Sugar Bush Squirrel: Supermodel and military mascot

For Bobby

William Hurt (58)
Christy Romano (24)
Chester Bennington (32)
Jane March (35)
Michael Rapaport (38)
David Thewis (45)
Holly Hunter (50)
Spike Lee (51)
Theresa Russell (51)
Pat Riley (63)
Hal Linden (77)
Carl Reiner (86)

Vanessa Williams was asked by OK! Magazine what her weirdest beauty tip is. She answered, “The weirdest thing I ever heard was take morning urine and put it on your acne. I did it. I tried to do it and I was like, ‘I’m not doing it.’ It was years ago, now I’ve got Proactiv and I don’t need that.”

It’s just piss. I think there’s something wrong with me, because I don’t find this that gross. It’s almost the same thing as putting sperm all over your face and I’m sure you do that on a daily basis. I’m talking to you and not Vanessa. Seriously, I’d rather put Asparagus piss (and that shit is lethal) on my face than Proactiv. I tried that crap and it does take off your acne, but it burns off some of your skin too. I think the secret ingredient is battery acid.

Bindi Irwin launched her new eco-friendly clothing line in Sydney today. That girl need some Ritalin, because she’s everywhere at warp speed. I would tell her to chill out and smoke a bowl, but something tells me she’s not old enough for that yet. I mean, she has a TV show, kid’s fitness video, a rap album, a doll collection and now a clothing line! Wait and she goes to school too! I’m still waiting for Bindi to hit the big screen and play the role she was meant to play: Kira in Dark Crystal!

Patti Labelle, don’t go out like that! I can’t be responsible to what might happen to you if you put your lips on Donatella Versace’s face.

Donatella Versace held a cocktail party in NYC last night for her Versace’s menswear line and brought out the most random group of people. Donatella, Patti and Woody Allen in the same room? Strange. This looks like a cocktail party in purgatory. Soon Yi is standing there wondering how the hell she ended up there. I know how she got there! It was a little Jesus Juice and a bedtime story.

And we’re off! It’s time for those Fuggie Fug pregnancy rumors again. Fuggie looked a little wide in the face and belly as she left a sushi joint with Josh Duhamel last night. Just because she was at a sushi joint doesn’t mean she was having sushi. I know pregnant chicks aren’t supposed to eat raw fish. I order chicken teriyaki at sushi restaurants all the time. The waiter usually looks at me like he wants slap me. He probably puts his eye boogers in my meal. It still tastes delicious, so I do not care.

Everybody’s getting pregnant nowadays, so why not Fuggie? It’s the thing to do. I’ll light a candle tonight and pray baby doesn’t get her methface.

From meth bumps to baby bumps. Our little Fuggie is growing up.