InTouch claims Angie Jo is definitely knocked up with twins. Their sourcie said she’s having a boy and a girl, “because Angelina took fertility treatments to help her ovulate, her babies are fraternal. They’re ecstatic. She can’t wait.” Maddox must be their source. He’s such a gossip.

They might even have a name for their new girl. Actress Sarah Bolger (above) of The Spiderwick Chronicles is going around saying that they will name their daughter Mallory after her character. She told the Daily Telegraph, “Angelina is saying in interviews that if one of the twins is a girl Maddox gets to name her and he has said Mallory because it’s his favourite movie at the moment.” Were these interviews in her dreams, because I haven’t heard that shit at all.

She went on to say, “I was shocked because he’s a boy and I thought he would have liked Jared or Simon (Mallory’s twin brothers in the movie). So now I am crossing my fingers that they have a girl. I would love to go up to Angelina Jolie and go ‘Your kid is named after me’. That would be the best thing in the world.” Strangers things have happened. They did name Shiloh after a beagle.

There’s only one Mallory and that’s Mallory P. Keaton!

A German woman went into the hospital thinking she was going to get an operation on her leg. Instead she woke up out of surgery with a new anus. And her leg was still fucked up! The dumb bitches at the hospital mixed her up with another woman who suffered from incontinence and was to have surgery on her sphincter. The medical clinic in Bavaria has since suspended the entire surgical team.

The woman still needs surgery on her leg and she is planning on suing the hospital. Hey, but she has a new asshole. It can’t be all that bad. I didn’t know they were just giving out new assholes like that! Where do I sign up? Mine is a little rusty.

I also couldn’t find a picture of the woman, so I decided to use this picture of Lisa Rinna. Her mouth looks like an asshole, so it makes sense.

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Thanks Thomas

Petey Pete Wentz has admitted that he once came close to ending it all. He was out of control and a bunch of doctors put him on prescription meds. These celebrities get the goods so fucking easy. I have to give a Meryl Streep performance just to get a little Vicodin from my doctor.

Petey painted the picture of that fateful night, “I got in my car. I remember I was listening to Jeff Buckley doing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and sat there and took a bunch of [anxiety drug] Ativan in a Best Buy parking lot. And I called up my manager because I was, at that point, completely out of my head with Ativan. And I was talking to him and I was slurring my words, so he called my mom and my mom called me and she came and got me and we went to the hospital.”

That sounds like a really bad scene in a really cheesy after-school special. Petey said he’s only telling the story now, because he wants to help other young people.

It’s such a good thing Petey was not taken from us. It’s much too soon and his death would destroy the lives of many people. The tears from all the emo tweens, MAC counter salespeople and straightening iron inventors would flood the world and drown us all.

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I want to break into Mimi La Rue’s food container and spike it with some Zoloft. She has a look on her face that reads, “One day I’m going to somehow find the energy to crawl into Tori’s bathroom and witness her coming out of the shower naked. If that doesn’t finally send me to the heavens, nothing will.”

Tori Spelling and her family attended the launch party for her new book last night. Tori is currently knocked up with baby number two and it was confirmed by her rep that she’s having a girl. Mimi La Rue is thrilled. Can’t you tell? Mimi will finally be off the hook from wearing homo ass dresses.

The party was also attended by such A-listers as Bobby Trendy and the Kardashian hookers. Bobby has worn that outfit at least 3 times in a 7-day period. Somewhere in American, a little girl is missing her purple satin bedspread and pillow cases.

Palm leaf over chocha! Adriana Lima gets naked for GQ – Egotastic!

Brit Brit’s family night – Popsugar

Spitzi’s hooker goes wild – Hollywood Tuna

Donald Trump might be in trouble – IDLYITW

Janet Jackson is really weird – Hollywood Rag

Cat vs. toilet paper – Cityrag

Kristin Cavallari started young (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

More of Aniston’s barely there bikini – Just Jared

Leave Anne of Green Gables alone!!!! – Jezebel

Jakey G has given in – A Socialite’s Life

Beth and Brian Willis’ two dogs have bit the dust, but their pooches will always have a place near their hearts. Beth and Brian had their dogs’ hair turned into sweaters. I’ve seen this shit on TV. You collect the hair your dogs shed and keep it in a safe place. You take the hair to some bitch who will make whatever you want out of it. I would probably have a pair of panties made. Well, my dog is always smelling my crotch. Too much information…

Mrs. Willis said, “It is not actually a hair but a wool, which is why it is so good for clothes. It would just fall off the dogs and I would run a wet hand over the carpet and pick it up. We found out from the breeders we got the pups from that it was possible to use their coat for clothes. Apparently it is quite popular with lots of the people who breed long-haired dogs.” Popular among the insane!

The Willis’ had the sweaters made before their two dogs passed away. Mrs. Willis says she wears hers all the time.

For the love of dog! I’m sorry, but any garment that I have to flea-dip regularly is not going anywhere near my body.

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Thanks Ginger