.

Pellicano is a fucking gem. The best part of the tape is when he starts screaming at his secretary. I picture her with teased out hair, candy pink lip gloss and sea green eyeshadow. Basically, she’s hot.

While skimming through this phone call I was waiting for Anthony to say, “So you want me to….um…you know….make her pull a Houdini?” That’s easy to do. Just put her in the sequel to “Pootie Tang.”

I think I need some Purell for my ears.

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Take A Picture Of Bat Face Kidman, Get Your Ass Kicked

/ March 14, 2008

The video above is loud and there’s screaming in it, so I’m warning you. If you play it and your co-workers call 911, because they think you are being murdered then that’s on you. Anyway, bat-faced Nicole Kidman’s bodyguard went batshit crazy on a paparazzi photographer and started beating his French ass. It seriously sounds like the bodyguard is choking Frenchie Homer-Simpson-style.

Nicole was in the car in front of them. She probably sat there smiling. Not because she was happy about it, but because she can’t move her face!

Visit Flynet to see pics of the pap’s face. He seriously got beat down hard!

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