I’m going to shave off my eyebrows and work the chola look this summer if Kristy Likes Cocks does not go home tonight on “American Idol.” I didn’t mean that! Something tells me the country crazies are going to keep her no-talent ass.

For some reason I think the bottom 3 will be the same as last week with the addition of Skunk Head Overmyer. She’s definitely going to be in the bottom, because she went first and she sang Back in the USSR. She’s no Sigourney Weaver in Heartbreakers. Seriously, Sigourney’s version was so hot. Such musicality! Click here to see it if you want to be dazzled.

It was between Chikezie and Ramiele for the other bottom 3 spot. I think Chikezie’s harmonica blow job earned him a spot in the bottom.

And below is a clip of Kristy telling Simon Cowell, “I can blow you out of your socks and you know it.” Obviously that’s the reason why the bitch has been around this long.

I should be shot for putting a question mark at the end of that sentence. Like it’s even a question. The question mark is mostly for comedic effect. In a recent interview with The New York Times, the Princess of figure skating was asked about his sexuality.

Johnny Weir answered, “There are some things I keep sacred. My middle name. Who I sleep with. And what kind of hand moisturizer I use.” I can answer all those questions for him:

Middle Name: Faaaaaaaaabulous!
Sleeps With: Posh Spice doll
Moisturizer: Astroglide

Johnny went on to say, “If I was out to please 10-year-old girls and their 45-year-old mothers in Boise, Idaho, I could play the game and be nice and make my voice deeper. But I don’t see the point. I’m not alive for 10-year-old girls and their 45-year-old mothers in Boise, Idaho — or Colorado Springs, Colo.”

The NY Times added that “Weir was referring to the United States Figure Skating Association, which is based in Colorado Springs. He has claimed the federation has promoted (Evan) Lysacek over him as a subtle form of punishment for his behavior.”

I would love to hear Weir’s deep voice. It probably sounds like Jessica Rabbit.

VIA Outsports

It’s MiserAlba being miserable! This is just the way I like her. I like her cold, angry, gassy and hating life. She’s been so restrained lately though. I would think that MiserAlba + Pregnancy = One Angry Bitch! She hasn’t flipped out at that paps….yet. The meltdown is coming and I hope the paparazzi are there to document it. It must happen when her water breaks. She’ll deliver the baby herself and beat the paparazzi down with the umbilical cord.

Dancing with the Stars sex scandal! Funny shit! It’s definitely the most exciting thing that has happened to that show. Well this and Marie Osmond fake fainting. Star Magazine claims Drew Lachey has been cheating on his wife with his former dance partner and mop head, Cheryl Burke. A source claims Cheryl and Drew were fucking during the show’s National tour which ended last month.

The source said, “They didn’t go very far to cover it up, Cheryl was constantly draped all over Drew. They held hands, had their legs intertwined and were always touching inappropriately.”

The affair was brought out into the open when Cheryl’s then-boyfriend, Matthew Lawrence, caught them having oral sex in her dressing room in Jacksonville, FL. The next day Drew threatened Matthew and his brother Joey “Woah” Lawrence. He screamed at them, “If you talk about this, I’ll bury you Matt. I’ll bury you Joey. I’m serious I will hurt you.” Scary. Drew is all of 3 feet tall. I’m sure Matthew and Joey were pissing in their panties. Drew wants to keep the affair quiet to save his marriage. He also has a 2-year-old daughter.

Matthew told Star, “There are too many things going on. I can’t talk about it.” Lawyers for Cheryl and Drew deny the affair.

Cheryl has fucked Matthew Lawrence and now Drew Lachey? She’s really fucking her way through the Z-list. There’s enough Z-list jizz in her to create the next cast of “The Surreal Life.”

Mop head is currently partnered with that hot piece Cristian de la Fuente on the new season of the show. She better not even think of putting her muppet ass in his crotch. He’s off limits.

And since we’re on the topic of Dancing with the Stars, let’s talk about Marissa Jaret Winokur’s performance on the show last night. I couldn’t focus on the dancing, because I spent the entire time trying to find ways to jump through the TV and shut her mouth. She has the “Jessica Simpson curse.” She won’t close her fucking mouth!

Those sex pictures (link NSFW) of Kristin Davis floating around the internet are real and it’s her alright. TMZ reports they were taken a long ass time ago in 1992 when she was 27. That explains her hairy bush. The early 90s were all about keeping it hairy down low. The photos were taken by an ex-boyfriend. He was pissed off at Kristin, so he sold them to a third party. The third party got involved with another dude who stole the pics and put them on the internet. And that’s that!

This was ages! This was even before her “Melrose Place” days. Speaking of, I hated that bitch on Melrose Place. I think I clapped when Brooke hit her stupid head on the pool. Anyway, we all do stupid shit. We get horny, we get naked and we take pictures of our hairy bush. This is why you delete the pictures or video after you’ve wiped the cum from your belly. Common sense!

Seal and Heidi Klum were waiting for their car outside Madeo last night when Seal went off on the paps. He called them scum and continued to bark at them. One of paps asked him how he felt and he answered, “Why don’t you ask your mother how I feel?” Zing? Heidi just stood there silently. All she had to say was, “You are OUT! Pleeeze leave the sidewalk.” Everybody listens to Heidi.

I think Seal just turned me on by acting like such an asshole.